I laid there like a slug, just moaning and squirming, waiting for him to really get down to business when two things happened at once. Lucy started barking ferociously and the doorbell chimed. No, Nooooo! I wanted to put my hands over Carter’s ears, but it was too late. He stopped what he was doing, what I was secretly starting to believe he was born to do, and sat up quickly. I continued to lie there, prostrate, in a stupor of yearning.
He paused, and I assumed he was waiting to see if whoever was at the door decided to leave. No such luck. The evil troll at the front door decided to mash on the bell again and Carter jumped up.
“Don’t answer it,” I hissed from my prone position.
“I have to. It might be something important.” This wasn’t important?
He grabbed my tunic from the floor where I had thrown it only a minute before, in that wonderful time when I was on the fast track to satisfaction. I took it, but not without glaring at Carter first. He just gave me a look like Ralphie from A Christmas Story that said “But the bell rang,” and turned toward the door. The doorbell chimed again and my frustration got the better of me.
“Hold on. We’re busy right now!” I screamed this at the top of my lungs and pulled my top on. Carter disappeared to the living room.
Lucy had stopped barking and had barreled into the bedroom and retrieved her stuffed duck. Must be someone she knows at the door. She always had to show off her toys to her friends. Friend or not, I would not be appeased. Whoever it was just spoiled what was gearing up to be quite the afternoon.
“What took you so long?” I could hear Cheryl’s voice twinkling down the hallway and I was torn. Twenty minutes ago I was going to call her, I was looking forward to seeing her. Now, not so much.
I couldn’t hear Carter’s reply. I’m sure he wasn’t telling her the holdup, though. It just didn’t seem like something he would do. I made my way out to the living room; I had to be sociable since she was my best friend. Carter smoothed down my hair and gave me a strange look.
Cheryl’s eyes were moving between the two of us with raised eyebrows. I looked down at myself and saw that my shirt was on inside out. I wanted to fix it, but I decided to brazen it out. I didn’t know what to say and I guess the two of them didn’t either. We stood there in awkward silence for about fifteen seconds before Carter stepped into the void.
“Cheryl, did you need something?”
“Not really. I just came to visit with Justine for a while.” She walked over to the couch and plopped herself down. Lucy jumped up and joined her. It didn’t look like she was leaving any time soon. Crap. My desire was slowly seeping away. I let go of Carter’s arm and joined Cheryl on the couch.
“I remembered some things today,” I told her while I made myself comfortable and put my feet on the coffee table.
“Ooh, like what?” She was like a schoolgirl, giddy and anxious.
“Well, first thing this morning, I remembered Carter loves bacon and mushroom omelets. Then, at the farmer’s market, I remembered telling him I loved him for the first time.”
“Oh, I love your bacon and mushroom omelets,” she said wistfully. Obviously, my news came in a distant second. She finally clued in. “Oh, Justine that’s awesome. See, everything is going to come back, just like they said.” She leaned forward and pulled me into a hug. “And it’s only been two days!”
“I know. I’m finally starting to believe everything is going to be okay.”
Carter sat down on the loveseat looking disgruntled. Good, now he knew how I was feeling just a little while ago. I wished Cheryl would leave so that we could continue our previous activities out here. It wouldn’t be the first time.
I thought back to when Cheryl had walked in on us inflagranti delicto. Her screams were only drowned out by Carter’s. I laughed. As embarrassing as it was, it was also hilarious. Wait. I just remembered that. Holy Frack! I remembered! My adrenaline was pumping. Things were flying back to me so fast. This was the third thing today. No, the fourth. I jumped off of the couch and they both looked up at me in surprise.
“I just remembered. I remembered you walking in on us, Cheryl!” I was so excited I could hardly keep myself from jumping up and down. I went over to the loveseat and grabbed Carter’s arm. “I remembered.” He looked up at me with a mixture of happiness and mortification. He started blushing but I just grinned back. Then, slowly, the embarrassment started to creep into my thoughts. I hardly remembered anything, but I remembered being caught having sex with my best friend’s younger brother. Before we had gone public. I recalled that much. Now I was blushing, too. I felt like we had just been caught again. I let go of Carter’s arm and sat back down on the couch, wishing the floor would swallow me up.
Carter looked angry. “Cheryl, I don’t mean to be rude, but could you please leave. I think Justine and I need to talk.”
Chapter Thirteen
He was angry. What did I do?
I jumped up. “Cheryl, you don’t have to leave.”
Cheryl glanced from me to Carter, this time I followed her gaze and saw Carter giving her a very pointed look.
“Uh, Juss, I need to be getting home, anyway. You call me. Anytime.” She left as quickly as she’d come, but Carter and I were in a completely different situation than when she arrived. We stood there like two combatants, but I didn’t know what we were going to fight about.
“I am not going to go through all that again. It was hard enough the first time.”
I had no idea what he was talking about. What did we go through? I looked at him and waited for him to elaborate. When he didn’t I had to ask.
“Carter, I don’t know what you are talking about. What have we gone through that was hard? I have amnesia, remember?”
He took a breath before answering me. “What just happened. You being embarrassed about me. I am not going to go through that again. I know you don’t realize how it hurts me, but it does, Justine. I don’t want to be some dirty secret to you. I won’t be.”
I looked at him in horror. I didn’t think of him as a dirty secret. True, I was embarrassed just now in front of Cheryl, but that was mainly from the memory itself, not Carter’s part in it. Okay, it was partly because of him. What did he expect? He is my best friend’s brother. And he is four years younger than me. It wasn’t as big a deal as when he was a teenager, but I’ve still got that picture in my head. I couldn’t help it. Plus, over the years I had gotten really close with both of his parents, and that just added on a layer of self-consciousness around them. Call me crazy, but I felt closer to them than my own mother, and it was a tough thing to be “the girlfriend” to their son instead of just me.
I shook my head. “It’s not like that. I promise. I was just thinking about her walking in on us. It was embarrassing, Carter. You know that. I remember enough to know that. It wasn’t any better for you.”
He just looked at me. I could see a little of his anger was draining. “So you’re not embarrassed to be seen with me? It’s not weird?” Ugh. He was asking me something that, if I answered truthfully, he wasn’t going to like. My only other option was to lie. I chose to tell him the truth. I had enough things going on with everything else right now; I didn’t need to add another layer on top.
“Maybe just a little bit, but it’s not you, it’s me.” I could see he was trying to butt in, so I held my hands up. “Try to see things from my point of view, please.”
He leaned back on the cushion. “I’ve already done that. We have had this conversation before. Do you want me to give you a rehash of what happened?” He raised his eyebrows to me.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean look around, I live here. With you. You are my girlfriend. You got over it.” Hmm. He might have a point there, but it was still new to this me. I hadn’t gotten over anything.
“I can’t help how I feel, Carter. It’s not fair of you to make me feel bad about it. This is still new to me.” Carter closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he looked at me again.
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“I know. I’m sorry.” I waited for him to continue but he didn’t.
“I’m remembering things, please be patient. I don’t want to mess something up because I don’t know what may or may not have happened between us.”
He got up and walked over to me. “You’re right. It’s a sore subject with me.” He paused and gave me a saucy grin. “So, what exactly did you remember just now?”
I could feel the blush blooming. I didn’t want to tell him, and when he started laughing I knew he didn’t need me to tell him anything. “How can you laugh? It was very humiliating.”
“Hey, you were laughing when you remembered. It’s only fair I can laugh now. Anyway, you’re right. It’s funny in retrospect, but at the time it was horrible. But the look on Cheryl’s face was priceless.” We chuckled as we thought about that moment and I felt the warm fuzzies in my stomach. We did have a shared history, even if I couldn’t fully remember it at the moment.
He was still standing directly in front of me and I thought about what we had been doing before Cheryl showed up. I looked down at my inside out shirt. Oh my god. I couldn’t remember feeling like this before. I think I might have become some kind of sex-crazed hussy. I think I like it. I had never been the kind of person who spent a lot of time thinking about sex, or seeking it out for that matter, but being around Carter was turning me into that kind of girl. I didn’t have a problem with it at all. Hell, I’d made a career out of it.
“So, what do you want to do for the rest of the day?” Carter’s voice interrupted my musings. I wanted to say “have sex,” but I didn’t think that’s what he had in mind.
“I don’t know. I picked the market earlier, why don’t you choose?” I hoped he wouldn’t choose something outside because I didn’t really want to leave the house. I felt comfortable here.
“Do you want to play a game?” My mind went straight to strip poker.
“What do you have in mind?” Strip poker, strip poker.
“Monopoly?” Strip Monopoly?
“What?”
Shit, did I just say that out loud? I tried to play it off. “Huh?”
He looked at me with a raised brow. “Did you just say strip Monopoly?”
I wracked my brain for any words that sounded like strip that I could pass off. Rip, grip, lip, snip. Nothing. They all sounded stupid. I had to fess up.
“Maybe.”
“Well, I was just thinking about playing it the regular way, but if you feel the need to be more comfortable…” He left off without finishing.
I shook my head; my tunic was working well for me today, except that it was still inside out. Maybe a tee shirt was in order.
“Actually, I think I will go put something else on. You get out the game.” I went to my bedroom closet and looked through it. I grabbed a tee shirt at random and ripped off my tunic. My bra was still hanging on my shoulders but gaping open in the front, so I pulled it off and threw it on the bed before I pulled on the tee. It was a little big but it felt good so I left it on and went back into the living room. Carter had the board out and was divvying up the money when I walked in.
“You want Leia, right? I’ll be Obi-Wan Kenobi.” He looked up while holding up the piece. My eyes shot down to the board. Freaking Star Wars Monopoly, of course. I wasn’t even surprised.
“Sure.” I actually sucked at Monopoly, always had, but maybe Princess Leia would lead me to victory.
He placed the pieces on the starting space and sat on the floor on one side of the coffee table. I took the side by the couch and sat down opposite him. This was kind of weird. A half hour ago I was on the cusp of getting lucky and now I was sitting on the floor playing a board game. A girl really couldn’t count on anything.
“Do you want to go first?” I thought it would be a nice touch to be charitable.
“Okay.” He picked up the dice and it was game on. I was totally caught up, feeling cutthroat and aggressive. It wasn’t the usual me at all. Unfortunately, I was still way behind. Carter had the Death Star and a butt load of settlements while I was stuck with the ghetto spaces. On my next turn I landed on one of his cities, and it wiped me out.
“Suck that!” His gloating got my ire up.
“Uhg, next time we are playing Scrabble, I told you I wasn’t playing this with you anymore. It’s no fun to always lose.” I tossed my money onto the board and scooted up off the floor and onto the couch. Yeah, I know I’m a bad sport.
Carter was up and at my side in an instant. “See Juss, it’s all coming back.” He plopped down next to me and pulled me into a hug. It took me a moment to understand what he meant.
“The game. We’ve played the game before.” I couldn’t actually remember playing Monopoly with Carter, but I could remember being disgruntled. That was something anyway. I let him hug me even though it was causing my loins to stir afresh. Who was I to turn down spontaneous affection?
My stomach growled and I looked at the clock. I couldn’t believe it was already after five. We must have been playing for hours. I pulled back and looked at Carter’s face. I needed to eat something so that I could keep my hands and mouth occupied. It wasn’t safe to leave me to my own devices just yet. Maybe there was something to the whole smoking thing.
“So you want asparagus risotto, right?”
“Yep. Does that still sound good to you?”
“Sure. I love it.” He made no move to get up so I just sat there, too. I was feeling pretty relaxed, not tongue-tied or anything. It was kind of a big deal for me. I leaned back onto the arm of the couch. I could see myself lounging around the house with Carter. I knew him well enough to not have to try too hard. I still had that little feeling niggling inside me that there was something I was blocking, but it was being drowned out by other, better feelings. Maybe if I quit fighting my natural instincts, everything would snap back into place.
“Justine, I love you. I just want you to know that.” He said the words as nonchalantly as if he were asking me to pass him the remote. He didn’t make any move to touch me and I was unsure of what to say to him. My mind wasn’t trying to fight his words like before. I knew now that he did love me, and after my revelation on the sidewalk this morning, I knew I loved him even if I couldn’t feel it, presently. A part of me wanted to say it back, just so he could feel better, but I realized it wouldn’t be right. What could I do? I had a very limited skill set when it came to these situations. Things were complicated.
I was suddenly struck with inspiration. “Carter, I’ve been having all these memories today and they all center around you. Do you think maybe you could just lean over here and kiss me or something?” The way I said it made it sound stupid. “I mean, maybe kissing you would help me to remember more. You know?” I couldn’t look at him when I asked him to kiss me so I looked at his crotch. After a second I noticed he hadn’t answered me so I looked into his face.
He wasn’t looking at me. Well, he was looking at me but not my face. He was staring at my boobs. “Carter, did you hear me?” He was looking at my boobs and he wasn’t even a pervert, not that I knew of anyway.
He didn’t answer me but he did lean over from his cushion and put his hands on both sides of my face. I took a deep breath because I knew he was about to kiss me and I didn’t want to interrupt things by having to gasp for air. His lips touched mine so lightly I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it at first. He pressed in a little harder and I knew it was real. My heart started beating hard again, just like it had the first time.
“I love you.” He whispered it when he changed position and I couldn’t help it, my legs parted on their own. “I love you so much.” Was he trying to kill me? My own hands went up to his arms and I grabbed on. We were just kissing, but it was hot. My leg came up and over his thigh and tried to anchor him to me. For once I didn’t feel clumsy or uncoordinated, I felt like a goddess. I wanted to feel like this every second of the day. I just wanted to remember. If this was how it felt to be with Carter, I wanted to remember it.
He moved from my lips to my ear. “Please remember me.” All the air left my lungs in a whoosh. I would have given up my cool new life to remember him right then, but all I could remember was one word and it didn’t seem to fit the occasion.
Chapter Fourteen
“Kumquat.”
Carter jerked up and practically off of me. “What did you say?” His eyes were searching mine.
“Kumquat?” I said it like a question. “Why? What does it mean?”
“Are you sure you don’t have any idea?”
Duh, I just asked didn’t I? “No. It just popped into my head. Why would I be thinking of a fruit? It doesn’t make any sense to me.”
I could tell Carter was deciding whether to tell me or not, but I wasn’t about to let him withhold information that could be crucial to my recovery.
“It’s our secret code.” Our secret code? Did we make our own club?
“Secret code for what?”
“Sex.” He sounded like he was embarrassed but I wasn’t. My mind was obviously at a place where Carter wasn’t letting my body go.
“We have a secret code for sex?” Hmm. It sounded like we were a little kinky. I wasn’t sure how to take that. Do we somehow use kumquats? I really don’t like kumquats, they’re too tart.
He was blushing again. Wow, he was almost as prone to them as I was.
“Carter, why do we need a code word?”
“It’s just a little thing we do, it’s no big deal.” He tried to dismiss it, but I raised my eyebrows so that he would continue. “Sometimes if we’re out and there are other people around it might go like “Do you want a kumquat?” and no one else will know what we’re talking about. It’s not like we are constantly using that word in public. We actually use it more around the house. It’s one of our things. It’s only for us.” His explanation gave me a warm feeling inside and not just inside my loins. We had cutie couple phrases. That was awesome.
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