by Renee Ryan
Katia blinked. The roses. Of course. The hated white roses Hermann had given her yesterday morning.
Elena walked to the edge of the deck and placed her hands on the railing. “Your reaction, or rather lack of reaction, was the defining moment for me.”
Katia choked in a painful breath of air.
How had this happened? One small mistake, though certainly not her first or even her worst, and now Katia’s control of her world was lost forever.
“The roses were your idea,” she said softly.
Elena nodded, but she kept her gaze locked on to the horizon. “I couldn’t stand living in doubt. I couldn’t stand not knowing.” She turned to look at Katia, a shadow of an apology filling her eyes. “I had to confirm my suspicions.”
Katia could only stand there blinking. The roses had been a trap. Such elemental simplicity.
Katia’s throat clenched around a sob. If her own mother could snare her so easily, surely the Nazis would not be far behind. “Does Hermann know?”
“Of course not. Nor will he ever find out.”
A spurt of relief came fast. Nevertheless, Katia chased her gaze around the deck, automatically searching for a hidden enemy that couldn’t be found so easily. Paranoia was the legacy of her secret life. Would there ever be a time she wouldn’t have to look over her shoulder?
“You play a stupid, dangerous game, Katarina.” Elena’s voice was no less blistering despite its softness. “Especially with men like Friedrich Reiter courting you at the same time. Unless he, too—”
“He is not a part of what I do.” For once, a lie came swiftly and easily off her tongue. A lie that sounded altogether true. Even to her own ears she sounded angry and protective. No, she sounded in love.
Elena gripped Katia’s shoulders. “Herr Reiter’s pursuit of you is genuine, then?”
Was it? Katia had to think for a minute. He’d gone to Kiel alone, claiming it would be too dangerous for her to go with him. Yet he’d come straight to her when he’d been wounded. He’d revealed his darkest secrets in her bathroom, secrets that could get him killed. And then he’d lowered to his knees and prayed with her.
No intelligent spy would take such risks. And Friedrich Reiter was anything but stupid.
“Yes,” she said at last. “His feelings for me are real.” As are mine for him.
The thought brought her no comfort. Only fear.
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength…
Elena released a sigh. “Perhaps Herr Reiter is the one you should marry.”
What a wonderful, impossible, terrible suggestion. If Katia were to marry such a man, she would spend her life in endless worry.
Would that be any different from now?
She hadn’t slept last night, knowing he’d gone alone to meet with Heinrich Himmler, knowing his wound could have begun bleeding again and she wouldn’t be there to patch him up a second time.
“Perhaps he is the one,” she admitted, then quickly shook her head. “It is too soon to tell.”
Looking satisfied, Elena pushed her agenda a little harder. “Then you will consider marriage and stop your other…pursuits?”
If only matters were that simple. Katia was already in too deep with the British. She knew too much. They would never let her quit. But it was a truth her mother must never know.
Lifting her shoulder in a careless shrug, she set out to ease Elena’s mind. “Yes, Mother, I will consider marriage.”
“Good, now let us return to the parlor and finish our tea.”
“Mother, wait.”
Elena paused.
Katia rushed to her and hugged her close, close enough to whisper in her ear. “Are you a…Gottglaubig?”
“To the world, yes. In my heart, no. I am a true Christian.” She pulled away and patted Katia on the cheek, a sad smile spread across her lips. “But I will never speak of this again with you.”
“I understand.” It was enough. It had to be enough.
Yet still, Katia followed her mother into the front parlor with a sense of defeat trailing her. Now that she understood her mother better, fretted for her less, her mind whisked back to another topic. The idea of marriage had been put in her head and she couldn’t get it out. She could not marry the British spy, of course. Not as things stood.
He worked for the SS. And although his loyalties might be with the British, he served Heinrich Himmler and Katia could never abide that.
What a complicated, tangled mess. Nevertheless, Katia settled into a benign discussion with her mother about the ball later that evening.
The change in Elena, the obvious relief in her voice, was marvelous to witness. Smiling and nodding, Katia allowed her mother the illusion that she’d convinced her daughter to quit working as a mole for the British. Unfortunately, Katia feared this new trail of lies was as twisted and endless as all the others.
When Elena turned the conversation to the extensive guest list, it seemed to Katia that nearly every high-ranking official in the Third Reich would be in attendance. Her ears pricked as her mother mentioned a familiar name.
“Did you say Admiral Doenitz contacted you personally?” she asked, holding her breath for the answer.
“Yes, he telephoned yesterday. He made a point to ask me if my famous daughter would be attending tonight.”
Caution had Katia speaking very slowly. Her mother already knew too much. “He asked about me,” she repeated as she swallowed back the lump in her throat, “directly?”
“Yes. And then he asked to speak with Hermann, something to do with his next command.”
Katia knew she should ask about Hermann’s orders, not out of politeness but because she might learn something valuable. But as Elena continued chattering, Katia found it impossible to concentrate on the words. Her ears were ringing too loudly.
And then one thought shoved out all the others. Karl Doenitz suspected she’d been the intruder in his room two nights ago. Why else would he make a point to speak with her mother, personally, just to accept an invitation to a party?
Nausea rose in short, sickening waves.
Struggling for composure, Katia stared at the patchwork of light the sun made on the rug at her feet.
What was she going to do?
Get control of herself, that’s what. Then she had to find Jack. No, Friedrich. She had to continue thinking of him as Friedrich. Yes, she had to tell Friedrich about this new development.
Most of all, she must pray for protection. Lord, I—
Elena clicked her tongue, the gesture regaining Katia’s attention. “Did you say something, Mother?”
Glancing at the clock on the mantel, she gave a little gasp. “I hadn’t realized it was getting so late. I would like to freshen up before Hermann returns from Wilhelmshaven.”
“Of course, Mother, I understand.”
Elena rose and kissed Katia on the cheek. “We live in dangerous times, Katarina.” Her eyes turned fierce and determined. “Remember what I said about marriage.” Katia nodded.
“You know your way out.”
“Yes.” Katia rose, as well. “I will see you this evening, after my performance.”
Elena sighed in resignation. “Very well.”
Katia battled against her own emotions as Elena floated out of the room. Too many thoughts collided with one another. Her mother knew she worked for the British. Doenitz knew—no, he suspected—she’d infiltrated his private chambers. Friedrich Reiter knew her secret. And Hermann was due back at any moment.
In less than two days, Katia had lost all control of her life.
Who was she trying to fool? She’d never had control. She’d been deluding herself all along, and had blamed God when things went wrong because of her own pride and arrogance.
Lord, God, forgive me. I have sought security in my own abilities and I have failed. I realize there is no lasting security apart from You.
Almost immediately, she felt the Lord’s strength fuse around her, giving her courag
e.
I cannot do this alone. I pray for Your continued protection and strength.
Feeling less burdened than she had in years, she left the parlor and headed toward the foyer.
Determined to find Friedrich as soon as possible, she picked up her pace. And nearly collided head-on with Hermann Schmidt in the foyer. “Oh.”
He steadied her with a firm grip to her arm. “Fräulein. You are in an unusual hurry this morning.”
Almost too late she remembered the role she played with this man. “I’m, oh, I’m out of breath.” She fluttered her hand in front of her face.
“You should sit.” He directed her toward the lone chair in the entryway and then applied hard pressure to her shoulder.
Other than fighting against his touch, she had no choice but to obey. She sat, or rather collapsed, and then looked into the Nazi’s gaze.
There seemed nothing unusual in the way he looked at her. In fact, he watched her with the same condescending expression she always saw in his eyes.
“It’s rather warm in here.” She let out a shaky breath. “Don’t you think, Hermann?”
“I hadn’t noticed.”
Fanning her face with her splayed fingers, she caught sight of the items he’d set by the front door. Her gaze homed in on the metal cylinder propped up against the wall. It was the kind of tube designed to house blueprints.
But what sort of blueprints would Hermann carry at this hour of the day?
“You seem tired, Fräulein. Did you and Herr Reiter have a long evening?”
Oh, he was a clever one, this Nazi. He was testing her. They both knew she’d claimed a headache last night. He thought her stupid. She might as well encourage the misconception.
“Oh, we did.” She leaned forward. “In fact, we had a very long night. But don’t tell Mother.”
“I wouldn’t dream of ruining Elena’s illusions.” His lips pulled into a snarl. “She seems to think you are a good girl.”
“Oh, but, Hermann.” Katia gave him a sultry look, stopping just short of batting her eyes. “I am a good girl.”
He reared back in obvious disgust. “So it would seem.”
Playing her role with insipid boldness, she pointed to the metal cylinder. Elena’s spoiled daughter would never keep her mouth shut in the face of such a shiny new object. “Oh, look at that, did you bring Mother a gift?”
“No.” He yanked the metal tube off the floor with practiced agility. “This is none of your business.”
“Oh.” She hid her interest behind a look of mild curiosity. “Is it something…secret?”
Eyes deadly now, he set the tube out of her reach. “You will not touch this or any of my things. Do you understand?”
“Well!” She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and forced a few tears to the edge of her eyelashes. “You don’t have to be rude.”
He waved his hand in a dismissive gesture but his tone turned chilling. “I am not fooled by your little act, Fräulein.”
Shock stole her breath. “Whatever are you talking about?”
Try as she might, she wasn’t able to hide the tremble in her voice. To add to her distress, her heart quit beating then started again at an accelerated rate.
“We both know you are pretending to be upset, trying to get your way as any spoiled child would do.”
She sucked in a relieved burst of air, one that sounded exactly like stunned disbelief. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Stop it, Katarina. You are not a child. You are a grown woman who has had her share of male company. Your silly games might work on men like Friedrich Reiter, but they will not work on me.”
It would seem the deception she’d woven for the benefit of this Nazi had been more than effective. Continuing the ruse, she blinked up at him in hurt confusion. “You are really quite mean, Hermann.”
“Go home, Fräulein.” He gave her an impatient glare, the kind men threw at women they had no further use for. “I have important matters on my mind.”
He opened the door for her.
“Well, I certainly won’t stay where I’m not wanted.” Rising, she flicked her hair behind her back and moved past him with her chin positioned at a regal angle.
He banged the door shut behind her.
Katia didn’t even flinch. The arrogant Nazi had just made a tactical error in judgment. He thought her ridiculous and harmless, a mistake she would use to her advantage.
She mentally sorted through the pieces of new information she’d just gathered. Fact: Hermann Schmidt was a U-boat captain. Fact: he had been called to Wilhelmshaven for a meeting with Admiral Doenitz himself. Fact: he’d returned with a cylinder designed to carry blueprints.
If the admiral suspected an intrusion in his private chambers, his first order of business would be to shift his most important documents to a safer place. Documents, she surmised, that would include the blueprints of a secret weapon laid by a German U-boat.
Perhaps all was not lost.
Perhaps the Lord had just given Katia the break she needed to complete her mission for the British. If she was able to hold the admiral at bay, she just might be able to pull off the rest.
Oh, please, Lord, let me be right.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Katia didn’t find Friedrich Reiter until later that afternoon. By then she was feeling less desperate and filled with conviction. She knew what she had to do. She had to confront the admiral directly.
Would Reiter understand? Or would he try to stop her?
She would find out soon enough.
In order to talk freely, they’d agreed to take a walk together. She knew the picture they made as they strolled along hand in hand. They looked like a couple falling in love. It was not a difficult act for her to play. Friedrich appeared equally ensconced in the role.
Feeling her burdens lift just a little, Katia sat beside him on a bench facing the St. Nikolai Church. She’d like to go inside, kneel before the Lord and offer up her prayers in total subjugation. Except for a few milling tourists, they were virtually alone. But not enough to ignore caution completely.
She settled for drawing strength from the church’s magnificent exterior.
Sliding her character into place, Katia turned her head slowly and smiled at her companion with the casual intimacy of longtime friends.
He smiled back, then lifted her hand to his lips.
This is a facade, she reminded herself as a tiny flutter swept through her stomach, it’s not real.
And yet, she knew she would be devastated when he left Germany. Her heart yearned for all that could never be.
How had this happened? How had she come to the point where she belonged so completely to a man she barely knew?
Cold rays of sunlight had broken through the clouds, but they failed to lighten her mood. Restless now, and more than a little frightened, she shifted on the bench until she looked directly into Reiter’s eyes.
He was watching her, his gaze both alert and vibrant. She could almost believe he had not been shot the night before. She knew better, of course. She’d seen the blood flowing down his arm.
Now that the initial shock was over, Katia didn’t mind admitting to herself just how scared she’d been when she’d first seen the wound. Thankfully, she’d been able to turn her fear into action. But even now, half a day later, she couldn’t let go of the realization that he’d almost been killed.
It was true, then.
She’d fallen in love with the British spy. Stupidly, profoundly, permanently in love. It was the one fight she hadn’t prepared for. She had no weapon in her arsenal, no ready-made defense, and certainly no role to wrap around her in protection.
Sighing, she shut her eyes and leaned her head against the bench. She was so tired.
Tired of the games. Tired of the pretenses.
“Last night, you said you trusted me,” she began, turning her head just enough to look into his face once again.
He cupped her cheek in his hand. She could s
ee that he was thinking deeply, carefully considering what he would say before he spoke. “I do. I trust you completely.”
Oh, how she wanted to enjoy getting to know this man, learning his strengths and weaknesses, what he liked and didn’t like. They could grow together in the Lord. But not today. Today, they had serious business looming over them.
“When I was at my mother’s this morning, she told me Admiral Doenitz contacted her to personally accept her invitation and to ask if I would be attending the ball tonight.”
In a move that spoke of familiarity, he hooked his arm around the back of the bench behind her shoulders and stretched his legs out in front of him. She was not fooled by his outward calm.
He was furious. In fact, the anger vibrating off him was palpable.
“Then he suspects you were the intruder.” Aside from anger, there was also worry in his voice. Caring, too.
“I’m sorry,” she admitted on a shaky breath. “I went into this mission too arrogant. I should have been more careful from the start.”
He was silent for a long time then he squeezed her shoulder gently. “Sometimes setbacks are part of God’s plan.” His voice sounded thoughtful, as if he was only just coming to his conclusions as he spoke. “Maybe this is the Lord’s way of protecting us in a way we cannot fully understand right now.”
Rather than shocking her, his suggestion made her want it all. Happiness. Hope. Faith in a sovereign Lord and Savior. She’d lived without God too long, and in many ways she’d done well enough on her own. Until this mission.
In just two days everything had changed.
She still had skills. She still had talent. Her mistake was in thinking she’d ever had control. She knew turning to the Lord for strength was her only answer. But God had let her down so many times.
“I want to, but I don’t know if I can trust the Lord completely,” she admitted. “How do you stay sure, Friedrich, and confident, especially when you see so much horror all around you?”
There was an uncomfortable moment of silence before he smiled at her. The gesture made his face look so tender, so patient it nearly brought tears to her eyes.
“Make no mistake,” he said. “I’m struggling with this, too. In fact, I have spent the last two years angry at God. But I now realize the Lord never abandoned me during those dark days. I abandoned him.”