by Gray, June
“Lindie and I were just discussing the set list for the tour,” West said, placing a warm hand on my back.
“Oh, that reminds me,” Lindie said, her attention back to him. “I heard back from Sabrina.”
My hackles immediately rose at the mention of that name and I waited, straining against my skin, to hear the news.
Lindie gave up a thumbs-up. “She said she would be joining us.”
“Joining you on what?” I asked, glancing up at West.
Lindie smiled. “She’ll be joining us on tour, of course.”
18
WEST
“Kat, talk to me,” I said to the silent woman in the passenger seat on the way home. She had been quiet the rest of the party, and I wouldn’t even pretend not to know why.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she mumbled, keeping her eyes gaze fixed outside the window.
Back at the apartment she headed directly to her door. I followed closely, not willing to let her hide. Not on Christmas Eve, and not ever.
“Kat,” I said, closing the front door behind me. When she kept going, I tried again in a more challenging tone. “Fine, go and hide. Pretend nothing’s bothering you.”
She halted in the middle of the room, her stiff back to me.
“It’s Sabrina, isn’t it?” I asked. “I had no clue Lindie was even considering her for the tour.”
“Then call her off,” Kat finally said, turning to face me. “Tell Lindie you can do the song on your own.”
I sighed. “But I can’t. The song needs a female voice. Without it, it falls flat. If it’s not Sabrina then it’s going to be someone else.”
She folded her arms, her chin jutting out. “Then find someone else.”
“Do you have issue with Sabrina?” I approached Kat, searching her face for any clues. For a moment I wondered if she’d overheard our conversation on the balcony, but decided Kat would have confronted me about it by now. She wasn’t the kind to bottle her feelings, choosing instead to always face issues head on. It was a trait that I loved about her.
“I don’t like her.”
I took hold of Kat’s shoulders. “Nothing’s going to happen, Kat. I have no interest in her.”
“It’s not you I’m worried about.” She took a deep breath, ready to get to the heart of the matter. “The day I came to watch you recording… I ran into Sabrina.”
“You did?”
“She told me about your past. That you’ve practically been betrothed since birth. That you grew up together and were in love, but it’s never been the right time. Until now.”
I let out a giant sigh and leaned against the desk. “God, not this again,” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose.
“So it’s true?”
“Yes, we grew up together. And it’s true that we tried to date last year but it didn’t work out.”
“Why didn’t it work out?”
“Because we cheated on each other,” I said, wishing there was another way around the truth, knowing there wasn’t.
She drew in a sharp breath. “You’re a fucking cheater?”
“I was,” I corrected, trying to remain calm. As much as I hated my past, I had to claim it as my mistake and move on. I’d thought Kat was moving with me.
“You know what they say about cheaters….”
I shot to my feet. “Nothing could be further from the truth.” I took in a deep breath, feeling a vein in my forehead tick. “I can’t change the past, Kat. Before you I was a very different person. And yes, I cheated,” I said through my teeth, my frustration held at bay. “But that doesn’t mean jack shit right now. At the end of the day you either trust me or you don’t.”
“And what if I don’t?” she asked, her eyes woeful, her words like a knife to the gut.
“Then we have nothing.”
The damn woman actually rolled her eyes. “God, you’re so dramatic.”
“A relationship needs trust to breathe and grow. Without it everything falls apart,” I said. “Just ask Sabrina.”
She reared back as if I’d just slapped her. “So you’re saying if I don’t trust you with everything right now, I’ll end up lonely and heartbroken like her? That you’ll end up cheating on me too because I don’t trust you?”
I grabbed her shoulders, breathing hard. “That’s not what I said.”
“Let me go,” she said, pushing against my chest.
But I held tight, my fingers digging into her arms. “Not until you listen to me.”
“The only thing I hear is you defending her,” she said, her face flushing.
With a growl I let go and jerked away. “You’re impossible,” I said, stomping off towards the patio to get a moment’s breath.
“I know you’re not walking away from me right now!” Kat said, running ahead of me to block the door.
“What do you want from me, Kat?” I shouted in frustration.
“I want to know if you’re just settling with me!”
The impact of her question hit her more than it did me if the shocked look on her face was anything to go by. Still, the hurt in her words caused a tightness in my chest.
I crossed the space between us, crowding her with my body until she was pressed into the door, looking up into my face. “Nothing could be further from the truth,” I said, running the back of my fingers along her jaw. “I wish you knew how fucking amazing you are. My fear is that you’ll wake up one day and realize you deserve better.”
To punctuate my words I grabbed the lapels of her shirt and claimed her mouth in a searing kiss. She tried to pull away but I grabbed the back of her head and refused to let go until she believed me.
I jerked back when she bit my lip, tasting the metallic tang of blood. I grasped her face and turned her head to the side, bringing my lips down to her neck.
“How could I even want anyone else?” I asked, dropping hot kisses along her throat then bit the skin above her collarbone. She yelped, angry and turned on; I licked the spot gently and, before she could knee me in the groin, pulled away. “No one else inhabits me completely like you do.”
I quickly began to undo the buttons on the side of her dress, sliding it down her beautiful body. Then, with my eyes fixed on hers, I bent down and placed a soft kiss on her chest, above her heart. “Believe in me, Kat.” I took her mouth again, kissing her, imploring with my lips, my tongue. “Just believe in me.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know how,” she said and turned to go. I grabbed her arm and crushed her back against the glass door, holding her in place with my body.
I shoved down her pants in one motion and threw them over my back. I then grabbed her hips and spun her around, dropping to my knees.
“What are you doing?” she hissed, looking over her shoulder.
I didn’t give her an answer; I just pulled on her until her back arched and ass jutted out. In the next moment, I put my mouth on her, my tongue sliding through her folds. She gasped above me, slapping a hand on the glass, as I pressed my face into her, digging deeper with my tongue.
I couldn’t take it anymore; I shot to my feet and leaned over her, one hand spread on the door by her head, the other positioning my cock at her entrance. “You trust me with your body,” I rasped against her ear, taking her lobe between my teeth. Without waiting, I thrust into her. “How is this different?”
She jerked back, the momentum pushing me away until I almost slid out. I grabbed her hips and pushed back in. “You can’t fuck my heart into submission,” she said, pushing against me.
I began a slow upward thrust, lighting up my nerves. “I don’t want you to submit to me. I want you to come on your own free will,” I ground out, one arm snaking around her chest to hold her against my body. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t use every available tool in my arsenal to draw you near,” I said and thrust up roughly, the force lifting her to her toes. Again and again I drove into her, trying to pound her doubt into dust.
My mind was reeling, a tornado of raw emotions and desire,
wanting to make her come so hard she would never have reason to doubt my fidelity. It didn’t make sense, but hell, nothing else I’d done had convinced her otherwise. So I focused on the pleasure, the feel of her silky skin against mine, on the nearly overwhelming sensation of my cock buried inside her, on the scent of our sex in the air.
I wrenched her away from the wall and tugged her down, bringing us to our knees. I lifted her hips then dropped her onto my lap, impaling her with my hard cock. I sat back as she started rocking her hips, handing her the reins for the moment.
I tugged her hair, pulling her back and tilting her head up to the ceiling. “Ride me hard. Lay claim to what already belongs to you,” I said, wanting to spark the possessive side of her.
She rocked her hips back and forth, setting a rhythm that had me grasping at her hips. She gripped my thighs and moved to the balls of her feet, changing to a bounce, riding me like I asked.
I groaned, my hands reaching around to maul her breasts, using them as handholds to propel her down. I felt it then, the moment she squeezed tighter and she climaxed with a shout.
She kept moving, her hips rocking on their own accord to ride out the rest of the orgasm. Just when she seemed done, I slid my hand down her stomach and began to strum her sensitive clit. She reared up, gasping when my cock popped free, but I continued playing her like a cello, never letting up, even when she tried to pull my hand off. Her ass lifted off the floor and she threw her head back into my shoulder as she came again.
She collapsed forward, her hands slapping the wood floor, and I took the opportunity to lift her hips and settle her back onto my cock.
“Holy shit, you’re still pulsating,” I said, my palm gliding all over the damp skin on her back. Then I pulled her upward, turning her head sideways and claiming her mouth while thrusting into her. Over and over I fucked her, holding her fatigued body close, my mouth never leaving hers.
I came with a muffled groan, lifting us both from the force of my orgasm. Afterward I bent down and set us on the floor on our sides, my arm cradling her head tenderly. I wrapped my body around hers and clutched her to my chest protectively.
“God, Kat. I don’t know how else to convince you that I will never betray you,” I ground out. “If you can’t find it in you to trust me, I’ll have to…” I let the sentence hang, not knowing how to continue. Give up the tour or give up the woman? It was a near impossible choice to make.
Then Kat twisted around to face me and gave me the best Christmas gift of all. “Okay,” she said against my neck.
My muscles turned to stone. “Okay?”
She looked up and tried a smile. “I’m giving you my trust, West,” she said. And there, in the absolute vulnerability in her eyes, was proof that she was finally handing over the final piece of her heart.
I pressed kisses to her lips in gratitude and relief.
“Don’t let me down, West,” she said. “Please.”
~
On the day of my departure, Kat woke me up in the best possible way. I shook away the sleep and wound my fingers in her hair, trying to clear my sleep-muddled brain to focus on the pleasure.
I lifted my head off the pillow to look at her, finding the vision of her mouth wrapped around my dick too much to handle so early in the morning. I closed my eyes and fought against the rising tide that was my orgasm. “Fuck, Kat, that feels so good.”
Before I exploded I wrapped my legs around her and lifted, pitching her forward onto me. She laughed, her hands splaying on my arms. I flipped her over and sank into her, deciding that nothing else in the universe could ever feel this good, this right.
Later, as we prepared to part ways in front of her school, I took hold of her face and kissed her forehead. “I’ll call you tonight, after the show.”
“You better.” She hugged me, pressing her face against my shirt. “The two apartments are going to be so quiet while you’re gone.”
“I’ll miss you, Kat.” I rubbed my thumbs along her cheeks. “I’ll miss your spunk, your light.”
“I’ll miss your penis.”
I laughed, holding her to me. “And I’ll miss that smart mouth.”
“You know what else you’re going to miss? My birthday.”
“I know,” I said. “I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.”
“You’d better.”
I kissed her again and again, finding that my arms didn’t want to let go of the one thing I wanted to keep with me at all times.
Finally she pulled away, her face taut. “Go,” she said softly. “I’ll see you when I see you.”
I watched her walk towards the building entrance, not once looking back.
“Kat,” I called when her hand was on the door. She paused, then looked over her shoulder. “I’ll be home soon.”
She gave me a brave smile then turned and went inside. My beautiful girl with the warrior heart.
19
KAT
When West left Alaska it hurt for a few days—okay, maybe weeks—but that kind of pain didn’t compare to this constant ache I felt deep down in my bones. It went beyond emotional and became a physical kind of hurt that often made my stomach churn or my chest cramp. I hated it, hated that another human being had made me so needy even my subconscious found ways to try and bring him to me every night, a coping mechanism that only made it worse when I left the dream state and woke to an empty bed.
And hell, he’d only been gone three days.
The apartment felt three times its size, especially at night when the lights were off. Without West I was on my own for the first time in a long time. While before I would have loved the isolation, this time I felt almost suffocated by it.
I paced around one night, staring at the pictures taped to the wall, unable to take another minute of sewing. I’d tried burying myself in my final project—a collection that we’d show at the end of the month—but had enough for the time being. The final straw came when I turned to my headless dressform and asked if it thought the dress fit well.
“I gotta get out of here,” I said, stomping through to the other apartment to West’s room. Inside his nightstand was his address book and I flipped through it, skimming past a multitude of female names. Finally I found the name I’d been searching for and dialed the number on my cell phone.
“Hello?” Decker answered. “Who is this?”
“Hey, it’s Kat,” I said, walking out to the living room.
“Oh, hi!” he said with a relieved laugh. “I sweat bullets when an unknown number calls me.”
“Now why’s that?”
“You really don’t want to know,” he said. “So what’s up?”
When I remembered what a despicable human being Decker was, how he made sport of women just like the old Luke, I almost hung up. But the thought of spending another night on my own kept me on the line. “I wanted to see if you wanted to grab dinner or a drink or something.”
“Sure, when?”
“Tonight.”
“Well, I already had dinner, but we can meet at The Raines Law Room for a few drinks.”
“The what?”
He chuckled. “It’s a speakeasy bar. You’ll like it.”
“Okay…” I looked around, the dark screen of the television showing my reflection in the empty kitchen. Frankly, I didn’t care where we were going as long as it was far from here. “Just tell me how to get there.”
We met up on West 17th Street thirty minutes later where Decker led me down an unmarked stairwell and through a black door. I didn’t know what to expect when I entered the large, dark room, lit only by sconces on the wall. The place had an old-timey feel, with its wood paneled ceiling and leather tufted seats. We sat near the back on two armchairs flanking a small coffee table.
“I’m glad we’re doing this, Kat,” he said with a smile after we ordered our drinks.
“Just to be clear, we’re here on a purely friendly basis.”
He laughed. “You must consider me the world’s biggest asshole
if you think I’ll try to make a move on my best friend’s woman.”
“I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”
“We are.” He lifted his glass and clinked it with mine before taking a drink. “I have nothing but respect for you.”
I eyed him warily. “Why is that?”
“You have made a world of difference to my friend.”
“You think so?”
“Hell yes. I, more than anyone, have seen how much he’s changed. It’s kind of inspiring actually.”
“Does it make you want to become an honest man and settle down with one woman?” I asked with a grin.
“I guess, yeah. If the right woman ever came along.” He chuckled. “But it hasn’t happened yet, and probably never will.”
“Hey, stranger things have happened.”
“Kat, let me ask you something,” he said, sitting up and leaning his elbows on his knees. “Did you really think the entire school was against you?”
The breath caught in my throat. I hadn’t prepared to delve into the past. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Come on,” he urged. “I was there, I watched you turn from a regular student into the outcast of the school. I just want to figure out what happened.”
“What happened is that puberty hit and made everyone into assholes and bitches.” Including myself, now that I think about it.
“I never said or did anything to you.”
“I remember.”
“Though in hindsight, I probably should have stood up for you.”
“It wouldn’t have made a difference. I was different from them, from you, and that made my presence there offensive. Like by simply existing I was ruining their day.” When he didn’t look appeased, I said, “Don’t worry about it. It’s over. It’s done. I’ve made peace with my past.”
“Really?”
“Though if I were to run into that football playing asshole again, I’d probably deck him.”
“Then we’d be calling you Decker,” he said with a grin. “You might not know this, but you’ve come a long way, you know.”