by Rod Carstens
Ben stuck out his hand and said, "I'm glad I was able to talk to you. Keep up the good work Tom."
"You too Ben."
Ben walked back into the party and Tom to the Pacific. The light was beginning to fade. The waves were good, three to four feet with an offshore wind to hold them up.
"Can I get you something?"
Tom turned and there was the bartender. His face turned white with he saw Tom.
"Look I'm sorry about before. I..." he stammered.
"Don't worry about it. Just doing your job and I do look like the help in this crowd. You know you could get me something."
"Anything sir."
"Don't call me sir I work for a living. You could get me a bottle of Vodka, some limes and a bucket of ice and bring it down to that table and chair on the beach. I think I am going to sit down there and watch the sunset."
"You got it."
Tom abled down the stairs, he stopped at the bottom, took off his shoes and socks, undid his tie, took off his jacket and rolled his pants and then his sleeves to elbow. He unbuttoned his shirt and dug his toes in the sand. The feeling of sand on his bare feet always relaxed him. He was sitting in the beach chair in the sand when the bartender brought down the bottle and the other things he had requested.
"Thanks."
As Tom poured his drink the bartender said.
"Enjoy the sunset."
"I will."
Tom sat there watching the waves and the sun slowing setting. Tom could hear the wake still in full swing in the house. He wiggled his toes in the sand and sipped his drink. Memories of Jack, Kate and the beach house began to wash over him like the waves in the ocean. Filling him with joy and loss. So much was wrapped up in this single place. The beach house was almost as important in his life as Vietnam, his time here and had as much influence on this life as the war did. He pushed his feet deeper into the sand and let the memories come to him as the sun was beginning to dip below the waves.
CHAPTER 59
"Well look what I found."
Tom turned to see Gretchen walking towards him barefoot still in her black dress her white blonde hair loose in the wind with a drink and a cigarette in her hand. She was the polar opposite in looks than Kate. While Kate was a slim brunette, Gretchen had the tall athletic California girl blonde good looks that had developed a sophisticated LA veneer that she used well on her hit TV show. She looked like the embodiment of the sexy confident older woman she played. She sat down in the chair opposite Tom and put her bare feet up on the side of the fire pit.
"How are you doing?" Tom said.
Seeing the bottle, limes and ice bucket dug into the sand. Gretchen said. "A man after my own heart. I need a refill. Could you help a girl out?"
Tom poured her a strong one and handed it to her. Gretchen lifted her glass in a toast and said.
"To Jack there will never be another one like him." There was a catch in her voice that was a reflection of her real mood and not the wise cracking woman she appeared to be.
"To Jack."
They both took long sips of their drinks before Tom said.
"How are you doing? Really." Tom said.
"I'm doing. Nothing to brag about but I think it was a little easier on me since I was here when it happened. It wasn't such a shock. I was with him at the hospital and he knew how serious it was and we had some wonderful time together. In a lot of ways he was saying goodbye. We both said things to each other that we have never said before. I will miss the old son of a bitch more than I can imagine yet." Gretchen's facade slipped and she showed real sadness for the first time since they had met at the airport. She had been holding it together all this time and now with everything over and done she could let go.
"It is good you had some time together. That helps with coping but he will be a big presence to replace in your life." Tom said.
"He will never be replaced sweetie. I am grateful to have had him as much in Rachel's as my own life. He loved us and cared for us as if we were his family." Gretchen stared at this man she had come to respect over the last days as they planned the funeral. Her blonde hair blew across her face as she wiped tears away from her eyes.
"He seems to have done that for all of us. He was a unique man." Tom said.
Gretchen took a long sip from her drink.
"I saw this coming. His vices were catching up to him and he was getting tired. He was all man and he was not afraid of the end of things. They don't make them like him anymore."
"No they don't." Tom said.
Then looking at him over her glass Gretchen said. "I don't know about that my friend you come in a close second."
"Gretchen don't kid. Not today."
"Bullshit there buddy. I don't kid about that. He and I had many a night’s talk about you. And you stack up pretty good and that is Jack talking."
Tom looked down and dug his feet into the sand. Too overwhelmed with emotion to reply.
"Sweetie, Jack and I had a very different relationship than he did with Kate so he would tell me things he didn't tell Kate." Gretchen said.
"What do you mean?"
"Honey Jack was a very attractive man and I like very attractive men. Do I need to get more graphic?" Gretchen said with a smile that showed that she was remembering all the good times.
"Really," Tom said.
"Yes really. Right from the beginning. We had the best kind of relationship. We could sleep together and enjoy each other but neither of us was good at relationships, nor did we want one. So we were friends who slept together when we felt like it. I could call him and he could call me and we have ourselves a nice night or weekend. We loved each other but neither of us was very good at monogamy. So it worked out perfectly. We were lovers and friends from the beginning. I never met anyone else like him or ever had a relationship even close to being as wonderful as we had. It was great."
"Did he sleep with all the girls he helped over the years?"
"No, of course not. You know he and Kate never even thought about it. He never picked on somebody that couldn't handle herself. He always liked equals. So most of the girls were just people he helped along the way, Sometimes a little and sometimes a lot. Most of them just used him and moved on but he still did it. It was like some kind of compulsion. I would warn him about some girl but he would do it anyway."
"Ever wondered why he did it?"
"Of course but I could never figure it out and he wouldn't tell me."
Tom then told her what he and Kate had found in the box and how Kate had put the whole thing together. He told it slowly and carefully since it was all still new and he did not want to get the small parts wrong. Tom watched Gretchen closely trying to read the impact of what he was saying on her. Gretchen sat there smoking and sipping on her drink with little emotion showing on her face, until the end when she had tossed her cigarette away and put down her drink.
"You know we would lay in bed afterward with cigarettes and drinks and talk for hours about everything. I thought I knew him the way only a woman who sleeps with a man knows him for as many years as I did with Jack. Pillow talk is some of the most intimate kind there is, so I thought I knew his secrets. But to find out this, well it is just overwhelming. So much pain for so long."
"You know what I think Gretchen. I think you gave him what he needed but could never get from Kate. I think you gave him another part of the relationship with Emily that Kate could never give him. You were very important to Jack in a very special way that no one else could be. Please understand you meant as much to him as Kate and I and maybe more."
Gretchen stared at him for a long moment tears welling up in her eyes as a smile slowly grew across her face.
"God you have no idea how much that means to me. But I'm not Kate..."
"That is whole point Gretchen. You gave him what Kate never could. You gave him something that only you could give. No, you were as much a part of what he needed as either Kate or I. He needed you and you were there for him as only you could be."
The tears flowed silently for some time before Gretchen finally stopped to dab her eyes. She stared out at the ocean for a long time before she said anything. Finally she reached over and pulled him to her and gave him a gentle kiss on the mouth. She held his face close to her for a long second before she finally let go.
"Thank you. You have no idea what that means to me."
Gretchen and Tom sat there for some time neither saying anything. Gretchen lit a cigarette staring at Tom for a long time until he handed her the drink. They sat there lost each lost in their own thoughts of Jack and what he had meant to each of them. The sound of the waves filled the silence. Gretchen said nothing as she took what Tom said sink in. She stared at the clear night sky for a long time lost in her memories of Jack. Finally Gretchen almost shook herself out of her memories and looked at Tom.
"Rachel's been on the phone with this Brian most of the day. Who is this guy?"
"Well, he one of the better guys on the department. He came up under me. He was a rookie on my truck and he was the kind of guy you want with you in a fire. He just made Lieutenant and I think he will go far on the department. He's a stand up guy."
"Sweetie I'm not interested in his resume. Although being a firefighter is good to know. What kind of man is he? I asked Kate to take her down there to get away from some hard partying LA types she was hanging around with. I wanted to give her a chance to meet some normal people and maybe find a place in the industry."
"She doesn't want to be an actress like her mom?" Tom said.
"Are you kidding she heard and watched me cuss this damn business and the people in it her whole life. No, I've taught her to be smarter than that, but there are plenty of other jobs behind the camera that don't carry the pitfalls and traps that being an actress do. Now back to our boy."
"Well he's a good looking kid. Never seen him want for female company, but he is not one of those who is always looking for the next conquest or bragging about his latest. When you're on the department you live together. Every third day you live together and face whatever happens that shift together for twenty-four hours. After a couple years you learn who these guys really are, because you see who comes to see them at the station, how many girls call, how they talk about women. So you get to know them pretty well. I think he is a good decent kid. Rachel could do a lot worse but he is no LA type that is for sure."
"Is he like you?" Gretchen said.
"Yeah, a lot like me." Tom said with a chuckle.
Gretchen gave him a look. "Well that will work."
"What do you mean?" Jack said.
"Sweetie you and I just spent the last two days planning the funeral of a man who meant the world to us. You were a rock, kind and thoughtful. No this kind experience will show what someone is really made of and you my man passed with flying colors."
Tom looked at her and said. "Thanks."
Their eyes met for a moment, Tom raised his glass to Gretchen and she raised her's in a toast.
"That goes both ways there honey." Tom said.
They both took a long sip from their drinks. Gretchen continued to stare for a long moment. She finger combed her blonde mane out of her face. Tom was very aware of the physical presence of this big, blonde, beautiful, wise cracking woman and she knew it.
"You know in another place and time..." Gretchen said with a serious look on her face.
"Yes." Tom said.
"But..." Gretchen said.
"Yeah. But..."
Gretchen continued to stare at him lost in thought until Tom decided to change the topic.
"What about Rachel's father? Kate never told me? It none of my business but I thought I would ask."
Gretchen snapped out of her thoughts at the mention of her daughter.
"Yes, my baby girl. A bad decision about a man that gave me more happiness than I could ever have asked imagined. Rachel's father. He was a real piece of work that one. Absolutely gorgeous and could charm the birds out of the sky, but he was one huge black hole of need once he got you in his clutches. One of the few times I didn't see what was coming. I got pregnant and he got out of town. Jack was the closest thing to a father that Rachel ever knew. He would take her for weeks at a time when I had a picture on location and she was in school. Yeah Jack again saved the day. When I got my first series and become semi-famous. I get this call out of the blue and it's Rachel's father. He wants back in Rachel's life. He is threatening me with a messy court fight for her custody. I came running to Jack. He made a few phone calls and he never bothered me again."
"Really?" Tom said.
"Yeah, Jack knew a lot of cops from doing all the TV and movie scripts. He had lots of friends on the department. Jack said he sent the two toughest detectives he knew to visit our friend. I didn't ask any more questions. This was back in the 70's and LAPD was a little more on the wild side than they are today."
"Nice." Tom said with a chuckle.
"He never came back. So Rachel grew up with Aunt Kate and Papa Jack. When I couldn't take her on location one of them would always be there. Rachel loved it. They both spoiled her rotten."
Tom wanted to ask the question but he was afraid. Afraid of the good and bad of what Gretchen might say. Tom sat for a long time staring at the ocean and listening to the sound of the surf before he got the courage up to ask.
"Gretchen what about Kate?"
Gretchen looked at him before she spoke, as if she were deciding what to say.
"Yes. What about our girl. Well when you had to go back to Vietnam it devastated her. She understood but she couldn't accept it at first. Then things really took off. Promotional tours. Premiers. Offers for new movies. She got swept up in it all. I was working steady with TV gig after TV gig and we were able to replace any relationships we might have had with our careers. So my friend you were quickly buried under a mountain of fame, money and all that comes with it. In her defense it was an avalanche that buried her old life."
Tom said nothing. It was just as Jack predicted and he had thought it would be.
"Tom even if you had been here I am not sure a relationship could have survived the onslaught. Most first marriages or boyfriends are thrown to the curb with the kind of fame that she had in the beginning. I don't know if that is any consolation but even if you both had tried I doubt it would have lasted."
Tom said nothing. It just confirmed what he had thought back and even now.
"Sweetie. I am sorry I can be blunt at times." Gretchen said.
"No Gretchen, it is what I thought would happen even back then."
Gretchen looked at him with an expression of new respect.
"There are very few guys that would have figured that one out."
"War makes you a realist even when you're young."
Gretchen finger combed of mane of blonde hair out of her face and sat back in her chair as if to compose herself before she went on.
"Well being free to focus on our careers paid off because we got ourselves established pretty quick, with Jack's help of course. She is a real actor, me I am a type I'll never have her acting chops."
"I enjoy your stuff on TV. You really come across well."
"Thank you sweetie, but I always play some version of myself. I've done well, lasted a long time and transitioned from a blonde California girl to a grown up California girl. Don't get me wrong. It has served me well. With Jack and Ben's help I have managed my money well. So I'm set for life. I own that house down the beach, the one with the spiral staircase and another in town. Plus a condo in New York and one in Aspen."
He glanced over his shoulder and saw a beautiful more modern version of Jack beach house sitting high on pilings with a spiral staircase to the first and second floors.
"But back to our girl. She's got real talent. Serious talent. The kind of talent that if she got the right script and director she could up for an Oscar. Me I show up on time, hit my marks, say my lines and collect my check. But Kate loves it. It feeds her. It is who she is."
"I'm
glad for her. She told me how much she loved making the first movie. It is good to have something that you love that much in your life."
"So our girl was doing very well until this happened to Jack."
"And now without Jack?" Tom said.
"Oh, it won't be easy at first but she will be fine. She knows the game and has a good business team around her. Jack made sure of that."
"And she has you. I had a talk with Ben. You've been as much of a help to her as Jack was according to him. She is lucky to have friend like you. They are few and far between in anyone's life much less out here."
Gretchen looked at him.
"Thank you sir. That means a lot. But what about you?"
"Not much to tell firefighter and paramedic. Been on the department for twenty years."
"Why the fire department? Didn't you risk your neck enough in Vietnam?"
"I was a mess for along time after I got back. I hated what I had been through but missed the adrenaline rush. I knew I didn't want to go to war again. Somebody I don't remember who said there should be a 'morale equivalent to war' because it not only brought out the worst in men but also the best. That is what the department has done for me, I very good at it. The worse it is the calmer I get," Tom paused before he said. "When I help people it fills up what I lost in Nam."
Gretchen again looked at him in a way that made his uncomfortable.
"It is very good to know there are guys like you running around this world. My new friend."
"Friend?"
"Yes, I think after what we have been through we are friends. Don't you think?"
"Like you said earlier about me. I've watched you be the one everyone leans on for being there no matter what. You one great woman there kiddo."
Gretchen nodded and smiled.
"Thank you sir. Coming from you I will take that as real compliment."
They raised their glasses together and drank a toast. He wanted to know more about Kate not just how she was doing in the business.
"Gretchen how is Kate? Uh personally. Is she happy?"
"What do you mean by happy?"
It was hard for Tom to say it but he had enough to drink to have the courage.