“Are you in love with Molly?”
The surprise on his face is genuine. “What? No. Why would you ask that?”
I look down and answer quietly, “I saw you kissing her. That’s why I left the dance.”
He gently places his finger under my chin to tilt my head up. “I want to make sure you see my eyes when I tell you I was not kissing her,” he says sincerely. “I agreed to dance with her to be nice and before I knew what was happening she leaned in and kissed me. I stopped it immediately. If you had stayed you would have seen that part.”
I search his eyes and can see he’s telling the truth. “She’s so beautiful, though.”
“Maybe, but her aura reveals her true self. You must feel that when she’s around.”
“I thought it was just me. She hates me for some reason.”
“I’ve been trying to help her.”
“Help her how?”
“Change her heart. See what’s really important. Sometimes people get caught up in themselves and they’re hurting and they end up being destructive. To themselves and others. But everyone has the potential to change … and learn. When you’re around her, you feel her aura rather than seeing it. Next time we’re out you can practice guessing auras. I think you’ll be surprised by how much you pick up.”
I smile at his words. Not only did he confirm he doesn’t love Molly, but he also said “next time we’re out,” which implies he won’t be avoiding me any longer. Before I can stop myself, another question spills out.
“How come you haven’t kissed me?” Oh God, did I really just say that out loud?
A surprised expression plays over his face and I immediately flush scarlet. He smiles and tilts his head to the side before answering. “It isn’t because I haven’t wanted to, if that’s what you’re thinking.” His voice is low and the look in his eyes is very convincing. “It’s because I can’t. We can’t. Relationships between guardians and mortals are strictly forbidden.”
“But you kissed Molly.”
“She kissed me. But either way it doesn’t matter because it didn’t mean anything. I don’t care for her. But with you, it would mean something.” He pauses before continuing as if he’s not sure how much he wants to reveal. Finally, he repositions his hold on my hands and looks into my eyes. “I can’t kiss you, Declan … because I think I’m falling in love with you.”
I stop breathing. This can’t be real.
“You … love … me?” My voice croaks and disappears into a whisper as I try to form the words.
“Declan, what I feel for you is more powerful than anything I’ve felt over all my lifetimes,” he says with simple, heartfelt sincerity. “Your soul speaks to mine.”
As I gaze into his eyes it’s as if a small string of light flows from his heart to my own. I realize in this moment that it’s been there all along and I don’t think I could bear it if the connection was ever severed. “I don’t understand … then why have you been avoiding me?”
“When I first saw your aura that day, I told Edwin. He could tell by the way I spoke of you, and continued to speak of you, that something was different and I was in danger of getting involved. He assigned someone else to protect you but I insisted I could do it. I know best how to protect against Avestan. Edwin relented as long as I promised to stay detached. I agreed, but it was more difficult than expected. I was drawn to you—I am drawn to you. After our night at the restaurant I resolved to stay away completely but I couldn’t help myself at the fundraiser … or keep from dancing with you tonight.”
I’m floored by his admission. He’s an angel? And he’s been avoiding me because he’s falling in love with me? I feel as though I’m Alice, down the rabbit hole, and down is up and up as I knew it no longer exists. As he searches my eyes for a response, I stand up, overwhelmed, and pace to the other side of the room. When I turn around, my back to the wall, Alexander walks over and gently takes my hands in his.
“What would happen if we kiss?” I ask, looking up into his eyes.
“If a guardian and a mortal fall in love and act on it, the guardian loses immortality and becomes a fallen angel.” He pauses before continuing. “And the mortal loses their life.”
“All because of a kiss?”
“It’s not the kiss, it’s what it represents.”
“What does it represent?”
“A return to earthly desires and connections, a mixture of energy states …”
“How often does it happen?”
“It doesn’t. No guardian has fallen for a mortal before.”
I gaze into his eyes, disbelieving.
“Even if it wasn’t forbidden, it would be dangerous. Guardians are far stronger than mortals. If I ever … if we ever …” His voice trails off and I feel that familiar charge forming in the air around us. All I can think about is doing the one thing he just told me we must not do.
“We can never kiss?” I ask, my voice almost a whisper.
He shakes his head slowly, his mouth silently forming the word, “no.”
As I lose myself in his gaze, the electricity between us builds, tangible. After a long beat, he tilts his head to the side and a sly glint forms in his eyes. “But if we could kiss, this is what I would do.”
His voice is low as he starts off slowly. “I’m holding your face in my hands as I gently kiss your forehead.”
I smile, besotted, and he continues.
“I trail light kisses down the side of your face to your cheek. I keep moving down, slowly, but I avoid your mouth—I’m coming back to that later—and I kiss your neck and gradually move over to your ear, tugging softly. You feel the heat of my breath on your skin and your lips part—just like they are now—as you let out a soft sigh. I like that, and I desperately want to kiss your lips, but I wait.”
I swallow nervously and return his heated gaze as he continues.
“I lift you up against the wall and lean in as you wrap your legs around me. I kiss your mouth, hungrily, and you hold me to you, your fingers entwined in my hair. I feel your tongue, exploring, and you taste even better than I imagined.”
Oh my God. I lean against the wall to stay standing because the bones in my legs have melted away. His lips are so close we’re almost touching and the electricity between us is indescribable. Forget the consequences—I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone so desperately in my life. I don’t think I can take much more but I don’t want him to stop.
“Alexander?” A loud knock at the door brings us back to reality.
Alexander releases a deep breath and reluctantly drops my hands. He walks over to his bedroom door, opens it a crack and says, “Yes?”
I blow out a jagged breath of my own, still recovering. My God, if he can do that without even touching me then maybe he’s right—we shouldn’t ever kiss.
Edwin ignores Alexander’s tone and gently pushes the door open. “It’s getting late and you and I still need to talk some more. You should walk Declan home soon.”
I look at my phone and see that it’s after midnight. I realize how utterly exhausted I am. My mom expected me to stay late at the dance but I check my messages to make sure she isn’t worried. Good—she hasn’t called. Alexander starts to protest to Edwin but I walk over and gently put my hand on his arm to stop him. “It’s okay,” I say. “It’s later than I realized and I should get home before my mom worries.” I look up at Edwin. I’m so tired I don’t even bother to study him with fresh eyes now that I know he’s an angel. “Thank you for having me over, Edwin. It was very nice meeting you and I hope to see you again.”
Alexander walks me to the door. He grabs one of his jackets on the way out and wraps it around my shoulders. With his arm around me, he holds me close as we walk down the street to my house. When we get to my door, we stand and face one another. My head is still reeling from everything he told me and I don’t know what to say, so I go with what’s in my heart.
“Your soul speaks to mine, too,” I say softly, my voice cracking a little.
He hugs me close, resting his chin on the top of my head. After a while he bends down and I feel the heat of his breath in my ear as he whispers, “To be continued.”
Chapter Nine
A light is on in my mom’s room and I know she’s probably waiting up for me so I knock softly on her door.
“Mom?” I peek in.
She has a book on her chest, but her eyes are closed and she’s breathing softly and evenly. I walked over and gently pull the book from under her hands and place it on the nightstand with a bookmark to hold her place. She stirs and asks sleepily, “Did you have a good time at the dance, hon?”
“Yes, mom,” I say as I lean down to kiss her on the cheek. She smiles and mumbles, “That’s good, ’night sweetie.” I turn off the light on her nightstand and tiptoe out of the room.
I brush my teeth and get undressed. I’m overwhelmed. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep with all the thoughts swirling in my brain but I must be out when I hit the pillow because the next thing I know sunlight is peering through the cracks in my blinds and my alarm clock shows 9:17 a.m. I haven’t slept this late in years. As I wrestle with what day it is and what time I have to be at work, I wonder if last night was all a dream. Guardians, dark angels, Alexander in love with me … it all seems perfectly ridiculous in the light of day. But I saw those flashes of light when Avestan and Alexander were fighting. And they both healed within seconds. I forgot to ask Alexander about that. I have so many questions and his answers last night just created more.
I’m an empath. That memory makes me smile. If it’s true, I finally have an explanation for the anxiety that has plagued me my whole life. The relief I feel is a revelation. My thoughts hop and skip from one recollection to the next and I’m overwhelmed as I try to take it all in and reconcile it with the world I assumed I knew. I look at the clock again. I have to be to work at eleven but I want to go for a run to clear my head. If I leave quickly I can run for at least an hour, take a fast shower, and still get to work on time.
I hop out of bed, brush my teeth, and throw on my running clothes. It feels good to have a plan.
My mom has already left for work. There’s a note on the kitchen counter with a big smiley face and a bunch of question marks that says “Can’t wait to talk!” Hmmm. I’m out the door and take my usual route—a loop through the neighborhood and to the cliffs along the water. Focusing on my pace and being in the outside air is already helping to clear my head. When I get to the ocean I decide to take my shoes and socks off and get my feet wet. I love running barefoot on the sand. As I make my way along the water’s edge I revel in the uneven roughness and the way the water squeezes out in circles as the sand yields to my footfalls. After a while I stop to face the water and let the frothy cold lap up and bite my toes. That’s one thing about San Mar—the water isn’t very warm, even in the summertime. When it’s really hot out, escaping into the icy surf is bearable, even refreshing. But I can never stay in for too long. Kids don’t care, of course. Whether it’s 90 degrees in the shade or a cool day, they hurtle in without a thought, their skin bright red from the cold as they bounce up and down in the waves. Brave (or maybe crazy) adults do also, but the serious surfers always wear wetsuits. Finn and Liz swear by just going for it and diving into a wave, but I subscribe to the belief that the key is to go in gradually, getting each body part accustomed to the cold before you dip in another. My feet are almost numb and I move forward a little more to let the water lap up higher around my ankles. It feels good and I close my eyes and turn to face the sun peeking through the clouds.
A few minutes into my silent meditation I hear the unmistakable sound of feet pounding on wet sand and I look up to see a figure running toward me at an incredible pace in the distance. To my surprise, the blur becomes Alexander and he’s at my side faster than seems possible.
“What are you doing here?” he asks accusingly.
Part of me wants to tell him it’s none of his business because of the way he’s asking, but the other part of me is so distracted by his appearance, I’m not sure if I can form words. He’s wearing a pair of board shorts and nothing else. His sculpted shoulders and muscular arms and chest are tan and smooth and his swim trunks hang low on his hips, revealing the toned “v” beneath his abs. His dark hair is tousled and wet, and his skin is glistening as if he’s been for a swim. He’s staring at me with those deep green eyes of his waiting for an answer.
“I’m just going for a run,” I manage to squeak out.
“Don’t you remember what we talked about last night? Avestan is dangerous, Declan, and you’re his target.”
“You said I had to go with him willingly and I would never do that now.”
“It’s not that simple. He has ways to get around your defenses that mortals find hard to resist.”
“I think I could resist,” I say dryly.
Alexander stares, unamused. “This isn’t a joke, Declan.”
“What am I supposed to do then? Never leave the house because a dark angel is after me? I have to go to school and work, and I like to run by the ocean, and do a million other things that are part of living my life.”
“I’m not saying you can’t live your life,” he says, softening, “but you need to be more cautious and let me protect you for a while—especially now that we’re going to be spending so much time together.”
“Protect me how? Wait … what? We are?”
“Yes,” he says with a smile, “if you want to … but being with me only makes you more of a target for Avestan so we have to come up with a plan and some ground rules.”
“I do want to, but I’m not sure I understand. I thought we couldn’t?”
“The thing is, I’ve tried staying away from you and it doesn’t work. So I want to try something new … if you want to. We can’t kiss—that won’t change—but I’d like to stop all this agony of trying to avoid you.” He lets out a sigh of surrender and continues, “I just want to be with you, Declan. Always. I know it’s not perfect, but it’s the best I can offer.”
“Are you saying you want me to be your girlfriend?” I say the words mostly just to hear them aloud.
“More than you can imagine.”
I smile so wide my cheeks are in danger of splitting.
“Is that a yes?”
I nod, still smiling. Can this be real? So much has happened in the last 24 hours it’s hard to take it all in. Alexander grins back, his green eyes crinkling in that irresistible way, and as my mind starts to drift dreamily, thoughts of work somehow break through the haze. “Oh! Shoot,” I say with alarm as I check my watch, “I need to be to Jack’s at eleven.”
“My car is here. We’ll have heaps of time if I drive you home. I can drive you to work, too, if you want. We can talk about ground rules in the car.”
As we start walking along the shore, a thought occurs to me. “If you’re so worried about protecting me, what are you doing down here at the beach?”
“I went by your house this morning and your mum said you were still sleeping so I thought I’d get a swim in.”
I stop in my tracks. “You went by my house and talked to my mom?” That explains the note on the counter with the giant smiley face and question marks.
He nods. “She was very nice.”
“What did you tell her?” I need to know what I’m in for when she asks me later about the Aussie god who came by looking for me.
“I introduced myself and told her I was at the dance with you last night and I was wondering if you were available for breakfast.”
Oh my God. She’s going to be peppering me with questions for hours. “Did you go looking like you do now?”
He looks down at himself. “I had my boardies on, if that’s what you mean. But I had a t-shirt and thongs on, too—I’m not a barbarian.”
“Thongs?”
“I think you call them flip flops,” he answers with a grin.
I give up. I’ll have to contend with my mom later. I notice he’s still
dripping wet. “Aren’t you cold? The water’s freezing.”
“Aye, but it feels good. Reminds me what it means to be mortal.”
I wrap my arms around myself and shiver. “Too cold for this mortal,” I say and immediately regret it.
With a gleam in his eye he reaches down and scoops me up. “You sure about that?”
He runs into the ocean with me in his arms, splashing in up to his waist. I scream and protest as he pretends to hurl me in. My arms are around his neck and I nuzzle my face into his chest as he kicks up water to splash me. My lips graze against him and I taste the salt on his skin. Finally he relents, carrying me to shore and setting me down. I grab my shoes and socks that I left behind and balance on one foot, trying to brush off the sand caked on my feet.
“No time for that,” he says, and he bends down to scoop me up again, this time over his shoulder. He runs across the beach as I hold on, bouncing against his wet back, laughing. When we make it to his car, he slowly slides me down the front of him until my feet touch the ground. His body is warm with his arms around me and as our laughter drifts off we stand silent for a moment.
“You can’t keep doing this to me,” I say softly.
“What?”
“You know what. I’m going to forget, or lose myself in your eyes, or just give in and kiss you one of these days if you keep it up.”
He smiles. “Lose yourself in my eyes?”
I grin and slap his arm. “Seriously, I think you have more self-control than I do.”
He shakes his head and his tone turns serious. “It’s only that I would do anything to protect you.” He searches my eyes for a long moment as if he’s seeking an answer I can’t provide. Then he quietly turns and opens the passenger door for me to get in. “We’d better go.”
As I wait for him to walk to the driver’s side, I feel a dark cold wash over me. I look out the passenger window and in the far distance I see Avestan standing with a group of men, staring in my direction. Are they all dark angels? Or just mortals he’s grooming to follow in his path? I shiver with an awful sense of dread.
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