by Jenna Cox
“Hey, Imogen. Sorry for the freak show,” Livvi said, smiling ruefully at the woman in the mirror as she approached the sink.
“Hey, forget it,” Imogen said, and waved her hand. “We all have these days.” Livvi couldn’t imagine Imogen ever weeping in a public bathroom. But then again, Livvi couldn’t have imagined herself doing this until it happened. “Don’t torture yourself. When we find something worth hanging on to, the best of us can turn into childish bitches if we’re afraid we’re going to lose it.” Imogen smoothed her perfectly straight black hair, flashed a warm smile and left.
Livvi stared after her. “How do I even know if I’ve found something worth hanging on to, yet? I don’t even know him. Two days ago I would have insisted someone like him was totally wrong for me.”
“The only way to know is to take a risk on it, I guess,” Chloe said. “A wise girl once told me that sometimes love needs a little madness.”
Livvi rolled her eyes. “What do I know.”
“Don’t say that, now. I took a risk on Henry because of that,” Chloe said, in mock panic, but she just laughed and her eyes flashed. Livvi noticed again how different Chloe had been lately.
“That turned out well for you, I guess,” she said.
Chloe nodded. Her look was almost smug. Livvi sighed.
“It’s probably too late anyway.” She looked at herself in the mirror and grimaced. “Do you think anyone will notice if I wear my sunglasses for the rest of the day?”
***
Livvi paced. She did agitated laps of her small apartment, phone in hand, its screen staring at her accusingly. Troy’s number was there, needing only a tap to dial, but she couldn’t do it. Her heart was pounding like her life was under threat. It was only a phone call. What was wrong with her? The worse he could do was say ‘no’, and life would go back to normal. Maybe it was better if he said ‘no’. Then she could just get over it.
But she knew she had to ring. She couldn’t just leave it as it was or she would forever think about it. Think about him. Wonder.
At least if he said ‘no’ — when he said it, for she was sure he would — this horrible, shaky anxiety that possessed her would finally go away. Even her hands were clammy. She never felt like this, and she felt an irrational anger at Troy for causing it. But also a never abating desire to hear his voice again. To feel his sure, steady hands on her. She breathed deeply as she remembered the feel of him against her, and for a tiny moment her nerves stopped fizzing and everything was still.
But then she remembered the phone in her hands. She had to call him first.
It was just over twenty-four hours since he had been in her house. Maybe it was too soon to call him, anyway. She didn’t want to seem desperate.
Livvi rolled her eyes. Surely that ship had sailed already.
Her phone buzzed in her hand and she nearly dropped it. For a split second she wondered if it was Troy, but of course it wasn’t. It was a text from Chloe.
Call him. I know you’re trying to talk yourself out of it. Just do it.
Seriously, how did Chloe do that? Livvi almost laughed. Then she steeled herself and went back to the Troy’s number. And quickly tapped the call button before she could argue with herself any further. She squeezed her eyes shut for a second, breathed in and brought the phone to her ear to listen to it ring. And ring. It was probably going to go to voice mail. Oh, god. Did she leave a message? He was probably just working. But what if he was ignoring her? What was more pathetic leaving a message or just hanging up?
“Hey.” Livvi nearly dropped the phone again as his voice spoke in her ear.
“Hey,” she managed to choke back, finding every other thought had suddenly vanished from her brain. “Uh…how are you?”
“I’m fine. Just finished work.”
“Oh. You riding home?” Livvi grimaced and shut her eyes tightly.
“Uh, yeah. Well, I’m on the train.” What was this conversation? Get it together, Olivia. Even thinking her own name made her shiver as she thought of him saying it. The silence was stretching irretrievably into awkward territory.
“Um, I was just calling to…say sorry,” Livvi said, then held her breath trying to listen for his reaction.
“Uh huh.” Cool distance. That wasn’t good.
“I don’t know what got into me. Well, I do…” this was not going well. “What I’m trying to say is, I got nervous which is not like me. Which made me even more nervous. And so I’m sorry for freaking out on you. You didn’t deserve that. And I’m sorry.”
“I’m not sure I got that. ‘Sorry’ did you say?” Was he laughing? And was that good or bad?
“Yeah. That’s pretty much the gist of it.”
“Well, I accept your apology. And I’m sorry if I came on too strong.”
“No, seriously, don’t apologise. You already apologised for the crash, and that wasn’t even your fault either. I should have been looking where I was going then, and I should have known better now.”
“Well, I was probably going too fast. Both times.”
“Oh, well. Apologise away then.” Livvi found herself grinning. But her heart still palpitated.
“Have you had dinner?”
“Uh…”
“Am I reading this phone call wrong?”
“No.” It almost came out as a whisper. “And no, I haven’t had dinner.”
“Want to give this another try?”
“Really?” Livvi said, then tried to reign her high pitched squeak in to something more calm and collected. “I mean, yeah. Okay. That would be good.”
Troy laughed and the sound sent tremors through her body.
“Cool. Well, I just passed your stop.”
“Oh.”
“But I’ll get off at the next one and ride back. Pick you up in ten?”
“Pick me up? On your bike?”
Troy laughed again. “Trust me.”
Nine and a half minutes later — Livvi counted every second as she scrambled to get ready; what did a girl wear to get picked up on a bike? — Troy was at her door.
“Hey,” she said, as she opened the door, a little out of breath.
“Hey.” His eyes flickered over her and he smiled. Then he stepped up into the door way in front of her. “I’m glad you called,” he said quietly. Livvi swallowed, and Troy smiled wider. “I kinda like making you nervous,” he said.
Livvi tried to frown, but couldn’t do it. “I think maybe I like it too. Maybe.”
Troy leant down and kissed her. It was warm and soft, and as his tongue grazed over hers a little sigh rumbled in her chest. The curling warmth spread through her abdomen, and she smiled around his lips.
“What are you smiling at,” he said, pulling back a little.
“Nothing. Should we go?”
He stepped back. “Your chariot awaits,” he said, with a flourish towards his bike.
“You were serious?”
“You’ve never dinkied before?”
“What?”
“Dinkied. You know, I ride, you sit on the handle bars.”
“Like kids?”
“Like kids.” Troy was grinning at her. “Don’t worry, I told you I was good at balancing.”
“I’m not a couple of cups of coffee,” she said. She sighed. “Okay, show me how to do this, then.” She stepped towards the bike, but Troy caught her in a kiss again.
And then he helped her on to the bike where she balanced precariously on the handle bars while he straddled the bike behind her holding it steady. “Ready?”
“No!”
“We aren’t going far.”
“Isn’t this totally illegal?”
“That’s the best part,” he said, pushing off, and Livvi squealed.
“Wait, wait! I don’t know if I can do this.” The ground seemed to be whipping past them far too rapidly. She felt one of Troy’s hands grip her hip firmly and he squeezed.
“Trust me?”
Livvi swallowed and glanced over her shoulde
r at his grinning face behind her. His green eyes were lit up. She found herself grinning back at him.
She wanted to stop the bike and kiss his beautiful mouth right there. “Yeah,” she said. And laughed. “Let’s go.”
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Xx
Jenna