by Rod Carstens
Tom turned and continued to walk away from the house. His mind still living through the sixties when suddenly the fire he had his last shift before the funeral came rolling back into his consciousness the way all the fires like it did for months after, a flashback just like Vietnam only different.
The day had been a normal shift with a few automatic fire alarms, an accident with injuries with extraction that they had to call for the helicopter. Then they had a small fire late in the afternoon. It appeared to be just another pot on the stove kitchen fire. The fire had gotten into the cabinets and the ceiling. There was heavy smoke throughout the house. He had gotten a primary all clear from the first in units. There were no cars in the carport. It appeared that someone had forgotten and left a pot going when they had left the house. He had ordered a secondary search as a precaution.
He was standing in the front yard as the crews emerged from the house with broken cabinets and burned furniture. They threw them into a growing pile in the front yard. When the radio suddenly squawked.
"We got a victim."
Suddenly all of the crews were rushing through the house. A firefighter emerged from the front door with a small limp body in his arms. He carefully laid the body down in the front yard. Tom could see it was a young girl with blonde hair. Her face covered with soot from the fire. The firefighter leaned down and checked her. She was not breathing and did not have a heartbeat. He began CPR. Other firefighters rushed to the trucks for their medical gear.
"Battalion 2 to dispatch we have a victim. CPR has been initiated. We need an ambulance at this location."
"Dispatch to Battalion 2 check."
"Battalion 2 to all units. I want that secondary all clear."
Firefighters rushed to help with CPR, while others began to establish Advanced Life Support. An IV was started; an endotracheal tube was placed in her throat so they could protect the airway and breath for her. Tom watched as his men worked furiously on her.
"Secondary all clear."
"Battalion 2 check."
The young Lieutenant off the first arriving engine came up to him, his face filled with concern.
"Chief I had my guys make a quick primary. We didn't find her. I..."
"Where did they find her?"
"She was in bed under the covers. I looked in that bedroom. I went through the closets, and under the bed. I was in that room. I should've...."
"Look at me."
The Lieutenant looked at him.
"It is the middle of the day, the smoke was bad but you could see. There was no indication that someone might be in there. From the sound of it you could not have done much better."
"But I didn't run my hand over the bed. I always run my hand over the bed."
"You didn't this time. I don't think it would have made a difference."
The ambulance crew ran up. The firefighters loaded the limp body on the stretcher and they hustled it to the ambulance. Tom caught the eye of one his paramedics.
"Do any good?"
"No, Chief it had been way too long. That kitchen must have been smoldering for a long time before we got a call."
Tom looked at the Lieutenant and said. "It would not have made a difference."
"I know but I should have..." he walked away.
Tom knew how he felt. The fact that wouldn't have made a difference helped but you still knew you should have and could have done a better job. Tom called for the fire investigators. He went back to his suburban and sat to wait for them. He started on his own paper work. Sometime later the paramedic who rode in with ambulance called in and reported that the little girl had died. While he sat there and watched his crews overhaul the house. His attention kept going back to the trash left after the code, the torn packaging for the ET tube, the needle packaging and four by fours. This was his world one where little girls died because they were left home by themselves and fell asleep. The investigators finally finished their work. That is when the mother came home. She got out of ten-year-old Toyota a look of fear on her face as she took in the fire trucks and police officers.
Tom slipped out his Suburban and walked toward her.
"Do you live here?" Tom asked
"Yes, yes I do."
"Do you have a daughter?" Tom said.
"Yes I do. My God what happened?" Real fear flashed across here face.
"There was a kitchen fire. I need..."
"I told Cindy to never cook without me. I am going to spank that girl so hard."
"Miss I regret to inform you..."
"No, no, no,...." she said backing away from Tom slowly.
"Your daughter was killed in the fire."
With a scream she collapsed to the ground. Several neighbors ran up to her as the cops walked up to gather information. Tom was glad his job was over there no way he wanted any part of this investigation. The cops told him later she was a single working mother. She was working two jobs to make ends meet after her husband had left them. Now this, Tom had made sure he had left her with friends and neighbors. He climbed back into his Suburban and drove back to the station.
The next morning Kate had called about Jack. Suddenly the conversations at the wake came rushing back to him. Three point five million. Get somebody to drive the Land Rover to L.A. Three and half houses. I'll take more on the back end. In what world does that intersect with the everyday tragedies he saw everyday, with his world. What had he been thinking to let himself care about her like this again?
It all has happened so fast, this was the first time he had stopped to think about what was happening. When he was in her presence everything else fell away. He had not expected things to go this way. These past few days were like some dream. Something he could not trust, or count on. Something he could not build a future on. This did appear to be an open door into something, but Tom was not sure what that was. He knew their lives had changed little, she was still a movie star living in here in midst of all of this, and he was still a firefighter. He had a life and a career, and so did she, and they could not have been in more different worlds. Not until today when she had begun to talk about projects and agents and her had it really hit him.
There was no way her life could fit into his and he would not leave the life he had built. He could not and would not give up his career. The department and firefighting is what defined him. It was still a calling for him even after these years. It was something he could not give up. He was finally in a position to make a difference on the department. He was not about to give that up. But more than all of that he had Danny and Karen and Carri they were his life. Their home and life were here not in California, or Aspen or New York.
Besides the way he and Kate felt about each other, what did they really have in common? At the beach in the 60's they had been equals, a couple of kids just starting their lives. There had no walls between them or parts of them kept hidden. It had been a love that only the young and unencumbered could experience. There had only been a wonderful attraction and the feeling of living for today for tomorrow you may die. They had lived and fallen in love in a time and place that almost forced those kinds of relationships.
He had no idea what she was thinking; yet he had let himself slip very quickly into caring for her again. It was effortless. Yet he could not see how any of this could possibly work. He saw no way he could fit into the world without being some sort of oddity. The firefighter amongst the rich and famous he had already seen a little of that at the wake, it would only get worse. He could not and would not ask her to give up her career. Kate felt about her career the same way he felt about the fire department, it was her calling. It was almost as if they were back on the beach again each asking the other not to make them chose. The choices were different now but just as stark.
He could see no real answer to their dilemma. He had no idea how this could work. He had been through this before, a marriage, a nasty divorce and several halfhearted attempts at relationships that never seemed to work. All of it had led him to not trust his own inst
incts; they seemed to be so bad in this area. Now here he was again letting himself care without questions. Opening him up to more disappointment and pain. So where was all of this headed? He really did not know. He knew what he would have to tell her now. He turned and headed back to the house.
CHAPTER 66
Gretchen put her bare feet up on the chair opposite hers on the deck and took a sip of her beer.
"He's got a point and you know it." Gretchen said. "He is a proud man and to be your paramour is not going to cut it."
"Who asked him? Goddamnit. Not me."
"It is not about you, it is about his pride and how people will see him." Gretchen hesitated before she said. "He's right. As long as your out here and acting he will be seen as a....well you give it a name. Kate you know he is not the kind of man to be able to put up with that."
"Bullshit." Kate said.
Just then the doorbell rang.
"Who in the hell could that be?" Kate said.
Before she could get to the door Michael walked in, she had forgotten she had given him a key to the beach house. Kate was literally stopped in her tracks by the sight of Michael standing in front of her.
"Babe I got here as soon as I could. I am so sorry I missed the funeral but I was on the other side of the world."
He smiled that smiled that made him popular in all the girls’ dorms across the country. Before she could move or say anything he hugged her, then kissed her on the mouth. Gretchen stepped through the doors off the deck and saw Kate in Michael’s arms.
"Holy shit!" Gretchen said.
"Hey Gretchen. It's great to see you. I am so sorry about your loss. I just got here. I have been traveling for close to forty eight hours."
"Michael..." Kate started.
"Listen I know that we have a lot to talk about but I have got to get a shower before I do anything. I'll just use Jack's the way I always do."
Before she could say anything Michael had disappeared into the bedroom. They soon heard the shower turn on.
"Jesus Christ Kate I thought you had broken if off with him." Gretchen said.
Kate turned and looked at Gretchen.
"I did but dumb shit is too proud to have a woman drop him, instead of the other way around."
Gretchen gave her a look. "I told you not to play with children. Now what?"
"I have got to get him out of here before Tom comes back."
"Why? Tom is a big boy he will understand about our young friend."
"Gretchen, it is hard enough getting through that thick skull of his without the biggest young actor to come along in years in my bedroom because he won't take no for answer."
"Good point." Gretchen said.
Kate turned and went into the bedroom. Gretchen could hear her yelling at Michael over the shower for some time. Finally she came out a disgusted look on her face.
"What?"
"He still won't take no for answer. I even told him about getting back together with Tom. He just can't accept I would drop him for somebody else."
Just then Tom came in off the deck. Kate and Gretchen looked startled.
"Hey, babe." Kate said. "What are you doing here? How was your walk?"
"I need to talk to you."
"Well, why don't I throw on some clothes and we go down to the beach." Kate appeared more and more uncomfortable by the second.
That is when Michael Grey walked out of the bedroom in his boxer shorts toweling drying his hair. He was as handsome as his pictures in all of the tabloids. Young and muscular, Tom could see why all of the girls had crushes on him. Carri even had a poster of him in her bedroom next to Brandy's.
"Hey babe, who is this?"
Tom looked at Kate. The color drained out of her face.
"Tom I can explain."
"Hey, you from the service. The rest of my bags are by the door." Michael said.
"Goddamn it Michael I told you to stay in the bedroom. You know who he is."
"Oh, that's right he's a fireman not a doorman."
Tom was speechless. This all made sense. It made what he had feared a reality instead of just a insecurity. Here was her world with a smirk on its face and twenty years younger than he was.
"Tom please, he just showed up. I couldn't throw him out. I..." Kate pleaded.
"You mean this old fart is who were trying tell me about. You have got to be shitting me?" Michael said glancing at Kate.
He looked Tom up and down with a smirk on his face. He was taller than Tom and looked more muscular. Lots of hours in the gym with a trainer and you get results. He carried himself like he knew what he was doing or had been taught how to look like he was a tough guy.
"Michael shut the fuck up!" Kate said.
Michael swaggered over to stand directly in front of Tom.
"Listen grandpa. Kate is with me. No old fart like you is ever going to beat me out with a woman. Not get the fuck out of here before I throw you out.'
He turned and gave Kate and Gretchen a cocky smile. Tom was simply too stunned to move or speak. It had taken everything thing he had to sum up the courage to confront someone he loved and who he believed loved him just as much to confront their differences. It had all been to save them both what he believed to be more heartache, instead he finds this arrogant little prick coming out of her bedroom. Which said more about their differences than anything Tom could ever have said. He knew now that this whole second chapter had been a mistake, one that was going to take him a very long time to overcome. He was about to simply turn and leave when Michael did something he should not have. He shoved Tom.
Kate saw the look she had seen in his eyes so many years ago. The hard frighteningly violent one that preceded what he had done to the man on the plane. Kate gasped.
"Tommy no..." Kate said.
Something broke inside of Tom and all of the anger and frustration over their situation had a smirking face. All he could think of was wiping that smirk off of that handsome face. He grabbed Michael by the throat with a quick thrust of his big left hand and slammed him against the wall. People did not expect you to go for their throat first in a fight. He had learned that in Marine Corp squad bay fights.
Michael had not expected real violence. This was not like the pushing and shoving that passed for fights in the exclusive bars in LA. All of his arrogance drained from his face and was replaced by fear. He grabbed Tom's arm with both hands to trying to pull Tom's hand from his throat, but all the hours in the gym were not enough to overcome the kind of strength four years in the Marine Corp and twenty-two years fighting fires gave a man. Tom slapped him across the face with his open hand. Michael was completely shocked by the slap. He dropped his hands from Tom arm to tried and cover his face but Tom slapped him again leaving a second red hand print on his cheek.
"Jesus," Gretchen said.
He was drawing his hand back to slap the cringing movie star again when Kate grabbed his arm.
"Tommy! Tommy! Stop. God, please stop." Kate shouted her face streaked with tears.
Her voice brought him out of his rage. He stopped. He looked at her for a long moment then released his hand on Michael's neck. He collapsed to the floor gagging. Tom stood over him his fists clenched.
"Boy you ever push me again and I will close my fists next time. I won't just bitch slap you. Boys like you should know that pretending to be a tough guy doesn't make you one."
Kate stood in front of Tom her hands on his chest, her face frantic.
"Tommy please let me explain. He just showed up a little while ago. I was trying to get him to understand about us. Please believe me."
"Get him the little fuck out of my sight or I won't stay a moment longer."
Kate and Gretchen rushed over to Michael who still lay on the floor choking his face red and creased with fear.
"He..he tried to kill me. You saw it."
"No, if he had tried to kill you, you would be dead. I saw you shove him, which the police construe as assault and battery. Then he defended himself, which
is what I will tell the police if you call them. So I would advise you to keep you mouth shut and do what I tell you. Now let us help you into the bedroom." Kate said.
Kate and Gretchen helped him to the bedroom and closed the door. Gretchen stayed in the bedroom to keep him there and give Kate and Tom the privacy they needed. Tom just stood there staring out at the perfect blue of the Pacific Ocean.
"Tommy, I meant to talk to you about him but we were in such a good place I just, well avoided it. I should have told you."
"Kate I saw your pictures in the tabloids at the grocery store. I knew about him."
"But it is not what you think. We just dated."
"Oh, for God's sake Kate. This isn't high school you two are lovers."
"Yes, yes we were but it didn't mean anything. Not that way. He took up space when I needed someone. He was a diversion."
Tom said nothing. He just stared at the beautiful face he loved.
"You've got to believe me Tom. Please. I love you."
Tom hesitated then said. "I believe you. I know you love me."
Relief flooded her face. "I'll have him out of here in ten minutes just let me go in there and talk to him. Then we can talk. Please."
"We have had a ourselves a time until now. But look at us. Look at all of this." He gestured to the house and the California coastline out the sliding glass doors, and then nodded toward the bedroom where Michael hid. "This is your life. Guys like him. This house. Your houses in Hollywood and Aspen and your apartment New York, private jets picking you up for business meetings, business managers and agents to putting together deals I don't even understand. You live in a very large world."