by Emily Mckee
That’s when Sarah had to say, “Well, I have to get going chickys. Gabe and I have to make all the final touches before the wedding.”
Right then and there I went from feeling like nothing to feeling like complete and utter shit. I hated bitching like that but it sucks when you know the person who you are going to spend the rest of your life with and you don’t know how to fix the problems in his life. You have to watch from a distance because he won’t let you in and as much as you try to help he pushes you away.
After Sarah gave us each a hug she said, “The next time you guys will see me I’ll be Mrs. Gabe Prescott!”
We all laughed and cheered, but I couldn’t help but wonder when it would be my time to say things like that. It just seemed like everyone around me was finding someone to spend the rest of their life with. Of course there was Jade because I couldn’t see her ever settling down. If she did though it would take someone who was out of this world because I didn’t see her changing anytime soon.
Once Sarah packed up her beach bag and left, Patrick and Derrick decided to go play in the water so I laid on my stomach, welcoming the peace and quiet and started to read.
Reading is the only thing that calms me and helps me escape. By reading it’s almost like I’m torturing myself because I wouldn’t have to read if my life wasn’t such a fuck up right now.
I envy Isabelle because she’s no longer reading books, but writing them about her and Maddox. While I probably would never write a book, I do look forward to the day where it’s a possibility that I’ll be able to share the beauty in life and not have to read about it in order to escape mine.
I was on the last chapter of my book when a little girl walked up to me and asked, “Do you know where my brother is?”
I sat up, looked at her and saw that she wasn’t much older than four. I put my book back in my bag and turned to her and said, “No, but I can help you find him. I’m Ashlynn by the way. What’s your name sweetie?”
She gave a tiny smile and said, “Jacquelyn.”
I placed my hand out to shake her hand and asked, “What’s your brother’s name, Jacquelyn?”
We started our walk around the beach when she said, “Neil.”
I was about to ask that sweet little girl what her brother Neil looked like when we hear a deep male voice screaming, “JACQUELYN! JACQUELYN! JACQUELYN!”
We turned around and saw a guy running all over the place carrying a little boy and then Jacquelyn screamed, “NEIL! TOMMY!” The guy stopped in his tracks to face us and saw his little sister. The biggest smile came across his face and he began to run to her.
Releasing her hand from mine Jacquelyn scurried on over to her big brother.
After he picked her up into his arms and spins her around Neil places her back in the sand and looked into her eyes. Very seriously he said, “Jack-O-Lantern you can’t run away like that again, okay? You had me really scared that something might happen to you.”
That was when he turned to look at me and a little smile appeared on his face but just as quickly he looked back at his little sister and said, “What if this nice lady wasn’t here? I don’t know what I would have done.”
In a tiny little voice Jacquelyn squeaked, “I’m sorry Neil. I love you,” and wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him on the cheek. Just like that Neil melts and he goes from this scary big guy to this little softy right before my eyes.
I couldn’t help but stare and smile and with that I said, “Well I’m glad you found your brother Jacquelyn,” and with that I had begun to leave but I heard Neil say, “Stay right here Jacquelyn. Tommy.”
Running towards me Neil said, “Hey wait up!”
I stop and turn around to see Neil running up to me smiling. He stops a few feet away from me and extends his hand and says, “Hey, I’m Neil.”
I smiled and shook his hand and said, “I’m Ashlynn. It’s nice to meet you Neil.”
When I said his name his dimples appeared and a sly grin came across his face. He slowly let go of my hand and said, “You know it would be rude of me to not thank you properly for helping my little sister out; so did you want to go out to dinner with me sometime?”
I giggled and then said, “Really? Is this how you pick up girls?” I looked over towards Jacquelyn and Tommy and asked, “Are those even your brother or sister?”
I looked back over at Neil. He had begun to laugh and then said, “That probably just looked really pathetic but yes they are my brother and sister. Truthfully, I just moved back here and don’t really know anybody. Plus it kind of helps a little when your little sister finds some beautiful girl to help her out and find her dumbass brother because he can’t watch two kids at a time.”
All I could do was laugh because I was not expecting that and it kind of turns me on.
While Neil was blabbering he looked down at the ground but then he looked at me from under his eyelashes and asked, “So what do you think? Want to go out sometime?”
My stomach dropped and my heart began to beat really fast because while I wanted to say, “Yes,” I couldn’t help but think about Jason because I knew when I first saw Jason and shook his hand my heart belonged to him. Unfortunately, I couldn’t wait for forever so against my better judgment and with slight hesitation I uttered, “Okay.”
Neil quirked his head to the side and jokingly said, “Ash you’re going on a date with me. The least you could do is sound a little enthusiastic about it.”
Giggling, I said, “I’ll go out with you Neil.”
He smirked and said, “I don’t believe you.”
I giggled even harder and said, “I want to go out with you Neil.”
He laughed and then said, “Alright Ash relax.”
I just rolled my eyes and pushed him playfully, “Does that work on everybody?”
In a serious tone he said, “I don’t know. I haven’t done that with anyone, so you tell me?”
That’s when I knew we had just went from playful to something else entirely. I was at a loss for words but my lips quirked up in a smile and I managed to say, “I’ll let you know.”
After Neil programmed my number into his cell he said, “I’ll text you what the plans are to go out.”
I just nodded my head and said, “Okay.” I started to walk away from Neil, Jacquelyn, and Tommy. I could feel Neil’s eyes on me as I walked away and then my cell phone beeped. Taking it out of my pocket I flipped it opened. I saw a number I hadn’t saved and read the message.
Unknown - Free Tonight?
I turned around and saw Neil looking at me with such intensity that I smiled. And before I could think about the huge mess that was going to cause I quickly texted him back and winked. The second he looked down at his phone I turned around and walked back over to where Patrick and Derrick were sitting on beach towels smiling and laughing.
Ashlynn – Pick me up at 8?
I was just about to sit down on my beach towel and soak in the sun for a little while longer when I got another text that said:
Neil – I’ll be there!
Sitting down I texted him my address and just as I was about to put my phone away the beep went off signaling that I had another text. I got giddy because I thought it was Neil. However, when I opened my phone I felt like I was going to have a panic attack because it said:
Jason – Can we talk?
Unbelievable! Just as I’m about to let go of Jason he comes back into my life and my world is turned upside down and I’m not sure what the right thing to do is.
After reading his text, Derrick nudged me and asked, “Sweetie?”
With just that one word the tears come pouring down my face and within seconds Derrick and Patrick were on either side of me trying to calm me down and comfort me.
By the time I managed to tell them what had happened I got two more messages; one from Neil and the other from Jason.
Neil – I can’t wait for tonight.
Jason – Please Ash, I’m so sorry.
Taki
ng my phone Derrick asked, “What do you want to do Ash?”
Looking down at the sand between my toes and taking a few deep breaths I said, “I’m not sure.”
Derrick just smiled and kissed me on the cheek. Moving away and looking into my eyes he said, “I’m just going to give you my opinion on this. I know you still really like Jason but I think you should go on this date with Neil. From what you told me he seems like a really nice guy. Maybe it’ll go somewhere, maybe it won’t, but honey you have to get out there and stop hiding behind your books.”
Through a tearful smile I said, “Thanks Derrick. I love you.”
Smiling Derrick then kissed me on the forehead and said, “Always babe. Now hop to it.”
Once I wiped the tears from my eyes I took a deep breath and sent out my replies.
Neil – I can’t wait either
Jason - … no we can’t. I’m attempting to move on, you should too.
As soon as my phone read, Message Sent, to Jason I felt somewhat relieved but I wasn’t exactly sure what I was relieved about to tell you the truth. Relieved because I said no to him or relieved because I knew that this wasn’t over between him and I and that Jason would fight for us?
I decided on a pale blue sundress for my date with Neil along with some brown wedges. He said that he was taking me to a seafood restaurant that is out of this world spectacular. I was just about to close the door to my bedroom when the doorbell rang. I looked over to the clock and it read 7:50 and I became a little bundle of nerves.
I grabbed my purse from the couch and walked over to the door. Taking a deep breath to try and calm myself I opened the door and Neil was standing there looking downright fuckable. He had on these tan cargo shorts with a bright blue t-shirt on that matched the color of his eyes. I looked up into his eyes and he looked like he was going to devour me. I bit my lower lip and then noticed he had an eyebrow ring.
Without thinking I placed my finger to his eyebrow ring and said, “I didn’t notice this earlier.”
I looked into his eyes and he smiled and grabbed that exact hand and said, “That would be because I didn’t have it in earlier. You ready to go?”
I smiled and after locking the door I turned to see Neil still staring at me. My stomach started doing somersaults and I had begun to laugh. “What?”
He just shook his head and said, “You look beautiful, Ashlynn.”
I could feel my cheeks beginning to blush and looked down at the pavement. “Thank you.”
I felt a hand under my chin and before I knew it I was looking at Neil and he smiled and said, “You shouldn’t be embarrassed of that.” It seemed like all I could do around Neil was smile. Taking my hand in his we walked to his car and he opened the door for me which I thought was really sweet. After closing the door he walked over to the driver’s side and got in and started the car up. On our way to the restaurant we talked about the simple things. Our favorite shows we like to watch. Movies. Music we listen to.
Before I knew it Neil was parking the car and we were walking in. He held the door open for me and after the hostess took us to our table and got our drink order the conversation started all up again. Neil told me about Jacquelyn and Tommy and how important they were to him. He told me that he had to move back home because of some family problems. I could tell he didn’t want to get into it so I didn’t ask any questions. I loved that he felt comfortable with me, but in all honesty I felt like what Neil and I had would turn into a great friendship and nothing more.
Once our food arrived there were a few minutes of silence while we dug into the delicious seafood. Cracking open the lobster and slathering it with butter, while taking sips of ice cold beer to bring it all together.
I was just about to take a bite of the buttered lobster when I heard my cell phone beep, notifying me that I had a text message. I ignored it because it’s rude to check messages on a date, but Neil must have noticed it too because he said, “You can answer it Ash. I don’t mind.”
I quickly apologized and unzipped my purse. Opening my phone my heart stopped when I read the text.
Jason – I’ll never move on Ashlynn.
I didn’t think I shut my phone that loudly but Neil commented and said, “Are you ok?”
I looked up at him and he seemed really sincere. I attempted to nod my head but Neil said, “What’s his name?”
I didn’t think it was okay to talk to Neil about this while we were on a date together but Neil said, “Look Ashlynn it’s okay. I just wanted to get to know you and I’ve had a lot of fun tonight but I can tell from the way you were reading that message that you’re taken. I’d still like to be friends at least.”
I smiled and nodded my head in approval. “I’m so sorry Neil and I’ve had a great time tonight too.”
He gave a small smile and took a sip of his beer. After swallowing, he pointed to my phone and said, “Alright, let’s hear the story.”
Setting down my phone I looked up at him and said, “It’s a long story.” At that exact moment the waitress came over with our bill.
Before I could grab the bill Neil had it in his hands and was pulling out his wallet to get his card. I wanted to protest but he looked up at me and said, “I got this. If you’re up for it how about you buy a case of beer and we can talk about it at my place? My roommate will probably be there so you can get two guys’ perspectives.”
Just as Neil put the card in the holder and set it back on the table I put my hand on top of his and smiled. “Do you know how amazing you are Neil?”
He chuckled and said, “It’s by choice.”
Once the waitress came back with our receipt we left the restaurant. Picking up a case of beer Neil started the drive to his apartment. I noticed that we were in the same apartment complex as Jason and I started to get really nervous. Grabbing the beer from the back Neil said, “Follow me.”
I followed Neil and stopped and saw that his apartment read 3B and my heart stopped.
I started to walk into the apartment and then I saw the back of his roommate’s head and heard him say, “Back so soon Neil?”
Neil just laughed and said, “Nah, she’s here with me.”
Just then Neil’s roommate got up from the sofa, turned around, and his eyes bulged out of his head. “Ashlynn?”
I heard Neil placing the beer on the breakfast bar and out of the corner of my eye I saw him turn to me with a confused look on his face.
Without taking my eyes off his roommate I whispered, “Jason.”
Chapter 7
Jason
The second I heard the words, “Jason. We need to talk,” my heart dropped. Why did it have to be as soon as I put everything out on the table with Ashlynn? I felt like we had made a huge breakthrough and then this bastard has to call and ruin it, just like Jade’s and my childhood.
I just didn’t understand why he couldn’t leave me alone and let me live my life. He never tried to talk to Jade but it was probably because I threatened to kill him if ever hurt her with his words or his fists ever again. I knew it hurt Jade and that’s why she never did relationships; well that and because of what had happened in high school.
The both of us were just two damaged souls and we needed people who were going to help us with the messes and mistakes we were bound to make. Luckily I had found mine … Ashlynn. I just hoped that Jade would find hers.
Looking through the glass doors at the view of Ashlynn sitting out on the deck I let out a deep breath and said, “Alright,” and quickly hung up before I could take back the single hardest word I have ever had to speak.
While it hurt to say, “Goodbye,” to Ashlynn before we even got started I knew that if I didn’t hear my dad out Ashlynn and I wouldn’t last the long run and goddamn, because I was in for the long run with her.
Once Ashlynn and I got back from Florida I closed off from her because I had to hear what my dad had to say to me and what he told me left me emotionless.
Picking up the phone to call my dad my heart wa
s beating so fast. I was about to hang up because it just kept ringing but then I heard the phone pick up and my dad say, “Jason?”
I quickly gulped down my nerves and said, “What is it you wanted to talk about?”
Mom and Dad were still together but they both deserved one another because they were two of the most horrible human beings I had ever come in contact with and the fact that both their blood ran through mine and Jade’s veins disgusted me beyond belief.
I heard some heavy wheezing on the other end and then I heard, “I’m dying.”
I didn’t know what to say to that because if he wanted my sympathy he sure as hell was looking in the wrong spot. In fact I was the last person he should be asking sympathy from … besides Jade.
I didn’t say anything so he went on.
“I have Stage 4 liver cancer and I’m not going to last much longer. I um –”
I thought the line disconnected so I took the phone from my ear to look but I saw that he was still on the other end. I closed my eyes and said, “Are you still there?”
I heard him choking up and he said, “Yeah, I’m still here. I, um, I don’t even know what to say for the things I have done to you and Jade. Sorry doesn’t even come close and I wanted to ask for your forgiveness.”
I just started laughing. “Really? You’re asking for forgiveness now because you’re dying? You will never get my forgiveness and if you so much as contact Jade I will shoot you where you stand. You hear me? You made your choices and I hope you rot in hell for what you did to us. I just can’t believe I let you and mom get to me like this.”
You don’t even deserve to hear this but I met this girl and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But you know what I think about when it comes to her? The fact that I am scared out of my goddamn mind to end up like you. She means way too fucking much to me. I just don’t understand how some bastard could treat his wife and kids like the way you treated mom, Jade, and I.”