Justine still hadn’t come back from the bedroom. I decided to work on the cookbook. I didn’t usually work on it without Justine, but it was the layout for the table of contents so I didn’t think she’d mind. I had been back there for about fifteen minutes before I heard the door of the bedroom open. I waited until I was sure she wasn’t going back to the bedroom before I walked out. As I expected, she was in the kitchen, but I noticed she had already gotten out the ingredients for another dish.
“Thanks for cleaning up and for saving lunch.”
“No problem. I’m sorry about earlier. I promised myself that I would give you time, but when you leaned into me and I … well, I’m sorry.” I stayed on the other side of the island. It seemed like the right time to give her some space.
“I hope Cheryl is hungry.”
“She is. She called me while you were resting. She wanted to know how you were doing and to ask if you wanted her to come alone or bring Paulo. He’s worried about you, too. I told her you’d let her know when you got up.”
“Oh, of course she should bring Paulo. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself. I’ll call her now.” She walked over to her purse and pulled out her phone. I stayed where I was. I felt out of place in my own home. When she started speaking to Cheryl I took a moment to look at her. Even with an ugly bruise on her face she was still breathtaking. I knew that her amnesia could lift at any time, but it didn’t stop the fear that what we have might be lost forever. I couldn’t imagine going back to a time when we were just friendly, where I was just her friend’s brother. The thought of that was absolutely unacceptable to me. She was my life, my future. She hung up the phone and turned her attention back to the rice in front of her.
“Can I help you with anything?” She started as if she had forgotten I was still here.
“I’m good, thanks. Cheryl and Paulo will be here in about half an hour.”
I wanted to reassure her, but I also needed someone to reassure me. Who was going to make me feel better? She walked out of the kitchen and I let her go. I looked out the window. It was drizzling or I would have gone outside to get some air; I felt like I was suffocating in this house. It had never felt so small before. The pot of rice started boiling over and I barely made it to the stove in time to prevent a huge mess. I was turning down the burner when I heard Justine let out a bloodcurdling scream.
I made it to the living room in two seconds flat and looked around to see what had caused her terror, but I couldn’t find anything out of order. I grabbed her and pulled her to my chest.
“What happened?” I was breathing hard, still looking around, but all I saw was Lucy standing on the couch looking confused.
“Nothing. I was just frustrated.” I released her and pulled in a breath. There wasn’t a threat, I could calm down. She was okay.
“You scared the shit out of me, Justine.” I didn’t want to sound accusing, but fuck.
“Sorry.” She barely whispered it out, which made me feel bad. Were we going to tiptoe around each other for the foreseeable future? The kitchen timer went off and Justine started for the kitchen. “I need to get that.”
She left me standing alone, like she had done continuously since I picked her up this morning. Had it only been a few hours? How was I going to be able to get through the rest of this day, much less any others, if by some nightmare Justine didn’t get better?
I stood there contemplating the future when the doorbell rang. I had never been so happy to see my sister.
Chapter Eight
I walked over to the door and opened it for Cheryl and Paulo. Cheryl sent me a questioning look and I just shook my head slightly. No, Justine wasn’t doing any better than she had been an hour ago.
“Cheryl, Paulo, I’m so glad you’re here.” Justine’s voice was full of relief, and right then I shared her sentiments exactly. I took their jackets and went to the coat closet as Justine extended her greetings. I stood there a bit longer than necessary; I was still reeling from Justine’s scream a minute ago. I wondered if Cheryl and Paulo had heard anything from outside or if they missed that little nugget of fun altogether.
As I turned from the closet I caught Justine’s eye. I gave her a smile as my stomach let me know that it was finally time to refuel.
“Let’s eat. I haven’t had anything since lunch yesterday.” We all made our way into the kitchen and I left Cheryl with Justine as I grabbed the dishes and set the table. Usually Justine and I ate at the island since it was easier and cozier than the table, but we had company, even if it was only my sister and brother-in-law. Once the table was set I went back to the stove to lug the pan of enchiladas to the table. Luckily, they were still warm. Once we all took our seats and filled our plates, Paulo asked the million dollar question.
“So Justine, any breakthroughs since you’ve been home?”
“Uh no, nothing.” Justine’s voice sounded small and I felt the need to step in.
“She’s only been home for a few hours, give her a break.” I watched Justine as she took a huge forkful of rice and stuffed it in her mouth. I was unsurprised seconds later when she started coughing and reaching for her water glass. I wanted to shake my head but I refrained, my love was nothing if not predictable.
“Sorry, it went down the wrong way.” I watched as she deliberately took a small bite and chewed it slowly. “How was the christening?”
“Fine. The parents went all out on this thing. There were almost as many guests as my wedding. I hope they call me to plan his first birthday party.” At the mention of Cheryl’s wedding I thought back to my spoiled proposal plan. I had hoped that Cheryl would be helping Justine and me with our own wedding soon. I caught Cheryl’s eye and she gave me an apologetic look. I turned up the corner of my mouth in a crooked smile, this wasn’t her fault.
“How are you coming with the cookbook?” Paulo directed his question at Justine so I kicked him under the table. Didn’t Cheryl explain what amnesia was?
“I don’t know.” Justine turned her head to me so I stepped into the breach.
“It’s coming along. She’s pretty much figured out what she’s putting in there. We were just talking about if she was going to make the food for the pictures or hire a food stylist.” On this point Justine and I disagreed. She wanted a food stylist so that the pictures looked professional but I thought her homemade food should look homemade. I knew we would end up going with whatever she wanted, but I was still going to press my case till the last.
“Either way, my pictures will make them look fabulous. What?” he asked when Cheryl groaned at his self-assuredness. At least Paulo didn’t feel the need to tiptoe around Justine’s problem. After we finished our meal and made our way back into the living room, we sat around and talked about nothing of consequence. It all seemed so strange, like it could have been any day, but instead Justine couldn’t remember her own life and I couldn’t act naturally around her.
Finally, Paulo got up and got their jackets from the closet. I was actually anxious for them to be gone. I was going to try to talk to Justine about our situation.
“Cheryl, can I talk to you for a second? In my room.” Justine and Cheryl got up and left for what I gathered was some girl talk.
“How can you stand it, man?” Paulo asked me quietly.
“I don’t know. I don’t really know what to say around her. She doesn’t remember anything about me. It’s like we’re practically strangers.”
Paulo shook his head. What could you say to that? It sucked to be me right now, no question.
“Did her doctor say when she’ll be back to normal?”
“They don’t know what caused it. I guess it is a lot rarer than TV would make out. Dad doesn’t know either, but at least he can find out more than I can. We aren’t married so her doctor wasn’t exactly forthcoming in explaining things to me. You’d think since I was going to be the one taking care of her he’d at least tell me what to expect.”
“I’m sorry about the proposal . The timi
ng couldn’t be worse. Cheryl was almost more upset about that than Justine’s condition.”
I knew Cheryl was excited and hoping to become Justine’s sister in a real way, she had even gone with me when I bought the ring, but I couldn’t dwell on Cheryl’s disappointment, I was trying not to wallow in my own.
“Yeah, yesterday pretty much sucked all around. I’ll just have to postpone it until everything is okay. I’m hoping it won’t be too long. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of any real cases of someone not getting their memory back after a fall.”
Paulo just nodded. Lucy picked that moment to bring her stuffed duck up to the couch so Paulo and I took turns throwing it for her to fetch. We were still at it when Justine and Cheryl emerged from the bedroom. Paulo stood up and handed Cheryl her jacket and within a minute we had said goodbye and they were gone.
We made our way back into the kitchen where the lunch dishes were waiting for us. We didn’t speak as we cleaned, but my mind kept going back to earlier when we were doing dishes. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her again, to be able to touch her as I passed by. I never realized how I took those simple things for granted. I never would again.
When we were finished I looked at the clock, almost four thirty. Nothing much to do unless I wanted to read or watch some TV by myself.
“Want to watch a movie?” Justine didn’t really like watching movies, she didn’t like sitting in one place for so long, but I couldn’t think of anything else that would keep her in the same room with me for any length of time.
“Um, sure.” She didn’t sound like that was at the top of her list, but I was going to take what I could get.
“We can see what’s on cable or we can go rent something if you’d rather.”
“Whatever’s on is fine. I’d like to just veg out.” She was grabbing a glass. “Would you like a drink?” Yeah, I’d really like a drink, but I’d have to settle for something softer, I had to keep my wits about me.
“Sure, I’ll take a Coke.” She grabbed two cans out of the fridge and I took them from her and followed her to the couch. I picked up the remote and offered it to her, I really didn’t care what we watched, I just wanted to be with her, but she waved it off. I silently cursed the cable stations. Twenty four movie channels and nothing but crap. What I wouldn’t give for a Star Wars marathon right now.
I noticed one of her favorite Will Farrell movies was about to start. “Is this okay?”
“Huh?” She was startled as if she had been daydreaming.
“Anchorman. It’s pretty good. You like it.”
“Sure. That sounds great.”
“It doesn’t start for ten more minutes; do you maybe want to talk?” I was going to use every opportunity that came up to get her to remember.
She settled back on the couch. “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
“Do you remember anything at all, about us I mean?” I wanted her to say yes, even if it was something as simple as what kind of coffee we liked to drink these days.
“I’m sorry, Carter, I don’t. The last thing I remember is you being at Cheryl’s house eating pizza and watching a movie. I was pissed off at John for canceling out on me on my night off and Cheryl told me to come over since you guys were going to watch a movie.”
I remembered that night well. I had just planned to go to Cheryl’s to hang out since it was a Monday and I didn’t have anything to do for a change. I had just graduated and my job didn’t start until the next week. It had been a nice surprise when Cheryl told me Justine was coming over. I had always liked her, way back to when Cheryl first brought her around. I lusted after her, actually. It didn’t matter to me that she had a boyfriend back then; I knew she was out of my league, but I never gave up hope that one day she’d see me for the sexy motherfucker I was.
Justine started blushing, but I couldn’t understand why; she hadn’t said or done anything to embarrass herself in the last few minutes.
“What’s wrong? Why is your face all red?” I knew it was a blush, but I wanted her to tell me. I didn’t feel like dancing around everything we said.
“I’m fine.”
“Do you want to know anything?” Maybe a change of approach might be the key.
She just shook her head and I tried to bite back my disappointment. This was like pulling teeth. With an eyedropper. Impossible.
I didn’t have any time to ponder her lack of curiosity though, because she poured too much of her soda in her glass and it started foaming over.
“Dang it!” She tried to slurp it up, but it was only making things worse, so I went to get some paper towels. I handed her one and sopped up the table with the other. At least some things never changed. “Thanks,” she told me as she wiped her glass off.
“No problem.” I took the towels back to the trash and grabbed a few more. At the rate she was going, she would need them. I turned the volume of the TV back on and settled in to watch the movie. She didn’t say anything so I didn’t, either. The movie was only on about twenty minutes when I looked over and noticed she was asleep. I didn’t want to disturb her so I let her lie there as I flipped through the channels. Yes, Shark Week. I was way more interested in watching TV shows about sharks than a movie. I needed some action to escape having to think.
When that show was over another one started, but it wasn’t as good and I decided to move Justine to the bed. She definitely needed rest. I lifted her up and as she snuggled against me I pulled her tighter, happy that she was asleep and that at least this wasn’t going to be awkward for either of us.
“What are you doing?” Oh, spoke to soon.
“I’m putting you to bed; you’ve had a long day.”
“It’s too early. I was just taking a nap. Put me down.” I set her down on the bed and she immediately sprang back to her feet. “It’s only six thirty. I’m not ready for bed.”
We stood looking at each other. I couldn’t force her to sleep, so I was about to go back to the TV when she blurted out something I hadn’t even considered.
“So um, you’re sleeping on the couch, right?” I hadn’t planned on it. Not even one little bit, but she obviously didn’t need me to say that.
“Oh, yeah, that was the plan.” Great, now I was also banished to the couch. This whole weekend was crap. I stood there, pondering my bad luck, when she asked a simple question that made me sympathetic again.
“What day is it?” I felt guilty. Justine didn’t have a clue about anything and I was mad about sleeping on the couch.
“Sunday.”
“What do I do on Mondays? Do I have something I need to get done?”
“Not really, you’ve been spending most of your time on your book. You usually post something on Tuesdays, but if things are still…like this I’ll post that you’re sick or something.” Unless there was some kind of miracle tomorrow, I figured I’d be posting. Our night out on Friday was supposed to be fodder for her Tuesday post.
“What time do you go to work?”
“I already called my boss. I’m taking a few days off, just to make sure you’re all good.”
She didn’t look pleased to hear that. “Please don’t take off on my account. I don’t want to get you in trouble or anything.”
“It’s fine. Mr. Webster told me to take as much time as I need until you’re back to normal.” And I’m not going anywhere, baby. Obviously, I didn’t say that last part aloud.
“I think I am a little sleepy. I’m just going to get ready for bed.” She lifted her eyebrows at me. I knew she wanted me to leave, so I grudgingly gave in.
“Oh. I guess I need to grab my stuff.” I slowly gathered up my clothes as she stood by waiting for me to leave her in peace. I guess a shower couldn’t hurt. “Call me if you need anything.”
I went straight into the bathroom and stripped off my clothes. I was ready to wash this cruddy day away. I stood under the spray, thinking about Justine in the next room. I wanted so much to crawl into the bed with her and lose myself inside of her.
Maybe that would help her remember. Unfortunately, I was an adult and I realized that for all intents and purposes that was a fantasy for tonight. I thought about rubbing out a quick one, but it seemed wrong somehow, so I turned off the hot water and let cold water shock me out of my thoughts. Suddenly I needed to go back to my drafting table and draw. Tonight my art was going to have to be my escape.
Chapter Nine
After I got out of the shower, I toweled off and pulled on my boxers and sweat pants. I threw the tee shirt over my shoulder and opened the bathroom door only to encounter Justine. She was staring at my chest and I was glad I hadn’t put on my shirt. I’m not embarrassed of the goods, and if she wanted to look at me, who was I to stop her?
“Sorry,” she murmured after a few seconds. She raced down the hall and into the bedroom like something was chasing her, so I went across to the office. I knew I was feeling sorry for myself, but I couldn’t help it, I went from having a girlfriend who I was about to propose to on Friday, to having a reluctant roommate that didn’t even remember she was my girlfriend on Sunday.
I pulled on my shirt and sat down at my table. I started sketching out the dream house Justine and I had talked about one night when we sitting on the back patio and waiting for the grill to get hot enough to throw our steaks onto. As we talked, we found we were almost completely on the same page as far as what kind of house we wanted one day. I thought back to that day, it was only about six weeks ago, but it felt like another lifetime. I didn’t have many worries that summer evening, the idea of asking her to marry me had only been a seedling in my mind. I wished I could go back to that night so I could fully appreciate that simple moment.
I had finished the front view of the house and was just starting on the back view when Justine opened the door.
“Everything okay?”
“I was just going to get on the computer, but since you’re busy I’ll just go get my phone. What is this?” Ah, she would have the pleasure of seeing my Star Wars collection like it was the first time.
Fire & Ice (Books 1 & 2) Page 22