Chuckling, he pulled her back to him. “Perhaps we should stop our arguing.”
“We weren’t…” She caught herself, fell silent, and wound her arms round his neck. “You’re right,” she agreed. “It just seems to get in the way of things, doesn’t it?”
He nodded and then his lips were on hers, kissing her fondly while holding her close and infusing her with his strength and his warmth. When she broke the kiss moments later, she leaned against him and glanced up toward the sky. Penelope and Trevor had almost reached the top of the mast now.
“Thank you for bringing us with you, Dev.”
“You don’t regret coming along?”
“No. It’s been an incredible journey in more ways than one.”
He didn’t comment. He just wrapped his arm around her shoulders and held on tight. Together they waited for Penelope to climb back down. And then they spent the next hour listening to her account of what she’d seen.
That evening, after helping Penelope prepare for bed and tucking her into the hammock she’d finally managed to convince Cassandra she needed, Cassandra returned to her own cabin with more hesitation than ever before. It was time – time to tell Devlin what she now knew beyond any shadow of a doubt. And for some silly reason, having to do so caused her stomach to flutter most uncomfortably.
Sitting behind his desk, he was busy making notes in his log. The tip of his quill made a sharp scratching sound each time he finished a word. Cassandra smiled and lowered herself to the edge of her bed. It was funny how many little details she knew about him now, how much she’d learned during the last four months, like how he pressed down harder on his quill when he wrote the last letter, or how he would tap his foot while trying to gather his thoughts. He was tapping it now while considering what to write next.
Cassandra waited. She didn’t want to interrupt him while he was working and usually chose to pass the time with a book. But today was different. There was a restlessness bubbling inside her that caused her to scrunch her nose at the thought of reading. Because that would require sitting still and right now she needed to move.
She stood, fluffed her pillow, smoothed out her blanket, and sat back down. With a sigh she watched Devlin scribble more words. She did a little dance with her feet, tapped a tune on her thighs with the palms of her hands. And sighed again.
He leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms, and directed a frown her way. “What is it?”
“Hmm?”
“You’re not usually this…” He looked up as if hoping to find the words he needed printed somewhere overhead. “Agitated.”
“I’m just waiting for you to finish writing.”
He tilted his head. “Any particular reason?”
“Well…”
“Cass?” He stood and came toward her. Concern marred his features as he sat beside her and took her hand in his. “Is there something you need to tell me?”
“I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“Too late for that,” he said with a wry smile. “What is it?”
“Well, I’m two weeks overdue.” She noted the look of incomprehension on his face. Her heart tripled in size, filling with warmth as she held his gaze. “I’m fairly sure, or rather I’m actually quite positive, there’s a baby on the way.” His jaw dropped and she instinctively grinned because he looked so adorably befuddled, like she’d just swept a rug out from under his feet.
“A baby,” he muttered. “I’m going to be a father. I mean, I’m already a father but this…this…” His voice cracked as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
She understood him completely. The day she’d learned she was carrying Penelope had been the most precious day of her life, and while Devlin had stepped in and happily accepted the role of being her father, having a child of his own would be extra special.
His lips met hers with reverent tenderness before brushing over her cheeks, her forehead, and even the tip of her nose. She tasted the salt from his tears and felt his hands hug her as if she were dearer to him than anything else in the world. And when she was finally given a chance to gaze upon his handsome face, she knew this was what true joy really looked like.
“How long until…” He gave his eyes a rough swipe and then motioned toward her belly.
“Another eight months, give or take.”
He expelled a deep breath. “Thank God.” Cassandra wasn’t sure what he meant by that and he must have realized as much because he quickly added, “We’ll be back in England in roughly five months which means you’ll be able to have a proper midwife tend to you.”
Cassandra nodded and tried her best not to let the comment dampen her good mood. But it was hard, because it also meant she’d have to remain in England while Devlin went off on another journey without her. They’d be apart and by the time he returned, the baby would be at least six months old. It wasn’t a situation she would have minded when she’d decided to be his wife, but her perspective on life had changed a great deal since then. Devlin mattered to her. She loved him with all her heart and could not imagine spending so much as one day apart from him.
His mind was, from that moment onward, focused on far more practical matters, like ensuring her comfort, having Mr. Talbot cook special meals to keep her well-fed, preventing her from doing anything he deemed too strenuous. It was endearing at first, but did not take long to become exasperating. Especially since she wasn’t even starting to show yet. And by the time she reached Calcutta two months later, after enduring a horrid month of constant queasiness along the way, Cassandra decided she’d had enough when Devlin insisted she needed a blanket, not a shawl, if she were to spend time outside.
“I am having a baby, Dev, not suffering from some incurable ailment. There is no need for me to confine myself to bed or to have someone take my arm every time I leave the cabin.”
“There’s always the risk you might fall,” he told her as if he were some great authority on all things related to childbirth. “Being precautious won’t do any harm, but carelessness might.”
She ground her teeth together and practically snarled. “You sound like my father did when I was a child.”
“Well, he obviously loved you very much and was simply trying to protect you.”
Cassandra glared at him. “If that were true, he would have stood by my side and offered support when he learned I was pregnant. So don’t you ever speak of him or of my mother again as if either of them ever cared about anything besides the very indelicate question of how having a wanton for a daughter and a bastard for a grandchild reflected on them.”
“I’m sorry.” His face had gone pale. “I spoke without thinking. Cass please, I’m only trying to do what is best.”
“I know. I’m sorry too.” Her moodiness this past week made her feel like a stranger to herself. “But this is not my first pregnancy, Dev. I have a fair notion of what to expect and what I need. Being treated like an invalid is not very helpful. And besides, I have to be able to manage on my own or it will be so much harder after you’re gone.”
“Gone?”
She nodded. “Unless you plan on remaining in England for at least three months, you’ll be away when I give birth.”
His brow creased in contemplation. “You’re right,” he said, causing a boulder the size of a barrel to wedge itself in Cassandra’s stomach. She’d hoped he might tell her he’d stay with her, that he wouldn’t sail off and leave her alone. Instead he just smiled and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll try to be more considerate.”
“And less domineering,” Cassandra said since it wasn’t so much the consideration she minded.
“That too,” he agreed, though she’d have had to be deaf not to hear his reluctance.
“A cup of tea wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world though, if you’re willing to bring me a cup.”
“Of course not. I’ll be right back.” His eagerness to help her however he could lent a sparkle to his eyes and a bounce to his step.
C
assandra watched as he strode away. She’d married a sailor – a high ranking one – but a sailor no less, so she’d always known it would be like this. What she hadn’t counted on was how much she would hate the idea of him leaving her for long periods of time. She’d worry. She knew she would. After what she’d experienced during this journey, she’d worry about him every second of every day until he returned. It would be unbearable. And she wished, oh how she wished, he would choose not to leave. She wished he would choose her instead of the sea, even though she was aware it was selfish of her to do so.
Devlin loved the ocean. If he gave up his seafaring life for her, she’d always feel like she’d ruined part of his soul. Which meant there was nothing else for it but to accept what she had and be glad for the days they were able to spend together.
It was late May by the time they docked in London’s harbor. After helping his men tack the ropes and prepare for disembarking, Devlin went to help Cassandra and Penelope pack the last of their things. “We’ll go straight to Camberly House if that’s all right with you,” he said.
“I’ve no other appointments at the moment,” Cassandra said with a grin. She tossed him a dress which he stuffed into one of the trunks. “And besides, I rather look forward to seeing Mary again and giving her our good news.”
Devlin eyed Cassandra with all the fondness he felt for her. She couldn’t quite hide the small bump she’d developed. And he realized he rather loved that. There was something immensely satisfying about being able to advertise the expansion of their family. It filled him with pride and, he had to admit, an overwhelming amount of dread.
For the most part, he’d managed to ignore it. He’d been too busy to turn it over and give it his full attention. But now they were leaving the ship and he’d have more time on his hands for the next four weeks – time enough to go mad with worry.
“Dev?”
He blinked. “Yes?”
“You were staring off into the distance. Is everything all right?”
No. It wasn’t. Not exactly.
Instead he said, “Of course,” and smiled, then distracted her by suggesting she hand him the book lying on her bed.
She frowned, assuring him she wasn’t so easily fooled, but she went along with it anyway, and before he knew it they were in a carriage together with Penelope, their luggage strapped to the top, as they made their way through the busy London traffic.
“I’ll send for Mother and Griffin straight away so they can come join us,” Caleb said once the greetings at Camberly House had been taken care of and Caleb’s children had received their gifts. He gave a few quick instructions for the butler to follow.
“Join me,” Mary told Cassandra once the children had scampered back up to the nursery and the butler had gone to dispatch a couple of messengers. She dropped a curious look at Cassandra’s belly, “I’m sure you’ve a great deal to tell me.”
“This way,” Caleb said once the ladies had disappeared into the parlor. “We can celebrate your return in my study while they talk.” He gave Devlin a pointed look. “I’m sure you’d prefer a glass of brandy right now to a cup of tea.”
Devlin traipsed after his brother. “I certainly would.”
“Now, I don’t mean to be indelicate,” Caleb said once he’d handed Devlin a glass of his finest brandy and they’d each taken a sip, “but I’m not sure there’s any other way to address this.” He paused as if waiting for Devlin to leap in and save him, but Devlin just raised an eyebrow and took another swallow of his drink. Caleb sighed and then finally asked, “Is your wife increasing?”
It was impossible to stop a wide toothy grin from spreading across his face. So Devlin just gave up and nodded. “She is.”
“Well, congratulations then. I’m immensely pleased for both of you. And for the rest of us too since we’ll finally be seeing more of each other.” Caleb crossed to his chair and sat.
“Because I’m going to stay in England from now on?”
“Exactly!”
Devlin scratched the back of his neck. “I, um…I’m not sure that’s what I want to do.”
“A bit late for that now.” Caleb’s eyebrows had drawn together in the beginnings of a scowl.
Sighing, Devlin dropped into a vacant chair and stretched out his legs, crossing them at the ankles. He studied his brother. “Having a child doesn’t mean I can’t keep on sailing. Monty’s been doing it for decades.”
“True. I’m sure there are countless men who do it. But is that really what you want? I mean, I always thought you left to escape our father. Later, it seemed there may have been other reasons at play, but I would think you now have more reason to stay.”
“Maybe,” Devlin allowed. But the truth was he wasn’t sure. Whenever he stayed in England for extended periods of time, he started to panic. Just being in the same country as his father, even if the man had been dead for six years, tended to make him angry. And having to pass through London, where the memories of his own shortcomings always came back to haunt him whenever a carriage drove too fast, had always made his blood run cold.
Nothing had ever made him feel better or happier than setting sail and leaving England behind.
“What does Cassandra think of your plan?” Caleb quietly asked.
“I haven’t exactly discussed it with her.”
Caleb snorted. “My God, you really are a novice at this marriage business, aren’t you?”
“What the devil is that supposed to mean?” Devlin asked, disgruntled.
“Only that I’ll wager an argument is heading your way.” He scoffed and shook his head. “When are you planning to abandon her then?”
“I’m not…” Enough. Devlin was tired. He’d sailed around the world for Christ sake. The last thing he needed was a lecture from a brother who was only older than him by ten minutes. He set his glass on Caleb’s desk. Hard. “I never gave her any reason to believe I’ll be staying. In fact, Cass knows I won’t. She understands that I have to leave if I’m to support her and our children.”
“If it’s financial aid you require, I’m here to help.”
“Thank you, but I don’t want to be dependent.”
“All right then.”
“All right?”
Caleb shrugged. “Seems to me you’ve made your decision.”
“What I told you from the start, if you will recall, is that I’m not sure of what I’m doing.”
“So you did.” His blasé tone was infuriating. It made Devlin want to leap across his brother’s desk and strangle him with his perfectly tied cravat. “Although speaking for myself and for Griffin, with whom I’ve had a chance to discuss our formative years in great detail since our reunion, I’d hate for my children to be raised as I was.”
Something dangerous and dark began twisting and turning inside Devlin. “My children will never suffer as we did, Caleb. They’ll never have cause to question their parents’ love for them, and they’ll never be told they must be something they don’t want to be or that they’re useless.”
“No. I don’t expect so,” Caleb murmured. “But for them to avoid having parents who live apart, you have to be there, Devlin. And you have to participate in their lives, build memories, and watch them grow. You can’t run away as you always do.”
Devlin pushed out a heavy breath. “If you must know, I have been considering a change of pace. I just don’t want to feel like I’m being pushed.”
“Of course you don’t. I wouldn’t either.” They shared a look that somehow stripped away all the years and took them back to the day when they’d all had enough of their father’s dogged attempt at controlling their lives, to the day they’d all gone their separate ways until news of their father’s passing had reached them. “I’m sorry. I suppose I just want you to have what I have. I’m ridiculously happy, you know.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” And he was. Truly. During the last nine months he’d managed to acquire a similar joy. But there was still an element of doubt, uncertainty, and a
distinct fear that crept under his skin whenever he thought of remaining on land forever. It made no sense, but deciding to marry Cassandra had been remarkably easy when compared with quitting his life as a captain. It was almost as if…
Devlin froze as everything became clear.
It was almost as if he was thinking of relinquishing his identity. If he wasn’t a captain, then who the hell was he? And what was he going to do with the rest of his life?
Chapter 18
A comfortable feeling of rightness settled over Cassandra as she stepped through Clearview’s front door five days later. Visiting Mary and seeing Emily had been lovely. Travelling around the world with Devlin had been a grand adventure. But this had been her home for almost fourteen years. In every room and every corner she could see glimpses of the past, memories of all the people who’d breathed life into this place.
“I wish I’d known you were coming,” Katherine said once Cassandra and Devlin had removed their outer garments and Penelope had run off to find her friends. “I’d have prepared a feast to celebrate.”
“No need for that,” Cassandra assured her. She followed her into the kitchen to help prepare the tea while Devlin carried their luggage upstairs. “I feel as though we’ve done nothing but eat since we arrived, what with Mary planning a grand supper and Emily and my mother-in-law following suit. All three arranged baskets of food for us to take along in the carriage, if you can believe it.”
Katherine grinned. “You are meant to be eating for two.”
“Yes, but not for two fully grown adults.” Smiling, she perched herself on a stool and glanced around. “I see you’ve painted the cabinet doors over there.”
“A necessity after Henry and Clyde attempted to clean them.” She rolled her eyes and pursed her lips while hanging the kettle over the fire. “They found a piece of chipped paint and decided to give it a tug. By the time I found out what they were up to, the doors were pockmarked.”
Her Seafaring Scoundrel Page 21