by Emily Mckee
Every step that I took felt like I was being stabbed in the heart and someone was twisting it. I just wished that I had a magical clock where I could rewind time and figure out where it all went wrong and change it so maybe right now could be different.
Instead of waking up alone I could be waking up in Jason’s arms and kissing him. Where we could stay in bed all day and change our flight time because we got carried away. Where we could get to know one another on a different level besides that of friends. Where we could go back to school as a couple and see where this took us.
Whatever path it led us down because good or bad, right or wrong it would be amazing. No matter what way it ended: with him for forever or with him for only a short while I would be changed in some sort of way for the rest of my life. All because of Jason Williams.
Walking into the airport lounge my heart was beating out of its chest because I didn’t want to board the plane. I didn’t want to go back to Maryland and in five years, ten years from now look back and think that our short trip in Vegas was only a dream and how I wished I would have never woken up. Because like books and movies, dreams are more often than not better than reality.
We started walking in the direction of our gate and as I started to turn Jason put a hand on my upper arm signaling for me to stop. Stopping, I slowly looked up into his eyes and he was looking at me with the hint of a smile on his face. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something white was waving below us and I looked down. I noticed that he was holding two airplane tickets and I wondered when he snooped into my bag and got mine.
I quickly pulled my purse off of my shoulder and unzipped it. I started digging around and noticed that my ticket was still inside my wallet, folded up and hidden away; like my short time with Jason. I slowly looked up into Jason’s eyes and tilted my head.
He shrugged his shoulders and let out a laugh. “I just thought we could use another vacation.”
I took hold of the plane tickets and read that we were headed to Florida. A smile began to creep up on my face but then it quickly disappeared because I came to the realization that this vacation was just going to be Jason and me.
Alone.
Together.
I started to bite my lower lip because I was nervous. Jason must have noticed it and sensed how I was feeling. Holding up the plane tickets Jason said, “I thought we could hang out Ash. Just the two of us. No one else.”
I was still silent so Jason said, “It’s my parent’s vacation house. It’s right by the edge of the ocean. If everything goes well I thought we could stay for the rest of Spring Break.” Pausing he said, “That is if you want to.”
I began to open my mouth but no words were coming out. I was surprised I was still standing up to be honest. And that I was breathing in and out.
Continuing Jason said, “The reason I wanted to go to Florida is so I could explain some things to you. Explain about what exactly happened last night and get everything out on the table. No more surprises. No more secrets.”
I started to think about what Jason just said. It was everything I wanted but I was scared of these secrets he was talking about.
To me it was okay.
To me it was perfect.
Perfectly okay.
Sucking in a shaky breath I nodded my head and whispered, “Okay.”
As soon as that one word left my lips a smile came across Jason’s face and his eyes brightened up. Nodding his head he let out a breath and said, “Okay then,” and grabbing my hand we walked to our new destination.
On the flight over to Florida Jason and I were pretty quiet. I texted Jade letting her know that Jason and I had some things we had to straighten up and that I wouldn’t be coming home today. She texted me back telling me to take my time and see what could happen between Jason and I.
Jade had these high hopes and not a care in the world. Me, on the other hand? I second guessed everything and questioned what exactly would happen. I wanted Jason but I was scared. Scared in the sense that I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to help Jason with the demons of his past. Scared to find out what exactly had happened to him and Jade as children.
Landing in Florida we caught a cab and made our way over to Jason’s parents’ beach house. It was funny because Jason was laughing and smiling again. The way he was our night in Vegas when he attacked me with kisses up against the wall. It seemed like all we had to do was go on vacations for everything to be “normal” between us. But life isn’t a vacation and at some point we have to get back to reality.
So as much as I was going to enjoy this vacation and my time alone with Jason I was also nervous about getting back on that plane and going back to school. I didn’t know which Jason would be getting on the plane with me. The Jason I had known since freshman year of college or the Jason that kissed me and made me feel like I was his and his only.
After Jason paid for the cab fare he got our luggage and we walked up to the house. He got a key from underneath the front door mat and quickly unlocked the door. Opening the door he said, “After you, milady.”
Even though I was wearing jean shorts I pretended I had on a Victorian dress and curtsied, saying, “Thank you kind sir.”
I walked in and heard Jason laughing behind me. I turned back to him and he was placing the luggage down on either side of him and then he lifted his arms and shrugged. “Do you want to look around?”
As soon as he closed the door I began to get nervous. I could feel beads of sweat forming at the top of my forehead. I thought maybe Jason could hear my heart pounding out of my chest and my fingers started to twitch.
I shook the nervousness away and said, “Yeah, let’s take a look around.”
Jason showed me around the house which was pretty simple. I mean, it was just a beach house that was all one level with a living room and kitchen along with three bedrooms. The living room was in the back of the house and there were large windows which showed a clear view of the crisp, clear ocean water and the sand I couldn’t wait to feel between my toes.
After showing me around the house we made our way back into the kitchen. Jason was pulling out ingredients to make sandwiches. I walked over to him and nudged him on the shoulder. “Can I help?”
He laughed and said, “Yeah, I thought we could get a cooler ready and hang out at the beach for the rest of the day. Does that sound okay?”
I was busy making a sandwich and smiled. “That sounds amazing but Jason, I just wanted to know where I should stay.”
He looked over at me said, “You’re staying here silly.”
I shook my head and said, “I meant which bedroom I should stay in.”
He was in the middle of spreading mustard on his sandwich when he dropped it and stuttered saying, “Oh, um, how about Jade’s room?”
“Okay, that sounds good.”
Jason nudged my shoulder and said, “How about you go get ready for the beach and I’ll finish up here. Sound good?”
I just nodded my head and began to walk over to the front door to pick up my bag when I heard Jason say, “I’m really glad you’re here, Ash.”
I stopped in my tracks and smiled. Just turning my head back towards his direction I said, “So am I Jason.”
Making my way back to Jade’s room I started to get nervous. Closing the door behind me I sagged down to the floor and started hyperventilating. “Come on Ash! This is what you wanted. Just play it cool and everything will be okay.”
Psyching myself up I dropped my bag on the bed and started going through it to get my bikini and then I realized I needed to shave. Thankfully Jade had a bathroom in her room so I quickly shaved my legs and another area (wink, wink) and changed into my pink bikini and put on a pair of jean shorts.
I borrowed one of Jade’s beach bags and put in a towel, sun screen, my Kindle, and a t-shirt. I thought about wearing the t-shirt but I opted against it. Grabbing some sunglasses, I walked out into the kitchen. Jason’s back was to me and he was talking to himself. I couldn’t really h
ear much of what he had to say. After packing up the cooler he turned around and his jaw dropped to the floor.
Okay, not really, but it was pretty damn close.
I inwardly smiled and gave myself a pat on the back but on the outside I blushed like crazy. He was staring at me like he wanted to rip my clothes off but after a second he shook his head and said, “I better go get changed and then we can go to the beach.”
In this tiny voice I squeaked, “Okay,” and then proceeded to wait for him.
Jason didn’t take any time at all and I almost lost my shit when he walked back into the kitchen with swim trunks on and nothing else. Well, except for the flip flops on his feet and towel draped over his shoulder. I started from his feet and slowly worked my way up his incredible physique. Who knew that a guy’s feet could be so sexy? Neither did I.
His stomach was, well, I have no words for it. He didn’t just have a six pack, it was wow my panties are soaked. By the time I made it up to his face he was biting his lower lip and then I looked into his eyes and he winked at me. “Come on Ash, let’s go.” I quickly grabbed my bag and Jason grabbed the cooler and we started to make our way down to the beach.
Thankfully there weren’t that many people out so we had our alone time. I was both thankful and nervous because I didn’t know how to act. We were going into a completely different territory and I didn’t want to mess it up.
We walked a little bit and then settled down. Jason laid his towel out and then plopped down and started going through the cooler. I placed my bag down and took a deep breath. Getting my towel out I laid it next to Jason’s and then quickly unbuttoned and pulled down my jean shorts. I had bent over and when I stood up I noticed that Jason had a sandwich halfway to his mouth but he was staring at me. His pupils were dilated and he was breathing really heavily. In turn I bit my lower lip and then Jason focused on that lower lip.
I giggled and said, “Is that sandwich good?”
Jason blinked a few times and then said, “I don’t know. You want a bite?”
God, yes, I want a bite! I want to suck, lick, and nip! Fuck, I need to go into the cold, salty ocean water and cool down a bit! Ok salty is not helping one bit ASHLYNN PAISLEY MILLER!
I’m not exactly sure who I surprised more; myself or Jason when I nodded my head and leaned in to take a bite of his sandwich. I never took my eyes off his the entire time. I heard him take a deep breath and, just because I could, I moaned and said, “Best sandwich I’ve ever had.”
I had just swallowed the bite when Jason dropped the sandwich and grabbed my face and kissed me. It took me a second but I moaned when he licked my lower lip and asked for entrance. I wrapped my arms around him and moved my head a little so we could deepen the kiss. The second our tongues touched I heard him moan, but just as quickly as he kissed me he leaned back and said, “I’m going to go swim.” And just like that he was up and walking towards the ocean.
I was stunned and couldn’t believe that the same thing happened again, but this time I was beyond pissed. I was enraged.
His feet were just touching the ocean water when I ran up to him and spun him around. He looked at me and I could see that he thought I was going to slap him again but I pushed him. “Don’t you dare, Jason Williams! You can’t play these Jedi mind trick games with me. One second you’re pushing me away and the next you’re attacking me with kisses.” I just started to tear up and lowered my head. Whispering I said, “Please tell me you feel something too because this just isn’t fair.”
Jason placed a finger underneath my chin and lifted it so we were looking at one another. He looked like he was going to cry or scream or something. The reason I knew was because I felt the same exact way. I knew that my face mirrored his with the sad puppy dog eyes, the tears welling up and the biting of the bottom lip while the chin quivered.
Allowing his head to drop to the sand below us he let out a deep breath. Lifting his head he leaned in and lightly kissed me on the lips. Pulling away against my lips he said, “I want this Ashlynn but I just can’t. You are too important to me and I don’t want to mess this up. I’m sorry.”
Pushing him I yelled, “What can’t you do Jason?” Looking out around us I said, “Why the hell did you bring me here then? You can’t just play with people’s emotions like this. It’s not right!”
Trying to catch my breath I shook my head. Turning around I walked back to my beach towel and plopped down. I thought staying in Florida would be different for us but it wasn’t. I thought he would whisk me away to this beautiful place and we would have a beautiful time. Instead, it had turned into a tornado disaster of a mess. I kind of wish we had just went back home because I couldn’t deal with whatever this was between Jason and I for much longer.
I was drowning in my sorrows and feeling sorry for myself when I saw some feet stop in front of me as I played with the sand. I heard Jason say, “Get up Ashlynn.”
Looking up at him with his hands on his hips, looking so damn beautiful I wanted to burst into tears, because I knew this was going to end before it even had the chance to begin.
Chapter 5
Jason
Just fuck me right now! Seeing Ash in that gorgeous pink bikini was wow! As soon as I saw her and the way her tits were just begging for attention my dick was up front and center. I’m surprised she didn’t say anything about my hard-on. At first I didn’t think I could walk down to the beach because I felt like I needed to go back in the bathroom for a second or two, literally. I was as hard as cement. Fuck! That pales in comparison to how fucking hard I was.
I knew I couldn’t let her out of my sight so I started to think about anything gross. Kids who pick their nose and eat the boogers. Dogs that lick their own assholes. Old men scratching their hairy, wrinkly balls. Good boy Hardy you’re down!
I knew this whole thing was going to be a complete mess no matter what but I could give my balls for how little I cared. I was a selfish prick and I was tired of hiding away my feelings for Ash. It’s like I’m Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. On one side I’m trying to save her from a huge mess she doesn’t need to be in. But the other side, the more dominant side at the moment, doesn’t give a rat’s ass because I’m too selfish and I just want Ash. The sickest part about it is that I’m so selfish I wonder sometimes if she could actually help me deal with everything going on in my life.
I feel like I’m suffocating and Ash is my oxygen. Not to be a complete girl in these next few seconds but she’s the light in my darkness. The cookie to my cream. The baseball to my bat. She’s … my everything.
Just so we’re clear I don’t care if you just judged me right then and there. Because a real man can wear pink. He can watch The Notebook and find Ryan Gosling attractive as all hell. He can scream at the television and cry when The Biggest Loser Winner is announced between sobs saying, “Yeah you did!” I’m not saying I do that, but ok you caught me. And heads up! If you tell anybody I will not be your book boyfriend. Just so we’re clear on all counts.
As soon as we found where we would be sitting at the beach I plopped down and started rummaging through the cooler. I needed to stick a sandwich in my mouth before I yanked off Ash’s bikini top and sucked on her sweet, round nipple. I was just about to stick the sandwich in my mouth when motherfucking shit! Ash was shimmying out of her jean shorts and her tits were bouncing up and down. Of course Hardy had to come back!
My jaw dropped and I’m really positive that some drool was on the side of my mouth. She must have noticed the drool or something because she giggled and said, “Is that sandwich good?”
I knew she wouldn’t so I said, “I don’t know. You want a bite?”
Ash had just sat down when I finished asking her the question and I could feel my heart beating out of its chest. I thought for sure she’d slap me on the arm and say something along the lines of, “Oh my God Jason,” or, “Ha ha very funny.” But she nodded her head and grabbed a hold of my wrist. Without taking her eyes off me she took a bite of my sandwich. Shit
pearls, she moaned.
I couldn’t form simple words because all of my blood had rushed to my cock but I was gentlemanly enough to let her swallow her bite and then I just lost my shit completely. I grabbed her face and kissed the living fuck out of her. I was about to just take her right then and there but then everything came crashing down on me and said, “I’m going to go swim.”
I wanted to cut my own dick off for doing that to her again. It’s like as soon as I feel happy I know she’ll be miserable. I was just about to touch the water when Ash spun me around. I knew she was pissed because you could practically see the smoke coming from her ears and the way she was puffing out her breaths. I started to prepare myself for the smack across the face that I knew was coming but she pushed me instead. Poking a finger in the middle of my chest she said, “Don’t you dare Jason Williams! You can’t play these Jedi mind trick games with me. One second you’re pushing me away and the next you’re attacking me with kisses.”
I wanted to grab her in my arms and take away all of the pain I knew I was causing her but then I heard her whisper, “Please tell me you feel something too because this just isn’t fair.”
Taking a deep breath I put a finger underneath her chin and lightly kissed her on the lips and said, “I want this Ashlynn but I just can’t. You are too important to me and I don’t want to mess this up. I’m sorry.” The words stung like a complete bitch but they had to be said. I had finally made my choice. I had finally ripped off the bandage.
I needed her to know that we could never be anything besides friends. That’s why I had brought her here. I’m not sure if I needed it more for me or for her. But why then did I feel like there was a pit in my stomach that something just wasn’t right? When you rip off the bandage it hurts but you feel like you accomplished something. However, with this matter I think I just made a bigger mess than before and I knew in that moment what I wanted.