“So, you’re leaving me, too?” he asked, and turned away from her. He walked over to the bay window in the corner of the large, open office.
“No. Yes. I don’t know,” she said, her confusion giving her a headache, as she still couldn’t sort out her feelings for him.
He turned back to her. “Make up your mind, Danita. Either you want me or you don’t.”
She sighed.
“I do want you. That’s what makes this so damn hard.”
He said nothing, simply looked at her.
“But I just ended a relationship where I was always left in the dark as to what was going on.”
“And you think this is what I’m doing? Leaving you in the dark about my feelings? What else do I need to do to…”
“Stop right there.” Danita saw the way the conversation was going. “I never said that.”
“No? Then what is it Dani?” he pleaded.
She walked toward him, taking his outstretched hands, and he guided her to one of the large chairs in the room.
She succumbed, allowing him to sit her in his lap, and for her head to rest on his chest.
“I want you to let me get inside. I want you to share yourself with me. I want to give you pleasure, I want you to receive what I have to give openly. God, I don’t even know how to explain it.” She felt like weeping in pure frustration.
He stroked a hand down her hair and pulled her closer, and she felt the hard ridge beneath his slacks nudge against her buttocks.
He laughed. “You don’t think you give me pleasure, Dani? Nothing could be further from the truth.”
“Yes, but you are always the one to give pleasure. Selfless pleasure. Mind-blowing selfless pleasure.” She laughed without humor, feeling exposed and raw. “Please…let me be the one to give you pleasure,” she begged.
Danita noted the confusion on his face and slowly eased away from his lap. He reached out to stop her but she ignored him.
She lay between his legs and with her eyes trained on his, unfastened his slacks and reached her hand inside his boxers to lift out his thickened shaft.
“Allow me to be the one you let get close to you, the one nestled as tightly in your heart as you are in mine,” she whispered, running her hands down his hardening length to cup his warm scrotal sac before maneuvering the shorts down and away. She rasped her thumb over the tiny eye at the end of his cock, and wiped away his moisture before she licked it off her thumb.
“Danita…what are you…” he stopped, inhaling a deep breath when she leaned down, opened her mouth wide, and engulfed him.
He leaned down and tried to pull her wet, tight mouth from around his shaft, but Danita kept herself steady.
She eased her mouth up and down the length of his dick, swirling her tongue around the plump, round knob, and gently licked the tiny slit in the center that wept a small bead of his seed before opening her mouth wide and sliding it over his erection until the end bumped the back of her throat.
“Danita…” he panted.
Danita glanced up and smiled around his thickness. His head was thrown back as he groaned, and the cords in his neck starkly stood out against the golden hue of his skin.
“Shit!” he grunted. The expletive was as unexpected as it was raw, coming from Hawk.
He grabbed both sides of her head, tunneled his fingers in her curls and twisted his hips, and she felt his dick bump the back of her throat.
Danita was entranced with the almost animallike sounds of pleasure he uttered, and the feel of his hot, hard shaft cradled in her mouth.
Danita grasped his cock, ringing him with her hands in counterclockwise motions as she deep throated him, taking as much of his length as she could in her mouth. Helpless, he grasped her by the hair and pumped shallow thrusts into her mouth. His strong, lean body began to shake as his orgasm hit.
Her eyes fluttered closed as his hot, sweet cum filled her mouth and eased down her throat. When he pushed her away, seconds after coming, his face was set in taut lines, and she knew it had nothing to do with overwhelming joy after the mind-numbing blow job she’d just given him.
The first blow job, mind-blowing or otherwise, she’d given to any man.
38
“Why did you do that?”
Danita slowly rose from her crouched position between his legs, straightened her clothing, and searched for the hair clip he’d pulled off her hair.
She gave up, knowing that she had more important things to do than search for the missing ornament.
Tucking her loosened hair behind her ears, she pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and glanced at Hawk worriedly.
As soon as she rose, he got up from his chair, zipped his slacks, and turned away from her. He now faced the window in the far corner of the room.
But damn, she was tired of him, in his own way, calling the shots. She wanted to get to know him. Longed to know why after going to such a prestigious college he chose to live in the same impoverished neighborhood he’d grown up in. Why he hadn’t accepted the offer to practice with the high level law firm he’d interned with.
He continued to stare out the window into the pitch dark night. The silence in the room grew until Danita couldn’t take it any longer.
“Hawk?”
His body jerked at the sound of her voice, as if he’d forgotten she was there. He turned his head slightly toward her, yet didn’t look at her. Although he said nothing more, remained still and quiet, his body language spoke volumes.
She licked dry lips and hesitantly began to walk toward him. When she was less than a foot away she stopped. She reached a hand out to touch him, but allowed her hand to fall at her side when he turned back to face the window.
“Why don’t you talk to me?”
“Don’t you care about me? Don’t I make you feel special? Haven’t I proved how much I care about you by now? Isn’t that good enough? Aren’t I good enough?” The tic in his lean jaw was the only emotion on his face.
“Of course you are! That’s not what I’m saying, damn! What’s wrong with you? I just want to get to know you, Hawk. Really know you. I love that you want to know everything about me. I love how you make me feel when you’re making love to me, when you hold my hand and just listen to me talk about my dreams, my goals, my aspirations…but, what about you? In the last weeks, I swear I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone, shared with you things I never even admitted to myself!” She stopped, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath before continuing.
“But whenever I try to learn anything about you, when I ask you to share yourself with me, you either flip the script or clam up and won’t tell me anything!” When he turned around to face the mirror, Danita felt the overwhelming urge to grab his thick ponytail and force him back around to face her.
He was shutting her out.
Again.
And she was getting damn tired of it.
She didn’t think he’d answer it took him so long to speak. Danita blew out a frustrated breath and turned, needing to get away from him. Before she could move he turned to face her. His beautiful soulful eyes, filled with pain, stole her breath.
“It’s not that easy,” he said, gripping the flesh of her upper arm tightly.
“What’s not so easy? Just talk to me, Hawk. Let me in, let me get the chance to know you as well as you’ve gotten to know me. Just talk to me,” she begged without shame.
When he simply stared at her, Danita reached out and touched his face, running her fingers down the side of his smooth cheek.
He captured her hand and brought it to his lips, placing a warm kiss in the center.
One corner of his sensual, wide mouth lifted. He laced his hand with hers and walked her over to the big chair in the corner and sat down, placing her in his lap.
She lay in his lap, and although she was uncertain about him, or them as a couple, she couldn’t help enjoying the reassuring thud of the sound of his heart against her ear.
“Hawk, can I ask you somethi
ng?”
“Yes,”
“About the, uh…” her voice trailed off, unsure how to broach the subject.
“About Gregory joining us in our lovemaking?”
As usual, he seemed to know what was on her mind without her voicing it.
“Yeah…that.”
He sighed. “It was something you wanted, something you fantasized about. I wanted to be the one to gift you with your fantasy.”
“Do you always give women their fantasy?” she intuitively knew this was not only an important question, but the answer would give her better insight into what made him tick, why he on the one hand was the most attentive lover she’d ever had, while at the same time he was strangely closed off.
“I grew up on the Hopi Reservation in northeast Arizona. My family farmed, as many other families did on the reservation. My father died before I was born. My mother left when I was a kid. Said she couldn’t handle raising a kid on her own. Didn’t want a kid hanging around reminding her what a mess she’d made of her life.”
Although he hadn’t answered her question, Danita wanted desperately to turn around in his arms and soothe him, kiss him, do anything to take away the pain she heard in his voice.
Yet she remained still, simply feathering her fingers along his arms exposed by the pushed-up sleeves of his shirt.
“There was a young girl whose mother was a teacher, and after school she and her mother would come to the reservation. She was quite a bit older than me. I was only fourteen at the time. She was nineteen.
“She was so exciting to me, with her tattoos and wild ways, and she seemed to have what I wanted. Freedom. When she decided to leave her hometown that neighbored the reservation, I begged her to take me. She did.
“There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her, and she knew it.
“When we first moved to Texas, we had a little money but it didn’t last. So when she said we needed to hustle to get money, I willingly did it. I had no plans to go back to the reservation. There was nothing there for me.
“She met a few friends, and they would come to the motel we stayed at and…party with us.
“By party you mean—”
“The usual fare. Drugs. Sex. I was only fifteen, had only been with one woman, so I admit the attention I got was so new, so different. Damn, once she saw how much her new ‘friends’ were digging me, she decided it was time for me to earn my keep.”
Danita was unable to prevent the sharp inhale of breath that resonated loudly in the room. Then she felt him smile against her hair.
“It’s okay. It was a long time ago. And I did what I had to do to survive. The money we earned was good. Got even better when we were invited to parties where women—and men—paid top dollar for the type of services I’d become so good at,” he laughed without humor and Danita wanted to cry.
It was a long time before he spoke, and Danita felt the shame radiating off him in waves. If she could, she’d go back in time to kick the woman’s free-loving ass for manipulating a young boy in such a horrible way.
“Whenever I brought up the subject that I no longer wanted to prostitute, she’d get angry. Accuse me of not loving her. Cry and say that if I loved her, I would want to take care of her.”
“Just like your mother.”
Danita didn’t realize she’d spoken out loud until he sighed and said, “Yeah, I guess so.”
“I could see where your life, the way you grew up, made it hard for you to open up.”
“I never really examined the whys of it. I guess that’s a good enough reason as any,” he murmured, stroking the top of her head. “I think this need I have to please, at any cost to myself, is part of it as well.”
Danita was content to lie against him and hear the reassuring rhythmic thud of his heartbeat against her ear.
He placed two fingers beneath her chin and angled her face toward him so he could see her. “Where does all of this leave us?” he asked, and Danita heard a note of uncertainty in his voice, and her heart softened.
She reached a hand up and stroked his face, her thumb running over his sensual lips. “If you think anything you’ve said changes my feelings about you, you don’t know me as well as you seem to think you do,” she said, gently stroking her thumb over his beautiful, sensual mouth.
He opened his mouth and captured her finger in it, pulling the digit into its warmth, and suckling it before releasing it.
He pulled her toward him and they exchanged a long, leisurely kiss before she pulled away reluctantly. “But—” she began, placing a hand on his chest when he started to pull her back. “If this relationship is going to work, you’ve got to trust me. You’ve got to trust me enough to know that I’m not like the women in your past. Nor am I one to shy away from the truth. I’m a big girl. You can push me sometimes, fight with me, state your own opinions, but most of all, just let me in. That’s all I ask. Do you think that’s something you can handle? I want it all. Because if not, this isn’t going to work. And I don’t want a portion of you. I want all of you. The good and the bad. If you don’t think you can handle sharing yourself, all of you, then this isn’t going to work for me.”
He looked at her, really looked at her. The intensity of his stare felt as though he was trying to look into her very soul. Danita felt her stomach clench the longer he stared at her, considering her words.
He framed her face. “I do want to share it all with you, Dani. I’ve never wanted, never trusted that I could do that with another person. But I want it. With you. I’ll try my best to do what it takes to show you how much you mean to me.”
Tears were in her eyes, and she rapidly opened and closed her lids, batting them away.
The smile that broke out across his lean, handsome face, the warmth in his eyes with a promise of what was to come warmed her heart and eased away any lingering feelings of doubt.
The things he told her about himself, things she knew he rarely shared with anyone else, explained so much. She drew away from him and cupped each side of his face within the palms of her hands.
“Thank you,” she said and leaned up to kiss him. Even as she felt tears run unchecked from her own eyes, she thumbed away at the lone tear in the corner of his.
One side of his sensual mouth hitched upward as he placed a hand over hers. “What do you need to thank me for?” he asked, huskily, emotion deepening his voice.
“For loving me. For sharing yourself, all of you, with me.”
“None of my history makes you think twice about committing to me? Makes you doubt whether you want to be with me for the long haul, Dani?” His voice was tight, but the deep emotion she saw in his expression was anything but.
“Is that what you want? The long haul?” she asked and caught her breath, waiting for his answer.
“I do,” he answered simply.
Before she could answer, he went on, “Because if you say yes, you’re saying yes to the whole package,” he murmured, his eyes darting over her face, the love in his eyes bright, nearly blinding. “No turning back.”
Danita carefully considered his words, thought over what her life had been like without him. In the few months of their relationship he’d come to mean more to her than anyone. She was tired of looking for what was missing in her life, tired of playing second. Tired of giving all she had to give and not getting anything back in return.
She smiled around the mist of tears in her eyes. Doubt, insecurities and fear of what might or might not happen fell off like the useless baggage they were as she saw a future of love and acceptance in his eyes.
“No turning back,” she finally agreed, a small smile playing around the corner of he mouth.
When he pulled her close, she willingly went into his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck, embracing him as tightly as he was embracing her, secure in the love he had for her, the love they shared, and more than ready to begin their journey of discovery of one another, together.
APHRODISIA BOOKS are published by
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Copyright © 2009 by Kimberly Kaye Terry
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Scream My Name Page 23