“I do.”
“I don’t mean I don’t care. I mean—it’s just—the timing isn’t right.” She pictured the calendar and did a quick mental calculation. “We don’t have to worry.”
“Lots of kids in that home I was in got their starts because someone didn’t worry when they should have.”
She touched his chest and felt his heart knocking against her hand. “It’s not the right time. But even if it was, would it be such a bad thing? You’d finally have a family. We both would.”
Shane reared back and stood. He turned his back and left her on the floor, chilled and stunned. Her arms crossed over her chest, she rubbed her arms. She followed him to the door.
“Or is that what you’re really afraid of?” she asked quietly. “That one day you’ll have to face up to the fact that there are people in this world who love and care about you, and you won’t know what to do about it?”
He stretched an arm out and leaned against the door frame. Moonlight glistened from his sweat-slicked body. “I wouldn’t be any good in a family. I don’t know how.”
“You’ll figure it out.”
He wheeled and pinned her against the wall. Her breath caught at the violence of the move, but he caught her in time to keep her head from slamming against steel, gentled his touch in time to keep his weight from forcing the last of the air from her lungs.
“And if I don’t?” he said. “If it’s something I don’t have inside me, a gene I was born without, like some freak?”
His arousal throbbed against her, more urgent than ever. The nerve center between her legs pulsed sympathetically. “Then I’ll just love you, and you don’t have to love me back.” She tried to keep the pleading from her voice. She didn’t want to beg. But she needed him, and he’d promised…
“You said you wouldn’t leave me when I needed you, Shane.” Reaching between them, she wrapped her fingers around his erection and guided him to her. “I need you now. Please don’t leave me.”
He groaned, pushing her back against the wall, impaling her, and burying his face against her neck in one move. “I won’t leave you,” he promised. “I won’t leave you ever.”
Then lifted his head and kissed her. Not out of anger, like she’d half expected, but with exquisite tenderness. Like she was some rare and delicate creature. And when he began to move inside her, his thrusts were just as gentle, every move more caring than the last.
The sliver of pale light shining through the door slashed across his face and she caught the steady relaxation in his features, like the unwinding of a clock wound too tight.
He rocked his hips against her, lifted her, then settled her down again, touching her so deep she thought he might split her in two. Again and again they moved together and she reveled in the slide of skin against skin.
At last there was nothing between them. No more secrets. No more lies. Just naked bodies and the naked truth—they needed each other.
The world rolled on the jut of his body into hers. She cried out in short, choppy bursts of joy and pure sensation. He growled, a lustful howl of mating, and pushed her thighs farther apart. He worked his hand between them and pressed on the swollen gathering of her nerve endings.
Her world shattered and fell around her in pieces. The aftershock of the explosion threatened to carry her away from him, and she clutched at him frantically.
He tightened his arms around her and she felt his release rumble up through his body, gathering strength as it rippled beneath her hands and shook him in a climax as intense as her own.
Gigi wondered if she’d lost her mind, hoping that they would make a baby with what they’d done tonight. But how could she not dream of holding a baby with cornflower eyes while the baby’s daddy held her?
Shane moved first. His hands loosened their hold on her thighs as he lowered her to her feet. Lucky for her, he didn’t let her go right away. She doubted her legs would have supported her.
Once she had her balance, she raised her head to find him staring bemusedly down at her. He stroked her jawline with a fingertip. “You’re really something, you know that?”
Not quite sure what to make of what he said, she glanced over his shoulder at the rumpled tarpaulin. “I guess we didn’t need the tarp after all.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll make use of it.”
“We will?”
“Mm-hm. The sun won’t be up for a couple of hours.” He moved his stroking to the length of her back and she arched against his hand like a pampered cat. “And I’m not nearly done with you yet.”
She remembered he’d said something similar the first time they’d made love, under the skylight. He’d made good on his promise then. No doubt he’d be just as true to his word tonight.
That was the thing about heroes, she mused as he lowered her to the floor. They never made a promise they couldn’t keep.
A slice of sunshine jabbed Gigi in the eye, loosening her tentative hold on sleep. Her shoulder ached from pressing into the hard floor. One leg was asleep, circulation cut off by the weight of Shane’s thigh, thrown casually over hers. But her head was comfortable, pillowed in the crook of his arm.
Except for that light. It burned through her eyelids, taunting her with the revelation that, ready or not, morning had arrived.
Not just any morning. The morning she and Shane started off in a new life. One they would make up as they passed through it, leaving everything old, everything familiar behind.
Gigi’s stomach turned uneasily. It could have been hunger. It could have been muscles protesting last night’s gymnastics. Her hand floated above the fluttering in her abdomen. Or could it be a child, taking root?
She chastised her foolishness. It wasn’t the right time of the month for her to conceive. But she left her palm lying protectively over herself anyway.
The enormity of their situation crashed over her. She was about to take off for a foreign country with a man who wasn’t her husband—had no real commitment to her—with no money, no passport, no name.
And she might be pregnant. Even if she wasn’t, she could find herself carrying a baby at any time, given the way she and Shane couldn’t keep their hands off each other and the fact that they didn’t have the money to buy anything to prevent it.
What kind of medical care could she get in Mexico or somewhere farther south? How would she care for a child, if she had one?
The thought of giving a baby anything but the best—health, home, education—stripped her to the bone.
Then there was the one ravenous doubt that ate at her mind. One she didn’t dare voice. What if Shane left her? She was well aware of his doubts about making a long-term commitment to her, much less a child. If it got to be too much for him, would he abandon her in a foreign country with no identity and no way to get home?
Despite the rising heat inside the rail car, Gigi shivered. Shane stirred behind her, yawned, and stretched.
Gigi turned to face him and met peaceful blue eyes. A skyscape more serene than she’d ever seen in him before.
“I can’t do it,” she told him. “I can’t go to Mexico.”
The calm in his eyes never wavered. “I know.”
“You do?”
“Sure. I knew before I asked that you’d never go.” He pushed a curl out of her eyes. “It’s okay. I understand. You’re not a quitter, Gigi.”
“But you asked anyway.” She shook her head, trying to catch up with his train of thought. A train that obviously wasn’t on the same track she was.
He shrugged.
“Was it all a joke then? What would you have done if I’d said yes?”
He staked her in place with a stare. “Then we’d be crossing the border by now, and I’d be damn happy to be there. No joke about it.” He eased back a step, breathing hard. “But you’re not ready to give up on this yet, Gigi. I know you aren’t. You’re not ready to give up on him.”
“Who?”
“Your father.”
“Oh, please. Not with
the family bit again.”
“You’re the one who said you couldn’t go to Mexico.”
She grabbed his hand and pressed his palm to her belly. “This is why I can’t go to Mexico. We might have made a child a few hours ago, Shane. And even if we didn’t last night, we will, sooner or later. Do you really want to raise him or her on the run in a foreign country?”
“What I really want,” he said, obviously choosing his words carefully, “is to keep you alive.”
“I’ve been alive for the past three years. I’ve even had some good times and made some friends I value. But being alive and having a life are two different things. I won’t settle for just being alive anymore. I want my life back.”
“Relax. I said I understood. But we’re running out of options here.”
“There has to be something else we can do.”
“Sure,” Shane said sarcastically. “We can give your father a call and ask him what the hell is going on.”
Gigi’s heart tripped. “You’re right.”
He scowled. “I am?”
“Yes. I need to talk to him, to hear his side of this.”
“Good luck. Half the federal government would like to hear his side of this. If they can’t find him, how do you think we will?”
“Margo said he’s in Phoenix, right?”
“She said she thinks he’s in Phoenix.”
“Then like you said, we’ll call him.”
Shane’s scowl deepened. “I don’t think I like the sound of this.”
“My father has one of those satellite pagers. It works anywhere in the U.S. It transmits text, as well as numbers. I can page him and ask him to meet us. If he is in Phoenix, he’ll come, I know he will.”
“While you’re at it why don’t you just paint a big red target on your back to make it easy for him to spot you.”
She drew a calming breath. “We can set it up wherever we like and tell him to come alone. He’ll come, I know he will.”
“You still don’t believe he’s behind this, do you? You can’t believe he’d try to kill you.”
“I don’t know. But I know I have to find out.”
“Even if it kills you?” He reached out and touched her stomach. “And our maybe-baby?”
“You won’t let that happen.” She took his hand and squeezed. “I know you won’t.”
“You have a lot more faith in me than I do,” he said.
But she knew by the torment in his eyes that she’d won. He’d do anything she asked. She could only hope she’d asked for the right thing. The thing that would keep him and her and their maybe-baby alive and give them all the future they deserved.
A real life. A real family.
Chapter 12
A brass bell tinkled over the deli door as Shane held it open and Gigi preceded him through. He breathed deep in appreciation as the smell of fresh bread and strong coffee greeted his rumbling stomach.
He would have stopped for food even before they’d paged her father and left instructions where to meet them, but there was the little problem of money. Fortunately for them, being stuck on the bad side of town had its advantages. Business was done the old fashioned way—the barter system.
Of course Shane didn’t have much to trade except the clothes on his back, which technically didn’t belong to him anyway, since he’d borrowed them from Fitz’s closet.
That left his watch.
It was a little banged up, but it was one of those two-hundred-dollar jobs, waterproof down to a hundred feet; he got twenty bucks for it and considered himself lucky.
At least they would meet Gigi’s father with food in their bellies. They both needed a good breakfast—her for the for tification and him for the time it would give him to talk her out of this crazy scheme.
They both chose bagels, juice and extralarge coffees and sat at a table near the window where they could keep an eye on Oliver, napping in the shade the storefront dropped over the sidewalk.
“Tell me about your father,” he suggested casually, trying to find a way to ease her into the idea of him making the meet instead of her. “What does he look like?”
She smeared cream cheese on half her bagel and passed the plastic knife to him. “He’s tall. Almost as tall as you, but heavier around the middle. His hair is gray, thinning on top. He looks like any man nearing his midsixties who’s spent too much time behind a desk. Sometimes he stoops when he’s tired.”
“What about dress? What’s he likely to have on?”
“My father always wears a suit. Even on weekends. At least he did before I left.”
“Any distinguishing marks—scars, or a particular piece of jewelry he always wears?”
“Why the twenty questions?”
“I just want to be sure it’s him.”
“You think I won’t recognize my own father?”
Shane took a long draft of coffee. “I was thinking about that,” he said, trying to sound like he hadn’t rehearsed this speech for the last four blocks of their walk over here. “Maybe it would be better if I was the one to talk to your father.”
“You can talk to him all you want. After I’ve asked him why he’s trying to kill me.”
“You think he’s going to tell you, just like that?”
“I’ll find out.”
“And if he answers you, do you think he’s going to let you walk away?”
Gigi’s chest expanded with a slow, deep breath. She set her half-eaten bagel on her plate. “That’s why you’ll be there, right? To make sure he does.”
Shane’s nerves began to buzz. The caffeine from the coffee hitting his system, he told himself. “He might not be alone—we already know he has others working for him in Phoenix. I can’t protect you from a sniper a block away or a shooter with an automatic weapon in a speeding car. It’s better if I stash you someplace safe first—”
“You don’t even want me to be there?” Her lips pressed into an ashen line. “I’m going, Shane. End of story. I have questions.”
“Then let me call Margo. She can have him picked up at the meet site, then you can ask all the questions you want.”
“No. We can’t risk it.”
“You’ll trust your father but you won’t trust Margo Maitland?”
“Shane, I know you don’t think your friend is involved— I don’t either, really. But someone found us at a DOJ safe house. They nearly blew us up. We don’t know who the leak is or how he’s getting his information. But you said it yourself last night—until we do, we’re better off letting them think we’re dead.”
More than the caffeine from the coffee hit his system. The acid set his stomach on fire. She was right about not calling anyone in the DOJ, even Margo, for help. Someone way too close to this case wanted them dead. But he didn’t want her anywhere near her father, either. “I should be the one to ask the questions. I’m a trained interrogator.”
“I’m his daughter. His family.”
She said it like that single word should make him understand. But it didn’t. It made no sense to him at all. Never had; never would.
He hated that weakness in himself. Hated admitting to it even more. After all this time, you’d think he’d have accepted who and what he was.
Firming his jaw, he looked up at her. “Maybe someone should remind him of that.”
The explosion of pain in her eyes shamed him into hanging his head. “I’m sorry,” he told her. “But you said you and your father were never close. You haven’t even seen him in three years. What does it matter if it’s you that talks to him, or me, after all this time?”
Gradually she gathered her composure. When she met his gaze again, she locked on, steady, straight and true. “Did you ever try to find out about your parents, Shane? What happened to them? Why they gave you up?”
Shane squirmed subtly in his seat. Wherever she was going with that question, he doubted he was going to like it. Her blue eyes darkened mysteriously—like his mood—as she waited for his answer.
“Not until a few years ago,” he said. “Margo got the records for me.” He cleared his throat and continued. “My mother was seventeen when she had me, and she didn’t list a father’s name on the birth certificate. I told you she was a runaway. She gave me up so that she could go home. She didn’t want her family to know she’d had a kid.”
Gigi reached across the table and took his fingers. “Did you ever try to contact her?”
“She was killed in a car accident two years later. What does all this matter anyway?”
She answered his question with another of her own. “Why did you go to all the trouble to find out what happened to her? You were already grown, had a life of your own. And she had abandoned you—you knew that much.”
“I guess the time came when I just had to know why.” He shrugged, finally understanding where all this was leading. He’d been right before in thinking he wouldn’t like it. He didn’t. “She was my mother.”
“That’s how it is for me, too. The time has come when I just have to know.”
“Know what?” Shane reined in his anger, struggling to understand. “What could he possibly tell you that would be worth risking your life to hear?”
“Why he pushed me away twenty years ago and never let me close again. Why he might be trying to kill me now. I’m looking for the same thing you were looking for with your mother.” A ghostly smile feinted across her lips. “I want to know why my own father didn’t love me enough to hold on to me.”
Shane sunk in his chair, knowing she’d won. Gently he pulled his hand from hers and stacked his plate—uneaten bagel and all—on top of hers.
He might not know anything about family. But he knew just enough about love to recognize the sound of it in her voice. No matter what her father had done, she still loved him.
Loved him enough to let him kill her, maybe.
But Shane wouldn’t—couldn’t—let that happen. He’d sworn to protect her, and he planned to stand by his word. Even if it cost him her love.
He cupped his hand under her jaw. His pulse hammered at the silky-soft feel of her tender skin under his rough fingers. His groin hardened at the sight of her studying him.
The Lawman's Last Stand Page 19