“Seriously?” The familiar scowl she normally used with him had returned. “Are you really thinking this is a good idea, or is your dick making the decisions right now?”
Chris bellowed out a laugh. “Could you keep your voice down, I don’t want my son to hear that kind of language. I wasn’t going to take you right here on the couch. I just wanted to kiss you. You looked like you needed to be kissed.”
“I don’t base my needs on what a man can give me. That’s how women tend to get in trouble. I like to fill my needs myself.” A childish smile immediately spread across Chris’s face. She knew exactly what he was thinking. “If you make a joke about masturbation, I’m leaving.”
“How can you say something like that and expect me not to go there? Listen, if you don’t want me to kiss you again, I won’t, but please don’t take away my ability to make masturbation jokes.”
“You really are a strange man.”
“Do you think you’re normal? Because I could put that illusion to rest for you and tell you what they call you in the office.”
“They don’t call me anything. People at work like me.”
“Okay, Sadney.”
“They call me Sadney? They think I’m sad? Who calls me that?”
“I’m not going to name names, but yes, everyone thinks you’re a little sad, uptight. You don’t smile a lot at work, you’re kind of all business.”
“Gee, I wonder why I’m all business? Maybe it’s because it’s a business. It’s a job, not a party. I swear, when a man acts like this they call him dedicated, when a woman does they call her a bitch. Sadney? Really?”
“Yep.” Chris shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know why you don’t smile more. You have a beautiful smile.”
“Are you done with that stuff? I’m not sure I can sit here much longer just wondering when you’re going to try to kiss me again.”
“Is the anticipation killing you?”
“Your pick-up lines are starting to kill me.”
“That’s ironic considering I saved your life earlier.”
“That’s how it’s going to be, huh? You’re going to hang that over my head until I give you what you’re looking for?”
“Sydney, I know we’re kidding around here, but I hope you know that isn’t the case. You can go any time, and I would never pressure you into doing anything you didn’t want to. I like you, and I’m glad you’re okay.”
“How can you possibly say you like me? We’ve had a strictly work relationship, and a pretty tense one, at that. So I’m guessing the only reason we might actually be feeling any type of camaraderie right now would be because we faced a little stress together today.”
“So you’re saying you feel it, too?”
“You’re exhausting.”
“I’ve been known to exhaust quite a few women in my day.”
“You’re very good at getting the conversation off-track as well. You’ve managed to hear all about me, kiss me, and yet have said nothing about how you managed to get yourself out of trouble today and why you seemed perfectly calm in the face of danger.”
“I guess you’re right. In the world of movies I would make up some good story, something to keep you from finding out who I am, at least for a little while. Then I’d make you fall for me, and you’d suddenly discover my deep dark secrets. I guess that isn’t really how it works in the real world. I don’t like to play games. I tend to be direct, maybe even to a fault. You don’t seem like you spook too easily. Do you really want to know who I am?”
Sydney contemplated the question. There was a chance Chris would tell her something that would intrigue her, maybe even endear her to him. Or maybe he would say something that would send her running from the house in fear. Either way she was pretty sure she wanted to hear it. She may have pulled away from that kiss, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t incredible. “I’m not squeamish. I’d much rather save all the will he, won’t he tell her drama and just hear it straight out.”
“Okay, you asked for it. You’re not going to get any details out of me because it would only put you and my son in unnecessary danger. I can tell you I’m a bad guy—or I was. I lived in a small town and followed in the very corrupt footsteps of my father. I was involved in selling drugs and guns. I had a pretty lucrative shylocking business too. I hurt loads of people who crossed me. I put myself, and my family, in countless life threatening situations. I ran my wife off, choosing business over her. Caleb wouldn’t have been the first person I’ve shot, if it had come to that today. I made terribly selfish choices for a very long time. But I walked away from it all and found a way to start over here. I love my son and my brother, and I’m dedicated to doing whatever it takes to give them both a fresh start. I believe in redemption and penance, and I’m hoping God does, too.
“When I saw him with that knife to your throat, I knew I had to do something. I miss plenty of things about my old life. I walked away from people I care about. But I have a reason to fight off that nagging voice and live the best life I can—he’s getting his pajamas on right now.”
Sydney had to fight to keep her mouth from falling open. She had expected there would be some level of shock, but she was silently hoping he was in the CIA, one of the heroes. Instead, he openly admitted he was the opposite of that. Was there a correct response to that?
“Part of my relocation here under witness protection comes with a get-out-of-jail-free card, at least for a little while and under the right circumstances. I have quite a bit of testimony to deliver over the coming months. They need me, and today that paid off.”
Sydney listened intently but didn’t give any overt signals of a reaction. She could feel a flutter in her eyelids that she fought to control.
“Daddy,” a voice broke into the weight of the moment. “I’m ready for bed, will you come read with me?”
Sydney looked the little boy over, matching pajamas and a chapter book tucked under his little arm. There was hopefulness in his smile, this clearly being the best part of his day.
“You bet, buddy. Go on and hop in bed, find our page, and I’ll be right in.” Chris turned back toward Sydney; she fought hard to beat back the bewilderment she was feeling. “I’ll be back in about fifteen minutes. Just sit tight, okay?”
She gave a half-hearted attempt at a smile and an almost imperceptible nod. Her mind raced around the words he had said. Did she hear him right? Had he really just unabashedly spilled his truth all over her as if he were telling a story about someone else?
It took several long moments of sitting alone in his living room to realize this wasn’t some dream. This day had happened. A knife had been pressed against her throat, a gun had been pulled, her life saved. Now the man who’d rescued her was seemingly as dangerous as the one who’d tried to kill her. Maybe even more so.
She stared at the door, almost hearing it calling to her. It’s time to go, Sydney. She rose, but rather than darting for the door, she crept down the hallway toward the light, streaming out of a half-opened door. She heard their voices, sweet rhythmic reading, taking turns between paragraphs of some chapter book about space aliens. She peeked in, her eyes fixed on Chris balancing uncomfortably on the tiny bed, his son tucked beneath his arm. His little brown mop of hair was resting on his father’s chest as he fought heavy lids, desperate to stay awake just a few more minutes.
“Daddy,” the boy interrupted his father’s reading, “I miss my friends. Can we go back home soon?”
Chris looked down at the top of his son’s head and then sadly closed his eyes. “I told you, buddy, this is our new home. I know it’s hard, but that’s just how it has to be right now. You’ll make new friends, I promise. And don’t forget, I’m your friend.”
“Is Miss Sydney my friend, too?”
“You bet she is,” Chris said, squeezing his son closer. “I promise one day we’ll look back at all this and be so happy we moved out here. It’s hard to understand now, but this is just where we need to be, okay?”
; “Okay,” the boy said, finally deciding to give in to the relentless tug of sleep. “Keep reading Daddy, just one more minute.” His voice clouded over, his words slurred.
“One more minute,” Chris agreed, leaning down and kissing his son’s head.
Sydney backed away from the door and retreated toward the living room. The confusion swirling in her heart and mind felt like it might nearly pull her in two. She knew if she stayed, if she sat back down, the sight of a man tucking his son into bed would supersede the things he’d just told her. She’d stuff away the fear and fall for the guy she just saw. Wasn’t that her problem? She was always trying to overlook the bad and get lost in the good.
And that worked, for a short time. Then the bad would seep in, overtake those small pieces of good, and she’d be left kicking herself for yet another mistake.
She pulled her coat on and let herself out, closing the door quietly behind her. Today was sobering, all around eye opening. She couldn’t very well take her life for granted anymore. She couldn’t go around getting involved with men who, by their own account were bad. But why then, only half way down the walkway, did she already miss him?
Chapter Three
26 Days Until Christmas
Well, this was going to be an awkward day at work, Chris thought to himself as he settled into his desk. Any minute Sydney would come in and he’d be faced with the task of ignoring the fact that she’d pretty much snuck out of his house last night and probably had no intention of speaking to him again.
She normally walked by his desk between 8:54 and 8:58 in the morning. Boy, he thought to himself, I guess I have been paying more attention to her than I thought. It was already 9:16 and there had been no sign of her. He hadn’t seen the flash of her strikingly bright blonde hair or smelled the crisp citrus of her perfume. His morning was just not complete without these things. There would be no way to get into her office without going past him, unless of course she climbed in her window, but she didn’t seem like the type to go all ninja just because she was avoiding someone. She was far too adult for that.
“Well I heard you had an exciting morning yesterday,” a nasal voice called from behind him. It was Joanie Blasterly, the nosiest secretary in the world. Her hair was dyed pitch-black and the white of her roots seemed to come in almost immediately after having it done. It always made Chris think of a skunk, and her breath made that image even easier to conjure up. “So dish, what exactly happened? The rumors are really flying, but I refuse to believe Sadney actually had a boyfriend in the first place. Though if she did, it wouldn’t surprise me that he’d want to kill her,” Joanie snickered as she sidled up to Chris’s desk and leaned her large rear end on it.
He’d done his share of being snarky about Sydney behind her back, but now that he had more insight into who she was, he found it all childish.
“I’m not one to fuel the rumor mill. Why don’t you go ask her what happened?” Chris was not dumb, he knew Joanie would have no intention of asking Sydney what had transpired. What he was really doing was fishing for an update on her, and it worked.
“Maybe I would if she were here today. Apparently,” Joanie said, exaggerating the words and lowering her tone to indicate this was a juicy tidbit of information, “the dean called her last night and put her on administrative leave. He didn’t really appreciate the bad press for the school and told her to take the week off while the PR department tries to minimize all this. I think we might be in luck. This might be the beginning of the end for her. Rumor is they won’t be asking her back. She signed a contract when she started working here about acting in a way that best represents the university at all times. We’re a Catholic facility here, I’m sure she’s broken plenty of the clauses in her contract. Normally they don’t go digging around to see if you’re taking birth control or having premarital sex, but if you make waves they have loads of ways to get rid of you. The leave is just a formality while they make their case to fire her. ”
“Are you serious? It wasn’t her fault, the guy attacked her.” His voice was loud enough to send Joanie backward off his desk into a standing position.
“What do you care? She’s a total bitch to you. You should be happy it happened. I give it a week and she’ll be packing her desk.”
“This place is so screwed up. They’ll hire a guy like me, but fire a girl like her?” He rolled his chair backward and hit the wall, the thud turning heads his way. “Tell the dean he’s an idiot and I quit,” Chris growled, grabbing his keys and the framed pictures of his son from his desk. “And, Joanie,” he added, walking backward toward the door, “mind your own business and buy some damn breath mints.”
Chris made his way to his car and pulled up the GPS on his phone. He didn’t have Sydney’s number, but he’d seen her address yesterday on the police report as he was being processed at the precinct.
He drove the winding, cornfield-lined roads that led to Sydney’s house and realized he didn’t have any idea what he would say to her. He couldn’t guess how she’d react to seeing him at her door, but he didn’t care. This was who he was now. This was Chris not Christian. He’d spent so many years evading, lying, dodging. The honesty he showed last night was all he wanted in his life.
Her house was small, just a cottage really. He recognized her car in the driveway and felt his heart thudding against his chest. Please don’t be afraid of me, please don’t kick me out, he kept thinking to himself. He’d been a scary guy for so many years, evoking fear in anyone who crossed him. He just didn’t want her to see him that way. He rang the bell and held his breath as he heard her footsteps coming toward the door.
“Chris, what are you doing here?” she asked, looking genuinely shocked to see him. His heart sank at her puffy, red eyes; clearly the tears had been falling for some time.
“I heard the dean put you on administrative leave. I also heard that he probably will find a way to fire you. Is that true?” He wanted to step in toward her, pull her into him and let her tell her sad story as he stroked her hair, but he waited. He knew she wouldn’t be the type of person to allow that kind of weakness to be seen.
“Yes,” she admitted quietly, avoiding his eyes. “They’ve already begun questioning me about my personal life and the conflicts with my contract. They’ll have ample reason to get rid of me.” She paused and forced her lips into a smile. “At least everyone in the office will be happy.”
“You’re right. Everyone who works there is going to be thrilled that you’re gone.” The smile faded from her mouth and now Chris wore the grin. “Not me, though, because I don’t work there anymore.”
“What?” she gasped, her hand covering her heart.
“I quit this morning when I heard they were going to fire you. I can’t work somewhere that treats good people like that. Not to mention, I don’t know if you noticed, but I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing there.”
She shook her head disbelievingly. And he could understand why—no one in his right mind would quit a job over something like this. Not because of her. He guessed, historically, it was she who was always the one doing things like this for all the wrong people, but the confused look on her face told him no one ever stepped up for her. “I did notice you weren’t qualified,” she said coyly. “I still can’t figure out what your application screening process was. I mean, you sent me some real weirdos to interview.”
“Hey, I worked really hard on that. Have you ever heard of eeney, meeney, miney, mo? It’s a foolproof decision-making technique.”
With that they both broke into laughter that felt so good. “Syd,” Chris said softly, reaching his hand out to her cheek and rubbing his thumb just under her eye where the shadow of tears still existed. “I know you were freaked out yesterday, and you have a lot going on right now, but please talk to me. If you tell me that you don’t feel anything for me, or that what I told you yesterday makes you want to run from me, that’s okay. But I need to hear it from you. I’m not going to be able to leave you alo
ne until I know that’s what you want.”
A tear welled in her eye and spilled over, blazing a path down her cheek to the point of her chin. It was just one salty tear but to Chris it might as well have been a bullet to his chest. He wasn’t here to cause her problems, to make her cry.
“I’m sorry,” he said, lowering his hand from her face and wiping the tear as he did. “I’m not trying to complicate things anymore for you. I get it.” He turned to go and felt her hand catch his sleeve.
“I’m not saying you have to go.” More tears came and he could tell she didn’t bother fighting them now. “I’m a screwup, Chris. I may look like I have it all together, but I’m drowning here. Every move I make just digs me deeper into this hole. I’m so afraid to make another bad choice that I don’t want to make any at all. I just want to cut my losses, stand perfectly still, and try not to make things worse.”
“Do you think I’m another bad choice?”
“I don’t know. I know what my heart is telling me, but to be perfectly blunt, my heart is a freaking idiot. It’s what’s led me to every other problem I’ve ever had. You might be a perfectly good guy with no bad intentions. Maybe you have completely changed and you’re harmless, but I don’t have anymore gamble in me. I’ve given my heart to every undeserving moron who shows any interest in it. And every time I get it back in worse shape than when I gave it. Caleb was the last straw.”
“I’m not Caleb. I have never raised my hand to a woman in my life, and I never would.” He said the words angrily, furious at every man who had ever hurt her, at every nameless, faceless jerk who’d stomped on her heart and ruined his chance at making her happy.
“I know that. I can tell just by looking at you that you’re different. But at some point I looked at all of them and thought they were right for me. I’m just scared.” She dropped her head and sighed in defeat.
“It’s okay,” he said, the anger washing away and being replaced by a fierce desire to hold her. It would just be a hug, he told himself. Friends hug when one of them is sad. He stepped forward and pulled her into him. His heart filled as her arms rose up under his. He ran his hand up through her silky blonde hair and breathed her in. He’d held many women over the years but holding Sydney felt different. He’d always been the broken one, the damaged half of the equation. This was different.
Choosing Christmas (A Piper Anderson Novella) (Piper Anderson Series) Page 3