Fire & Ice (Books 1 & 2)

by Jourdin, Genevieve

  She looked up and caught my eye as I walked over to the bed. “Hey, you’re looking better.” I leaned down to give her a kiss but she turned her head and I ended up grazing her cheek. What a kick in the teeth. Well, I wasn’t going to force myself on her. I put on a brave face. “Are you ready to blow this joint?”

  “Yeah, let me get my shoes on.” She moved to get off the bed, but I went to get her shoes from the cupboard before she had the chance. I handed them to her and gathered up her duffle bag and purse while she put them on. “Let’s go.” She didn’t sound all that excited to leave, but I didn’t care, at least at home I could take care of her.

  “It’s chilly outside; you’d better put this on.” I handed her the hoodie and stood there as she drug it on.

  We walked back to the garage in silence. She just stood outside of the truck, so I walked around and opened the door for her. I waited while she made herself comfortable then handed her the purse before I shut the door and went around to my side, but I didn’t want to get in. It felt all wrong. She acted like we were strangers and it hurt more than I could stand. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This was just a temporary setback. She would probably be herself by bedtime; there was no reason for me to act like a whiny bitch. Luckily, she wasn’t in a coma or something equally as horrible. She was fine except for the bruise and the slight amnesia. I just had to keep reminding myself, that’s all. I opened my eyes and Justine was hunched over the console looking at me so I grabbed the handle and sat behind the wheel.

  She didn’t say anything during the ride home, so I stayed quiet, too; the silence made the two miles seemed to take much longer than necessary, but I didn’t want to put her under any pressure. She had enough as it was.

  We finally got home and I parked the car and turned to her. “So this is weird, huh?” I was just trying to break the ice, but the look on her face told me I had said something wrong.

  “So you feel like talking to me now?”

  Okay. I didn’t really get it, but if she wanted to be mad, she could at least tell me why. “Did I do something to upset you?” I asked in my most equable voice.

  “Well, you ignored me for the entire car ride, which, maybe has something to do with it.” Was irrational anger part of the healing process? No one told me that.

  She grabbed the door handle but I covered her hand before she could pull it.

  “Is rage a side effect of a concussion?” She narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth. Oops. “Wait. I’m sorry. I just didn’t know what to say. You still don’t remember me, not the right way. You turned your head when I kissed you. I don’t know how I’m supposed to act around you. This is hard for me too, Justine.” She didn’t know how hard this was for me, but I didn’t want to make this about me. I just wanted her to get better.

  “You don’t know what hard is. I don’t have any idea who I am anymore. I don’t know what I do. I sure don’t know how I’m with you.” Fuck, she was going for the throat. There was nothing I could say to that and I wasn’t going to sit here and try to plead my case since she obviously didn’t want my input about anything. I pulled my hand away from hers and let her open the door. She hopped out fast, but I still beat her to the front door and stood aside to let her in. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to get through the day if she stayed like this, I didn’t even know how I was going to get through the next ten minutes. I suddenly wasn’t as excited to have her home.

  Chapter Six

  I followed her into the house where she stopped in the entryway, looking around the room. “It’s different. I don’t remember decorating it like this.”

  “I live here. What you don’t recognize probably belongs to me.” I spoke more sharply than I had intended, but I wasn’t in the mood to be her punching bag. I had been worried sick since her fall, and I didn’t appreciate being made to feel like some unwanted pest.

  She walked into the kitchen and I waited a second before following her. Maybe being in her own kitchen would bring her memory back. She was reading the scribbled-over recipes stuck to the refrigerator.

  “Those are the recipes you’re working on right now. You’ve tried that Mexican gazpacho four times. I think it tastes great, but you keep saying you can get it better.” I needed something to do with my hands so grabbed a glass to make myself a drink. “Are you thirsty?” She nodded so I pulled out another glass. “Iced tea?” She nodded again so I made two glasses and set one down in front of her on the island.

  We sat there in silence for a moment. I didn’t know what to say to her. I was afraid anything from me would just set her off again.

  “What am I blocking out? What happened that’s so terrible my mind won’t let me remember?” Her words shocked me. I hadn’t for a moment considered something bad was making her forget her life or me, for that matter. I looked into her eyes, wishing like I had never wished before, that I could make her remember me.

  “I don’t know of anything terrible. You’re happy. We’re happy. I don’t know of anything that would make you forget your life. Us.” We lapsed back into silence. I wracked my brain trying to think of anything that might have happened recently to cause her some kind of emotional trauma. I couldn’t think of a single thing that was bad enough for her mind to block it as some sort of protection.

  “Can I see my website? I don’t even remember what it’s called.” What? Here I was, pondering the intricacies of her mind, and she wanted to see her website?

  I snorted. This was my Justine. My heart felt lighter. “It’s Just Add Heat.” She handed me her phone and I typed it in. She graced me with a look of wonder and I had a moment of déjà vu, it was almost exactly the same scenario as when she first saw it.

  “Wow. This looks great, when did I learn to do this?” I smiled to myself. Justine cooked the best food in the world, but she was next to useless when it came to technology.

  “You didn’t. I designed the site. You told me what you wanted, though.” That was the truth. When I was designing the site, Justine oversaw every bit of it. It really was a joint effort at the beginning. Now, Justine had finally learned to upload most of her content, so the site pretty much ran itself. I was mainly in charge of maintenance.

  I watched Justine scroll through her site, her smile getting wider. “I’m pretty funny.” She stopped on her main photo of herself. I’d call it a glamour shot, but she didn’t have big hair or garish makeup. She just looked beautiful.

  “That’s a great picture, isn’t it? Cheryl considers it her masterpiece.” Cheryl had come and spent hours doing her hair and makeup just so that it looked racy without being too “in your face.” She even shoved Justine into several different outfits trying to find just the right look and boy did it work. Juss looked as sexy as a Fifties pin-up girl.

  “Yeah well, that’s obvious. I didn’t know I could look so good.” I wanted to shake her and tell her that she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I would have loved to tell her that picture had nothing on how she looked while I was inside her and she was coming, but I didn’t think she would take it as the compliment it would be meant to be. I settled on a toned down version.

  “I think you look beautiful all of the time. You don’t need makeup to enhance your loveliness.” I wanted to groan out loud at how corny I sounded.

  “I wasn’t fishing for compliments. I know how I look.”

  This woman made my heart ache sometimes. “No Justine, I don’t think you do.” She had a bit of hair hanging across her face so I pushed it back behind her ear. I needed to touch her. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but she was looking at me like a deer caught in the headlights. She closed her eyes so I pulled my hand away.

  Lucy picked that moment to burst through the doggy door, barking furiously. What a watchdog; we’d been in the house for at least ten minutes.

  Justine jumped up and grabbed onto her. “I missed you girl. Have you been a good girl?” Lucy was licking her and moaning as if she had been abandoned for weeks instea
d of alone for an hour.

  “She missed you. I did too. We didn’t know what to do with ourselves last night.” I rubbed Lucy’s head. She was a good little dog, keeping me company last night when all I wanted to do was feel sorry for myself. I thought about how different this morning was supposed to be. Happy, joyous even. Instead it was full of awkward silences and even more awkward conversation.

  “Do you know what time Cheryl is coming by?”

  “She said it would be sometime after one. She was staying until she was sure the caterers finished their job." I was relieved Cheryl was coming over. I needed the moral support. Being around Juss and not being able to act naturally was harder than I could have imagined.

  “I think I need to take a bath.” I could tell she just wanted to be by herself and she probably wanted to wash the hospital off of her. I tried not to take it personally.

  “I’ll go get your stuff from the truck. You go make yourself comfortable.” I picked up my keys and went back outside. The crisp air shook me out of my melancholy. Juss was home. That was great. So she wasn’t back to normal yet, that would come, possibly any moment. I grabbed her bag from the truck and went back inside. She was already in the bathroom staring at the countertop.

  “Do you want this in here?” I lifted up the bag.

  “It’s got my toothbrush and stuff.” I handed her the bag and stood there, hoping she needed me for something else.

  “Thanks Carter.”

  She didn’t appear to require my assistance but I thought I’d ask anyway. “No problem, do you need anything else? Does your head feel okay?”

  “I barely feel it. I’m just going to relax for a while. Thanks for everything.”

  I was dismissed. I let her shut the door and I went back to the kitchen to drink the iced tea I hadn’t touched. Having an amnesiac Justine home was going to be challenging. I smiled to myself. I’d never been one to back off from a challenge.

  Chapter Seven

  I grabbed my book, which I had left on the counter earlier, and took it into the living room. I tried to concentrate on it, but again, my mind refused to focus. Instead, I sat there, waiting and looking at the clock every five minutes or so until finally it had been an hour and Justine still hadn’t emerged from the bathroom. I hated to hover because, after yesterday, I promised myself not to put any pressure on her. I had to let her feel comfortable with me until she was back to herself. She might need me, though, and I had to be sure everything was okay. I went to the bathroom and tapped lightly on the door.

  “Juss, are you okay in there?” I heard a splash. At least she hadn’t drowned.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just going to lie here a while.”

  “You’ve been in there for over an hour, babe.” Maybe she didn’t appreciate how long she’d been soaking, but the water had to be cold by now. That couldn’t be good for her just out of the hospital.

  “I’m getting out in a second. Thanks, I didn’t realize how long I’d been in here.”

  “Okay, call me if you need anything.” I was glad I had checked in on her, she was probably still slightly dazed from her ordeal. I vowed to be more vigilant with her for a while.

  “Okay.” I walked back into the living room and picked up my book. Again. This time I read a paragraph before I heard Justine squeal.

  “Oh my god!”

  I bolted off the couch and was back at the door in a second. “What’s wrong? What happened?” I had visions of her cutting herself with her razor while shaving her legs.

  “I’ve got a tattoo.” She sounded like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

  “I know. I was there when you got it. I think it looks nice.” I thought it looked very nice. I drew it for her, after all. It still made my stomach tighten when I saw it on her back. She was carrying around a piece of my art, my heart, and would for the rest of her life.

  “I’ve never wanted a tattoo. What made me get this?”

  “You got it after you quit the restaurant. It was your symbol of a new beginning. That’s why the bud is still opening. You thought about it a long time before I drew it for you.” I still couldn’t believe I was going to have to remind her of everything. I hadn’t thought things through fully. If this amnesia lasted more than a few days, I was going to have to rethink my game plan. I didn’t know how things could work with us if she couldn’t remember me. She didn’t say anything and I hoped she wasn’t having a meltdown over the tattoo.

  “Are you okay?” I felt like that’s all I have been saying since yesterday.

  “Yeah, I was just trying to get dressed. I’ll be right out.” I stood there at the door. I didn’t think I should leave if she was going to be having more questions. I could hear her rustling around and opening cabinets so I leaned against the wall and waited. A minute later she opened the door and smiled at me before she went to the bedroom. I still needed to call work and tell them what happened. Even if Juss got her memory back today, I couldn’t chance leaving her alone yet, so I went the other direction and called my boss on his cell.

  I explained what had happened to Mike, and he told me to take all the time I needed. He really likes Juss and felt bad for her. It also didn’t hurt that I was the golden boy in my department these days, but I worked damned hard for the title. After I ended the call, I leaned back on the couch and closed my eyes. I desperately needed sleep, but it didn’t look like I was going to get it any time soon. Lucy snuggled against my leg and passed out. Lucky her. I could hear Justine back in the bathroom, I listened as she opened drawers and then I heard the sound of her toothbrush. I could tell I was about to doze off, but then Lucy started wagging her tail against me. I opened my eyes and caught Justine staring at me. She instantly started to blush.

  “I’m a little hungry, you?” She wanted to get in the kitchen. She often used cooking as a relaxant, but maybe she shouldn’t be exerting herself.

  “I could eat. I haven’t really been that hungry since your accident. Do you want me to call something in?”

  “No, I feel like making something. I’ll go see what’s in the fridge.” I let her go. She was surely freaked out right now, she probably felt like I was some unwanted guest up in her biz. The thought made my stomach churn. I wanted to make her feel at ease, but perhaps leaving her be in her kitchen was what she needed. I waited, listening to the sounds of her grabbing things from the pantry and I heard the clang of a pot that she set on the stove. I couldn’t take it anymore; I had to be with her. After what happened on Friday, I felt like I never wanted to let her out of my sight again.

  I walked the fifteen feet into the kitchen. “Do you want any help?”

  “You could grate the cheese. I need the Monterey Jack, oh and get out the sour cream as well.” Whoohoo. I know what this makes.

  “Mm. Enchiladas?” I asked as I set down the cheese.

  “Yep. I felt like Mexican.” I grabbed the big yellow bowl and set it down in front of me. “How did you know that I needed that bowl?”

  “You always use this bowl. Actually, I always use this bowl because it’s always my job to mix up the sauce.” Chicken enchilada suisas was a very involved recipe and I always did the same thing, so Justine never had to give me instructions. We worked well together. In everything.

  “Uh, then I guess you know what to do.” I just nodded and leaned over to get a wooden spoon from the utensil jar. Justine was stirring the pan with the chicken and onions, and it already smelled good. I started grating the cheese, making sure I got it all into the bowl. She was watching me, probably waiting for me to mess up.

  By the time we finished and Justine slid the pan into the oven, the kitchen was a mess and I was about to explode with pent up frustration. We hadn’t spoken at all in the last thirty minutes. I couldn’t even touch her. Well, that’s not true, I could have touched her, but who knows how she would have reacted? She was clearly volatile right now.

  She started rinsing out a bowl and I brought the cutting board to the sink, ready for the dishw
asher, when she turned and I felt her bump into me. I was about to apologize for getting in her way when she sniffed my chest. It took me by surprise, since she didn’t remember us, but she was always telling me how much she loves my smell. She pressed her face into me and I couldn’t help the moan that escaped.

  She jerked away from me a second later. “I’m sorry.” I guess she hadn’t been remembering me after all.

  I reached out to touch her arm. “I like it when you smell me. You do it a lot. It’s one of your things.” I wanted her to do it again. I wanted to pull her to me and squeeze her until she remembered everything. “I love it, actually.” I couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t want to. I needed her. I leaned down and touched her lips with my own. I felt like I had been without her for weeks and I couldn’t get enough of her; I knew I never would. I took her head in my hand to pull her closer but before I could do another thing, a loud clanging reverberated through the room. Justine had dropped a bowl in the sink and the noise made her jump back. She shook her head and practically ran out of the room without a word. I just stood there while my heart slowed back down to normal. That didn’t go the way I had hoped it would. I had the feeling that until she got her memory back, nothing would.

  The kitchen was usually Justine’s domain, she kept it spotless, but I had to admit that I couldn’t stand to have the clutter and mess staring at me. I started cleaning up because, at the very least, it prevented me from going after her. I knew it would only make things worse. I put everything in the dishwasher and wiped down the counters before my phone vibrated in my pocket. Cheryl. I told her Justine was taking a nap, but that nothing had changed. I was glad she was coming over. It could only help the situation. When I hung up I could smell that the enchiladas were ready, so I pulled them out and set them on the stove.