His voice brought her back to the present. "Sam?"
She started, but looked over at him. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"You were a million miles away. Do you want to share your thoughts?"
She turned red as she admitted, "Actually, I was wondering if you were going to spank me out here where we have privacy, or back home, where I wouldn't have to sit my saddle for a long, torturous ride back to the barn."
He smiled at her. "Which would you prefer?"
"Neither." After a sigh, she said, "But I'll live with your decision, whichever it is."
He took her fishing pole and helped her up. They headed toward the line shack to put the poles back when he said, "Thank you for that. And I have made a decision. You are going to be punished for not listening to me, yet again," he added looking at her directly, "but you're not going to be spanked."
"I'm not?"
He put the poles back in the line shack as he said, "No, you're not."
"Then what?"
Chapter 12
Looking at Sam, Trevor asked, "You said you understand now about me wanting to keep you safe, right?"
"Yes. That's what I felt about you yesterday. I wanted to protect you."
"Well, I'm a man that feels a strong need to protect the woman I love. If you say you understand that now, I want you to prove it to me."
She looked at him, her eyebrows drawn together. "How?"
"Tomorrow I want you to write an essay for me. Explain what you think I'm feeling and why I want to keep you safe. Include what could have happened last night, or anytime that I tell you something to try and keep you safe. Then tell me your feelings on it all. Do you hate that I want to protect you, or do you kind of like it? How does it make you feel?"
She was staring at him, her mouth open. "You really want me to write an essay? Seriously?"
He took her shoulders and held her, looking into her eyes. "I'm very serious, Honey. I'm becoming frustrated and spanking you hasn't helped yet in this area. It's worked real well with other things, like your language and you're controlling your temper much better. But not with this. My first thought is I'm going to have to spank harder to try and get your attention, maybe with my frat paddle. But I've been thinking. If you think you get it now, I want to know exactly what you're thinking. Maybe then I can figure out what to do. So I guess it's your choice. You can write the essay I want tomorrow, or I can get my frat paddle out. Which would you prefer?"
"I'll write the essay. But why do you want to know how it makes me feel?"
"Because maybe you putting down on paper why you think it's so important to me to protect you will make you see things differently. Sometimes it does, you know. Anyway, I want to know your feelings about it so I know how to deal with it."
"Okay. So does this have to be any certain length or anything?"
"I have to know you're taking this punishment seriously. If you give me one or two paragraphs tomorrow when I come in for supper I'll know you just blew it off. If that happens you'll be meeting my paddle after supper. If you tell me your true thoughts, we'll go from there."
"What do you mean go from there?"
"Pulling her into his arms he said, "Sam, you've become very important to me. I want you to be a part of my life forever, but protecting the woman I love is a big part of me. If you can't understand that and allow me to do it, I'm not sure we can have a future together beyond being friends."
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "I'll give it a lot of thought before I write it."
"Thank you. I love you, Sweetie, but I have to know where we stand. I'm hoping this will help both of us."
"Then I'm willing to do it."
He leaned down and captured her lips with his own, happy that she was returning the kiss.
* * * * *
The next evening when Trevor came in for supper he stopped in his office to see her, as usual. After he got his kiss she handed him an envelope. He opened it and saw five pages printed off the computer. He smiled, knowing she'd given it a lot of thought and time. "I'll read it right after supper. Thank you."
"Yeah, well, I wasn't really ready to meet your paddle yet."
He grinned down at her as he pulled her in for a kiss. He hurried off to shower before supper, anxious to read what she'd written.
Sam seemed nervous during supper, not eating much. Concerned, Trevor asked, "Sam, are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"You're not eating."
"Yes, I am. I'm not real hungry, though."
He nodded, accepting her words for now. He suspected the essay sitting in his bedroom at the moment had something to do with her lack of appetite.
As soon as supper was over he went to his bedroom. He sat down and read her essay, then read it again slower, more carefully to be sure he'd read it right. He got up and went to the window and looked out at the guesthouse, smiling ear to ear.
He quickly made his way down and knocked on the door. A very timid, nervous Sam answered the door. He reached out and quickly pulled her to him, saying, "Sam, I love you, Honey. I think we'll be just fine."
"You do, really?"
"Yes, I do." The tears in her eyes melted his heart. They meant she was as serious about this relationship as he was. "Let's go sit down on the couch and talk a bit."
Once she was comfortably cuddling on his lap he asked, "Sam, did writing this essay help you any?"
She quickly answered, "Yes, it did. It made me think through thoughts that were all muddled in my head, not making much sense."
"Like what?"
"Like how safe I felt every time you'd tell me not to do something and why. A lot of times it was something that I'd never thought about, didn't realize it could be dangerous and having you point that out made me know that you were watching me, trying to keep me safe. But as much as that aspect of it made me feel really good, I kept thinking I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions. Basically I kept thinking nobody's going to tell me what to do."
"I thought maybe that's what was happening."
"It was. I never let anyone tell me what to do before and I was afraid. I'm an independent woman. I can't let anyone tell me what to do. But when you made me tell you how I felt about all this, I realized that if I'd quit worrying about trying to prove to myself that I can take care of myself just fine I'd see that I really like how you make me feel safe and loved and accepted. I finally see that if I let you help, I don't have to do it all myself. I may be able to, but I don't have to. There's a big difference. You make me feel cherished, when I don't fight it."
"Why did you feel like you had to prove you can take care of yourself?"
"I've felt that way ever since Dad deserted me." Trevor started to interrupt, but he held back, hoping to understand what the lady that meant so much to him was thinking, how she was feeling,
She went on, "All of a sudden I was alone. It was obvious right from the start that his new wife wanted nothing to do with me, so after I fell apart and cried my eyes out for awhile I realized that wasn't going to get me anywhere. So I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and set out to prove I can take care of myself. Only I see now, after you made me write that, that the only person I was really trying to convince was myself."
Trevor tightened his arms, but let her continue, wanting her to get her feelings out. "Then you came along. You're telling me just the opposite of what I've been trying to convince myself of. You're saying I don't have to do it all myself, that you're here and will help me. As much as I loved that feeling, I kept fighting it because when Dad deserted me I thought I did have to do it myself."
Unable to hold back any longer, he said, "Oh, but Honey, your dad didn't desert you."
"What else would you call it? He knew how much I loved that ranch and he knew I planned on running it with him after college and myself when he was gone. But he gave it away, pulled it right out from under my feet, without even saying a word to me about it." With a few tears escaping from her eyes she sa
id, "Yes, he deserted me. Me and my dreams."
"Sweetheart, we're going to talk about that in a bit here, but I want to ask you one other question. Are you okay now with letting me help you through life, keeping you safe and happy?"
"I am. I love the whole concept, the whole idea, the feeling of security it gives me, so if you can be patient with me, I'm in. I'm a tad bit headstrong and I like to do things my way, so if you can be patient with me, I'd like to get in on this feeling secure." She blushed a bit as she said, "I also love watching the sexiest cowboy I've ever seen as he works and I love living here."
"Well, this cowboy has plenty of patience and a strong hand that knows how to handle a stubborn little cowgirl, so Honey, count this cowboy in!" The kiss that followed had her crying again, but tears of joy this time.
When he found enough strength to end the kiss, he laid her head back on his shoulder and said, "Honey, I want to tell you about something. I wasn't going to tell you until I was sure, had more facts, but hearing you talk about your dad and how he deserted you, I almost have to tell you now."
"Tell me what? Something that concerns my dad?"
"Yes. Sam, I've had Clay looking into your father's marriage, change of will and his death."
She sat up straight on his lap, looking up at him. "Why?"
"Because it just didn't sound right to me, Honey. You wouldn't talk about him much, but every now and then a story would slip out about your younger days. It was so obvious how much your father loved you. Clay's office is in Amarillo, so I asked him if he'd look into it a bit and see if he thought there was anything there worth looking into further."
"What exactly was he looking for?"
"Evidence that your father didn't want his will changed."
She shook her head. "Trevor, he signed the will and he was a smart man. It must have been exactly what he wanted."
"That's not what it's looking like."
Very cautiously she asked, "It's not?"
"No. Honey, your stepmother has a questionable past." He told her about the two occasions where charges were dropped only because of lack of evidence. "So he looked into it further. He called last night to tell me what he'd found. He found out that the attorney who wrote the will was not your father's normal attorney. He talked to the man he always used and found out he'd updated his will six months before he died."
"He updated it?"
"Yes. It seems he was about to marry your stepmother and he added her to the will, leaving her some stock, worth about $200,000. He told his long-time friend and attorney that she filled a void in his life while you were gone and made him feel needed again, but the love of his life was still his daughter. He said that you loved the ranch as much as he did, so it was definitely going to you. He said after he and your stepmother were married for several years he'd revisit the will again, but that you would always be getting the ranch."
"Then why did he change his mind?"
"We're not sure he did, Honey."
"But he signed the new will."
"Honey, Clay went and talked to the attorney who prepared the new will. Your step–mother is the one who contacted him. She told him he didn't have a will and wanted to make one. She told him he was sick that day and couldn't come to the appointment with her, but he wrote out what he wanted in the will and put it in a sealed envelope. She assured the attorney she hadn't seen it. If he still had doubts he could talk to him when your father signed the will. The attorney believed her and prepared the will. He showed Clay the supposed sealed letter, pointing out that your father signed it."
"Did he sign it?"
"Clay compared the signature on that letter with the signature on the will and he didn't think it was authentic. He asked if your father verified the contents of the will when it was signed and he said he thought at the time he had."
"What does that mean?"
"He had a young attorney working for him at the time and he sent him to get the will signed, with the explicit instruction to ask your father what he wanted in the will before he had him read it and sign it. When he came back to the office the young attorney assured him he had done that, but now he's not so sure."
"Why?"
"Because about two months ago this young attorney was arrested for accepting a bribe. When Clay told him his concerns, he's now wondering if your stepmother bribed him, as well."
"Anything else?"
"One other thing. Clay went and got a copy of your dad's autopsy. There were small amounts of drugs in his system that Clay wasn't familiar with, so he talked to your father's physician."
"I don't understand. Dad refused to take medicine unless he was seriously ill. What drugs were in his system?"
Trevor smiled and said, "That's what his physician said, too. He looked at the report, which he hadn't been furnished at the time of his death, even though he asked for one. He told Clay the drugs were used to treat a mental illness and in someone without that illness they would work as mind-altering drugs. He was instantly concerned."
"I can't believe Dad would take them, though," Sam said as she was thinking out loud. "And how did she get them?"
"Clay did some checking and found out she has a sister with a mental condition. Guess what one of her medicines is?"
"Okay, so we know where she got the pills then, but I still can't believe Dad would take them."
"Clay asked the doctor if it would be possible to slip these into food or drinks and the doctor said it would be. They could be crushed and put into food without altering the taste."
"What? Is that what killed Dad?"
"That question's not as easily answered, unfortunately. The doctor said the medicine in large doses could cause a heart attack."
"Which is what Dad died of." She looked up at him, furious. "That bitch killed Dad!"
"Whoa, calm down, Sam. First of all, watch your language. I understand you're upset and you have every right to be. But watch your language. You're a better person than that."
"So what happens now?"
"Clay went to the prosecutor's office and laid out all the facts he'd found. He asked the prosecutor if there was enough there for them to initiate an investigation. They told him absolutely and they're looking into it right now. Clay said he'd keep me informed. They'll probably want to talk to you sometime during the investigation."
Sam sat there stunned. Trevor pulled her back against his chest. "I'm sorry this all happened, Honey. I wish I could do something for you, to help you."
Leaning against him, feeling his strength, she said, "You have done something for me. You started the whole investigation." She looked up at him and said very sincerely, "Thank you so much for that, Trevor. I don't think I can begin to tell you what this means to me."
"Honey, I just couldn't believe that your dad deserted you. That was tearing you up, I could tell and I just didn't believe it. So all I did was ask Clay to look into it. He did all the work."
She looked into his eyes with understanding. "You were taking care of me again."
He smiled down at her and said, "Trying to, yes."
"And again I feel cherished. Thank you."
"Sam, I want you to know, I don't know what lies ahead, but it could get difficult. Remember, though, you're not in this alone. Let me help. I'm here to lean on. I have big shoulders; let me do some of the worrying for you."
"I'll try."
"You'll do more than try, or you'll have something else to worry about," he said as he patted her bottom meaningfully.
She smiled as she said, "I'll try hard."
"That's my girl." He held her as she digested all the information she'd learned tonight, asking questions here and there. During a quiet time he said, "Sam, I am so glad you decided you're okay with me helping you. I want to take care of you through this ordeal."
Leaning against his chest she said, "I'm glad I finally saw how much I need you."
He could easily see she was exhausted, probably from all the information she'd been given, so he tucked he
r into bed early, locking the door on his way out.
The next couple days Sam seemed preoccupied, but Trevor gave her time to think through all that she'd learned. He got her to open up and talk occasionally, but she was keeping a lot of it locked inside her. He was getting worried. He and Grant and a few of the other men were busy breaking some of their younger horses, so he gave her more time alone to think. But if she wasn't talking more by the weekend he would push her a bit to get her to open up about her feelings.
Saturday was the day Sam generally did any shopping she needed to do, while Trevor was working. Sometimes she watched whatever they were doing that day. He thought she might be out there watching today, but she wasn't. When he came in for lunch he asked Consuela, "Is Sam doing some shopping today?"
"I don't know. I thought maybe she was out watching you guys. I haven't seen her since pretty early. She really seems upset about her father."
"I know. She hasn't wanted to talk about it, but she needs to."
"If anyone can get Miss Sam to talk, it will be you, Mr. Trevor. Keep trying. She's not in a good place right now."
"I agree. I don't like not knowing where she is." He took out his phone and called, but she didn't answer. He called again before he went back out to work, but still got no answer. "Consuela, would you mind trying to call her again if she's not back in the next hour?"
"I will call if she's not back."
"Thank you." Trevor put his hat back on and went back out to work. As he was heading for the ring, though, he glanced over at the barn and on a whim he went there instead. He went past Thunder's stall to Lady's, but it was empty. He quickly went to the saddles, but her saddle was gone, as well.
He ran out to ask Grant, "Did you see Sam ride out today?"
"No. Why?"
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