“If you don’t want to watch a movie with me, just say so,” she says. “You don’t have to make up some ridiculous excuse.”
“It’s 100 percent true.” I suddenly realize we’re both wearing the same pink sweats, sneakers, and have long dark hair—like a freakish pair of twins. “You want to come?”
She calls over a guy who talks to the assistant director on the walkie-talkie. “As long as you’re back by two,” he warns.
Tanya and I drag Ronnie reluctantly to his car to be our chauffeur.
chauffeur
Just Like in the Movies
As we head toward the storage facility from different parts of town, Matt texts me directions. Even though we’re in a hurry, Ronnie is very careful to stay under the speed limit. When we get near the warehouse, I text Matt for an update; he says they’ll be there soon.
This is more action than Ronnie bargained for, and he seems relieved when I suggest he wait in the car.
I race into the giant warehouse. “Hello!” I yell. “Anybody home?”
Frank starts screeching when he hears my voice.
“Give me back my monkey. He’s not a toy or a pet—he’s an animal that can bite.” The last sentence sounds like it came straight from my mom’s mouth.
I spot Swifty just as he’s about to open the door to Frank’s cage. “Joe’s coming soon. He’s going to love this little guy.”
“Don’t do it,” I yell.
“He likes me,” Swifty says. “I can tell. Besides I wore a long-sleeve shirt to protect myself.”
“Like a T-shirt is going to stop a monkey bite. What’s wrong with you? What if he bites your face? You’d be disfigured for life!”
I look around the facility for Swifty’s father, who can hopefully talk some sense into his son.
disfigured
“Nobody’s here to help you,” Swifty says. “They’re all at a meeting in the next lot.”
Tanya’s been standing behind me, but now she steps forward. “Is that Frank?”
Swifty performs a better double take than any professional actor could ever hope for. “Are you Tanya Billings?”
Tanya’s probably been asked that question a thousand times, yet she smiles and nods as if it’s the first. “Yes, I am. Nice to meet you.”
As Swifty scrambles toward Tanya, he lets go of the cage door. Frank races out of the cage and past Swifty.
“Stop him,” I yell. “He can’t get loose!”
I race toward the cage, but Frank is already halfway across the giant warehouse.
“You idiot!” I tell Swifty. “We’re never going to find him in here.”
The last thing on Swifty’s mind is locating Frank in this labyrinth. He’s standing next to Tanya, swaying back and forth like a two-year-old. But I can’t worry about saving Tanya from Swifty’s stupid questions—I have to find my capuchin.
labyrinth
When I hear Matt’s voice, I shout, “Over here! You have to help me.”
Matt and Carly race toward me. Matt bursts out laughing when he sees my outfit, but he’s even more shocked when he spots Tanya Billings. He skids to a halt with so much force, his sneakers leave rubber marks on the concrete floor.
Before Matt can fight with Swifty about who gets Tanya’s attention, Carly grabs him by the arm. “We’re really big fans,” she tells Tanya, “but right now we have to help Derek.”
“That’s why I came too,” Tanya says.
Carly, Tanya, and Matt hurry to the middle of the warehouse, where I’ve finally located Frank. When Swifty joins us, I tell him to get lost.
“This is all your fault,” I say. “You broke into my house.”
disintegrating
“The kitchen window was open.”
“You took Frank—who’s not even mine, by the way. We’re just a foster home.” I try to get Frank’s attention while I talk.
Swifty looks disappointed, as if the plan he’d worked so hard on is disintegrating before his eyes. I wonder if he’s acting sorry to impress Tanya, but it looks as if his remorse is genuine.
“I just wanted to feel included,” Swifty says. “You and Matt are such good friends. I’ve never had a best friend like that—ever.”
remorse
“And you thought kidnapping Derek’s monkey, who, by the way, is being trained to help disabled people, is how to make friends?” Matt asks.
“There he is!” Carly points to Frank sitting on a giant crate at least thirty feet up on rows and rows of industrial shelving.
“Derek’s right. This is my fault,” Swifty confesses. “I’ll get him.”
“You’ll scare him even more.” I count the levels of shelves from Frank to the floor—five. Tony would be proud of how I map out my route before I begin to climb.
machinery
“Be careful!” Carly and Tanya say at the same time.
I move to the right and climb into the cab of the crane.
“If anything happens to the equipment,” Swifty shouts, “my father will kill me!”
“You should be worried about Derek, not the machinery,” Carly says.
misstep
I hop from the crane to the third shelf. I’m more than twenty feet off the floor; any misstep and I could get seriously hurt. But just like climbing the wall in the movie, I focus on where to put each foot next.
“Here I come, Frank. I’m taking you home.” I pray that Frank isn’t too frantic with all this activity and so many new people.
The last several feet are the scariest; I will myself not to look down. Finally, I’m close enough to get a good look at Frank. He seems terrified.
I hoist myself up until I’m sitting on the highest shelf. The ceiling is only about six feet away.
hoist
“Hey, buddy. You okay?” Frank must really be scared because even though I’m wearing a wig he scrambles up my arm and holds on to me for dear life.
I look down to gauge how far I climbed and am shocked when I see the others far below. I’m even more surprised to realize Matt is taping me.
“What are you doing?” I ask. “I’m wearing girl’s clothes!”
“Dude, you were great! I had to tape it.”
Carly, Matt, and Tanya are all smiles; Swifty just looks relieved.
I reach up and pet Frank. “You ready to head back down, buddy? Hold on tight.”
I check out the route down and decide it’s safer to inch my way across the top, then descend at the end of the row. I take my time—which is actually a new skill for me—and finally reach the ground several minutes later. Everyone wants to oooh and ahhh over Frank, but I hold him against me until he’s safely back in his cage.
“This is more fun than making a movie,” Tanya says. “You don’t have to worry about messing up on camera.”
“Unless your best friend’s a cameraman.”
Matt waves his camera in the air.
Carly runs to the restroom to fill the water bottle in Frank’s cage, and I realize how helpful she’s been through all this. She may have been the class Goody Two-shoes all these years, but lately she’s turned into a reliable friend.
I answer my phone on the first ring.
reliable
“Where are you?” Tony says. “There’s only one more scene before yours—get back here!”
I ask Matt if he and Carly can take Frank to my house. Luckily, Jamie’s driving his parents’ SUV, so there’s plenty of room.
“Wake up!” I say to Ronnie, who’s sound asleep in the front seat when we jump into the car. “We have to get going.”
“Your parents are paying me overtime for this,” Ronnie says. “Gas mileage too.”
Tanya calls over to Matt and Carly. “Hey! Why don’t you come with us to the set so you can watch Derek do his final stunt.”
“Frank needs to get home,” I say.
Jamie pipes in. “I’ll take him back. Matt and Carly can go with you.”
“Are you sure?” When I place Frank’s cage in the back of th
e SUV, I feel bad for making fun of Jamie a few weeks ago. He’s happy to see me and eager to help out with Frank. Even though he’s going through a tough time, he’s still the same old Jamie I’ve always liked. I thank him again for taking Frank home.
“Do you really think it’s okay if they come to the set?” I ask Tanya. “Tony told me no visitors.”
Tanya smiles. “I don’t think anyone will give us a hard time.”
Matt and Carly climb into the backseat of Ronnie’s car, and I suddenly realize Swifty’s standing in the parking lot alone. He’s been the source of my suffering since school began, but I know what it’s like to be left out, and even though he stole my monkey, I almost empathize with him now.
empathize
“You guys take off. I can’t go anyway.” Swifty shyly motions toward Tanya. “But it was nice to meet you, Tanya.”
“You too, Swifty,” she answers.
Swifty’s expression becomes a strange combination of delight mixed with guilt. He seems to feel pretty bad about what happened today.
Tanya climbs into the front seat, and I jump in the back with Matt and Carly.
delight
While Ronnie and Tanya talk up front, Matt and Carly elbow me in the ribs and mouth “Tanya Billings!” I burst into laughter as we drive back to the set.
One Last Stunt
Part of me thinks it’s great that Carly and Matt are here to watch me work. It makes the job seem more real, not like something made up. But another part of me is nervous having two friends watching me do something where failing on my butt is a definite possibility. I don’t let my mind wander to the dark area of my brain that says, Matt posted a video of you struggling to read on YouTube. Don’t screw up now or he’ll do it again. I look at my friends, take a deep breath, and resolve to make them proud.
resolve
aviator
Collette, the director, puts her arm around Tanya. Her curls, hat, and aviator sunglasses almost hide her face. “Who are your friends?” Collette asks.
Before I can introduce them, Tanya introduces Matt and Carly to Collette. I pray she doesn’t ask what they’re doing here or where we’ve been.
“You ready, dude?” Collette asks.
“Ready,” I answer.
“The set looks a little different than it did in rehearsals. Check it out.”
We follow the director to the other side of the soundstage, where they’ve set up a facsimile of a street under construction, complete with bulldozer, flashing lights, caution signs, and actors wearing hard hats.
“What do you think?” Collette asks us.
facsimile
“It looks so real,” Carly answers.
“Whoa!” Matt checks out the long row of orange cones set up on the fake street and tries to grab the board out of my hands. “How many are there?”
Collette snaps her gum. “Thirty.” “You have to slalom between thirty cones?” Matt asks me. “Without hitting any—that’ll be a first!”
Just as I’m about to scream at Matt, he turns to Collette. “I’m kidding! I’ve seen Derek do a run of fifty without hitting any,” he lies.
When one of the assistants brings Collette something to sign, Matt pulls me aside. “You can do it, Derek. I know you can.”
Carly pulls him away from me. “Derek’s going to be just fine.”
Collette finishes with the assistant and reaches for my board. “May I?”
I hand her my skateboard and follow her to the end of the driveway. “When you get to the end of the run, can you give me a nollie hardflip?” the director asks. “Something like this.”
Collette jumps on the board and rides down the driveway. She pops down with her front foot and kicks down with her back. She lets the board rotate as she’s in the air, then lands on it with both feet.
The cast and crew applaud and hoot.
“I’ve been skateboarding since I was your age.” She hands me back the board. “Now let’s see you.”
I tell myself she’s asking me to do something I could do in my sleep and will myself to calm down. I jump on my skateboard and give the director my own nollie hardflip, landing a few inches away from her checkerboard sneakers. Tony’s behind her, shooting me a giant smile. He’s still in his alien costume and holding a parasol to keep cool.
While Collette talks to one of the cameramen, Matt pulls me aside. “A female director in a Dodgers cap who can skateboard? She’s the perfect woman!”
Carly rolls her eyes. “I’m sure she’s interested in you too.”
When I look over to see if Tanya saw my flip, I find her chatting on her cell, with two assistants hovering around her. But I have more important things to worry about than impressing her: namely, to slalom through thirty cones without falling or knocking any over. I ask Tony what will happen if I do.
parasol
“You’ll just do it till you get it right. Mistakes are part of the process.”
Yet another reason why I wish Tony was our teacher this year.
“We’re ready,” Collette says. “You two good to go?”
Tony and I tell her we are.
“Hey, you!” she calls to Matt. “I’m the only one shooting here today, got it?”
Matt shyly shuts off his camera and tucks it into his pocket. The assistant with the purple streak in her hair steps in front of me with the clapperboard and says, “Scene 52, take 1.”
When Collette yells “action!” I jump on my board and head down the “street” toward the cones with Tony the Alien chasing after me. My mind starts chanting, Don’t mess up, don’t mess up, don’t mess up, don’t mess—The first cone I hit sends me flying into the street, which doesn’t feel so fake upon impact.
“Cut!” Collette runs over to me. “You okay, champ?”
impact
Even though I don’t feel like a champ, I tell her I’m fine and watch the prop guys set up the course again.
And again.
And again.
Collette doesn’t seem worried and tries to ease the tension with a few jokes. But when the purplehaired assistant is about to yell “Scene 52, take 9,” Colette decides we need a five-minute break.
I look up to Matt and Carly, who wave enthusiastically, ignoring the fact that I’ve blown the last eight takes.
Tony walks over to me with his arms outstretched like a monster. I appreciate his effort, but joking around doesn’t dent my stress level.
“Are your friends making you nervous?” Collette asks. “Do you want them to wait for you somewhere else?”
I tell her it’s not them; it’s me.
“You remember the other day when you let your mind get the best of you, worrying about all the ways you could screw up?” Tony asks.
“It’s not my imagination—I am messing up!”
He shakes his scaly head. “We all have negative thoughts. Overcoming them is what separates pros like us from the rest.”
Tony’s very generous to include me in his league of professionals. “I certainly don’t feel like a pro now.”
league
Underneath the green rubber, his eyes are serious. “The big secret is that nobody feels like a pro, not even me, and I’ve been doing this for fifteen years!” He points to his scaly temple. “It’s all up here—atways has been, always will be. Remember, parkour means getting around obstacles. That’s something you’ll be doing your whole life, so you might as well get used to it.”
Collette raises her hand to hold off the group of people waiting to ask her questions and tells me to take a few minutes for myself.
Matt runs over, his pockets full of candy bars. “Carly and I are going to go snoop around another part of the set. I’ve seen you slalom a thousand times. I don’t need to watch you again.”
“I’m not messing up because you’re watching me.” I didn’t want to tell the others what’s bothering me, but I tell Matt. “Suppose I lose Frank because of Swifty? Suppose the woman takes him and I never see him again?”
�
�That’s not going to happen.” Matt bites off a giant chunk of chocolate bar. “Dude, you saved him today. It was downright heroic. Slaloming down a fake street? Piece of cake!”
Collette approaches and asks if I’m ready to go. Tony comes over too, and Collette shudders when she feels his alien skin.
“Ready!” I answer.
shudders
We head back to our marks as the production assistant says, “Scene 52, take 9.”
When Collette calls “action!” I hop on my board and aim for the space between the first two cones. With Tony right behind me, I zigzag through the cones—left, right, left, right—until I get to the end. I kick up my board and do the highest nollie hardflip I’ve ever done.
I don’t think I knocked over any cones but can’t turn around to check because the cameras are still rolling, and catching my face on film instead of Tanya’s would ruin the take. I wait until Collette says “cut!” before I look back up the hill.
I see only two rows of orange cones perfectly in place.
Collette nods in approval, and the crew applauds. “Pretty nice there, dude. You think you can do it one more time for backup?”
I look up the hill to Matt and Carly, both beaming with pride. I toss back the long hair of my wig and tell Collette I could make that run all day long.
“All I need is one,” she says, “but thanks anyway.”
As Tony and I walk back up to our marks, I see Tanya waving. I hurry toward her to say good-bye in person, but she’s already turned the corner toward her trailer. Easy come, easy go.
As if she can tell what I’m feeling, Carly comes over and tells me I did a great job. I look up to Matt, who gives me a thumbs-up, then I jump on my board to take my final run of the film.
My Life as a Stuntboy Page 8