by Rod Carstens
CHAPATER 56
Jack’s Beach House
Malibu California
"Yeah Gretchen that should work. Have we missed anything?" Tom said
"No hon, I don't think we have. I must tell you that you have lived up to all of the hype I heard about you. Kate did not exaggerate. I could not have done this without you."
"Well thanks and you have been great too. Kate did not exaggerate when she described you either."
"How is our girl doing?"
"Not so good. A lot of sitting and staring at the ocean. I don't seem to help much."
"Oh, your helping just by being there. Look, I'll talk to you later. The limo is supposed to pick you guys up at four."
"We'll be ready. I'll check in later. How's Rachel doing?"
"This is the first time she had a loss of someone close to her. She is taking it hard. She keeps calling a guy down in Florida named Brian."
"He is one of my guys on the department. He’s a good man. He'll be there for her."
"She's hasn't talked about him. I'll want to talk to you about him if we get a chance before you leave."
"Sure talk to you later."
Tom walked through the house calling Kate's name but she did not answer. He finally found her sitting cross-legged on Jack's bed with an old metal box in her lap and papers strewn about.
"Kate what have you got there?" Tom said.
"Uh, Jack told me where his will was just in case, but he also had a lot of other stuff in here. Come look at this this."
The first thing Jack saw as a picture of a very young Jack with a group of other young Marines on what looked like a devastated Pacific island. They were in various stages of combat dress or more correctly what was left of their uniforms. Some were shirtless, all wore their blouses unbuttoned and hanging over their pants, some wore helmets while other wore soft covers. They all had beards after days of not shaving. Their pants were torn or ripped and their boots were scuffed and dirty. They held a variety of weapons with a familiarity that made them appear part of their bodies. Jack had written 'Betio Bastards First Platoon Survivors' across the bottom of the picture. This must have been Tarawa. There were X's below each of the men in the picture except Jack. He stared for a long time at the photograph.
"Tom what does Betio Bastards mean?" Kate said.
"Betio was the main island of a group of islands called Tarawa. Jack was part of the battle of Tarawa one of the worse in World War II. The Marines were still trying to figure out how to make amphibious landings and the first wave and second waves were decimated. This must be what was left of his platoon."
"How many are in a platoon?"
"Around forty guys. It can be bigger depending on what kind it was."
"Dear God."
"Yeah."
"What do the X's mean?" Kate said.
"I don't know."
Kate reached into the box again this time her hand shook as she picked up a picture. It was a fading picture of Tom during the second half of his tour in '68. Tom had sent Jack the picture toward end of his tour. He had just come back from a long operation. His face was hard with exhaustion and war. He was staring at the camera with no smile, his eyes shaded by his helmet, he had not shaved in a week and a cigarette slanted from his lips. His held his rifle by the barrel over his shoulder. His flack jacket was open reveling a green t-shirt that was now black with sweat and dirt. His arms and face were darkly tanned. His camouflage pants had one knee torn out and his boots were scuffed till they were almost a tan instead of black. He had never thought of it before but he would fit right into the picture of Jack and his buddies. Just change the uniform and equipment.
Kate kept staring at the picture not saying a word.
"That was my last operation. I was going to make it back. So I sent Jack a picture. It was a big day but I don't look too happy do I?"
Kate still said nothing. She slowing ran a finger over his figure in the picture as if she were touching him back then.
"Kate are you all right?"
"I uh. I have never seen you like this. I could never picture you the way described on the plane, I would try but I could never really do it. Now, well now it seems...well it seems so real. All that you, Mac and Jack went through is in this picture. To know you and how kind you are to see you this way...."
Tom put his arm around her shoulder. Then he realized that there were tears in her eyes. He pulled her into his arms and she held on tightly.
"Kate it is all right."
"No babe, war will never be right. Not with the scars it leaves even on those who survive. God baby, I am so sorry. So very sorry for what you went through."
Tom gently took his arm from around her and lifted up her chin so he could see her face. Then said something he did not think he would ever get a chance to say to her.
"The only reason I made it through the rest of my tour was you. What you gave me and taught here in this house on this beach. You showed me what happiness could be like. You showed me the good side of things; I had been on the bad side of things for so long I was beginning to think what's the point of it all. Why fight so hard to live," Tom paused. "I would not have made it without you. You spent every night with me in bush. You stood watch in jungle with me. The memories you gave me were the one thing I had to hold onto. They were the only thing."
Her eyes filled with tears and she went into his arms again. He held her and let her cry until she sat up.
"I should have..."
Tom put his fingers gently across her lips.
"No 'should haves' or 'could haves' not now. We have things to do."
She stared at him for a long moment then turned back to the box.
Kate reached into the box and pulled out a piece of paper that was brown with age and creased so many times it was frail to the touch. There were ten names on the piece of paper beside each name was the name of a battle in the Pacific Saipan, Tinian or Okinawa and KIA beside the battle name. Then Tom realized that the paper folded out one more time. He folded out the last part of the paper and there on the old fragile paper Jack had written. Tom Ballard, Hue and Vietnam, 1967 to 1968 and put a great big check mark beside his name. Not an X like the others but a big check as if to celebrate the fact that he had survived. Tom just sat there staring the paper and tears began to form in his eyes for a man that had loved him as a son, and accepted him as one of a very exclusive brotherhood. Kate put her arm around his shoulder and said.
"Oh, Tommy how he loved you. You were the son he never had."
Tom finally leaned down on her shoulder and cried with all the emotion he had kept bottled up until now. Kate just held him until he was able to compose himself. He sat up and gently placed the paper in the pocket of his shirt with the photograph. He would frame it when he got home so he would always remember.
"I was wondering when you were going to let go sweetie. Now we still have some things to go through like you said." Kate said.
Next Kate took a packet of letters that were tied with a string. A picture of a girl with Jack was on the top of the stack. She looked remarkably like Kate except for the period clothes and hairstyle. A very young Jack was smiling in his Marine uniform with he cover cocked over to one side of his head the way they wore them back then. Just underneath the picture was a clipping from the LA Times it was the same picture but it was an engagement announcement it read 'aspiring actress Emily Ward to marry Marine Lance Corporal Jack Reynolds formerly a staff writer for Warner Brothers'.
"She's beautiful." Kate said.
"Wonder why Jack never mentioned her." Tom said.
The letters were torn and dirty as if he carried them everywhere he went. They were affectionate filled with love and longing for Jack. Tom could imagine Jack's return letters being the same. They sat their reading them together pointing out particularly poignant passages. It was truly a glimpse into a relationship that was almost forty years old yet seemed so alive in the letters. They could tell by her answers that Jack had never ment
ioned the reality of the war in the Pacific; he talked about missing her and what their lives would be like when he returned. Tom was finishing the next to the last letter was Kate said.
"Oh, dear God."
"What Kate?"
She just handed him the letter her face grief stricken. The letter was not from Emily but a Chloe Smith. Apparently she was Emily's best friend and felt she should be the one to send him the news. The clipping from the LA Times read Emily Ward found dead in the office of sometime producer David Patel. Mr. Patel is under arrest for her murder. A second clipping a few days later read that Mr. Patel has pleaded guilt and was sentenced to death. Chloe went on to explain the Patel had promised her a part in some new project to get her to come up to his office. She had told Emily she did not trust the guy but Emily went anyway. She went on to give her condolences. The most telling part of the whole letter was what Jack had scrawled across the clipping of Patel being sentenced to death. It read 'I should have been there.'
"Oh God, can you only imagine being overseas and getting that letter." Kate said.
"Jesus."
Kate sat there silently for a long time just staring at the clipping where Jack had scrawled "I should have been there". She seemed lost in thought rather than stuck by the clipping. Kate suddenly stood up.
"Jesus Christ of course. That's it," she said as she stood up.
Kate began to pace back and forth as if her realization was too big to absorb sitting down.
"What are you talking about?"
"Now stay with me for a minute. Let me think this through out loud. I want to see if it makes sense. You know how Jack and I always said we had this special relationship that we didn't understand but accepted it and appreciated it. Well I questioned it a thousand times over the years and I could never figure it out either. Finally I just gave up and accepted it."
"So?"
"This is it." Kate said holding out the clipping.
"What?"
"I was Emily. You were the friends he lost. But he could there for me. He could be there for you. He was there. He was there for both of us."
Tom just sat there trying to absorb it all not sure he understood it all.
"He was protecting me from what had happened to his Emily. He loved me but his real love was Emily. I was her surrogate. He could protect me and Gretchen and all the other girls he helped from the likes of guys like Patel. But I was different I looked so much like her and I did love him. I always wondered why we didn't take the next step and now I know. Emily was his one and only love. He could love me to a point but then he just couldn't go any further without destroying my connection with Emily. I was as much of Emily as he could ever have. He gave me as much of what he had wanted to give to Emily as he could. He loved me as much as he could. Just the way he loved you like his friends that died on those terrible islands across the Pacific. Oh that wonderful, sweet, kind, giving man. He spent his life giving us what he had lost in the war. He spent his life giving."
Kate sat down next to Tom.
"Look I can understand how you figured out the connection between me and Jack buddies but how in the world did you put together your connection with Emily? That seems a stretch." Tom said.
"Well when I saw her picture I was reminded of something that happened in the early 80's. I was doing that mini-series on World War II you remember the one. Anyway he came to the set one day. He happened to be on the lot and he dropped by to say hello. I was in full costume and my hair and make-up was done 40's style. In fact my hair was done very much like Emily's in the picture. When he saw me instead of smiling it was as if he had seen a ghost. He said a quick hello made some excuse and left. That was the first time I think he was confronted with our relationship and what it really was. I didn't see him for several weeks and that was very unusual back then, he didn't return my calls, nothing. Then he just shows up and acts like nothing happened. I tried to get him to talk to me about what happened but he never would. That is when I think he really understood the connection between the past and the present. I think he had to decide if he could handle it or not. Then through the years I would catch him looking at me differently, maybe the light was different or something and I never knew what was going on. Now I do. I think the way I looked or said something reminded him of Emily and he was thinking about what their lives together would have been like."
"Jesus. I think your right. We represented the life he wanted after the war and could never have. Think that is why he never got married?"
"Yes, I think Emily was his one true love and well no one else came close. I think we were enough. Besides he did like the ladies and he was quite the player. The women he dated over the years were a who's who of the prettiest party girls in LA."
"If you were correct you were Emily. Wouldn't he want to make love to her?"
"No sweetie, I was Emily in a lot ways but not that one. I was this idealized Emily with all my faults. No I don't think he ever thought of me in that way in all our years."
"What about you? You are not exactly shy in that department." Tom said.
She gave him that wonderful smirk he found so fun and sexy all at the same time.
"Oh so now your calling me a loose woman?"
"If the panties fit?" Tom said. She smiled for the first time since she had heard of Jack's death and leaned against him. Tom put his arm around her.
"No sweetie, just like I told you the first night. I never thought of him that way either. I know when a man is interested in me that way. I have good radar and he never showed up. I loved the relationship we had. He gave me so much."
"Did we give him back enough? He gave us so much?" Tom said.
Oh, sweetie I think so. If he had been more selfish he would have told us why he was doing so much for us, then when we had our troubles he would have used guilt to keep us. Instead he just cared about us and when we went off on some tangent he let us go. When we came back with our tails between our legs that is when he got what he needed from us, because he knew we needed him and his protection, wisdom, and love. We didn't disappoint him sweetie it was exactly the way he wanted it to be because everything was real. No manipulation on either side just caring about each other. It was just the way it would have been if Emily and his buddies had lived. No fairytale life just real lives lived "
Tom sat there trying to absorb it all for some moments before he said anything.
"You know, I know your right but how in the world did you figure all of this our so quick? Jeeze. I would never have gotten it."
"Honey, I spend half my life thinking about motivations for characters. Characters are nothing more or less than people. They may be exaggerated but they are still people and what makes them tick is the same as what makes real people tick. Sometimes. Just sometimes being an actress comes in handy."
Tom looked at her closely her face had changed in some subtle but important ways. Something had changed. This realization had made things easier for her somehow. She was no less sad but there was less tension, less fear.
"Kate you seem. I don't know, more at peace or something. What just happened?"
"When he died I felt as if I owed him so much but had never begun to pay him back. And that is still true to an extent but this, this story put things in perspective for me, we paid him back everyday of our lives by just leading them. With all the mistakes and wrong turns we always came back to him. We needed him and that need allowed him to give us something he could never give Emily or his buddies love and friendship. So as imperfect as we have been, we have been giving back to him all these years. With all the laughter, pain and just plain living. It is like when Mama Mac told us to go out and live for her Randy, We were living for Emily and his buddies and he was there to see it."
Kate picked up the box again and with Tom they finished going through the keepsakes of a man's life. Tom found what he was looking for at the bottom on the box. There were four formal looking cases. Each contained a military award. Folded inside of each box was the written
citation describing what he had done to win the metal. One was the Silver Star the same as his, Jack had won his on Tarawa for destroying a pillbox single handedly under fire. Another was a Bronze Star again for bravery under fire and two Purple Hearts. He took the small a label pins from each and put them in his pocket.
CHAPTER 57
Greenway Cemetery
Los Angeles
The limo stopped and Tom waited as Kate, Gretchen, and Rachel stepped out of the car. The graveside was packed with hundreds of Hollywood elite. Some were there just to be seen and others because Jack had helped them in some way.
Kate grabbed his hand and held it tight as if she needed his strength. The hearse had stopped in front of their limo and the Marine contingent moved to back of the vehicle to remove Jack's coffin from the back of the hearse. Very little had changed since Mac's funeral.
The flag draped coffin, the Marines slowly and precisely removing the coffin from the back the hearse. They marched in perfect step to the gravesite. The coffin was placed on the cradle over the grave.
Kate, Gretchen, Rachel and Tom were the last to be seated in folding chairs by the graveside. Jack’s close friends in the industry occupied several other rows of chairs behind them. It was almost a who's who of the Hollywood elite from the seventies and eighties. Tom felt very much out of place. He focused his attention on the Marines standing rigidly at attention to keep courage up for what he wanted to do. He had been able to arrange for a full honor guard when he told the story of Jack and his service record to the Officer in charge. The Corps had come through with all the trappings.
A priest made the usual remarks for a man who was not religious. Jack had asked the Marine Lieutenant in charge of the Honor Guard to wait for him to speak, before they finished the ceremony with taps and the rifle salute. When he told the young Lieutenant what he wanted to do he was more than willing to support him. Tom stood and turned to the crowd. Standing in front of some of the most famous names in Hollywood terrified him, but he looked down at Kate and she gave him a smile and mouthed go ahead you can do it.