by Silly Willy
Q: Why is tennis such a loud game?
A: Because each player raises a racquet!
Q: What two things can you not have for breakfast?
A: Lunch and dinner!
Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A: It held up a pair of pants!
Q: What did the light bulb say to its mother?
A: I wuv you watts and watts!
Q: How can you tell that a train just went by?
A: It left its tracks!
Q: Why is it not safe to sleep on trains?
A: Because they run over sleepers!
Q: Why was the mushroom invited to lots of parties?
A: Because he was a fungi to be with!
Q: What’s the tallest building in the world?
A: The library, because it has the most stories!
Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A: I better not tell you, it might spread!
Q: Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?
A: At the forks in the road!
Q: Why was the calendar worried?
A: Its days were numbered!
Q: What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?
A: Parachute school!
Q: What kind of phones do people in jail use?
A: Cell phones!
Q: What kind of driver has no arms or legs?
A: A screwdriver!
Q: Which runs faster, hot or cold water?
A: Hot, because you can catch cold!
Q: How does the ocean say hello?
A: It waves!
Q: Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
A: Because if it lifted up both legs it would fall over!
Q: What kind of underwear do reporters wear?
A: News briefs.
Q: What did one wall say to the other?
A: I’ll meet you at the corner!
Q: Why didn’t the girl take the bus home?
A: Because her parents would make her take it back!
Q: What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?
A: One minds the train, one trains the mind!
Q: Why did the thief take a shower?
A: He wanted to make a clean getaway!
Q: What does one bucket say to the other?
A: I am feeling pale today!
Q: Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was the biggest?
A: The son, because he was a little Bigger!
Q: What is worse than having one baby screaming?
A: Two babies screaming!
Q: Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?
A: To see how long he slept!
Q: Why did the melon jump into the lake?
A: It wanted to be a watermelon!
Q: Why was the boy sitting on his watch?
A: Because he wanted to be on time!
Q: Why can’t a bicycle stand up?
A: Because it’s two tired!
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: The dentist is taking me out tonight!
Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife?
A: Meet Patty!
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue!
Q: What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?
A: No thank you, I’m stuffed!
Q: What did the calculator say to the math student?
A: You can count on me!
Q: Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?
A: She was caught taking a brake!
Q: Why are kindergarten teachers so good?
A: They make the little things count!
Q: What letter can you drink?
A: T!
Q: What happened when the monster ate the electric company?
A: It was in shock for a week!
Q: When is a car not a car?
A: When it turns into a garage!
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: It needed a root canal!
Q: What is always hot in the refrigerator?
A: Chilli!
Q: What did one flower say to the other flower?
A: Hey, bud!
Q: Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?
A: He had no patients!
Q: How do you cut a wave in half?
A: Use a sea saw!
Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet!
Q: What kind of dress can’t be worn?
A: Address!
Q: What has legs but doesn’t walk?
A: A bed!
Q: What kinds of balls do dragons play soccer with?
A: Fireballs!
Q: Where do all the letters sleep?
A: In the alpha-bed!
Q: What has a bed that you can’t sleep in?
A: A river!
Q: What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?
A: A scale!
Q: Where do computers go to dance?
A: The disk-o!
Q: When is a door not a door?
A: When it’s a-jar!
Q: Where do soldiers keep their armies?
A: In their sleeves!
Q: Why don’t honest people need beds?
A: They don’t lie!
Q: Why did the drum take a nap?
A: It was beat!
Q: What kind of band can’t play music?
A: A rubber band!
Q: What room can you not go into?
A: A mushroom!
Q: What did the candle say to the other candle?
A: I’m going out tonight!
Q: How are doughnuts and golf alike?
A: They both have a hole in one!
Q: Why did a boy throw a clock out the window?
A: To see time fly!
Q: Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?
A: She wanted to see a butterfly!
Q: What has four legs but never stands?
A: A Chair!
Q: What did the clock do after it ate?
A: It went back four seconds!
Q: What goes up and down but never moves?
A: Stairs!
Q: Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?
A: Because there are too many ears!
Q: What goes on and on and has an ‘i’ in the middle?
A: An onion!
Q: Where does a boat go when it is sick?
A: To the dock!
Q: Why is a horse like a wedding?
A: Because they both need a GROOM!!!
Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I think I need glasses.
Yes you do, Sir, this is a butchers!
Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?
Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a sheep.
That's baaaaaaaaaad!
Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a mosquito.
Go away, sucker!
Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee.
Have you tried taking the spoon out?
Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Have you got something for a bad headache?
Yes. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache.
Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!
Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, you have to help me out!
Certainly, which way did you come in?
Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m invisible.
Who said that?
Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I feel like an apple.
We must get to the core of this!
Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, I'm a burglar!
Have you taken anything for it?
Q: What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?
A: A dino-snores!
/>
Q: How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon?
A: Just one if it's long enough!
Q: What do elves do after school?
A: Gnomework!
Q: What is heavier, a full moon or a half moon?
A: The full moon because it's lighter!
Q: What is the best hand to write with?
A: Neither - it's best to write with a pen!
Q: Did you hear the joke about the pencil?
A: But it doesn't have any point!
Q: Why do nutters eat biscuits?
A: Because they're crackers!
Q: Who invented fire?
A: Some bright spark!
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk!
Q: What is "out of bounds"?
A: An exhausted kangaroo!
Q: Where does success come before work?
A: In the dictionary!
Q: What is the strongest bird?
A: A crane!
Q: Where do snowmen go to dance?
A: A snowball!
Q: What kind of fish can't swim?
A: Dead ones!
Q: How do you make milk shake?
A: Give it a good scare!
Q: Do you know the time?
A: No, we haven't met yet!
Q: What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A: A nervous wreck!
Q: What sort of animal is a slug?
A: A snail with a housing problem!
Q: What is a "Minimum" mean?
A: A very small mother!
Q: What does "Maximum" mean?
A: A very big mother!
Q: What holds the sun up in the sky?
A: Sunbeams!
Q: Why did cavemen draw pictures of hippopotamuses and rhinoceroses on their walls?
A: Because they couldn't spell their names!
Can I have a hair-cut please?
Certainly, which one!?
Q: What kind of bee drops things?
A: Fumble bee!
Q: What did the bee say to the flower?
A: Hello honey!
Q: What did the confused bee say?
A: To bee or not to bee!
Q: What are the cleverest bees?
A: Spelling bees!
The End