by Brynn Paulin
“You’ve always been so strong,” Kyle whispered as if he’d read her mind.
“Like you two,” she said on a short laugh. “I’d have to be strong or I’d be steamrolled, I suspect.”
“You like to be steamrolled,” Marcus growled.
She snorted and dropped a kiss on his chin. “Maybe when it comes to sex. I suspect I stand my ground on other things pretty well.”
Kyle’s hand caught in her hair and he pulled her into a kiss. “You’re a rock,” he murmured against her lips. He lifted her into his arms and carried her into the house. “It’s getting cold out here. I think maybe it’s time to go back to bed.”
She giggled. “But I don’t want to sleep. We just got up.”
“Yeah, we did,” Marcus agreed. “Up and hard. Very hard.”
A thrill wove through her and her pussy was instantly damp. Okay, bed sounded good.
* * * *
They fell into a routine the next couple of days. The guys went off to their jobs at Cranston Industries while Marina spent time at the house gathering up her memories. And that’s what it seemed to be. She knew she had huge gaps in her knowledge, but every day she seemed to stumble over a nook or cranny or object that brought back some sort of recollection—nothing concrete, just small things that had happened to her or that she’d done or she’d shared with her men.
She read through the cards people had sent her. Some triggered memories, and all made her smile at the thoughtful messages. That doctor might call Cranston a slice of sin, but the people who lived here were angels. She itched to go out and see them, but she just wasn’t ready. She didn’t want to be confronted by a sea of strange face she didn’t recognise. Kyle and Marcus might call her strong, but she knew she was a coward—at least about this.
So she stayed home. She soon found there was little to keep her occupied there. A cleaning crew came in twice a week and made the home shine, top to bottom. Besides cooking a meal for dinner each night, she was left to read or watch TV. Neither held her attention for long.
When the restlessness grew too strong, she went on long walks along the beach behind the house. In the afternoons, most people were off working or running errands so the shoreline was deserted and left her to her muddled, Swiss cheese thoughts.
Today, as she wandered, a magnificent storm rolled in across the lake. It would be here within the half hour so she knew she should turn back. She just didn’t want to face the big, empty house with its hidden memories. Delaying, she turned and watched the roiling clouds. Bolts of lightning speared down into the water on regular intervals, their loud claps echoing ominously.
“Marina!”
She looked up to see who was calling her and saw a slim woman with long, wavy brown hair heading her way. She’d pulled her tresses back in a ponytail, no doubt to keep it out of her face as she worked as a medical professional—at least, Marina figured she was because of the scrubs she wore.
“Um…hi?” she replied, wondering who this was and frustrated that she couldn’t remember.
The woman smiled. “I’m Jahzlyn Monroe. Jahz. That’s what most people call me, including you. One of my husbands is your nephew—through Marcus’ brother Gregory. So we’re family. I live next door to you. Up there.” She pointed to the house that was behind them on the hill. Smaller than the Victorian house Marina shared with Kyle and Marcus, it was still large but more modern.
“It’s good to meet you, though I guess we’ve already met.” Marina lifted a shoulder and made a wry face. “Things are coming back, just slowly.” She rolled her eyes. “And randomly. I’m heading back to the house to avoid the storm. Would you like to come up for coffee or tea or a Coke?”
“Coffee sounds great. And I know where you hide your Oreos,” Jahz told her. She looped her arm through Marina’s, and they headed for the house. “It’s been a long day. I’m a nurse over at the medical centre. It was hopping for hours.”
“Sounds exciting. I’ve been thinking maybe I should get a job. I’ve been astonishingly bored the past few days—well except for when Marcus and Kyle are home.”
“I’ll bet,” Jahz chuckled. “Hon…you have a job. I mean kind of.”
They brushed off their sandy feet on the mat on the back deck then went into the kitchen. Marina headed for the coffeemaker. “They act as if I don’t. They go off to their company every morning but haven’t breathed a word about what I do. Geez, I could be fired by now.”
“Not hardly. That was what I meant by kind of. You’re an organiser of sorts. Besides his position at Cranston Industry, Marcus acts as the town’s mayor. But when it comes to community functions whether it’s meetings, special events or service projects, you oversee it all. You also direct the landscaping of public areas and the town’s seasonal decorating. You once told me you have a journal and a calendar detailing it all on your PC.”
Marina stared at her. “Do I sleep?”
“It sounds huge, but you really do manage it in a regular work week.” Jahz opened the pantry and moved aside the canisters. With a wink, she brought out the cookies, and both women sat at the table.
“No wonder I’ve been so bored. Why didn’t they tell me?”
Jahz shrugged. “Maybe to give you time to rest? They were terrified when you were in your accident. The three of you have been together for so long, I don’t know what they’d do without you. You’re like the poster children of ménage. The how-to people for making it work. The three of you are so totally connected—”
“Except recently.” Marina pressed her lips together, wishing she hadn’t blurted that out, especially when Jahz’s face clouded. Obviously, the woman knew exactly what had been going on in this house.
“Not for lack of trying. When things like this happen—”
“Oreo?” Marina interrupted, holding out the package.
“You don’t remember and you don’t want to,” Jahz observed.
Marina shook her head. “I can feel it. I know whatever it is hit me emotionally. And I know the separateness between us is my fault.” She shook her head again. “I shouldn’t be talking to you about this. I’m sorry.”
Jahz placed her hand over hers. “You’ve always talked to me. Why do you think I know where you keep your cookie stash? Look…this isn’t your fault.”
“Every feeling I’m getting says otherwise. And I discovered that I’d left my wedding ring in my jewellery box. I wasn’t wearing it—”
“You don’t want me to tell you. That’s fine. I won’t. I’d rather not anyway. But…” Jahz sighed. “You’ve been on an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes, I’m not sure how you’ve managed. This,” she reached over and tapped Marina’s temple, “might just be your brain’s way of saying ‘enough already. I need a break’.”
Marina attempted a smile then got up to check the coffee. Being a fast-brew model, it was just finishing. After pouring two cups, she brought them to the table and regained her seat.
Outside, the storm hit the beach. Rain slashed in heavy droplets across the deck and slapped against the windows. Lightning pulsed, still off-shore.
“It’s supposed to be quick but fierce,” Jahz commented. “I should call my guys and let them know where I am—they’re so overprotective sometimes.” She laughed. “Not that I’m complaining.”
“No…it’s a great thing,” Marina replied, sharing the first genuine grin she’d felt since Kyle and Marcus had made love to her that morning. “I can’t imagine living a day without them surrounding me like they do.” She rested her chin in her palm. “Do you ever feel guilty?”
“To have two men? On a moral level? Not really. I mean we’re totally committed to one another. Our family is just…different.”
“Not like that.” Marina’s grin grew wider, even as she considered that she should have wondered about the moral issue. But truly, her view was the same as Jahz’s. “I meant that we have such awesome guys and there are women out there who haven’t found even one.”
“Aw, honey, I’m
glad you feel that way.” She jumped as Kyle’s warm lips landed low on her neck. When she looked up, she saw Marcus and two men she didn’t recognise, though she was sure she should.
They went to Jahz and kissed her. “We saw you come over here with Marina just before the storm started. Drove the car over so you wouldn’t get wet on the way home,” the one with black hair said, his hand sliding to her belly. The look they shared hit Marina hard. The intimacy and secret smile were clear. Jahz was pregnant. Marina wondered if she’d known that…before her amnesia. Her chest was suddenly tight, and she could barely breathe.
She stood suddenly. Forcing a smile, she excused herself and practically ran from the room. She didn’t stop moving until she’d made it to the third floor. She’d barely been up here in the mostly unused part of the house, but she headed unerringly towards the overstuffed armchair positioned in front of a huge dormer window overlooking the lake.
Forcing back sobs, she hunched in the chair and drew her knees up to her chest. What the hell was wrong with her? She didn’t even know why she was crying. She should be happy for Jahz—she was. She truly was.
I can’t have a baby. Don’t you understand? I. Can’t.
The words pummelled her as clear as day. Her words. Marina pressed a hand over her mouth as tears flooded her vision. God, of course. Why else would she draw away from Marcus and Kyle? She couldn’t give them a family. And no state agency would let them adopt. Not a ménage family.
“Marina…”
She looked up to see Marcus standing helplessly a few feet away. She held out a hand to stave him off. “Not now,” she rasped, her voice ragged with sorrow. “Please…not now. I need a few minutes.” Or a few centuries.
“Don’t do that.”
She shook her head, not understanding.
“Don’t shut us out.” He knelt beside her and pulled her into his arms so they stretched towards each other over the arm of the chair. “It hurts us so bad when you do.”
Her breath shuddered into his chest. He felt so good. So strong. As if he could withstand anything. But his vulnerability was her. She could hurt him badly. “I won’t. I promise.”
He stood and lifted her into his arms. Then, as if sensing her need for quiet, sat in the seat where she’d been. He didn’t say anything for a long time. They just sat and stared at the storm, with her curled on his lap and his arms tight around her.
Jahz had been right. The storm was short and violent. The rain had lashed everything in its wake while wind battered the house, the shore and anything else in its path. And then it stopped. It just stopped and transitioned to a drizzle that soon gave way to the sun, its early evening light revealing the damage yet the survival of those who’d weathered the storm. To the right and left, trees had lost leaves and a couple of small limbs, but they still stood straight and tall. Warriors.
She closed her eyes. She’d like to imagine she was that strong, but she wasn’t so sure at the moment that she had more substance than flotsam.
Well, if she didn’t, she would. Her men, her strong men who cared so much for her, needed her to buck up and get on with life. And that was exactly what she would do.
Shoving aside the doubts and voices in her head, particularly the one who chanted the name she didn’t want to hear, she stood then held out a hand to Marcus. “Let’s go find Kyle.”
Chapter Four
In the end, she asked Marcus to find Kyle while she’d gone to wash her face and get presentable.
“I want us to take out your nephew, his wife and her other husband to congratulate them,” she told him.
Marcus looked confused. “For what?”
“Expecting.” She smiled. “But I bet you know that.”
His face darkened. “Jahz told you?”
“No. And I know you’re trying to protect me, but there’s no need to keep this from me. I’m really happy for them. Just because…” She shook her head. “Just…we should show them support. And that we’re happy. They’re family.”
“They are,” he said slowly, looking at her as if trying to see inside her head. “You…remember? The past, I mean.”
She shook her head. “No. But I’m not an idiot. I have an inkling, a rather big idea actually. And it’s enough to know I’ve not been the person the two of you committed to. And I’ve been hurting you—”
“No, you were the one hurting.”
“We all were,” she conceded. “I know that I need to know the truth here. I’m not putting my head in the sand. I’ve just been letting the memories come to me. But…well, tonight I want to celebrate with Jahz then you and Kyle are going to explain what I do around Cranston—what I really do. And you’re going to show me where you’ve hidden my computer because Jahz says I have files on there.”
He laughed dryly. “Are you sure you don’t have your full memory back, drill sergeant?”
“Smart ass.”
“Better than a dumb ass, I guess.” Catching her in his arms. “You’ll just have to tolerate this ass kissing you.”
“Better than kissing ass.”
He nipped her bottom lip then made a trail to her ear. “I hate to tell you this, but I suppose it’s on me since you don’t remember. You kinda like kissing my ass. And clutching it. And clawing it as you come, screaming my name.”
His mouth covered hers before she could reply. His tongue demanded entrance, and she opened on a groan. He tasted of his late-afternoon coffee and mint. In a moment, he had her against the wall, his arms bracketing her body, his hands flat on the wall as he bent into her and devoured her mouth, reminding her of his claim on her. Not that she would think of disputing it.
Tendrils of longing inched through her as she raised on her toes to meet him. Following his lead, she pressed her hands to the wall behind her as well. If they touched, it was all over. They’d miss dinner and Kyle would walk in on them in the throes of ecstasy—not that he’d mind. In the past days, she’d learned that love in this household didn’t always consist of three. And that was okay with all parties, because no one was excluded. If the third came upon the first two making love, he or she could always join and was passionately welcomed.
Marcus tipped his forehead to hers as he pulled his mouth away. “We should go get the others for dinner.”
She sighed. She’d rather have more of him, but he was right. “I’ll be right down. Let me get ready.”
He kissed her again, quickly, then headed for the stairs to the first floor while Marina went into their bedroom. Her emotions were still wobbly, but she was feeling better and more in control than she had been. With determination, she got ready then went down to join the others. Despite her concern that she might break down during dinner if she didn’t keep a close hold on herself, she actually enjoyed the company of Jahz, Garrett and Chay—Jahz’s husbands—and her own two guys. Marina was genuinely happy for the other triad.
Dinner at Carol’s Restaurant, a small diner a short walk down the street from their homes, was relaxed with a down-home feel Marina appreciated. By the time the six of them strolled home, she thought maybe, just maybe, she might be okay. Aside from an occasional melancholy feeling, she’d had a thoroughly enjoyable visit—as they all had. She hugged Jahz goodbye in front of her house and waved to Chay and Garrett, who immediately eschewed that and grabbed her in a bear hug.
Laughing, she, Marcus and Kyle walked next door. She went up to take a bubble bath while the guys wandered off to the game room to play pool. They were still downstairs when she finished and went in search of them.
There wasn’t much playing going on. She paused in the darkened living room. The two men were embracing as Marcus stroked Kyle’s back and they spoke quietly. “I don’t want to lose her,” Kyle murmured. “What if she remembers and we have another two years like the past two?”
“Then we get through it,” Marcus rasped back, the sound of his voice revealing his emotions ran deeper than his words betrayed.
Kyle shook his head. “It was killing us all
. Ripping us apart.” He kissed Marcus’ neck. “I’m so glad to have you. You’re strong when I’m not. But… I missed having her in our bed. I’ve missed having the real Marina in our lives. I missed what the three of us shared.”
“I have, too. That’s not going to happen again.”
“But—”
Marcus cut him off with a kiss, pushing Kyle against the pool table and grinding their hips together. “Not going to happen,” he reiterated then buried his hands in Kyle’s hair and held his head while he kissed him.
Ashamed to know the pain she’d caused them, Marina almost backed away and silently headed upstairs. But wouldn’t that be part of the drawing away they hated?
Biting her lip, she watched them kiss and grind together, their lust for one another arousing her and making her pussy damp with her need to join in. Her breathing increased as she watched Kyle’s palms slide over Marcus’ wide chest down to his flat belly. Open his pants. Touch him, she silently urged, almost holding her breath in anticipation of seeing Kyle’s large hand cup Marcus’ cock. She almost groaned at the little jolts that raced through her when Kyle did exactly that and Marcus ground into him.
Shrouded by the darkness of the living room, she lifted her fingers to her breast and pinched the nipple as she watched. Her other hand bunched the voluminous fabric of her nightgown to slip inside and creep to her bared pussy. Her fingers slipped inside the slippery folds, and she had to muffle her moan behind pressed lips.
She rubbed her clit while she watched Kyle go to his knees before Marcus and open his pants. Since she’d been back, she hadn’t seen them do this and the lightning that struck her at the vision shocked her. She was sure she’d seen the intimate scene before now. God, she wished she could remember. This sight…this was something she’d cherish, the erotic sight of these powerful men loving each other, one obviously giving the other the supremacy in the coupling.
Marcus’ head dropped back as Kyle pulled Marcus’ cock free and immediately took him into his mouth. That fiery mouth… She could well imagine it, having felt it on her pussy and breasts. And his teeth… Marcus moaned as Kyle drew upward on his cock, no doubt lightly abrading him the way he did her nipples. She gave another pinch and felt the corresponding quickening in her middle, her cream coating her fingers even more.