by Sydney Logan
I looked toward the bed to find Lucas sitting on the edge, watching me carefully. Yes, I was close to falling apart, but now that I was finally talking, I just wanted to finish it.
“Suddenly, it was the week before graduation, and we received an email from the principal telling us Josh was returning to school. He’d been placed on homebound, but he really wanted to take his final exams at school. He also wanted to attend graduation, which meant he’d need to participate in practice. Naturally, Travis wasn’t pleased that Josh was getting to return to school, and when the underclassmen began to joke about Travis’s boyfriend coming back . . .”
Wrapping my arms around myself, I began to rock back and forth, as my heartbeat sped. Lucas was suddenly there, folding me in his arms and carrying me back over to the bed. My breathing was shallow, and my head began to spin.
“You don’t have to say anything else,” Lucas whispered against my ear, but I knew that wasn’t true. I had to tell him everything.
“Monday arrived, and I’d spent my morning giving finals. We had four separate lunch periods, and it was first lunch. I was just headed to the office when I spotted Josh in the lunch line. I hadn’t seen him yet because AP writing was my last class of the day. I wanted to say hello, but I also didn’t want to bring attention to the fact he was there, so I just stood along the wall and watched as he looked for a place to sit. His classmates ignored him, just as they’d always done, and he finally found an empty place in the back corner of the cafeteria.”
My tears were uncontrollable now, and I buried my face against his shirt.
“I don’t know what made me look toward the exit, but I did, and that’s when I saw Travis.”
I took a deep breath as the images of the day flooded my mind.
“Travis walked toward Josh’s table. By this time, some of the kids had spotted him, but that didn’t stop him from reaching into his pocket. Travis pulled out the gun and pointed it right at Josh . . .”
“Stop,” Lucas begged hoarsely as he crushed me to his chest, but I couldn’t stop. How could I possibly make him understand it was my fault unless he heard the entire story?
“I could live a thousand years, and I’ll never forget the screams. And the blood . . . so much blood, and it was my fault. I told him to be honest. I told him to be real, and he listened to me. He listened to me, and now he’s dead.”
“Look at me,” Lucas demanded, framing my face with his hands. I couldn’t see him for the tears clouding my vision. “It was not your fault. It was a horrible, horrible situation, but it was not your fault, Sarah. You did not kill that boy. You did not place the gun in Travis’s hand. It wasn’t your fault, sweetheart.”
It was the same speech I’d heard from so many people—Monica, my therapist, the police. Even Josh’s mother. And there were times I’d actually believed maybe I wasn’t responsible for Josh’s death. But there were other times—dark, depressing moments that seemed to swallow me whole—when my mind tried to convince me otherwise. It had been a constant battle since May and was the driving force behind my return to Sycamore Falls. I’d needed distance from everything—the people, the city, the memories—it had all become too much, and I’d ached for the sanctuary of home.
I had no idea how long I cried—desperate, despondent tears—while I tried to purge my mind of the negative emotions that threatened to consume me. There were times when Lucas held me so tight I could barely breathe, but he never let go, and I didn’t try to pull away. I was selfish, and I needed him, for as long as he’d have me.
Lucas’s whispered in my ear, telling me how much he loved me and how I was the bravest person he’d ever known. He kissed every inch of my face, and after a while, my tears began to subside and my breathing slowly returned to normal.
Taking a deep, shaky breath, I finally opened my eyes.
He was still here.
Why was he still here?
“You didn’t leave.”
His eyes—those blue eyes I loved so much—were full of agony and pain as he searched my face. After a few minutes, Lucas finally smiled softly and traced my wet cheeks with his fingers.
“I could never leave, Sarah. I wouldn’t survive it, either.”
Tired and weary from my long confession, I collapsed against him. Holding me tightly, Lucas lowered us onto the bed and pulled the blanket around us.
“Try to sleep,” Lucas coaxed.
“You’ll stay?”
He kissed my forehead.
“I’ll stay.”
I was so tired, but I had to ask one more thing.
“Do you still love me?”
I felt his warm breath against my cheek. “You have no idea how much I love you.”
It was exactly what I needed to hear, and I closed my eyes.
Chapter 17
I awoke the next day feeling lighter, as if a weight had suddenly been lifted from my heart. Lucas was wrapped around me like ivy with his head resting on my stomach. He must have gotten uncomfortable at some point, because his shirt and jeans were gone, leaving him in a pair of plaid boxers.
They were pretty sexy boxers.
I ran my fingers through his hair while he gently snored. It was getting longer, curling around the nape of his neck and along his ears. We’d definitely have to find him a barber before Thanksgiving. I didn’t know his mother, but I had a sneaking suspicion she’d prefer her son to be a little more clean-cut.
Most mothers do, after all.
Anxiety bubbled in my stomach as I thought about their upcoming visit. What would they think of my hometown? What would they think of me?
Did it matter?
Not really.
Besides, I could only concentrate on one visitor at a time, and Monica would be arriving tomorrow.
Lucas’s arm tightened around my waist as he began to stir. My fingers continued making an even bigger mess of his hair, and he hummed contently against the exposed skin of my stomach. He gently pulled the hem of my shirt a little higher, and I gasped when his lips brushed against my bare flesh.
“Waking up with you is officially my favorite thing in the world,” Lucas whispered against my skin. “Good morning, Miss Bray.”
“Good morning, Mr. Miller.”
Lifting his sleepy eyes toward mine, I giggled as he crawled up my body, pressing me deeper into the mattress. His nose glided against mine, making me shiver.
“I love you, Sarah.”
“I love you, too.”
I pulled him closer and pressed his lips to mine. His quiet groan vibrated through me, and I giggled when his fingers slid along my ribcage. His eyes were shining with love for me, and I was thankful the giant cloud that had hovered above us last night was nowhere to be found.
Lucas laughed against my lips while his hand drifted higher—tickling and teasing—while he explored my hidden flesh. His tickles became torturous as his fingers crept higher, and I squealed loudly, causing us both to laugh breathlessly in between kisses.
Then his hand skimmed my breast, and our laughter faded.
Lowering his head, he tenderly nipped at my bottom lip as he caressed me through the fabric. Desire bloomed deep inside me, causing me to moan.
“Raise your arms,” Lucas commanded softly and lifted my shirt over my head. It was quickly tossed aside, and his eyes devoured me. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen me topless, but our time at the river had been fun and playful. This was so much more, and while my first instinct was to feel shy and insecure under his burning gaze, the look in his ravenous eyes assured me I had no reason to be.
Lucas lowered his head, and my eyes fluttered closed as his mouth explored every inch of my flesh. Each brush of his lips was reverent, finding the places that made me sigh, and his tongue was adoring as he discovered the places that made me moan.
“So soft,” he whispered, his voice aching and rough. Slowly, his fingertip blazed a trail from the column of my neck to the valley between my breasts, causing me to writhe with need. His touch was agon
izingly tender, but my skin felt as if it was on fire.
Desperate to touch him, too, I raised myself onto my knees and slid my hands along his chest. Burying my face against his neck, he shuddered when I peppered wet kisses along the skin there. His head rolled back, and I kissed along his jaw line and down his throat as my hand swept across his abdomen. He groaned my name when my fingers drifted lower, and I felt his stomach muscles tighten when my hand lightly brushed along the waistband of his boxers.
Lucas’s blazing eyes looked into mine, and I wondered if the desperate craving I saw there mirrored my own.
Suddenly, our movements stilled, and we gazed into each other’s eyes.
“I love you,” I whispered.
It seemed so inadequate, but he smiled like it was Christmas morning.
“I love you, Sarah.”
As if those three little words granted permission, I slowly pushed his boxers down, letting my hands linger along his bottom. Breathing harsher, his hands settled along my hips, and his hazy eyes never left mine while he lowered my panties. With the barriers out of our way, the two of us sank against the mattress.
Lucas hovered above me, teasing my lips with soft kisses as his chest pressed against mine. We were both trembling, but there was no uncertainty in his eyes and there wasn’t a shred of doubt in my heart.
His hand slid along my thigh, and I gasped when he hitched my leg around his waist. I lifted the other, wrapping both around him and drawing him closer. Lucas gasped as he pressed his hips into mine, and I cried out when our bodies finally aligned.
“Open your eyes,” he whispered. “I want to see those beautiful eyes, baby.”
His voice was soft and coaxing, and I had no choice but to obey.
With a shuddering groan that ignited my blood, he began to move.
His hand gently stroked up and down my spine while we listened to the storm that raged just outside the bedroom window. Thunder roared overhead and lightning flashed in the window, but all I could focus on were his warm hands on my skin. I was sitting in his lap, and our blanket was wrapped around us like a cocoon.
“Sweetheart?” He drifted his hand through my hair, and I hummed softly, resting my forehead against his. “I owe you an apology.”
I couldn’t imagine why. This morning couldn’t have been more perfect.
“I didn’t even think about protection,” Lucas whispered.
Oh.
“Neither did I. I guess we probably should have had that discussion at some point.”
He laughed. “Probably. Do you want to have it now?”
“We can,” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I have to warn you, though. Mine will be the shortest story in history.” He wasn’t really paying attention anymore. His fingers were creeping up and down my spine, causing me to squirm in his lap.
“Lucas, are you trying to distract me?”
“You are very distracting,” he whispered, burying his face against my neck. “You, sitting naked in my lap, is very, very distracting.”
I bit back a groan as his teeth nibbled along my earlobe.
“So, why don’t we have this embarrassingly short conversation, and then maybe we can distract each other.”
Suddenly serious, he settled his hands along my back, pulling me closer. “Why would it be embarrassing?”
“Because I’ve slept with two guys, and you’re one of them,” I explained. “After I broke up with Ryan, I decided to get tested for every disease known to man. Everything was good, and I’ve been on the pill since I was sixteen. The end. Your turn.”
A soft smile crossed his face.
“Just two? Really?”
Mortified, I nodded and buried my face against his chest.
“Hey, I’m glad it’s just two,” Lucas whispered gently against my ear. “Besides, my story isn’t much different, although I was a little wild in college.”
I lifted my head and frowned. “How wild?”
He rolled his eyes. “Not that wild. Just four total—well, five now. My last girlfriend had an affair with her boss, so I was tested. Everything was fine.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“See, that wasn’t so bad.” Lucas kissed me softly.
With a sigh, I rested my forehead against his. “Thank you for last night, Lucas.”
“Thank you for last night. Thank you for trusting me with your story. I just wish I could have been there to help you.”
His eyes hardened, and I knew he was thinking about Ryan.
“Don’t hate him. Nobody could help me, Lucas.”
“I could have.”
Smiling, I kissed him softly.
“Don’t dwell, please,” I said, cupping his cheek with my palm. “Last night was so emotional, but today . . . today has been—”
“Incredible,” he murmured against my lips.
The blanket fell away from our bodies as he tumbled back onto the bed. Lacing my fingers through this, I lifted my body slightly before sinking back down, causing him to grab onto my hips and groan my name.
“Amazing,” I whispered.
Sunday morning arrived, bringing with it more torrential thunderstorms. I was a little disappointed. I’d really wanted to show Monica the falls today, but maybe it was for the best.
I wasn’t sure my body could handle a hike today. I wasn’t entirely sure I could make it down the stairs.
It was the best kind of exhaustion.
Lucas snored in my ear, and I sighed happily. What a weekend we’d had together. I had bared my soul, and a heavy weight had lifted from my heart. He knew everything, and he was still here.
Lucas loved me, and I loved him.
My lips tingled as I remembered his heated kisses. After nearly two months of pent-up sexual frustration, making love for the first time had been a little frantic.
And the second, and the third . . .
Turning over in his arms, I gently traced his soft lips with my fingertip. Lucas scrunched his nose, making me giggle. His arm tightened around me as a sweet smile crossed his face. Leaning closer, I pressed soft kisses against his eyelids.
“Have I told you how much I love waking up with you?”
“You might have mentioned it,” I whispered against his skin.
Lucas checked the alarm clock and groaned. “I think church is definitely out this morning.”
I struggled to sit up, but he tightened his hold around my waist, making it impossible.
“Just one more hour,” he mumbled, his voice a soft plea.
I groaned.
So tempting.
“We have to get out of this bed today. I need to make sure the guest room is ready for Monica, and then I have to get groceries for all of us . . .”
He smiled then. “Us?”
“Us.”
“I love the sound of that,” Lucas murmured before kissing me tenderly. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Do you know what else I’d love?”
“You’d love to take a shower with me?”
His sleepy eyes widened in surprise.
“I . . . was thinking . . . waffles,” Lucas stuttered adorably, “but hell yes, I’d love to shower with you.”
Kissing him quickly, I hopped out of bed and raced toward my bathroom. Our laughter echoed off the walls of the old house as he chased me down the hallway, and just like that, our amazing weekend became absolutely perfect.
“Well, you are adorable.”
Monica had never been one to hand out idle praise, but she’d loved Lucas immediately, just like I knew she would.
The rain had made the long drive from Memphis even longer, but Monica had been in good spirits when she finally arrived. She’d only been here an hour, but the interrogation had begun straightaway. I’d offered to make dinner while silently praying she didn’t completely scare him off. Monica never minced words, especially when my heart was involved.
She’d despised Ryan and had told him so frequently.
/> Lucas, the saint he was, had taken it all in stride, answering each and every question with a polite smile on his face. They sat around the kitchen table while he told her all about his parents and his growing up in New York. He even told her a little about the student who nearly destroyed his life, and I could tell Moni was impressed he’d be so open and honest with a complete stranger.
As for me, I’d spent the hour fixing dinner and glancing over my shoulder, just to make sure the man I loved wasn’t running for the door.
“Yes, he’s adorable.” I placed a platter of burgers on the kitchen table. “Is the interrogation now complete? Could he possibly be allowed to eat his dinner?”
Surprised, Moni glanced at her watch.
“It’s kind of late for dinner, isn’t it? I mean, we’re in the country. Don’t you guys eat around five or six?”
“We had a late breakfast,” Lucas replied before thanking me and placing a burger on each of our plates. Our waffles had actually turned into a late lunch thanks to the fantastic shower filled with wet kisses and soapy fondling.
Best shower ever.
Taking the seat next to him, I leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek—a silent thank you for putting up with my nosy best friend. Lucas winked at me and offered me a heart-stopping smile before passing the plate to Monica.
“I’ve missed your cooking,” Moni said with a groan as she took the first bite of her burger. “And everyone misses our Sunday night dinners.”
Every Sunday night, our small circle of friends had congregated at my apartment. They each brought a side dish while I fixed the main course and dessert. Monica, a complete failure in the kitchen, always brought the wine.
“So, I know you work together, but how did the two of you meet?”
Lucas wiped his mouth with his napkin before answering. “We met at the hardware store.”
“I was buying paint for Grandma’s house.”