by Parks, tfc
“The drip is slowing down I think,” he said as Keith handed the towel off to Julia.
“Good, that’s a good sign. I don’t think you’ve overdosed, but you’re giving your heart a hard workout. We’ve just got to let it work through your system. It won’t take long.” Keith’s grin was reassuring.
Within an hour, feeling a little calmer, he stood to head to the bathroom. Devon stopped him and held out his hand. Rick silently cursed and retrieved the bag from his pocket. He continued on his way to the bathroom without a word. Once inside, he opened the window and began to inspect the screen to determine the best way to remove it without causing much damage. He could head off on foot and call Bob from a payphone.
“Getting some air?” Keith stood a few feet outside in the dormant grass.
“Something like that,” he said, closing the window.
~
They spent the rest of the afternoon watching TV and taking turns playing with Eli. Rick was aware that they were all watching him, as well. Antsy now, he began to wonder what it would take to get the hell out of there.
Just before dark the doorbell rang and Julia jumped up to answer it. “There’s the food I bet.” She opened the door to reveal Randy holding sacks and several buckets of chicken.
“Am I just in time for the party?” Randy asked, following Julia to the dining area.
“What are you doing here?” Rick asked.
“Devon called me and said you guys were all sitting around hungry, bring food.”
Rick nodded, beginning to get a picture of exactly what he was up against. The fact that Keith remained and Randy appeared made it obvious they were planning to gang up on him. The situation looked grim.
He knew they wouldn’t let him leave, but he stood anyway. “You know, I think I’m gonna call a cab. I’m feeling much better. I’m not very hungry, and it’s been a long day.”
Devon looked at him and shook his head. “Sit your ass down, Ricky. You’re not going anywhere.”
Rick was about to tell him to go to hell, but Eli walked up to him with his hands on his hips in a perfect imitation of Devon, and said, “Wicky! Sit down!”
Rick reached down with a sigh, and tousled his hair. “Okay buddy.” He picked Eli up and placed him in his highchair. “You hungry?”
Eli nodded enthusiastically.
~
After Eli was in bed for the night, the confrontation Rick dreaded began. It started with Julia describing the scene at his house – the condition of the place, what she found, and his behavior toward her. She told them about their conversation at the car, the things he had confided to her, the things he really didn’t want the guys to know.
Out of all of it, Randy was most intrigued with the imaginary girlfriend. “I just can’t believe you made all that stuff up, I mean, the details you gave were great. You even had me a little jealous. How did you come up with that shit?”
Rick looked at him in disbelief. “You asked me for details, and I got most of it from your questions, it was like you were feeding me the answers you wanted to hear. It wasn’t hard.”
The progressing conversation had him seething. They were all standing at this point, attacking him, insisting he needed help, and he knew his responses sounded too defensive. All day, he had been thinking of his best argument, so, he pulled it out at last, and went with it. He stood to face them, and began, “Look, I know you guys are worried, but you really don’t have to be. The Grammy’s are over, the pressure…I’ll figure out how to deal with it. That was the main reason things got so out of control. Today, with the massive amount of coke? It happens. We’ve all over indulged once or twice, I panicked and made a mistake. It’s really not as bad as you guys think.”
“Ricky, I heard you over the phone, yelling at my wife, you were ready to punch me earlier, and that’s just not like you,” Devon said, taking a wide stance, and placing his hands on his hips. “You’ve been harder to get along with, nasty to us, and you won’t give anyone else the time of day. I’ve actually wanted to say something for a long time, because it’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
Rick shook his head. “Maybe that’s just who I’ve become – an asshole. Sorry you don’t like me this way. It has nothing to do with drugs or pills. I can go days without pills. I can go days without coke. It not the problem you think it is.”
Quiet up until this point, Keith finally spoke up, and asked, “But can you go days without either one? I mean, it’s great you can go without one or the other, but what about going without anything?”
“I’m sure I can, and I will, just to show you guys. You’re all making such a big deal out of nothing.”
Julia approached him. “Ricky, you know we love you, right?” She cupped his face in the palm of her hand.
“Of course I do,” he said, covering her hand with his own. The sound of his own, overly defensive comments echoed through his head, and her soft touch calmed him.
“You’re not an asshole, and you’d never do anything to hurt me, or any of us, right?”
“You know I wouldn’t, and I’m sorry I made you guys think I would.”
Julia held up her other hand, pulled her sleeve back, and displayed her wrist for Rick to see, it was swollen and bruised. “You did this to me today.”
He swallowed hard, and felt a chill run down his spine as he watched Julia try to hold back tears. He wrapped his arms around her. “Oh God sweetie, I’m so sorry,” he said as his own tears stung his eyes.
“I know you are, Ricky.”
He held her desperately close for a minute, shocked and ashamed of what he had done. While he remembered grabbing the bottle from her hand, he had no idea he’d been that brutal. No wonder she was so afraid of me in the car. Images of his own bruises suffered at the hands of his father flashed through his head, and he realized his recent outbursts were no different from the ones he’d endured at the mercy of that vile man’s temper. He pursed his lips, and long buried emotions overtook him – he could no longer hold back the tears. At length, he pulled away and asked, “Okay. What do you want me to do? Tell me what to do.”
“I want you to get help. I want you to go someplace where they can help you, and you can get well, okay?” She brushed the hair away from his eyes.
“Okay,” he said, pulling her close again, hoping to find relief from the ambush of emotions.
When he thought he could speak again, he turned to Devon. “What about the album?”
“It can wait. We can wait.”
“Are you guys sure?”
“We’ve never gone wrong waiting for you before,” Keith joked, but then, in a more serious tone, he said, “You’re more important than any album, Ricky. Of course we’ll wait.”
~
The next morning, Devon and Julia drove him to a treatment center, waited with him as he apprehensively checked in, and promised to visit soon. It was Rick’s twenty-eighth birthday, he didn’t even notice until he was filling out his admission forms, and had to ask for the date. He felt much older.
Chapter Thirty-One
Spring 1984
The stage lights slowly came up as Randy began the opening chords of Cycle the Abyss. The crowd hushed to hear what the next song would be, but began cheering and screaming once they recognized it. Rick stepped up, adjusted the microphone, and began the song. As soon as he started to sing, the crowd quieted. He exchanged a grin with Randy after the first verse. The song, Rick’s second, was climbing the charts as they toured. It became so popular, they ended up changing the set to include it toward the end of the show, and eventually made it one of their encore songs.
His voice strained under the emotion the song revived, each time, it was the same. It never lost its impact, no matter how many times he performed it, and the audience felt his pain as he sang. Everyone, it seemed, had a similar experience to relate to the song. Knowing so many people took that same journey helped soften the memories.
Keith’s drum solo in the middle of
the song gave him a minute to get a quick drink and wipe the sweat from his face. Randy joined him, grabbing a towel Johnny threw from the edge of the stage.
“Only ten more,” Randy said.
“I know. Not sure if that’s a good thing or bad,” Rick said, leaning closer to Randy so, he wouldn’t have to yell.
“I think it’s great. I can’t wait to get home.”
“I could stand to put it off a while longer.”
Randy gave him a questioning look, but Rick turned and headed back toward his microphone.
When the spotlight returned to Rick, he launched into the last part of the song. The audience grew louder, knowing the experience would soon be over. He rewarded them for their enthusiasm, giving himself entirely to the effort – they needed to know he loved them too, and by the end of the song, they did. Waving and bowing with the others, he walked offstage.
Like sheep, they followed Johnny as he led them back to the dressing room. Rick’s girlfriend sat on a far sofa, impatiently tapping her foot. As soon as he entered the room, she jumped to his side to await the photographers and reporters for the post show meet and greet. When they closed in, she draped herself over Rick, posing and smiling with a tiger-like bite. She was at his side until the frenzy died down. Her enthusiasm died with it.
“Can we get something to eat now? I’m hungry,” she whined, as the room cleared out.
“Will you settle for room-service? I’m drained. I just want to go to bed.”
“That’s all you ever want to do,” she said. After dirty looks from Keith and Devon, she changed her tune. “Fine, I’ll order room service,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Thank you.” Rick gave her a quick peck on the cheek.
They rode in silence to the hotel, and once they were in the room, she called for food, and Rick took a shower. By the time he was done, Linda was tearing into her meal. He kissed the top of her head, and crawled into bed. He was asleep within minutes, but he didn’t sleep long, waking to find her naked, rubbing up against him.
“Linda, I’m tired. Not tonight, okay?” She looked at him with a pouty face, pulled the sheet back, and started to fondle him. Rick smiled, but pulled her hand away, shaking his head. He reached for the sheet and pulled it back over them, and closed his eyes. Soon, he felt her lips making their way down his stomach and her tongue working to change his mind. Linda won, and it was several hours before he got back to sleep.
~
The phone ringing woke him the next morning. He answered with a raspy, “Hello?”
“Were heading downtown for breakfast,” Devon said. “You guys coming?”
Rick looked over to see Linda sleeping beside him. His eyes were heavy still. “No, I wanna get a couple more hours in before we leave.”
“Are you sure? I guess this place makes the best crepes and waffles in the country,” Devon said to entice him.
“No. Thanks though. Wake me up when you guys get back, okay?” He hung up and went back to sleep.
Johnny woke them up a few hours later. Rick recognized the familiar knock at the door.
“Yeah?” he called.
“‘Bout an hour, okay?”
“Yep.”
Linda stirred next to him, and he snuggled up to her. She groaned in response, so he gently caressed the back of her arm. She shot it back and elbowed him in the chin before rising and leaving him in the bed alone.
Rick grasped his jaw in pain. “What the hell? It’s fine for you to wake me up, and force me to have sex, but if I wake you up, I get hit?”
Walking away, she said, “God Ricky, people don’t do it in the morning, and nobody forced you to do anything.” She slammed the bathroom door behind her.
It didn’t matter. She didn’t matter, but Rick didn’t care anymore. He got out of bed, dressed, and called to have some coffee sent to the room. As he was collecting his things from around the room, there was a knock on the door. Expecting the coffee, he found Randy instead.
“Hey, come on in,” Rick backed away to allow Randy to enter.
Randy looked around the room. “Where is she?”
“She’s in the shower. Come in.” Rick returned to his packing.
“Man, you missed a great breakfast. It was amazing, you really should have been there.”
“Give me a break, it’s just breakfast.”
“No, the food was good, but the company was fantastic.”
“Company?” Rick asked.
“You are going to be so pissed you didn’t come,” Randy said, plopping into a chair. “So we’re sitting there, we just ordered, and guess who walks in?”
“Elvis.”
“Even better. Shelby.”
Rick stopped stuffing his bag – his jaw dropped as he turned to Randy.
“See? I knew you’d be pissed.”
“Seriously? You guys saw Shelby?”
“Yeah, in fact, she had breakfast with us. She asked about you, and said to tell you she said ‘Hi.’”
“Oh my God,” Rick said, dropping into the chair beside Randy’s. “How is she?”
“She seemed great, a little shy again though. That always surprises me about her, not at all like she was as a kid, but anyway, she seems to be doing okay.”
Ignoring the familiar twinge of guilt, Rick asked, “Does she live around here?”
“No, she’s still in Greece. Said she’s in Phoenix visiting a friend. She was at the show last night,” Randy said, lighting a cigarette. “We asked why she didn’t come see us.”
“What did she say?”
“She said we looked whipped,” he laughed, “and said she figured she’d catch us next time around. She was really surprised to see us at the restaurant, and said she didn’t think the next time around would be quite so soon.”
Rick wasn’t sure what to say. Randy was right, he was pissed that he missed her, again. She had come to stay with Devon and Julia while he was in rehab, so everyone had the chance to see her at length, except Rick. The only thing that could make the humiliation of rehab worse was Shelby knowing he was in rehab.
“How did she look?” Rick asked at last.
“She looked good.”
“God, it’s been so long…how old is she now?”
“I don’t know. It’s not like I asked her.”
Rick thought for a moment. “Well, she was sixteen on Paros, and that was…five years ago? Almost? She has to be around to twenty-one by now.”
Randy nodded, “Yeah, I guess she would be. I did ask her if she was still driving all the Greek guys crazy, but she just gave me one of those looks, you know the kind women give you – the one that says ‘you’re an idiot,’ so I guess that was a no.”
Rick had to laugh. Shelby had given him that look before, but she had actually called him an idiot when she gave it to him.
Another knock at the door signaled the arrival of coffee. Rick tipped the bellhop and fixed himself a cup. Linda emerged from the bathroom with her hair in a towel and took the cup from Rick’s hands.
With a sneer, she said, “Hello, Randy.” Randy replied in kind. She took the coffee, returned to the bathroom without another word, and closed the door.
Shaking his head, Randy asked, “What the hell do you see in her?”
Rick grinned and shrugged his shoulders as he poured himself another cup.
“She must give a hellacious blow job for you to keep her around.”
Rick didn’t answer and returned to his seat. “How long is she in town for?” he asked, changing the subject back to Shelby.
“I don’t know, she didn’t say.” Randy laughed at the maneuver. “Is that it? She’s so good in bed that it’s worth putting up with the bullshit, and the attitude? Just being sexy isn’t enough to make up for everything that comes with it.”
“Keep your voice down,” Rick said. “She’s not as bad as you think. She’s intimidated by you guys, that’s why she always has an attitude around you.” Nothing she could do in bed made her worth the trouble, but s
o far, she wasn’t worth the trouble to ditch, either.
Randy laughed again. “I don’t think there’s much that intimidates that girl.” He rose to leave. “I’ll see you downstairs.”
“Yeah, okay. We’ll be down in just a few.”
Linda exited the bathroom with two minutes to spare, giving Rick just enough time to brush his teeth and comb his hair.
~
During the short flight to Los Angeles aboard the private jet, Linda slept, and Rick considered what Randy asked him earlier in the hotel room. The longer Rick kept her around, the more difficult she became. Mostly, he just liked not having the pressure of the whole girlfriend thing. If he didn’t have one, everyone thought he must be lonely and worried about him, and if he did, they inevitably said she wasn’t right for him. He had long ago decided he would never find anyone who was right for him. Rubbing the scar on his cheek, he reminded himself, girlfriend or not, he would always be alone.
Linda caused a mild commotion at the airport, making sure they received the attention she thought they should have. Rick knew it was only a matter of time before the guys came down on him for it, and he decided to end things before that happened. To her, he was just a stepping-stone and a meal ticket. At first, it didn’t bother him, but in the time he’d been with her, he been in the tabloids more than he had throughout his entire career, and her attention seeking was getting to be too much. Los Angeles was a good place to leave her, after all, she aspired to be an actress, and what better place to start?
Rick turned his attention to Keith who, directly across from him, was talking about a woman he’d been seeing before they’d left to tour. Though they had gone out a few times and Keith liked her, he was reluctant to start a relationship and then leave it behind for months, so he let things die off.