Stuck in Between (Bound by Your Love)

by Bennett, Blakely

We showered and I found it difficult not to respond as he washed his cock and balls. “I want to do that next time,” I said.

  “Our next shower will be very different. You can count on it. What would you like for breakfast?”

  “No meetings today at work?”

  He wore a casual pair of beige chinos and a khaki, short-sleeved, button down shirt.

  “I’d make us an omelet, but we don’t have much time. Cereal and a banana?” I asked.

  “No, no meetings. I don’t have any cereal, but I can pick some up for the future or better yet, we can go shopping together. Yogurt and toast?”

  “Sure. Coffee?”

  “We’ll have to grab that at the store as well.”

  We ate in silence and then straightened up the kitchen.

  “Please call me after you talk to Bond,” Red said as he escorted me to my car.

  “Yes, of course.” I rose up on my toes and kissed him goodbye.

  “I love you,” he said.

  “I know you do. Thank you so much for last night.”

  “Come back tonight.” He kissed my forehead before shutting my car door.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Another Again

  by John Legend

  I dialed Bond and placed my cell on speaker as I pulled out of Red’s driveway. Waiting for his voicemail to answer, the breath caught in my throat when Bond actually picked up. “Oh … I thought you’d be asleep.”

  “Where were you?” he said, his voice husky from sleep.

  “I’m on my way to work and we can talk about this later. I just wanted you to know that I’m fine.”

  “Did you spend the night at Lainie’s?” he asked, but his voice told me he doubted it.

  “No. Look Bond, I told you last night that I had plans.”

  “Who is he?”

  “I already told you, I’m not ready to talk about him. Hang on a second.” I turned onto the highway and merged in the traffic.

  “I want to see you today. When do you get off work?”

  “Why Bond?”

  “You know why.”

  “Because I’m seeing someone else?”

  “Have you fucked him?”

  “Bond, really? My sex life is no business of yours, just like you keep telling me that yours is no business of mine.”

  “That’s not the same thing.”

  I laughed but not because it was funny. “It’s exactly the same thing.”

  “I’m serious, Jacqs. We need to talk.”

  “That’s become your mantra these days and yet nothing gets resolved when we do.”

  “What time can you pick me up?”

  I breathed out heavily and said, “Five thirty, and you can take me to dinner.”

  “We should talk at my place.”

  “Definitely not. Neutral territory.”

  “It’s good to know you still don’t trust yourself with me.” I could hear the gloat in his words.

  “Don’t let it go to your heads.” I hung up not giving him a chance to respond.

  After swinging by the lab for the blood test, I headed into work. One of the part-timers was already in the office.

  “Hey Star, did either you or Cara decide to go full-time?”

  “I don’t get along with Henry any better than you do and Cara is focusing on finishing her degree.”

  “I completely understand. Has he come in yet?”

  “No, it’s just me and Tom so far.”

  “Okay, thanks.”

  I retrieved my phone from my bag and texted Stay.

  Me: Sorry I didn’t text back last night. I didn’t have my phone with me.

  Stay: Bond was losing his mind.

  Me: Shit. I probably should have dropped by for a drink. I just figured he would never let me leave.

  Stay: He thinks he’s lost you. He said that you’ve never stayed over at another guy’s place.

  Me: That’s true.

  Stay: If it’s Red, you’re treading on dangerous ground.

  Me: Why would you say that?

  Stay: I’m observant.

  Me: I’ve got to go.

  Stay: I’m here if you need to talk and please be careful. I don’t want to see you get hurt.

  Fuck! I wasn’t looking forward to the anticipated confrontation with Bond at dinner. I thought of calling Lainie, but figured that she would just say I was crazy for considering any of it. I called Red instead.

  “Did you reach him?” he said.

  “Hello to you too.”

  “Sorry. Hello, love.”

  “Hi. Yes, we talked, and he wants to see me after work. He’s angry that I slept out at some man’s house. We’re going to go out to dinner.”

  “Come over after.”

  “Let’s play it by ear. I’ll need to shower off the—”

  “Let me shower you.”

  Henry tromped into the office and stopped in front of me with a scowl. “Do you plan to be on the phone all day?”

  “One second,” I said to Red. To Henry I asked, “Have you hired my replacement to train?”

  “No, that’s now left up to you.”

  “I’ll get on it as soon as I’m done with the call.”

  The short and stocky man pivoted on his foot and slammed his office door behind him.

  “Sorry, my lovely boss was being his usual kind self,” I said into the phone.

  “Just two more weeks.”

  “Listen, I have to go. I’ll call you after my dinner with Bond.”

  “I loved having you in my bed last night and this morning. See you later, Little One.”

  I hung up the phone with a smile on my face.

  The day sped by at the usual hectic pace of Mondays. I reviewed the most current applications and opted to call a staffing company with the hopes of getting someone in as soon as possible. I skipped lunch altogether and finished a small project for Steve before the day was through.

  While driving over to Bond’s apartment, my thoughts bounced all around. I had no intention of sharing Red’s identity, but I was scared what might slip out. I planned to keep my distance and not give into his crazy whims and sexual magnetism.

  He met me downstairs, and I swear I couldn’t help responding to the man sauntering towards me. He wore his hair down, because he knew that was a weakness of mine. His dark blue jeans hugged his hips and his tight, tan T-shirt highlighted his fit and lean physique. Over his shoulder rested a brown leather jacket, just like the one Daniel Craig wore in Skyfall. He seemed calm and confident strolling towards me. He managed to look sophisticated and dangerous at the same time.

  “Can’t imagine you’ll need the jacket tonight,” I said as he entered my car.

  “The temperature is supposed to drop this evening. Plus it goes with the Crockett & Jones Islay boots.” He lifted the leg of his jeans to show me the fancy brown leather boots.

  “More 007 attire?”

  “James Bond has class, what can I say? Your outfit? Did you come straight from work?”

  “Yes, I skipped lunch and I’m famished. Where shall we go?”

  “Anywhere you’d like.” He buckled his seatbelt.

  “I’ve wanted to try Lola’s on Harrison Street.”

  “We won’t have much privacy there.”

  “Perfect.” I pulled out into the road and followed it over the railroad tracks. I found parking along Hollywood Boulevard and Bond paid the parking meter.

  He captured my hand in his as we moseyed to the restaurant.

  When his intoxicating energy pulled at my sex, I tried to yank my hand away. “I don’t think—”

  “I can’t hold your hand anymore?” He stopped walking and faced me.

  “Look … I … I just think we should talk first.” I continued to move forward, and he stepped along with me.

  “Who is this guy?”

  “I need some food first. Please get us a table while I go use the bathroom?”

  He held the door for me, and I had to skim by him to get into the rest
aurant. My body began to vibrate against my will.

  I escaped to the bathroom, which was thankfully empty and bent over the sink for a second to collect myself. “No touching,” I said to my reflection in the mirror. “And no drinking.” I used the toilet and checked my hair in the mirror on my way out.

  The small restaurant had one large room filled with tables of different sizes and a long bar on the left side. The white tabletops had lit candles, and the white walls and ceiling had accents of yellow. Bond sat at the farthest table against the back. I straightened my shoulders and made a beeline to take my seat. Bread and water had been served.

  “I ordered us some wine and the portobello mushroom tacos for an appetizer, which the waiter recommended.”

  “No wine for me thanks, but the tacos sound great. Besides, since when will you get in the car with me if I’ve had anything to drink?”

  “It’s only a few blocks from my place. I figured we could walk back.”

  “No thanks but help yourself.”

  “You seem different, Jacqs. I’m not sure this new guy is having a good influence on you.”

  I laughed out loud and said, “You mean because I won’t just go along anymore?”

  “Yes.” He reached out to touch my hand and I placed it in my lap, avoiding his grasp.

  “As my friend, you should see it as an improvement. I certainly do. And the change came from you, not him.”

  “What do you mean?” The smile vanished from his face.

  “Calling me to your place and asking me to spend the night when you have a date the next day? Really?”

  “Jacqs, it was stupid of me and I regret my decision. In the past you never seemed to mind my comings and goings.”

  “I’ve always minded, Bond. Every single time. Now I’m just saying it.”

  “Well, I knew it probably bothered you, but I just thought—”

  “What? What did you think? Because I’m dying to know.”

  He took a sip of water and then responded, “That you could separate the deep love that I feel for you, from the rest of it.”

  “You would be wrong. I do have a question for you though; one I can’t even believe I’m going to ask.” I felt the push and pull of my body and mind debating, but shook them both off.

  “Ask,” he said as he held out the basket of bread toward me.

  I took a slice and said, “I don’t know how to put it exactly because I’m not sure I even want it, but I guess I’m curious about your response.”

  “You’re talking in circles.”

  “Okay. How would you feel about us spending time together, on occasion, you could continue to do your thing, and I would continue to do mine?” I blurted out then added, “Could you pass the butter?”

  He handed it over to me and asked, “How’s that any different than that we’re doing right now?”

  “I would be seeing someone else.” My heart pounded in my chest as I buttered my bread.

  “You can’t be serious.”

  I looked up and said, “I’m not sure what I am, but I definitely plan to continue seeing the man I’m involved with.”

  “How involved?”

  “I’m falling for him and according to him, he loves me.” I took a bite of the bread and regretted it. My saliva had dried up, so I washed it down with water.

  “You just met this guy. I’m the one who’s loved you for eight years.”

  “Me and the rest of the female population in Hollywood, Florida.”

  “That’s just sex.”

  “And here we go again. I don’t want to have this same argument over and over—” I stopped speaking when the server returned with the appetizer and wine.

  The man in black tuxedo pants and a crisp, white shirt with a button-down collar opened the wine bottle with flair and offered a taste to Bond.

  I covered my glass with my hand and watched the ritual.

  After the waiter had moved away, I placed one of the tacos on my plate and took a bite.

  Bond took a long sip of wine and said, “There’s no way I’d go for that. Not for a second.”

  I swallowed and said, “Then why the hell should I?”

  “Because I don’t love any of them.”

  “Honestly, I’m relieved. I never thought you would go for it, so that makes it all much simpler.”

  “Meaning?” he said, leaning forward toward me.

  “Our dance is over now. Besides, you’d have to be willing to use condoms with the bevy of broads in your revolving door.”

  “Over? I don’t think so. You still love me, Jacqs.”

  “And I probably always will, but now as a friend.” I nodded my head and said, “We are no longer lovers, Bond.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “I’m serious,” I said, wiping my mouth with the napkin. “Don’t you want me to be happy?”

  “Of course I do. I want you to be happy with me.”

  “That’s not possible. I’ve tried, we’ve tried, over and over again. No, we don’t work.”

  “Let me get this straight, your boyfriend is okay with you dating someone else at the same time? He sounds fucked up.”

  “Jesus, dude, look at yourself,” I said, pointing at him. “It’s the very same thing you want.”

  “Is he free to date other people?”

  I licked my lips and said, “No, I don’t think so.”

  “Oh, so now it’s making perfect sense. You chose some whipped pussy.”

  “I’ll tell him you said that,” I said, chuckling inwardly.

  “Let me tell him myself. I want to meet him.”

  I finished the taco and stared at Bond. “Let’s order. I’m still hungry.”

  “You didn’t answer me.”

  Scanning the menu, I said, “I think I’ll get the herb roasted chicken. You?”

  “Flat iron steak.”

  “You didn’t look at the menu. Have you been here before?”

  “Yep, a handful of times,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

  “With other women, right?”

  “Uh ... yeah.”

  “See what I mean?”

  “I don’t. Plus it’s different for a man and a woman.”

  “Oh please, don’t give me that bullshit. Let’s just agree that we’re going to stay friends and move on. We’ve tried it for eight years and it hasn’t worked. I’m done trying.”

  “Why would this guy let you spend time with me?” He rested back against his chair and crossed his arms.

  “Let’s just finish our meal, okay?” I raised my hand and the waiter came over. “I’d like the chicken and he’ll have the flat iron steak medium rare.”

  After the man had moved away, Bond said, “If you’re still allowed to have sex with me, why won’t you come back to my place?”

  “Like I said, I thought it was a stupid idea and I was just wondering how you’d react to it. I never thought it could work.”

  “Maybe we should try,” he said, trying to persuade me with a seductive smile.

  “You’re just saying that so I’ll agree to go home with you. The answer is no.”

  “I’ll tell you one thing: I always use condoms with other women. Every single time. You’re the only one I make love to without them.”

  “I don’t believe you,” I said, glaring at him.

  “Have I ever lied to you, Jacqs?”

  “Well ... no.”

  “You’re not scary enough for me to lie to.”

  “Huh.” I looked away and glanced back. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Does this guy know you’re out with me right now?”

  “Yes, of course,” I said, pulling off a piece of bread.

  “So why are you hiding him from me?”

  “Because I wanted to see what we might be to each other.”

  “You said wanted, not want. So you already know?”

  “We’re still sorting things out, but it looks promising.”

  That seemed to shut him up fo
r a while. We finished our meal in relative silence and I felt grateful for the reprieve.

  On the way back to the car, he reached for my hand again. “If I have permission to have sex with you, holding your hand shouldn’t be a problem.”

  “Being near you is a problem, Bond,” I said, letting him take my hand anyway. I shivered in the cool wind.

  The temperature had dropped since we had entered the restaurant.

  “At least there’s still that.” He draped his brown leather jacket over my shoulders.

  I felt enveloped in his warmth and energy. “Thanks,” I sighed, lost for a moment in the scent of Bond surrounding me. I pulled myself back, shaking off the power of his allure. “Every woman has the same problem of being sucked into your lair.”

  “I’m not interested in talking about anyone else. I want to meet this guy and soon. I’ll decide after that. Come up and let’s—”

  “I have plans.”

  “With him?

  “Yes.”

  “Fuck. You really know how to cut deep.”

  “It’s not my intention.”

  I let him kiss me goodbye and part of me wanted to follow him up the stairs. I felt the tug on my heart that had kept me close to Bond, the same tug that left me crying on many nights. I handed him back his jacket and waved.

  After dropping him off at his place, I stopped off at my apartment to gather clothes for the next day. I tried to sort out my emotions on the way over to Red’s. Did I actually want to date them both? I couldn’t see past all the problems it would stir up and just being with Red alone was highly problematic.

  Hearing Lainie in my head, I knew I should walk away from them both, but sometimes you are so far down the trail that making it safely back through the forest seems impossible. I couldn’t turn back now.

  Barefoot in relaxed jeans and a red T-shirt, Red asked, “How did it go?” After I put my stuff down on the counter, he scooped me up in his arms.

  I couldn’t help contrast the two men in my life. Red, so tall and broad, could have been a fit linebacker in another life. And Bond, long and lean in his bad boy attire. So different and yet each drew me into their sphere of masculinity.

  I sighed into Red’s embrace, balancing on my tiptoes. “Bond wants to meet you. I mentioned the idea of me dating you both and initially he was completely against it.” I stepped back and said, “He thinks my other guy, meaning you, must be … what did he say? I think whipped and pussy are the words he used.” I chuckled into my palm.