She nodded, the movement little more than a downward jerk of her head. She wouldn’t look at him, but she felt his eyes studying her.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded again, this time a little more convincingly. “Yeah. I was just surprised.” Though she didn’t know why. She’d expected him to be here. But she’d scanned the room after she’d said hi to Megan and Chris and hadn’t seen him. So to make eye contact with him so suddenly had shaken her up. Had he gotten there while she wasn’t paying attention? Or had he been hiding somewhere? Was he as affected by seeing her as she was from seeing him?
She gave herself a mental shake. What did it matter? They weren’t together. They couldn’t be together. They’d both chosen their careers over their relationship, and that was the the way it was. Nothing else could be done.
But if she still had this kind of reaction to him, how was she going to survive a whole summer with him as one of her managers? She wouldn’t be able to completely avoid him then like she could now. Ignoring him could be considered insubordination. She let out an involuntary groan at the thought.
Daniel glanced down at her, looking over his shoulder to locate Matt, and then wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close in a gesture of undeniable possessiveness. She let him this time, because part of the point of coming with him was to use him to keep Matt away. If she was constantly stepping out of his hold or shrugging him off, Matt might realize it was just for show and come talk to her anyway. Plus, Daniel was a nice guy. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings or discourage him too much. She enjoyed spending time with him, and she normally like his touch even if she didn’t crave it like she did Matt’s. If she acted like she couldn’t stand him tonight, he might take it as a wholesale rejection, and she didn’t want that.
She spent the next hour or so trying to distract herself with conversation with Daniel and people he knew at the party, mingling and meeting new people. But every few minutes she couldn’t help scanning the room for Matt. Each time she found him, he was either watching her already, or turned and looked at her just as she found him, like he could tell she was looking for him. Or he was looking for her just as often.
After Megan’s speech thanking everyone for coming, the models for their assistance, the gallery owner for hosting the show, and her professor for setting it up for her, Hannah needed to escape. She excused herself to Daniel, tossed her empty cup in the trash, and headed for the ladies’ room. She washed her hands, running cool water over her wrists, taking deep breaths, trying everything she could to keep herself together. She might have to bail soon, and Daniel seemed like he was having a good time, so she hated to cut his night short. If she got desperate, maybe Elena could come get her. She knew coming tonight was a bad idea. Why had she let Megan talk her into it? And what was Megan thinking? Did she want to torture her? And what about Matt? Weren’t they friends? Why would she do that to him?
Deciding that she couldn’t spend any more time in the restroom without people wondering if she’d snuck out the window, she pushed those thoughts aside and opened the door.
Matt stood on the other side, leaning against the wall. He raised his head as she stepped out of the restroom, his mouth a firm line, a muscle in his jaw ticking, but his blue eyes full of pain.
She froze, having barely stepped through the door. When it swung closed, it smacked into her, pushing her forward, her breath coming out in an undignified oof.
Matt stepped forward and caught her by the arm as she took a stumbling step. The feeling of his hand wrapped around her arm made her gasp as heat raced through her body. Dammit, how was she supposed to get over him when the most innocent contact had her reacting like this?
“Hannah?”
She looked up into his expectant face, realizing that he must’ve asked her something. She shook her head. “I’m sorry, what?”
He let out a loud exhale, almost a sigh. “Can we talk? Please?”
After a moment, she nodded. Maybe if she talked to him, they could figure out a way to coexist without bad feelings since their paths would inevitably start crossing more in about a month and a half.
His hand still on her arm, he led her to the end of the little hallway where the restrooms were. Once there he let go of her and ran his hands through his hair, pacing back and forth a few steps up the hall and back to where she waited. He looked agitated, and she waited for him to talk.
After waiting a few minutes, he still hadn’t said anything. She raised an eyebrow. “Matt? Did you want to talk to me about something?”
He looked at her, then at the ceiling, his hands clenched in his hair, a groan escaping from him. Dropping his hands, he speared her with his ice-blue gaze. “Are you dating Carter?”
“That’s why you dragged me back here? To ask if I’m dating someone else?”
He shook his head, and growled low in his throat. She remembered what it felt like as that growl rumbled in his chest. “Just answer the question, Hannah.”
She sighed and crossed her arms. “Not that it’s any of your business, but we’ve gone out a couple times. He’s my date for tonight.”
He growled again. “Is it serious?”
Another frustrated sigh came out of her. “Look, Matt. If this is the only thing you wanted to talk about, I’m leaving. Daniel’s waiting for me. And I don’t need to justify my dating life to you. You already made your choice.” She took a step to maneuver around him, but he moved in front of her, blocking her way out of the hall. “Let me go, Matt.” She kept her voice even, but kept her gaze trained on his chest. “Please move out of the way.”
He sighed, his chest deflating, and she did look at his face then. He looked defeated. “I’m sorry, Hannah. No, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. It’s just— I can’t—“ He shook his head and blew out a breath, looking over her head, trying to gather himself. “Give me a few minutes? Please?”
She crossed her arms again. “Fine. But please just say what you have to say and get it over with.”
He nodded. “I—I wanted to apologize to you and to thank you.”
That caught her attention. “To thank me? For what?”
A ghost of a smile crossed his face. “You aren’t interested in the apology?”
She grunted. “Sure. But I can imagine what you want to apologize for. The thanks is the unexpected part.”
“Let me get the apology out first.” He reached for her hands, and she let him take them in both of his, his blue eyes imploring. “I’m so sorry for the way I acted. For expecting you to give up on something that you wanted, that you’ve worked hard for, so I didn’t have to break out of my comfort zone. I’m sorry for being a complete jackass and fucking everything up. And I want to thank you for making me see how scared I was of actually trying to do something I care about. For making me see how much I was settling already.”
He looked away for a minute, licking his lips, gathering himself for the next part. “I’ve dreamed of being my own boss since I was a teenager, but I’ve always been told that that’s for people with money, rich people, not people like my family who scrape to get by, living paycheck to paycheck. We had enough, but just enough, nothing extra. I was supposed to go to college so I could get a good job so I didn’t have to worry so much about money. So I could afford to take vacations and do fun things. My parents’ dream for me was that I could get a good job with a great benefits package and start saving for retirement right out of college. They were so proud of me for getting a job offer before I even graduated. And the fact that I got a scholarship to cover most of my tuition means that I don’t even have tons of student loan debt. Not like some of my friends.
“Anyway, that’s not the point. You made me see that I was being too chicken-shit to actually go after what I want. I have a business and marketing degree. I have ideas. Well, you’re the one who gave me the best idea, so I have to thank you for that, too. I’m starting my own surf travel company. I’m starting with beginner packages for people who want
to learn to surf. I handle all the arrangements. All they do is pay for it and show up. I’m taking my first group in June. That, plus my savings, and a couple friends who’ve promised to invest as well as be some of my first customers, means I’m quitting Eco Utilities at the end of May. Don’t tell anyone there, though. I haven’t let them know yet.”
She stood there stunned, not expecting any of this. He was quitting his job? Starting his own company? Because of her? He looked into her eyes, his mouth open like he wanted to say more, but he closed it and swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.
“Why—why are you telling me this?”
His eyebrows went up. “Well, like I said, I wanted to thank you. If you hadn’t said something about taking people on surfing vacations before you broke up with me, I wouldn’t have ever come up with that on my own. Or had the guts to go after it. You make me braver, stronger. And—“ He cut his eyes to the side, then looked her in the eye again, his hands tightening around hers. “Well, I’d hoped maybe you would be willing to try again. If I’m not working at Eco Utilities there’s no conflict. But if you’re with someone else, then, I guess that’s off the table.” His grip on her hands loosened. “I still wanted you to know, though, regardless.”
His fingers let go of hers, and her hands dropped to hang limply at her sides. She stood there staring at Matt, her eyes roaming over his face, unsure what to say or how to respond.
“Hannah?” Daniel’s voice cut through her daze. “Are you back here?”
Matt flinched, turning at the sound of her name. “Hey, Carter. Sorry to interrupt your date. I just needed to talk to Hannah for a minute.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, and Hannah watched as his expression shut down, his face going to that neutral mask that she had seen him hide behind before, but rarely with her.
Annoyance at Daniel flashed through her. And then annoyance with herself. What was she doing? She was here on a date with Daniel. She was supposed to be getting over Matt, not standing with him in dark hallways, memorizing his face and wishing she could press her body against his once more.
She closed her eyes, facing the fact that she still wasn’t over Matt, despite her best efforts. Would she ever be able to get over him? Did she need to? He was quitting Eco Utilites. There was no more conflict. He’d said so. But did that mean he cared about her as much as she cared about him? Or was he quitting just because he was already tired of working in a job he didn’t care about?
Opening her eyes, she drew in a breath to ask Matt what exactly he meant by telling her this. By saying he wanted to try again. But before she could get the words out Matt had taken a step backward, then another, and he turned and went back to the party. She stared after him, her mouth hanging open, all her words clogging her throat.
She dragged in a breath, and it came out on a sob, tears running freely down her cheeks. Maybe that’s what was really clogging her throat.
Daniel wrapped an arm around her, pulling her into his chest, rubbing her back. “Hey, babe. It’s alright. He’s gone. I won’t let him bother you any more tonight.”
She shook her head, wanting to protest that that’s not how it was, that he had it all wrong, that she wasn’t crying because Matt had said something mean to her, but that she was completely heartbroken and nothing Daniel could do would make it better. That she’d finally realized that she’d given Matt her heart during that summer along with her virginity, and she could never recover it. Even if she wanted to. Which she had.
And now Matt had turned away from her. He was quitting his job. Would he be moving away too? And she’d let him believe that things with Daniel were more serious than they were. He’d hoped for a second chance. Would he quit sooner now that he thought that wasn’t an option? Move away sooner? Oh, God. What had she done?
Daniel kept whispering reassurances to her, and she felt horrible, because here he was being a great guy, and all she could think about was Matt. She needed to talk to him more, to figure things out. She couldn’t let him leave like this. But first she needed to deal with Daniel. She’d never had to break up with someone before. God, this was going to be awful.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Matt pushed his way back through the crowd, leaving Hannah in the hallway with her date. The thought made him want to simultaneously hurl and punch something. Or someone. Preferably Daniel Carter. But it wasn’t Carter’s fault. He was the one who’d fucked everything up. Carter was a good guy. At least she wasn’t with some douchebag.
He’d thought his heart had already shattered when Hannah broke up with him weeks ago, but the faint hope that she’d give him another chance had done some damage control. Now he had to fight the urge to rub at his chest to see if the hole he felt there was real. Not only was his heart broken, but seeing Hannah with anyone else had ripped it out and stomped on the shards.
A hand grabbing his forearm stopped his blind progress toward the exit. His eyes followed the delicate fingers wrapped just above his wrist to their owner. Megan’s concerned brown eyes met his. He looked over her head to see Chris standing there, looking just as worried as Megan. He saw Megan’s mouth moving, but couldn’t make out what she was saying over the buzz in his ears that made all the sounds around him fade away into an indistinguishable drone.
He shook his head, deciding not to worry about whatever Megan was saying. He freed his arm, leaned in, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Great show, Megan. You should be proud of all of this. It’s great. But I’ve got to go. I can’t stay anymore tonight. I’ll see you guys at home.” He gave Chris a nod and left before either of them could say anything else. Hell, maybe they did say something, but his hearing still wasn’t right.
Once outside, he stopped and gasped for air, one hand on the brick wall of the gallery while he bent over. His stomach still churned and acid burned the back of his throat. He swallowed it back, determined not to puke on the sidewalk like a drunk. He hadn’t even had any alcohol tonight. Just the punch the gallery had as an alternative to the beer and wine available.
After a few minutes the urge to vomit receded enough that he felt like he could walk to his car. The pain in his chest had faded from its initial stabbing to a throbbing ache that he figured would probably stay with him forever. He’d been so sure that Hannah would give him another chance. She was it for him. He didn’t want anyone else. But apparently she didn’t feel the same.
The image of Carter wrapping her in his arms rose unbidden. He’d caught a glimpse of them like that when he glanced back over his shoulder, and the sight had seared itself into his brain. That was going to haunt him forever. He knew it.
Unlocking his truck with the remote, he climbed in and sat staring out the windshield, not registering anything, reliving the best times and the worst times with Hannah. He was going to allow himself this one night to wallow, and then he’d throw himself into putting together his fledgling business. Maybe it was better this way. No girlfriend to distract him, to miss when he was out of town, to worry about how to support someday. Just him, all alone.
Yeah, right. He couldn’t even convince himself of that load of bullshit.
He drove home on autopilot, climbing the three steps to the front door with leaden feet, kicking the door closed behind him, and starting to strip out of his clothes on his way to his room, not even bothering to turn on the lights. He got his button-down shirt and undershirt off, balling them up and tossing them at his hamper. They missed, but he couldn’t manage to give a shit. Tossing his keys on his dresser, he flopped onto his bed face down, still in his jeans and shoes. Fuck. He couldn’t even manage the energy to take his shoes off. Maybe he’d just lie here and sleep with his feet hanging off the edge of the bed.
He had the vague desire to get plastered, but he’d have to get back up and go to a liquor store. He’d polished off the vodka and tequila they had in the house on his bender over spring break, and he knew there was only one bottle of beer left in the fridge. Megan had refused to buy more than a six pack of beer
at a time after they got back and found him unshaven and reeking of alcohol when they got home that Thursday night. That’s probably why they were so worried when he left tonight. They had to have seen him go after Hannah. And they saw him leave abruptly without her. It didn’t take a genius to put together that he was well and truly fucked where Hannah was concerned. And not in a good way.
Pounding on the front door stopped his self-berating for a moment. He lifted his head off the pillow and turned it toward the door. Who the hell was here now? Megan’s party would go on for a few more hours probably, so it couldn’t be her or Chris. Plus, they had keys, and it wasn’t like he’d locked the door anyway. Lance and Abby had been at the party, too. Maybe it was them come to check up on him? Make sure he didn’t drink himself to death this time? They really didn’t need to worry about that. After the pounding he’d given his liver over spring break, he hadn’t had more than a few beers in the intervening weeks.
The pounding sounded again, and then he heard the doorknob jiggling. With a groan he forced himself off the bed. He really wanted to be left alone. He’d go reassure Lance and Abby that he was fine, or at least that he wasn’t going to give himself alcohol poisoning in a bid to forget this shitty night and all the shitty nights leading up to it, and send them on their way.
He’d only gotten to the couch when the door flew open, and the sight that greeted him took his breath away and froze him in his steps. Hannah stood there silhouetted against a car’s headlights in the unlit living room, her hair wild and messy, her dress hugging her curves. Curves that he wanted to run his hands over again and again. Curves that he’d memorized a long fucking time ago, and that he was pretty sure he’d never be able to touch again.
But what the hell was she doing here?
Before he could ask that, she stepped inside and slammed the door behind her, anger projecting through every movement and line of her body. She stalked across the room and stopped in front of him. He could just make out her nostrils flaring in the glare of the street lamps shining through the parted curtains. She crossed her arms and stared at him for a minute, and he was so stunned that she was there in his house that he still couldn’t manage to say anything, just marveling at her closeness, at the smell of vanilla and citrus that wafted to him with her movements. He wanted to close his eyes and breathe her in, bury his nose in her hair, nuzzle his way down her neck, kissing and licking and biting to get her to make that sexy sound that always made his cock throb. Like it was doing now as he imagined all the things he’d done to her, all the things he wanted to do to her again.
Managed Hearts (Players of Marycliff University, #3) Page 21