by Amy Clipston
“Thank you.” Mike turned toward his uncle. “I need to go home and see John. Will you stay tonight?”
“Of course.” Onkel Tim took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his eyes.
“I HAD FUN WITH AENTI SYLVIA, JANIE, AND MARIE TODAY,” John said as he sat on his bed. “We went to church and then we visited their neighbors. They have a barn full of cats and kittens. I sat with the kittens and rubbed their bellies.” He started to laugh and then stopped, the corners of his mouth turning down. “Was iss letz? You look bedauerlich.”
Mike took a deep breath and then touched John’s hair. He didn’t know how to tell John that their father was dying when he couldn’t accept it himself.
“You know Dat is very ill, right?” Mike asked, his voice sounding foreign to him. When John nodded, he continued, “Dat is in what’s called a coma. It’s when you’re sleeping, and you can’t wake up. A machine is helping him breathe because he can’t breathe on his own.”
John’s eyes widened and sparkled with tears. “Is he going to die?” His voice was tiny as if he were much younger than six.
“I don’t know.” Mike sniffed. “Right now all we can do is pray for him.”
John nodded. “I have been praying for him, and I’ll pray harder tonight.”
“Gut.” Mike touched John’s cheek. “I want you to come to the hospital with me tomorrow so you can see Dat.” And then you can say goodbye to him. He couldn’t say the words aloud because he hoped they weren’t true. He hoped that through a miracle, Dat was going to rally back to them.
“Okay.” John nodded with emphasis. “I want to see him. I want to tell him how much we want him to come home.”
“That’s a gut idea.” Mike hugged John. They said prayers together before Mike tucked him in and left his room.
Mike went downstairs and stood in Dat’s bedroom doorway for a few moments, trying to imagine him asleep in the bed. Fresh sheets covered the mattress, evidence that one of his cousins had taken the time to clean for him. He was grateful for them.
As he made his way to the kitchen, Mike’s thoughts turned to Rachel. How he longed to hear her voice. He’d thought about calling her more than once while he was at the hospital, but he couldn’t bear the thought of her rejecting him again. What if she refused his call or didn’t bother to call him back if he left a message? His heart was too tender to survive another blow.
Mike stepped out onto the back porch and breathed in the warm, sweet, spring air. He needed strength to face tomorrow. He couldn’t imagine saying good-bye to his father, and he didn’t know how to explain the gravity of the situation to John.
Mike prayed God would give him the right words.
CHAPTER 23
“RACHEL.” MALINDA STEPPED INTO THE CLASSROOM AND dropped her tote bag on one of the students’ desks. “We have to talk before the kinner get here. It’s urgent.”
“Was iss letz?” Rachel’s stomach twisted with alarm as she looked up from the stack of papers she was grading at the front of the classroom.
“Sylvia Lantz called me last night.” Malinda sat on a desk at the front of the classroom.
“Sylvia Lantz?” Rachel tilted her head. The name was familiar, but she couldn’t place it.
“She’s John and Mike Lantz’s aenti.” Malinda took a deep breath. “Raymond Lantz is in the hospital. He was admitted Friday night with pneumonia, but he’s gotten worse. He’s in a coma now.”
Rachel gasped and cupped her hand to her mouth. “No.”
Malinda nodded, her expression grim. “She said it doesn’t look gut at all. John won’t be at school today. Mike is taking him to the hospital to see his father.”
Rachel blinked as tears blurred her vision. Mike and John had been on her mind nearly nonstop over the weekend, and she longed to call Mike to talk to him. She’d walked over to the phone shanty and picked up the receiver on Saturday, but her stubborn pride kept her from dialing his number. Why hadn’t she called him? She missed Mike, and for some unknown reason, she had a feeling he’d needed her too. Now she knew why.
“Sylvia isn’t sure when John will be back at school,” Malinda continued. “She wanted us to know why he was gone.”
Rachel nodded and sniffed as anguish and regret washed over her. She needed to do something for Mike. He needed her friendship now, and she couldn’t walk away from him, even if he was seeing the pretty redheaded girl behind her back.
RACHEL CLIMBED THE BACK STEPS OF MIKE’S HOUSE THAT afternoon. She held the basket handles in one hand as she knocked on the door, grateful Malinda hadn’t minded her leaving school a little early so she could go home and prepare some food for Mike and his family.
She looked down at the basket and recalled her mother telling her that her father had used the basket to bring meals to her. Mamm said the basket had served as a kind of mediator between her parents when they were having problems. Rachel prayed the basket could bring her and Mike together just as it had worked to bring her parents together so many years ago.
Although Emily had offered to come with her, Rachel insisted she needed to make this visit alone. She had to face Mike and apologize for not being a friend when he needed one most.
The back door opened, and the pretty redheaded woman Rachel had seen at Bird-in-Hand Builders smiled at her. Rachel bit back a frown as jealousy surged through her veins.
“Hello,” the girl said, opening the door wide.
“Hi,” Rachel said, gripping the basket with both of her hands. “I’m Rachel Fisher. I brought a meal for Mike and John.”
“Oh, danki. That is so kind of you.” The woman motioned for Rachel to step into the house. “I’m their cousin, Janie Lantz.”
Rachel’s stomach lurched, and shame shoved away her jealousy. The pretty girl was Mike’s cousin, not his secret girlfriend. How could she have been so distrustful? Once again, her quick temper and stubbornness had gotten the best of her. How could she have been so stupid?
Shaking herself back to the present, Rachel followed Janie into the kitchen and set the basket on the counter.
“Mike is still at the hospital, and John is finishing his chores.” Janie took two mugs from the cabinet. “I just made some tea. Would you like some?”
“Ya, danki.” Rachel pointed to the basket. “I brought meatballs and pasta. I also made brownies. John enjoys them.”
“That’s wunderbaar.” Janie gestured toward the table where she had set the mugs and was about to pour the tea. “Please sit. I’ve heard a lot about you from John. You’ve helped him immensely at school. We’re very grateful for you.”
“Danki.” Rachel didn’t feel worthy of the compliments. “I enjoy having John in the class.” Her thoughts swirled with trepidation for Raymond and Mike as Janie handed her a mug. “How is Raymond?”
Janie shook her head as tears glimmered in her eyes. “It’s not going well. Mike took John to the hospital today so he could see their dat. Raymond is still in a coma, and his organs are shutting down. The doctor said they have to make a decision about turning off the ventilator.”
“Ach, no.” Rachel bit back a sob. “I’m so sorry.”
Janie grabbed the tissue box on the counter and set it on the table. She pulled out a tissue and blotted her eyes with it. “I was at the hospital this morning. Mike took John into the room alone so they could spend some time with Raymond. Mike said John just talked to Raymond as if he were awake.” She sniffed.
“John had talked all week about going on a picnic, but mei schweschder convinced him they could have one in the backyard so she could stay close to the phone in case Mike called from the hospital. Even though they never left the backyard, John thought it was fun, and he told his dat all about it.”
Rachel’s hands trembled as regret choked her throat. She should’ve been on that picnic with them. No, she should’ve been at the hospital holding Mike’s hand when he needed her most. She grabbed a tissue as tears flowed from her eyes. How could she have turned her back on Mike and Joh
n?
“Mike asked me to bring John home,” Janie continued, her voice thick with emotion as tears traced her cheeks. “He didn’t want to overwhelm John too much. He just wanted him to have a chance to see their dat again.”
“How is Mike doing?” Rachel asked, her voice quaking.
“I think he’s just trying to hold it together at this point. Mei dat and mamm have been encouraging him to get some rest. They finally got him to come home last night, but he went right back to the hospital today with John and me, of course, and he wouldn’t come home with us.”
Janie wiped away more tears and then gripped her mug. “I hope he comes home tonight. I’m afraid he’s going to collapse from the exhaustion, but I also understand his reasons for wanting to stay at the hospital. He doesn’t want to miss any changes.”
Rachel stared down at her mug as her tears began to flow again. She took a deep shuddering breath in an attempt to stop crying, but she couldn’t.
“Ach, Rachel.” Janie touched her hand. “I know you’re close to John and Mike. It’s difficult for all of us to face this.”
Rachel nodded and picked up another tissue to dry her face. “I just feel terrible I haven’t been here for Mike.”
“It’s not your fault. The illness came on quickly.” Janie pointed toward the basket. “They will appreciate the meal you made.”
“It’s the least I could do,” Rachel said. She sniffed and rubbed at her eyes again.
The door opened and clicked shut, and then John burst into the kitchen.
“Rachel!” He ran up and hugged her.
“Hi, John,” Rachel said, forcing a smile. “We missed you in school today.”
“I was at the hospital with my dat,” he said. “He’s really, really sick. He’s hooked up to a machine to help him breathe, and he’s asleep. Mike says Dat’s in a coma.”
Rachel nodded. “I’m so sorry to hear that. How are you?”
“I’m bedauerlich.” John dropped into the chair beside her. “But I’m praying for mei dat. I’m hoping he’ll get better soon.”
Rachel willed herself not to cry as she studied John’s big, blue eyes. Oh, how she longed to wrap him in her protective arms like a mother would. Her bottom lip trembled. “We can’t ever stop praying.”
John nodded. “I know.”
Rachel looked at Janie, whose eyes were still full of tears. “I should go. I told my driver I would be only a few minutes.”
Janie stood and walked her to the door. “Danki for coming by.”
“Would you please tell Mike I stopped by and that I’m thinking of him?” Rachel asked.
“I will,” Janie promised. “Gut nacht.”
During the ride home, Rachel closed her eyes and prayed for everyone in the Lantz family.
MIKE STOOD BY THE WALL-LENGTH HOSPITAL WINDOWS IN the ICU waiting room and stared out at the setting sun. Although he preferred to stay with Dat, the nurse had told Mike he had to leave so they could run tests and administer medicine.
It had been a long and grueling day. He’d brought John to the hospital this morning to see Dat, but he didn’t tell John it was to say good-bye. Instead, he explained that it would help Dat if he heard their voices while he was sleeping. John talked to Dat as if they were sharing a meal. The enthusiasm in John’s voice had broken Mike’s heart.
After John visited with Dat, Mike asked Janie to take John home, away from the anxiety and sadness that hung over the family like a dark cloud. Then he spent the day sitting with his father, hoping for a sign that he was going to wake up. Although the doctor insisted things weren’t going to get any better, Mike couldn’t agree to turning off the ventilator. He couldn’t give up hope for a miracle. Not yet.
Urgent voices and footsteps sounded in the hallway, and Mike tried to tune them out. He leaned his forehead against the cool glass and closed his eyes. Even though he hadn’t slept much since Friday night, his body continued to buzz with adrenaline. He felt as if he were walking through a horrible dream and couldn’t wake up.
“Mike.” Sam appeared at Mike’s shoulder. “How are you?”
Mike opened his eyes and stood up straight. “I’m not sure how to answer that question.” He rubbed his eyes. “I guess I’m numb.”
Sam’s frown deepened. “I think you need to go home and get some sleep.”
Mike gritted his teeth as frustration coursed through him. “I really wish everyone would stop saying that to me. I need to be here. If I’m at home, then I’ll want to be here.”
“Fine.” Sam blew out a sigh. “Then let me buy you something to eat. You have to be hungry. When was the last time you ate?”
Mike rubbed his chin where stubble had appeared. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten a full meal or the last time he’d shaved. He was certain he looked like a derelict. “I had a few bites of oatmeal this morning.”
“My point exactly.” Sam made a sweeping gesture toward the hallway. “Let’s go get something to eat.”
Mike glanced over to where Aenti Sylvia, Onkel Tim, Mandy, and Marie sat staring absently at the evening news coming from the television above them.
“They’ll let us know if we need to come back.” Sam grabbed Mike’s arm and began to nudge him toward the doorway.
As they stepped into the hallway, Mike heard a commotion and loud voices sounding from the other end of the hallway. A loud noise like a blaring alarm sounded.
Someone hollered, “Clear!”
He heard more noise and voices, and then the commotion suddenly stopped.
The floor dropped out from under Mike as icy chills slithered up his spine. He bolted for his father’s room.
“Michael!” Sam called after him. “Mike!”
Mike skidded to a stop just inside his father’s room. A couple of nurses and a doctor were standing by his father’s bed. The loud alarm seared into Mike’s skull and bile rose in his throat. Then he saw the flat line on his father’s monitor, which he knew must have been the source of the alarm he’d heard.
When the nurses turned toward Mike, one of them had tears in her eyes.
Dr. Richmond stepped over and touched Mike’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Michael, but he’s gone.”
The world tilted, and Mike’s heart was lodged in his throat, making it difficult to breathe.
“No,” he said in a strangled whisper, backing out of the room. “No!”
His spine collided hard with the wall behind him, and he sagged down into a sitting position on the floor. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he buried his face in his hands and sobbed.
MIKE FOUND JOHN SITTING ON A SWING IN THEIR YARD. HE swallowed a deep, ragged breath and then made his way toward his younger brother. He had to find a way to tell John their father had passed away. His hands trembled with a combination of grief and anxiety.
John smiled and waved as Mike approached. “Hi!”
“Hi, Johnny.” Mike pointed at the swing beside him. “May I join you?”
“Of course.” John pushed his swing back and forth. “How’s Dat?”
Mike dropped onto the swing and attempted to clear his dry throat. “John, I need to tell you something.”
John’s smile faded. “What is it? Did something happen to Dat?”
“Ya.” Mike nodded as fresh tears spilled down his cheeks. “Dat passed away this afternoon.”
John gasped and then a sob broke from his throat. He leapt out of the swing and threw himself into Mike’s arms.
Closing his eyes, Mike rested his cheek on his brother’s head and held him close. “I’m so sorry,” Mike whispered.
“What’s going to happen to me?” John wailed. “Where will I go now?”
“What do you mean?” Mike looked down at John’s little face.
“I don’t have a mamm or a dat,” John said between sobs. “Where will I live?”
Mike stared into John’s eyes. “John, you will always have me. You and I are a family, and we will always be a family, no matter what. I will never, ev
er leave you. You will always have me. Do you understand that?”
John nodded. “Okay.” Then he buried his face in Mike’s shoulder, and Mike held him close while he sobbed.
RACHEL WAS WALKING OUT OF THE CHICKEN COOP WHEN SHE heard the phone ringing. She set the basket of eggs on the ground and rushed toward the shanty.
“Hello?” she asked, working to catch her breath.
“Rachel. It’s Malinda.” Her cousin’s voice was grave.
“Malinda.” Rachel leaned against the desk. “Was iss letz?”
“I just heard some terrible news. Raymond Lantz passed away last night.”
Rachel swallowed a sob as tears saturated her eyes. “Ach, no.”
“I had to call you as soon as I got the news. I knew you’d want to know.” Her voice quavered with emotion.
“Danki.” Rachel sniffed as tears poured from her eyes.
“We’re going to cancel school.”
“Of course.” Rachel’s voice quavered. “I need to go.”
“I’ll talk to you soon.”
Rachel hung up and hugged her abdomen as sobs consumed her. Memories of Mike, John, and Raymond during their dinners together drowned her as tears clouded her vision.
CHAPTER 24
MIKE FELT AS IF HE WERE IN A DAZE AS HE STOOD BETWEEN Onkel Tim and Marie and mechanically shook hands with the community members who filed through his house to offer condolences and pay their respects to his father. From there the visitors moved to the open casket, which sat at the other end of the family room.
Mike’s mind had registered that Dat had passed away, but his heart refused to admit it. Although two days had passed, Mike still expected to hear Dat call his name or laugh. But the house remained hollow and desolate, despite the flurry of visitors.
Many of the community members had also dropped off meals. Even though his kitchen table, counters, and refrigerator were cluttered with various dishes and desserts, Mike hadn’t been able to eat. He also hadn’t slept. Instead, he’d numbly floated through the days, hoping to wake up from this horrific nightmare.