by L. P. Maxa
I followed Lexi’s gaze. I’d meant what I told Smith earlier—I worked nonstop. I couldn’t even remember the last time I went to a bar and got drunk. Senior year in college, maybe? What could it hurt? Lexi was okay with it. I wasn’t driving anywhere… “Okay. One drink.”
Chapter Five
Smith
My third beer tasted as good as my first. But, what I really wanted, what I really needed? Didn’t come in a can. I hated talking about my family, about how they hadn’t wanted me, hadn’t cared when I’d left home at seventeen. I hated talking about my dickhead of a cousin. Jared had almost killed Lexi and me over the summer. Angry at being kicked out of the band, he managed to sneak back to the tour bus and hold Lex and me at gunpoint. Of course he was high as fuck. Who knows what would have happened if Lex hadn’t let Dagger off his leash? That dog nearly ripped his throat out. As it was the gun still went off, hitting me in the shoulder but luckily missing Lexi. If I ever saw him again I’d put a bullet between his eyes. I was counting down the days to the music festival like some sort of horrific Advent calendar. The thought of running into my family, or old friends wasn’t helping my sobriety.
I could feel Dylan’s gaze on me. I knew I was acting like an addict. I knew my leg was bouncing and my muscles were twitching. I didn’t know if the rest of the band noticed, or if they just chalked it up to left over tells. Either way, I needed to get out of here. I needed to get my stash and take a little bump. Just to take the edge off. Just to get me ready to go on stage. “I’m going to go ahead and get dressed.” I stood and went to the dresser in the hall, grabbing my bathroom bag and my clothes, shutting the door behind me. I quickly got changed and did my hair. And by “did my hair” I just meant I put some product in it and made it looked like I hadn’t washed it in three days. I unzipped the little hidden pocket on the bottom of my bag. Jared had this bag made for me a few years ago. There was an extra pocket that could only be seen from the inside of the bag. And since all my stuff was always piled in there, no one ever noticed. Even when they went into my bag to borrow stuff. My cousin was good at being an addict. I took out the black leather pouch and the tiny spoon. I watched myself in the mirror, with disgust, as I took a hit.
***
An hour or so later and the band was backstage. We were all drinking and doing our little pregame rituals. For Jacks that meant sitting in the corner with a whiskey on the rocks playing his PS3. For such a sarcastic funny guy, Jacks needed his quiet time. Jacks was great at being “on”…as long as he had down time to be off. For Dash, Luke, and I that meant sitting at the bar and shooting the shit. I felt much calmer than I had on the bus. Like I said, I loved performing, and I always got such a rush in the minutes before we took the stage. Seemed on point, I was addicted to the rush, after all. All different kinds of “the rush.”
Luke sipped his scotch and water. “How is Lexi doing? Being back on tour?”
Dash shrugged. “She seems okay. Lexi is pretty damn tough for such a girly chick.”
Jacks snorted from the corner. “Girly chick? That girl’s love for violent movies is insane. There is nothing girly about her.”
Dash smiled. “She is excited to have Dylan here. Apparently she is tired of being around nothing but rock stars.”
I chuckled. “I’m excited to have Dylan here too.”
Luke shook his head. “You don’t stand a chance with that girl, man.”
I sat my drink down, crossing my arms over my chest. “And why not?”
Luke took another sip before answering me. “Because she is a nice girl. She is smart and successful and gorgeous. She is the kind of girl that marries a lawyer, not the kind of girl that bangs a rocker.”
I chuckled again, this time it was dripping with mock humor. “Oh how wrong you are, my friend. Girls like Dylan need guys like me. So that ten years from now when she’s banging her boring lawyer husband she can close her eyes real tight and remember what it felt like to be nailed by a rock god.”
Dash shook his head, laughing. “Did you really just call yourself a rock god?”
Jacks spoke up from the corner. “Don’t mind his delusions of grandeur, he’s high.”
Dash and Luke both looked to me. I rolled my eyes. “Says the guy that just slept like the dead for eight hours straight in the middle of the day.” I was going to have to have some words my bandmate. I didn’t know what the hell his problem was lately, but he needed to shut his damn mouth.
We all turned towards the door when we heard it open. The girls walked in laughing with Dagger between them. And they looked fucking phenomenal. I’d never seen Dylan in full hair and makeup before. But tonight her eyes were smoky and dark; her hair was full and messy. Those damn lips were glossed up to suckable perfection. I’m guessing the hair and makeup was Lexi’s doing. But the clothes? Those screamed Dylan. She had on worn faded blue jeans that hugged her ass and flared slightly at her red converse tennis shoes. Her soft gray t-shirt said Always with a picture of deer. Was she wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt? Was this chick for real? She was the most adorable version of sexy I’d ever seen. I wanted nothing more than to walk across the room, throw her over my shoulder and take her back to the bus and bury my dick inside her. Since she’d told me in no uncertain terms to back off this afternoon, I figured she wouldn’t like that very much.
When Lexi dropped his leash Dagger made a beeline for Jacks and lay down against his leg.
Lexi shrugged off the bulky sweater she was wearing and for the first time she had on some kind of bump-displaying shirt with her leather leggings. And I had no idea how she was walking in those heels.
Dash got up and went to Lexi, putting one hand behind her back and one hand on her tiny rounded belly. “How was the walk over, Kitten? Did Chase keep the crazies away?” He winked at her.
“He tried.” She kissed his neck before backing up and looking at him. “The paps are out in full force tonight, boys. And I think, despite the sweater, they noticed the bump.” She rubbed her hands over her stomach. “I think it’s time to confirm the rumors, babe.”
Jacks snickered. “I think its past time. You are getting rounder by the hour. You’re like that chick on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. What was her name?”
I let out a quiet laugh. “Violet.”
Lexi picked up a water bottle and raised her arm to throw it at Jacks. Dash grabbed the bottle, like a ninja, and pulled Lexi against his chest kissing her head and palming her ass. “Don’t listen to them, Kitten. You look fucking fantastic. And I love seeing my baby growing in here.” He moved his hand from her ass cheek to her stomach again. He couldn’t seem to keep his hands off his girl, or his baby lately. It was sickeningly sweet. I darted my eyes over to Luke beside me, wanting to see his reaction. His was looking down into his drink, chewing his bottom lip. Luke and Lexi had the same I-am-totally-unaffected-by-this tell. They both chewed the hell out of their lips when they were trying not to show a reaction.
My eyes shot to Dylan. She was watching Lexi and Dash with a small smile on her face. I climbed down off my barstool and grabbed a beer out of our mini fridge. “You ready for another, Cher?”
Dylan trained that little smile on me, and after a lengthy internal debate she said, “Why the hell not?” She reached her hand out and took the offering, tipping it back and taking several pulls.
Watching her mouth on the bottle, her throat work to swallow, was making my already tight pants almost unbearable. I cleared my throat. “So Dash, are we going to have to bear witness to an over the top display of love and affection for your little Kitten tonight?”
Dash sat down on a leather couch and pulled Lexi into his lap, making her stretch her legs out and relax. “I think you are. It’s the best and easiest way to get the truth out there. Releasing statements seems so impersonal. This stadium is packed to the brim with hardcore fans…might as well tell them before the media.” His hand absentmindedly rubbed her thigh.
All of a sudden I was jealous. I looked back at
Dylan; I longed to touch her like that. Casually and without question. Since when had I fucking longed for anything? “Seems like a good idea to me, man. But you need to make your little announcement and then the girls need to get back to the bus ASAP.”
Lexi cocked her head to the side. “Why can’t we stay?”
Luke finally spun around on his chair and made eye contact with her, for the first time that night. “You think the press was bad before the rumors were confirmed? Every asshole with a camera is going to be clamoring to get a picture of that bump.”
I took a step towards Dylan, half expecting her to take a step away from me. I slung my arm around her front and rested my chin on the top of her head. “Sorry Lex, but if it has to go to a vote, you know you’ll lose. Majority rules. And none of us want to see either of our girls caught in a storm of crazy people and flashing lights.”
The room was silent. All eyes were on me. I’d never had an opinion on anyone’s safety. And as much as I truly loved Lexi, I’d never called her my girl. What was happening to me? I wanted Dylan, no fucking doubt. But I didn’t want to claim her as my own. Jacks stood and polished off his drink. “All in favor of the girls staying until the end of the show, say aye.”
Lexi raised her hand. “Aye!” Then she looked at Dylan and nodded, motioning for her to raise her hand.
“Oh, uh, aye?” Dylan shrugged in my arms. I couldn’t believe she was letting me hold her like this. I couldn’t believe I was still fucking holding her. I didn’t hold. I didn’t cuddle. If the chick was lucky I fucked her lying down. Most of the time it was quick and hard in a hallway or elevator. I needed to pull myself together. I stepped away from Dylan and grabbed my drink.
Jacks leaned against the bar. “All in favor of the girls leaving as soon as Dash gets his sappy-ass speech out, say aye.”
Dash, Jacks, Luke, and I all said, “Aye!”
Jacks shrugged. “Sorry Lex, you know the rules.”
Dylan sat down in a chair, sipping her beer and crossing her legs. “Just so I’m clear, does everything get put to a vote?”
Dash wrapped his arms around Lexi, kissing her shoulder. “Nah. We only vote when Lexi wants to do something we don’t want her to do.”
Dylan shook her head, grinning. “You guys play dirty.”
Chapter Six
Dylan
Smith looked every bit the hot rock star he was. Up on that stage, his tight pants showing off an impressive bulge…I was pretty sure my mouth was watering. It had been so damn long since I’d been touched by a man. Getting over my ex’s sudden passing had left me shaken. Then there were the trust issues that came with it. Add all that to my workaholic ways? I didn’t go on many dates. When Smith had put his arm around me earlier back stage, my pulse sped up and my palms started to sweat. I meant to step away as soon as he did it; instead I leaned into him. Apparently my damn body had a mind of its own. Plus, stupid jerk had to act all sweet and protective. I could shoot down cocky rock star Smith all day. But sweet genuine Smith? Not so much. I smiled when I felt Lexi’s massive dog lean against my leg. I reached down and gave his head a pat. The skull and cross bone headphones he was wearing were hilarious.
“Are you having fun?” Lexi leaned towards me and asked in between songs.
“Yeah, I’ve never seen the Devil’s Share play live. They are really something.” I liked their music. I’d heard it plenty on the radio. But their energy out there was infectious. The crowd was going crazy and singing along to every word. The guys were laughing and playing around. They were in their element for sure. “Is it always like this?” I glanced behind me as another group of barely dressed women walked by throwing dirty looks our way.
Lexi nodded, lips pursed. “Told you so. The guys think it’s all in my head but the groupies are bad. They hate me and they would break up my relationship in a heartbeat. Not to mention turn on each other for a chance with one of the guys.” She shot another quick look over her shoulder. “Now, they’ll hate you too and I won’t be alone.”
“Well, great. Nothing better than sluts hating you for no damn reason. It’s just like high school.” I rolled my eyes and Lexi giggled. “Do, uh, do the guys, um like them? The groupies, I mean. Do they, bring them back to the bus and stuff?” The thought of hearing Smith having sex in the bunk right above mine made me want to vomit. I wasn’t going to sleep with him, but that didn’t mean I wanted to witness him with someone else. I realized then what was going on: I had a crush, a physical attraction-type of crush. The pheromones in my body were attracted to the ones in his, which was causing my dopamine, oxytocin, and cortisol levels to rise. Hormones and brain chemistry. Nothing more, nothing less. And crushes caused jealousy. So I wasn’t being unreasonable. Right?
Lexi shook her head, talking loudly over the music that had just started back up. “No they never bring girls back to the bus. None of them have since I joined the tour. Jacks and Smith keep them in a holding room and after the show they go plow through the ones they want real quick.”
I’m sure my eyes were huge. I was no prude, by any stretch of the imagination but that sounded gross and like something out of a porno. “Are you serious? They actually do that?”
Lexi shrugged. “I think so. I’ve seen Jacks and Smith go into a room full of girls and then come back to the bus an hour or so later looking like road kill. Unless they just let the girls beat the shit out of them, they’re fucking.”
I looked at Lexi, nose wrinkled in disgust. I was right in figuring Smith had an STD. Or twenty. How did one even go about having sex with that many people in a row?
“I’m sorry. I told you I’ve been around guys for too long.” Lexi rubbed her tummy and danced along to the fast-paced song. “That’s just how Smith and Jacks cope, you know? It’s their outlet.” She bumped her shoulder against mine. “Believe me, as far as outlets go? That’s not a bad one.”
“What about Luke?” Was he a giant whore like this bandmates?
“No, not my little Lukey.” Lexi looked out on stage and smiled when Dash winked in her direction. “Luke doesn’t do groupies. He doesn’t do easy. He does however have a penchant for banging all his ex-girlfriends.”
Banging, fucking…Lexi really had been surrounded by guys for too long. Maybe if I did ever decide to have a fling with a rock star Luke would be the safer choice. He was quiet and sweet, and he didn’t fuck entire rooms full of girls. I looked out over the stage watching Luke on his drums, blond hair swinging and powerful arms pounding away. He was gorgeous, no doubt about it. But…he was nothing compared to Smith. The way Smith’s fingers flew over his bass strings, the way his jaw clenched. He turned me on. Even though I didn’t want him to, he turned me on in a big, undeniable way.
All of sudden Dash’s whiskey smooth voice addressed the screaming crowd. “As you all know, I met a girl.” The crowd cheered and Dash stole a glance at Lexi. The smile on his face when he looked at her was heartwarming. “And I fell in love with her. Head over heels, insanely in love with her.” The crowd went crazy again and Dash laughed. “Tonight I am going to share a little secret with you.” Dash looked back over at Lexi and gave her another wink. “The rumors are true once again—we’re having a baby!” The crowd went wild and Dash’s smile was as big as Texas.
I spared a glance at Smith. He was chuckling and clapping along with the fans. He looked over at me and our eyes met. My heart stuttered, heat spreading from my stomach to all other areas of my body. Stupid hormone levels. His laughter faded and what remained was a sweet heartfelt smile. Nothing lewd or provoking. Just sweet. Aw, dammit. Smith being genuine and just happy to be seeing me side stage? Was going to be much harder to resist.
“All right, girls, you know the rule. Time to get you two back to the bus.” Chase, the head of security walked up behind us and grabbed Lexi’s hand.
Lexi blew Dash a kiss and then grabbed mine, so we formed this little train with Dagger leading the way. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to keep watching Smith. I wanted to wait fo
r another smile to come my way. Was that all it took? One sweet smile? I was weak, so, so weak. Lexi looked back over her shoulder, “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Let’s get you back to the bus.” I involuntarily looked behind me, trying to catch one more peek at Smith. But I was too late; the stage was already too far behind us.
***
“Dylan, you sure you’re okay?” Lexi handed me a bottle of water and sat down next to me on the couch. “You look kind of pale and…sick, to be honest.” She nodded slowly. “It was all the reporters, wasn’t it? Look I’m really sorry, I know it sucks but—”
I shook my head cutting her off. “No, it wasn’t that. I mean that was crazy, but totally fine.” The second Chase and two other security guards had taken us outside so many camera flashes went off I felt like I was in the middle of a lightning storm. Luckily, they had a car waiting to drive us the short distance to the bus.
“Okay. Then what’s going on? Homesick? Having second thoughts about coming on tour? Oh, was it the groupies? Are you totally grossed out by the life style? Are you going to leave?! Please don’t leave me.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at Lexi’s panicked tone and the way she’d grabbed onto my arm like I was a life preserver. “No, Lexi, calm down. I’m not going anywhere. And yes, the raunchy room is gross…but it doesn’t bother me.” Well that was a lie. I certainly didn’t want my crush sexing his way through a room full of girls. At least until I was done crushing on him. Which, I would be. Soon. I just needed him to stop being sweet and start being a narcissistic rock star.
“If it wasn’t the reporters and it isn’t the groupies…then why do you look so freaked out?” Lexi leaned back against a cushion putting her legs across my lap like we’d been friends since kindergarten.
I smiled. Lexi was easy to like. She made everyone feel at ease. It’s not that I didn’t want to tell her, it was that I really couldn’t pin point what was making me feel apprehensive. All I knew was that Smith’s damn soft smile had taken residence inside my brain. “I, uh…It’s just, uh—”