I didn’t have thirty seconds. I didn’t have ten seconds. Icarus was picking his way down the small path, overgrown with weeds and thorns. I bolted. If the train couldn’t make it to me, I would make it to the train. I should’ve done it a long time ago. But I had family then.
Now, I had nothing to hold me back.
I pushed myself, my legs eating the ground below me. My arms pumped furiously at my sides, my toes springing off the ground, sprinting like a gazelle. My feet occasionally scrabbled on the rocks below, but I had a good lead. I had years of stamina and experience running.
I could feel the vibrations in the ground below, the faint rumble of the train as we converged on one another. The grasses swayed alongside the tracks like warning flags.
My throat felt raw and my ears numb with cold, but it would be over soon. I would feel no more pain. I would cease to exist, freed from this baneful reality. I would be with Bennie and my parents. We would be a family again.
The train sounded its horn, warning of its approach. The engineer could see me now. The noise was strident to my sensitive ears. It was like horns pealing as the gates of heaven opened, welcoming me home.
So close.
I could hear Icarus behind me, feet pounding frantically at the ground. He grunted with effort. Where grief drove me, panic and adrenaline aided him.
No matter. He was out of time. I closed my eyes and embraced the end.
It hit like a freight train. Pain exploded behind my eyes, my neck snapping back as I tumbled to the ground. My teeth ground together. The breath exploded from my lungs, rushing forth with an ‘oomph.’ My arms and legs sprawled in every direction, bending and grinding against the stones. They dug at my flesh, tearing and scraping the skin from my bones.
Then everything was still. I felt like a lead weight rested atop me. I could hear the train as it rumbled and rattled down the tracks, its horn streaming one long, admonishing blast.
Everything fell silent, except the beating of my heart, and the rhythmic whoosh of my lungs. I wasn’t dead. I knew that much. But perhaps I was fatally wounded, and dying. I couldn’t feel my arms or legs. There was no pain. I took it as a sign that I was in shock.
Opening my eyes, I found Icarus sprawled over me.
I sucked a breath, choking on a sob.
“Jesus freakin’ Christ!” Icarus exclaimed, climbing off me. He busied himself, checking my limbs for injuries. “What the hell are you doing! Are you fucking insane!”
“No!” I shouted, curling in on myself. “I just want to die! Why didn’t you just let me die? Why?” That’s all I wanted. I wasn’t asking for much. He didn’t have to lift a finger. He had to do precisely the opposite. As he grasped my arm and pulled it straight, I jerked it back and slapped his hand away from me.
“Because I love you.”
“I hate you!”
Sighing, he sat beside me, resting his hand on my shoulder, his chest heaving with exhaustion. “I know how you feel, Thaleia. I’ve lost ones I love too.”
“You don’t know shit! You still have brothers left! I have no one!”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. And I know it’s not the same, but you have us.”
Max and Lucius crested the small rise, crossing over the metal tracks. Lucius saw us first, slowing, the chinking sound of stones grating under his feet. Max reached us shortly after, bending with his hands on his knees, gasping for breath.
“Is…she…ok?” Max panted.
“She’s alive,” Icarus replied. “Can you walk?” he inquired, patting my hip. “Or do you need me to carry you back to the car?”
I grumbled, swatting his hand away again. “Leave me here. I’ll wait for the next train.”
“I think she’s serious,” Lucius observed. “She really wants to die.”
I did. I really did.
“We can’t wait here until she changes her mind,” Icarus qualified. “Septa’s most likely already called the authorities, and we need to move the car. We’re blocking traffic.”
Standing, he stretched, cursorily examining his own injuries and then reached to lift me off the ground. I grumbled irascibly and swatted him away once again.
“I can walk.”
I stood ungracefully and brushed myself off. Shock was wearing off. My bumps and bruises were already making themselves known. Much slower than our trip down, we made our way back up the tracks to where the car idled, doors jutting open on the road.
Despite my protests, Icarus took my hand, holding onto it firmly, interlocking his fingers between mine. I thought he might crush my fingers in his grip, but whether it was fear or affection behind his force of strength, I didn’t know. I wished it were my neck in his hands.
Reaching the car, he pushed the passenger seat forward and stepped aside. He was relegating me to the backseat, discouraging any thoughts of a repeat venture. Glowering, I folded myself into the car, squeezing into the small space acting as my makeshift prison.
Max, take the back,” Icarus directed. “Lucius, you’re driving.” Icarus dropped into the passenger seat in front of me, exhaling heavily. He rubbed his face and ran his hand through his hair, wiping away the remnants of my ventures. “Stop at the pharmacy on the corner.”
“For what?”
“So I can get something to help Thaleia sleep.”
Maybe if I could get a hold of the bottle, I could accomplish what I really wanted. It certainly wasn’t sleep. Not unless it was my last sleep. My final rest.
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Max asked. Sitting in the seat next to me, he stared like I was the pariah. “She might swallow the whole bottle.”
“I’m sitting right here,” I grumbled. “I can hear you.”
“That’s debatable,” Lucius replied. “We’ve all have been in your place before. I remember what it’s like to shut everyone out.”
“Really? Why don’t you try it now?”
“We know what you’re feeling,” Max chimed in. “You might wish you were dead now, but things get better. The pain fades.”
“Thanks for your words of wisdom. Maybe in ten years from now I’ll feel the same as you. But right now, it’s kind of fresh.”
“Leave her alone,” Icarus sighed. “Today’s not the day.”
The next few minutes, we drove in relative silence, with only the sound of the tires on the road and the passing traffic to fill the void. My thoughts turned yet again to my family.
The pain fades. I found the notion unimaginable.
I’d spent the entire week after Christmas with Bennie, monopolizing his time. Crispin had tried to steal his attention more than once, eager to form a brotherly alliance with someone his own age. I’d chased him off, of course, blatantly marking Bennie as off limits. He was mine and I wasn’t sharing what little time I had with him with anyone else.
Nevertheless, it wasn’t enough. I received a week when I should’ve had years to say goodbye. I should’ve watched him grow into a man, seen him famed for his art, witnessed his marriage, and held his children. He should’ve lived a full life, filled with happiness and joy. He should’ve died in his sleep, old and content, surrounded by his children and grandchildren.
And my parents… They would never offer unsolicited advice on marriage and parenthood. They would never see us walk down the aisle or hold our children. They would never sneak them sweets before dinner, or help them make mud pies in the backyard. They would never push their swing or slip them a lollipop just because they could. They would never regale them with stories of their youth, or tell them stories of their parent’s youth like my grandparents did for me. As a parent, these were all rights they had earned, but would never fulfill.
It didn’t make any sense. My entire family was dead over a bruised ego.
Lucius slowed, pulling into the parking lot of the pharmacy. I stared blankly at the asphalt, loath to watch the customers run about their everyday lives while mine unraveled.
“I’m going in,” Max said. “I need sugar.”
“You ran a hundred yards!” Lucius scoffed. “Lightweight.”
“I have a high metabolism.”
“You have a hole in the bottom of your stomach.”
“Yeah, it’s called an anus, idiot.” Max ducked around the seat, squeezing out of the car. It was a ‘hollow leg.’ That was the phrase for someone who ate a lot and showed no effects, but I didn’t feel much like pointing it out.
Icarus ducked his head in the car. “We’ll only be a minute.”
In response, I curled further into the seat. Damn him for making me live through this. I was so close. So damn close to escaping it all.
Closing the door, Icarus turned and entered the pharmacy. Lucius settled back into the driver’s seat, fiddling absently with the steering wheel. He glanced to the rearview mirror twice, watching my slumped form in the backseat. I returned to tracing the veins of the asphalt, avoiding the conversation he was itching to strike.
It wasn’t seconds before my phone rang, shrilling a jarring chorus of ‘In One Ear and Right Out the Other.’ Scrambling to pull it from my pocket, I checked the screen. Bennie.
Bennie!
Swiping the prompt, I placed the phone to my ear. “BENNIE!”
“Not Bennie,” said Peyton’s voice. “But if you want to see him again. You’ll get out of the car. Look for the H2.”
I jumped for the front seat, but Lucius grabbed me, holding me back with one hand while he laid on the horn with the other. I tried to pry his fingers away, but I fumbled with the phone, my only means of contact with my brother.
“I can’t!” I shouted, panning the parking lot. “Peyton, where are you?”
“Coming. Brace yourself.”
“Peyton! What the hell’s going on?”
I heard the race of an engine. Lucius and I looked up at the same time, spotting the reinforced bumper of the H2 heading straight for us. Lucius took the brunt of the impact, his head cracking against the glass, knocking him out cold. His hand went limp, releasing me.
My ears were ringing. Everything fell strangely muffled for a brief moment. Then Peyton’s voice came over the speaker again, jerking me back to awareness. “Let’s go! Let’s go! Move it Barbie! You’ve got about ten seconds before your boyfriends come to your rescue! And leave the phone behind! You won’t need it where you’re going!”
Dropping the phone, I clambered over the console, pulling myself into the passenger’s seat and threw the door open. Icarus was just exiting the store when I stood. We met each other’s eyes fleetingly before I ran for the H2. Dropping his bag, he chased after me. I could feel him on my heels.
The door swung open just before I reached it, nearly nailing me in the process. I used the lip of the window frame to swing myself around and into the seat. Max reached the driver’s side door and tugged futilely on the handle, but Peyton was already hitting the gas, slamming into reverse. On my side, Icarus reached in the window, grabbing a handful of my sleeve.
“God, that’s priceless!” Peyton exclaimed, watching Icarus as he tried to run with the car, refusing to let go. “Should we play with him for a bit?”
“Shut up Peyton!” I snarled. “Where’s my brother?”
“Thale!” Icarus growled. “Get outta the damn car!”
“They have him, Icarus! They have my brother!” Prying his fingers from my shirt, I shook my head, apologizing silently. Peyton stepped on the gas, slightly, and he lost his grip.
Cutting the wheel, Peyton threw it into drive and peeled out. Icarus came at us again, his face a mask of rage. His fist came through the glass behind me as Peyton sped past, shattering it in a rain of small jagged pebbles that flew over the seats and bounced off the opposite window.
“Ooohhhh, he has a temper, doesn’t he?” Peyton crooned. “You really know how to pick ‘em, Barbie, don’t you?”
“WHAT. THE. HELL. IS. GOING. ON?”
Peyton glared at me, her chocolate brown eyes brimming with unadulterated hate. “You killed my boyfriend, bitch.”
ΑΒΩ
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My ears had to have deceived me. “You’re helping him?”
“It’s more like a…” she searched for the right word. Peyton wasn’t the most intellectual of people. “…partnership.”
“Are you insane? Do you know what you’ve gotten yourself into?”
“Sure. It’s called vengeance. Suffer it and weep.”
“He traffics women, Peyton! He sells them!”
Peyton snorted. “Tough existence, isn’t it? I’d rather be worshipped by a lycan than reviled by the rest.”
“Worshipped? What world are you living in?”
“Fuck you, Thale. You have no idea what it’s like to be me. You’ve never been ignored or overlooked. At least now I’m valued, and appreciated.”
“I’m sorry about your parents, but this isn’t the answer.”
“My parents? Ha!” Peyton barked a laugh before her face screwed up in anger. “I’m talking about living in the shadow of Thaleia Llorente. Everybody loves Thale. She’s hung the moon and stars, as far as the world’s concerned. But Marcus wasn’t impressed. Someone finally noticed me, and it killed you, didn’t it, because he wanted me and not you!”
“What are you talking about? He was a murderer! He almost killed me!”
“It was an accident. If you wouldn’t have taken off like you did with your ‘woe is me’ routine, he wouldn’t have chased you, but you always have to have the limelight.”
“I ran off because I caught you fucking him behind my back!”
Peyton threw me a withering glare. “We were making love.”
“Call it whatever you want, but he was using you, Peyton. He was here for a job and nothing more. He and Alec were going to sell me. They already had a buyer in New York. As soon as I graduated, they were gone. Me along with them, willingly or not.”
“Marcus said he would take me with him. He had plans.”
“He WOULD have taken you with him! But he would’ve sold you too, at the soonest possible opportunity! That’s what he does, Peyton! It’s his job. He cajoles us to go with him!”
“Fuck you, Thale! He loved me!”
“Peyton, you’re not listening to me.” I wanted to pull my hair from the roots, flabbergasted over her ignorance. “The first pack they came across would’ve taken you, money or no. Marcus would’ve been outnumbered. That’s the way it works! Might makes right. He couldn’t have protected you.”
“No, he was going to swear allegiance to another pack. He was going to leave Alec. I told you he had plans.”
“Who told you this?”
Her eyes flickered to and back to the road.
“Alec,” I said with disgust. “He’s using you, Peyton. He killed my parents for Christ’s sake. They’re dead!”
“Well, so is Marcus. Vengeance is a bitch, isn’t it?”
I was having a serious omg moment. No matter what I said, I wouldn’t get through to her. Alec had brainwashed her. She was seriously deranged and out for blood.
Psychosomatic bitch.
“Revenge is always the weak pleasure of a little and narrow mind.” My quote from Juvenal hit its mark. So did my head—on the windshield when Peyton slammed on the brakes and I went flying forward.
“Shut it, Barbie, I don’t need your rhetorics.”
Rubbing my forehead, taunting her didn’t feel like such a good idea in afterthought. Damn, that was going to leave a mark. “Where is Bennie, Peyton? Just tell me if he’s ok.”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Yes, that’s why I asked.”
“This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.” Sneering, Peyton looked unusually proud of herself. “See, you’re not the only one who can wax poetic.”
“Michael Dougherty?” I inquired. Perhaps I could get more information out of her that way. She obviously had something to do with his involvement.
“Alec needed someone to replace Marcus. Malibu Ken fit the bil
l.”
“How do you people find one another?” I muttered to myself. Was there a secret club with a sign that read ‘All sycophants enter here’?
“He wasn’t hard to find at all,” Peyton bragged. “After Mindy Miller caught your little sucker-punch on her cell, it went viral at East and West. Let’s just say he was more than eager to jump on the train about to derail Thaleia Llorente from her high and mighty pedestal.”
“Because I embarrassed him? He died over a few loose teeth?”
“Because thanks to you, he had a falling out with his parents! They kicked him out! He had nowhere to go! They cut off his college funds and everything!”
I doubted it was anything that as serious as that. I knew Mike’s parents. They were nice people. They might’ve threatened him, or scared him by cutting off his allowance, but if anything, Mike most likely overreacted and ran away. Right next door to his BFF’s house. He’d done it a dozen times while we were dating, because they’d taken his Xbox away for bad grades.
Idiot. He should’ve gone to the Peterson’s like he always did. Instead, he decided to play with fire. Well, I guess he learned his lesson the hard way, and paid with his life. It was his body the firefighters pulled from my house this afternoon, not Bennie’s. I was sure of it.
The important thing was Bennie was alive. That was all I needed to know. Anything else, I could handle. New York. New Jersey. I didn’t care where Alec sent me. As long as they let Bennie go unharmed. He was all that was important to me in this world, all I had left.
Peyton glanced warily in my direction. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“I never said Mike was dead.”
“Just take me to see my brother, Peyton.”
“Your brother’s dead, bitch.”
“You should be convincing me that he’s alive, dimwit. It’s the only thing keeping me from jumping out of this car.”
Peyton’s eyes narrowed, reinvigorated with hate. “You think you’re so smart.”
“Smarter than you.” In a flash of nails, she raked her fingers across my face, scoring it with four angry welts. I sucked a breath, pressing my cold palm over the burning cheek.
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