I should be happy right now. I should want this with Ethan.
Make it work!
No, internal Tim Gunn, you are not helping!
You’re scared, the voice said again. But why? Ethan was not scary. In fact, he was super hot, had a smokin’ body, and went to prep school like the guys in my favorite dance movies. Where was the problem?
You’re scared he won’t live up to the fantasy. You’re scared because you know he never will.
You’re scared to admit after all this time, it’s not Ethan.
It’s not Ethan.
Magnus ran out of ground, and I was forced to slow him to a walk ahead of the stable entrance. I stroked his mane. “Thanks, boy. You did well.” Carrots for all, after I faced Ethan with a moment I’d never conjured in one of my daydreams.
I was about to reject Ethan Laurenti.
And I’d never been happier.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
“You sure you’re okay seeing Ethan now that you’ve … talked?” Maya asked me as we crossed the grounds to the entry point of the Welcome to Miami party. We filed behind other guests waiting to be checked in by staff in black suits.
Beyond being a major story line in the filming of Savings and Lohmans, the two hosting families viewed this as their turning point in South Florida society. According to Maya’s coworker Sara at Zeeno’s, this was the social event to wind up the summer.
Since I was in with Haylo, and the producers wanted trustworthy people to fill empty seats, I was allowed to invite anyone I wanted. Maya and Sara were my chosen guests. (Sara was so pumped when I’d gone to Zeeno’s and handed her the heavy card stock invitation, she accidentally smeared mustard across the front and begged for another.) I did stylist planning sessions for each of them, plus Haylo, and myself.
Sara fluffed her highlighted curls. “You have to point out this dude you dumped.”
“I didn’t dump anybody,” I said, keeping my voice down. “We weren’t even dating. And yes, I’ll be fine.”
“Get this,” Maya said. “Amelia told him he was in love with someone else. Isn’t that so freaking virtuous it makes you sick?”
I let out an exaggerated sigh. “I didn’t do it to be virtuous. It’s true. Ethan likes Haylo. I think he loves her, but he can’t see it.” No matter the extent of my daydreams, Ethan and I were not a match. We were not meant to be. And yes, totally insane that I’d had to explain that to Ethan himself.
“Look at you, though.” Sara snapped her fingers twice. “You’re going to make him jealous.”
“For real, A. Nice job on the dress.”
With some serious help from YouTube tutorials and the kind staff at Juanita’s Fabrics, I wore my newly restored vintage powder-blue dress. The bodice fit snugly, and the neckline laid nicely across my collarbone. The waist nipped in, and the skirt sprung out in netted layers down to my upper calves. Tiny silver gems threaded through the netting like little stars fading at dawn. Desiree had said fashion made you feel something, and this dress gave me powers.
“You’re not bad yourself.” Maya’s black dress with ruching along the side was matched with bright red lips that made her look like a Puerto Rican diva.
She struck a pose. “I know when to bring it.”
Beyond security, candlelit lanterns hanging from ground hooks guided us through the side gardens to the back of the house. Thousands of lights spiraled around tree trunks and wound over branches. With tables set in white, the whole scene looked like a snow globe when I blurred my eyes. Everything I’d imagined a Laurenti party to be, up close and not miniaturized from my bedroom window.
Mami zipped by, dressed in a gorgeous white A-line dress. She’d let me try my stylist hand on her, too. I waved, and she paused, pointing to the cameras, then me, followed by a throat-slitting motion. Got it.
Maya, Sara, and I stopped at a high table, the kind with no chair that you can set your elbows on. Not that setting your elbows on a table would be acceptable at this type of party. Maya took two truffles off the tray of a passing waitstaff and popped one in her mouth.
A cluster of movement made its way toward the central fountain. Cameras, lights, boom mics, and a bunch of blondes talking loudly. Haylo looked beyond amazing in a floor-length maxidress from a local designer. In her signature coral color, of course.
“Good evening, everyone,” a voice announced from a stage beyond the fountain. Brighter lights focused on the speaker. “Thank you for coming tonight. May I introduce our charity cause, Children’s Needs?”
Sara leaned in to Maya. “Children need what?”
“I think that’s the name of the charity,” Maya answered.
As Haylo explained, it was tacky for rich people to throw a party for no reason. You had to promote a charity or it looked super selfish.
The man introduced Mr. and Mrs. Lohman, who glided on stage with the camera cluster close behind. Their speech stopped three times to accommodate the director, who demanded a better angle.
I hadn’t seen a single Laurenti yet. Maybe the producers had them stashed somewhere. Music cued up, and the lights illuminated a dance floor in front of the stage.
“Excuse me.”
I turned and was sure my mouth hung open for a beat. A guy who surely graced the pages of an Ivy League college brochure held out his hand. Not to me, but to Maya.
“Dance?” His voice rolled out smooth and low.
Just like that, Maya was whisked off to the dance floor. She looked over her shoulder and mouthed O-M-G.
Sara grabbed my arm. “Is that the guy?”
I followed where she was looking, but did not see a Laurenti. The guy was blond and stood between Pru and Haylo. “That must be the Lohmans’ brother.”
“Hmm.” A spark lit in her eye.
“He must have gotten home from Amsterdam and showed up here before he leaves for college.” I’d barely finished my speculation when Sara unhooked her arm and strolled over toward them. Talk about brave.
I searched the mingling partygoers but didn’t see who I was looking for. Right—why would it make sense to look in the thick of the crowd? Silly me.
I followed the path the waitstaff were using for kitchen access leading to the far-side courtyard. Voices and the music from the dance floor faded the farther I wound through the path. And there he was, perched on top of a low stone wall, hanging out with his cell phone.
“I’ve been looking for you,” I said.
Liam looked up. His hands slowly lowered as his eyes focused through the darkening night air. He set the phone aside and half-stumbled off his spot on the wall. “Amelia.” His voice caught and he blinked. He blinked again and it was so … so adorable. “You’re wearing the dress.”
“I’ve been working on it all week. It wasn’t in as bad of shape as I thought once I cut out some of the netting and used it to replace the frayed pieces. Anyway. Yes. The dress.” I held the tulle skirt out to the sides and curtsied.
I’d wanted to make Liam laugh, but he only stared. “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks.” I was having a little trouble keeping my breath steady.
“Your family was always a mystery to me.” Liam said, stepping closer. “Your mother, you. I would see the lights in your house and hear laughing. I wanted to know what you were laughing about. What made you so happy.”
Goose bumps peppered my arms. “You were watching me?”
Liam’s hands flew up. “Not like that. Not creepy, I swear.”
“I know. I watched your house, too.”
“You watched Ethan.”
I shook my head. “I watched all of you. I’ve always found the Laurentis fascinating.”
He smashed a rogue weed with his shoe. “I wish I would’ve known. We could have signaled to each other with flashlights.”
“Like a secret code.” I imagined flash bursts from the upstairs of the big house, with kid me clicking my plastic Hello Kitty flashlight in response. “That would have been fun. You and Ethan probably did
stuff like that.”
“When we were younger, maybe. Ethan’s happiest out with other people. I was the tag along, the observer.”
“Your observations are taking you places.”
Liam edged closer. “I’ve always been curious about you. You’re interesting.”
“Says the guy whose family lives in a mansion.”
He smiled back, his gaze stuck for moment like a screen on Pause. “You’re even more interesting the more I get to know you. No wonder Ethan finally caught on.”
Ethan caught on … to what Liam had thought already. Realizations surfaced. How eager he’d been for me to help him with the app. All the near touches, the time spent side by side working on something bigger than ourselves. It wasn’t like I hadn’t noticed we were growing closer. Of course I’d noticed. I’d come to find him tonight. I knew he liked this dress from when he stood at my closet door and told me.
But this was new that Liam had been paying attention for so long a time.
Liam looked at me now like I was the only person who mattered. That what I said mattered, and how I felt mattered, too.
His hands found mine and I accepted their grasp. The touch alone sent a thrill through me. With only a faint glow of lights from the party, it was as if the snow in the globe had settled and the miniature scene within in it froze. Time itself stopped around us.
Right now, the only Laurenti I could imagine a lasting anything with was standing in front of me wearing clothes I’d picked out for him. I let myself think what had been edging my thoughts for weeks now. Not Ethan. Not Ethan, but Liam.
He curled his fingers around my wrist and inched forward. “I think you’re perfect.” Liam could have sounded desperate and cheesy, but he didn’t. He really believed what he said. With all my insecurities and how I’d practically stalked their family, he saw beyond my weaknesses, to me.
The darkness cloaked us, and the silence brought comfort. Liam had always been honest with me. Truly, I couldn’t recall a time when he’d been dishonest, unless it was to protect me from a harsher truth.
His hand traced my arm up to my shoulder, tentative but gaining confidence. He pulled me toward him, no longer shy. He met my lips with his.
Liam tasted minty and savory. Here we stood in the courtyard next to flowering birds-of-paradise, their long stems reaching upward with fiery orange petals exploding in celebration. His skin radiated heat to melt my chill, and I sank deeper into the kiss. He at once felt familiar but new, reliable but a little dangerous. The unknown Laurenti.
Things never felt so right.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Still dumbstruck from kissing Liam, I gathered my thoughts. Gathering … gathering … nope, still dumbstruck. I couldn’t grasp how to act around Liam now that we’d kissed. I could barely grasp we had kissed. Also, I wanted more kisses.
We’d moved to the stone wall, sitting and talking, and okay, more kissing. His phone lit up.
“My mom is looking for me. She’s texted three times. It’s about the show.”
I wasn’t ready to let go. “I’ll come with you.”
We held hands the whole way. This switch in my mind-set, from friends to more, it was everything. It made sense. We made sense. I didn’t need to impress Liam; he already knew me.
“Maya and her friend Sara are here,” I said, feeling instantly guilty I’d ditched them.
“Looks like they’re having fun.”
I saw where he looked. Maya, the college brochure guy, Sara, and the Lohman brother were laughing together at a table near the dance floor. I pulled Liam their way when Gigi called over to Liam. He let go of my hand. “I’ll find you when I’m done.”
I watched him walk away, then turned to my friends. Maya did a happy dance and Sara gave me a thumbs-up. We celebrated in a flurry of BFF-speak the dudes at the table surely could not translate.
“This is Justyce Lohman,” Maya said to me.
“With a ‘y,’” added Sara.
Of course with a “Y.” How could it not be with a “Y”?
I excused myself to the restroom and promised to be right back for more party shenanigans. I couldn’t contain my happy feels. Liam. Liam! All this time. Oh boy, did I owe Des an explanation.
On the way back through the house, I stopped short at a figure standing in the hall.
“Amelia,” Ethan said with a note of disbelief.
“Hey, Ethan. I’m actually with—”
“God, am I glad to see you.” He pulled me down the hall toward the library. He must have news. I really hoped it was that he talked to Haylo about his true feelings for her. Those two needed to stop denying their epic Like for one another.
Ethan walked to the middle of the room, turned, and kissed me.
Like full-on, lips to lips, slightly openmouthed, kissed me.
Shock stunted any reaction for a good ten seconds. He pulled away, his hand grazing my hair. “I’ve missed you. I knew if you came to the party, it meant you changed your mind.”
My mouth formed a few words, but no sound emerged.
“I know the Haylo thing is confusing,” he went on. “It’s confusing me, too. She’s a great girl, but I’m like one of her entourage. This whole TV thing is stressing me out.”
Haylo didn’t adore Ethan. She didn’t worship him or make excuses for his flaws. That’s what I’d done for so long. Only I no longer adored Ethan. Even if I’d wanted to, we hardly had the same interests. Ethan Laurenti just kissed me and none of it felt right.
“Are you okay?” Ethan asked, finally realizing we weren’t existing on the same planet. He stroked my hair again and leaned in.
I shifted aside. “I’m fine. You know Haylo doesn’t care about the show, but she cares about you. You talk about her all the time. Every single moment you and I have spent together since I came home from New York, Haylo has either been with us or you talked about her.” I’d tried to tell him this after we rode horses together. “You said I’d changed my mind, and actually, I did. But not in the way you’re thinking—”
“It’s okay. I know you’ve liked me for a long time.” He touched a piece of hair angled along my jawline, curving under like a brushstroke. His fingers moved to my cheek.
“Oh. My. God.”
Pru Lohman’s declaration hung in the air and then sunk like a leaden weight. My body felt twice its mass as dread took over.
I stepped back. “This isn’t what you think.” I’d have to deal later with the fact I actually said those words out loud.
Behind her, the French doors opened wider. And there they were. The producers. The cameras. Haylo.
And Liam.
Liam—no not Liam.
He stared, openmouthed, and I watched his heart’s seams rip apart one thread at a time.
Pru threw up a hand. “The second you have the chance, you go right for him, don’t you!”
The second camera guy angled around me to get better shots of Haylo, whose shoulders slumped.
“Haylo, please believe me. Ethan and I are not together.” I looked at Ethan. “You were right; I have feelings for Liam. If you’re asking if I choose someone, I choose him. I choose Liam.” I searched the doorway where gawkers crowded the door. “Liam, I meant everything I said earlier. And I didn’t kiss Ethan, he kissed me.”
Liam pushed past them to face his brother. “Why do you have to take everything?”
Ethan crossed his arms. “Come on, bro. Admit you only needed Amelia for your project. You couldn’t manage it by yourself, so you ran to the help like you always do.”
“Oh, hell no,” Maya said, because of course, she was here, too.
But Ethan was rolling now. “Liam thinks he can prove Daddy loves him if he can Bill Gates his way into his heart. But what you do is never good enough, is it?” In his expression, hurt mixed with smugness and a dash of cruelty.
Liam’s face contorted and he grabbed his gut like he’d been hit. My own heart strained at the edges—I hated their anger toward each other. “You do
n’t appreciate her. This is all a game to you.”
“You’re the one using Amelia, not me. A shopping app, really?” Ethan laughed. “Just sign up for a finance degree at Princeton already and spare us your creative phase.”
Liam stepped toward his brother with intent to harm written over every part of him. Ethan started another crack and Liam swung, nailing his brother in the face.
“Ethan just got punched by his brother!” Pru exclaimed, probably for narrative continuity.
Ethan dabbed his puffy lip. Liam circled, ready to strike again.
I grabbed at Liam. “Stop. There is never a good reason to punch your brother in the face.” I heard Maya start to object, but that was so not helping right now. We needed to get out of here. Too many people in too small a space. Too much yelling.
A producer blocked our path. “That was a great line—can I get you to say it again?”
“No!” Liam and I both said at once.
We muscled our way into the hall where Liam yanked back his arm. “You can go back to your Ethan devotion now. I know you don’t really care.” He started walking.
The hall narrowed, the walls too close. “You really think I’d go for your brother after what he just said? Do you know me at all?”
“He’s a jerk. You like jerks.”
“I like you,” I said, and he stopped, causing me to collide with his back.
“You shouldn’t.” He looked partway back and down to the floor. “Ethan was right. I was using you.”
“No, you asked for my help and I helped you.”
He turned to me, just us in the hall with voices carrying from the other end. “I needed my app to work, and now it works.”
A hundred layers of trust unraveled inside me. I stood raw, threadbare. “You’re lying. Stop it. Look, I know your dad threatened your college money. That sucks, Liam. I’m so sorry. I know how important this app is to you and it’s going to be amazing. But I also know you didn’t use me. You would never do that. You’re just hurt and embarrassed. Your brother is this … presence, and you’ve been in his shadow.”
Alterations Page 22