“Kinky schoolmarm. I like it.” He waggled his eyebrows.
She flushed. “Quit driving me nuts, would you?”
“All we have to do is move to another hotel,” he said mildly.
It was tempting. So. Very. Tempting. But good sense prevailed. “Too much trouble. Besides, I want to go home and see my brother and McKenzie.”
* * *
An hour later, they were on the motorway headed north. Neither of them had eaten much breakfast. Bella’s stomach was queasy. Ian had gone incommunicado, his mood borderline surly.
Unlike the trip down to Edinburgh, today there were no leisurely stops to exclaim over the view or to explore ruined churches. The man behind the wheel drove steadily at five kilometers over the speed limit. He barely stopped for lunch, and even that was a quick sandwich at a small grocery store with an old-fashioned lunch counter.
At three o’clock, they were still an hour and a half away from Portree. Without warning, Ian steered the car onto the side of the road, turned off the engine, and rotated his neck. “I have to sleep for a few minutes,” he said. “Do you want to drive?”
She shuddered. “On the wrong side of the road? Not even a little bit. We can both nap.”
He nodded curtly and lowered the windows. The afternoon breeze was pleasant. He reclined his seat and was unconscious in seconds.
Bella was equally exhausted, but she couldn’t stop thinking about the night before. The marathon sex had been incredible, but her fascination with Ian went far beyond that. He challenged her… made her laugh. It was a guilty pleasure to watch him while he slept. Thick eyelashes shielded the sharp intelligence in his wicked gaze. He hadn’t bothered to shave in their mad dash to leave the hotel. His sculpted chin carried the shadow of stubble that made him both wildly attractive and less domesticated.
She closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat, but she was jumpy and unsettled. Quietly, she retrieved her phone from her purse and began to scroll through e-mails. Some of them were completely disconnected from her present circumstances. Her life back in North Carolina seemed like a fondly remembered dream.
Even sleep-deprived, she knew such an impression was dangerous. Portree wasn’t her life; it was Finley’s. Visiting her brother was all well and good, but she had to make her own choices, follow her own path.
Suddenly, her throat tightened as she read the subject line of a very official-looking e-mail from the university. She clicked on the box and read the lengthy communication. When she was done, she exited the app and stared out the windshield, her hands cold and her brain awhirl with scattered thoughts.
It had seemed as if she had plenty of time to decide what to do about Ian Larrimore. Apparently, not as long as she thought.
* * *
They arrived back in Portree hungry and tired and more than ready for the delicious meal McKenzie and Finley had put together to welcome them home. As Ian watched, Bella threw herself into her brother’s arms. “I’ve missed you,” she cried, kissing his cheek. Then she turned to her new sister-in-law with a shy smile. “I’m especially happy to see you. I thought you might have come to your senses and abandoned ship by now.”
McKenzie, as blond and beautiful as Bella was dark-headed and lovely, beamed and rested her cheek against her husband’s shoulder. “He’s a handful, but I’ll keep him. No one else would put up with his nonsense. I suppose I’m in for the duration.”
Finley kissed his wife soundly, ignoring their audience. “Damned straight,” he said with the trace of a southern accent Ian remembered. “So how was Edinburgh? How was the queen? We want to hear all about it.”
McKenzie nodded. “And after that, I’ll bore you with five hundred photos of the Greek Isles.”
“Sounds good to me,” Ian said. Bella had yet to make eye contact with him since they walked through the front door, though he didn’t know why. Perhaps he hadn’t been the best traveling companion on the way back today, but Lord, his head had ached. Nothing a meal and a good night’s sleep wouldn’t fix.
Over crisp chilled wine and sautéed veal medallions, the four adults settled into a comfortable conversation. Finley was the common denominator in the group. Brother. Husband. Friend. The other three had more ground to cover.
Ian found himself laughing often and relaxing more than he expected. McKenzie was whip smart and had a sense of humor that matched the rest of the group. Finley had mellowed in the year since Ian had last seen him. Though the two men talked about motorcycles in passing, the evening was more about the things all four had in common than the differences that separated them.
By the end of the night, Ian was feeling damn good about life in general. He was a lucky man.
His euphoria lasted right up until the moment Bella sked her brother a pointed question.
“Have you already brought my mattress down to your office, Finley?” she asked, her expression guileless. “As soon as we finish cleaning up dinner, I’m off to bed. I’m exhausted.”
“It’s all ready for you, Sis. McKenzie made sure of that.”
Ian had to pick his chin up off the floor. And then he realized what was going on. Clearly, Bella didn’t want Finley to know she and Ian had become intimate. Made sense. After everybody was asleep, she would join Ian in the guest room. At least that was his assumption.
While Finley and McKenzie cleared the table, Ian pulled Bella aside to make sure. “Are we keeping our private life private?” he asked with a grin.
She couldn’t quite meet his eyes. “I’d rather be low key about you and me,” she said. “And besides, both of us could use a good night’s sleep.”
Ian knew a brush-off when he heard one. His temper simmered. “You could sleep with me. After Finley and McKenzie go to bed. We’re all grown adults. I’m sure Finley knows his baby sister has needs.”
Bella’s eyes flashed. “Don’t be crude, Ian.”
He frowned. “I wasn’t. All I’m saying is that your brother doesn’t have the right to make judgments about your personal life.”
Finley and McKenzie returned at exactly the wrong moment. The tension in the room was palpable.
McKenzie’s gaze darted from Bella to Ian and back again. “Everything okay in here?”
Bella’s smile was weary but seemed genuine. “I was just telling Ian how glad I am to have a new sister.”
* * *
Bella escaped to her temporary bedroom without having to be alone with Ian again. She knew he was upset, but she was upset too. Did she want to spend the night in the guest room with him? Of course she did. Life would be way simpler if all she had to think about was sex. She was in love with a man who had more layers than an onion. She honestly had no idea if he cared about her at all.
Finley had added a downstairs bathroom adjacent to his office several years ago, so she had privacy to get ready for bed. She finished brushing her teeth and had just climbed under the covers with a book when her brother knocked on the door.
“Come in,” she said.
Finley ducked under the doorway. Parts of his quirky house seemed to have been designed for elves or dwarves. “You sure you’re okay sleeping on the floor?” he asked with a small frown.
“I’m fine. Quit worrying.”
Finley pulled out the desk chair and sat down, his arms folded over his chest. “I’ll never stop worrying about you, Bella. You saved my life more than once, and I can never make up for leaving you to handle Dad all those years.”
She sat up pretzel style and pulled her hair into a side ponytail. “You did what you had to do. I never blamed you, not really.”
“So what’s the deal with you and Ian?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Seriously? You’re going to lie to your own brother?”
“I’m not lying,” she said crossly. “It is complicated. I like him, and—” She grimaced, not sure how to put the situation into words her brother would understand. Heck, Bella didn’t really understand it.
“You’ve slept with him
, haven’t you?” Finley looked more troubled than judgmental.
“Since when do we compare notes about our sex lives?”
“Mine is an open book.” He said it with the smug satisfaction of a man who was getting laid on a regular basis.
“Fine. Yes. I slept with Ian. Is that a crime?”
Finley leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. His troubled expression unsettled her. “I was serious when Finley first arrived and I told you I wasn’t matchmaking. He’s a great guy. I like him a lot. The thing is, though…” Now it was Finley’s turn to search for words.
“What? He’s married? He’s a convicted felon? You might as well tell me the worst.”
Finley shrugged, his gaze unhappy. “He’s a genius, no question… and a stand-up guy. But he’s not emotionally available.”
Bella narrowed her eyes. “Since when does my biker brother throw around phrases like emotionally available?”
“McKenzie has reformed me.” His grin was rueful. “Honestly, Bella, I don’t want you to get hurt. You have this huge heart and a capacity for emotional depth that’s pretty damn amazing considering that Dad and I were your main role models growing up. I don’t think you know how to protect yourself, because you believe people are basically kind and decent.”
“You’re saying Ian is not kind and decent? For a man who claims to be his friend, that’s low.”
“I’m trying to tell you he’s unpredictable. Those same brain cells of his that come up with incredible new ideas are focused somewhere other than the people around him. You deserve a man who puts you first.”
She blinked, stunned to hear her brother articulate the very thing she had told herself not so long ago. Was it wrong to want that from Ian when he had so much to offer the world at large?
“I’ll be careful,” she said, climbing off the mattress and kneeling beside Finley to rest her head against his knee. Her brother stroked her hair, the same way he had done when she was nine years old and woke up from a nightmare. In many ways, he had been more like a father than a brother to her.
Finley sighed. “You know, Bella, you can stay with us as long as you want. McKenzie and I have discussed it. We enjoy having you around. The house is plenty big. Ian probably won’t be here much longer.”
The truth in that statement depressed her. “Thank you,” she said. “I’d like to linger for another week or ten days. Even though I’ll be headed home soon, maybe I can come back for Christmas.”
“Or who knows, McKenzie and I may be in Atlanta. We’ll keep our options open.”
When a yawn caught her by surprise, Finley took the hint. “Good night, kiddo. Get some sleep. Everything will look better in the morning.”
* * *
After resting barely at all the night before in Edinburgh, Bella was out cold in no time. She slept hard and deep. Snatches of dreams lurked in her memory when she awoke the next morning, but she wasn’t able to piece together a single coherent scene. Even so, the feeling she had was one of distress.
Shaking off the unknown wisps of mental struggles, she showered and dressed. The other three were already seated around the kitchen table when she appeared.
Finley held out her favorite mug. “Coffee, Sis?”
She nodded. “Oh, yeah.”
Ian had showered and shaved and was wearing his usual khakis and a navy cotton shirt. His expression was guarded, but she might have been the only one who noticed.
“I have some news,” she said. She’d spent hours mulling it over. Now seemed as good a time as any to spill the beans.
McKenzie lifted an eyebrow. “Don’t keep us in suspense.”
“I had an e-mail from my faculty advisor yesterday. Two professors in the history department have left unexpectedly for health reasons. The university has offered me a teaching position. It’s a non-tenured spot, but it would cover the cost of my remaining dissertation fees and give me income while I do the work. The letter was very flattering.”
Finley smiled broadly. “That’s great. They know talent when they see it.”
“You might be a tad prejudiced,” Bella said wryly. She shot Ian a sideways glance. “I have to give them an answer very soon. It seems like the sensible thing to do.”
Ian sat stone-faced. “What about your novel?” he asked abruptly. All eyes were on him suddenly.
“Novel?” Finley frowned in confusion.
Bella flushed. “It’s only something I mentioned to Ian in passing. A bucket list item. Right now I need to finish my dissertation and move on with my life. I’ve been puttering around too long.”
“Excuse me, will you? I have some calls I need to make.” Ian stood up abruptly, almost overturning his chair, and disappeared before his breakfast companions could do more than blink.
“What did you do to piss him off?” Finley asked, correctly reading the situation.
“I have no idea,” she lied. “I may have given him the impression I wasn’t satisfied with my life plan, but I was wrong. It makes perfect sense to finish the dissertation now that I’m this close. Even if I don’t want to teach right away, I’ll have the degree to fall back on.”
“Well of course it does,” Finley said, carrying his plate to the sink. “You’d be a fool to quit now after all your hard work.”
Bella finished her coffee and brooded. The piece of toast she’d consumed sat like lead in her stomach. “It’s a beautiful day,” she said. “I think I’ll head out and explore the island for a while.”
McKenzie smiled. “You want some company, or would you rather be alone? Finley’s probably going to be in the shop all day.”
“I have some thinking to do. I promise not to go anywhere dangerous. Thanks, anyway. I’ll take you up on your offer next time.”
Her main goal was to escape before Ian came back downstairs.
Grabbing the keys to the car, she headed out, then drove aimlessly as the hours crept by. By now, she knew her way around really well. Skye felt comfortable, though still exotic and inspiring.
One thing became crystal clear as she pondered the invitation from the university. It was impossible to say yes to that commitment until she clarified where she stood with Ian… or if his response to her was anything more than physical at all.
Why couldn’t she simply tell him the truth? Say that she loved him? Ask if he had any feelings for her? It was the only way to get closure before her return to the States. If by some miracle he reciprocated, they could move forward with melding their two very different lives.
If Ian didn’t love her, the answer was equally simple. She would hop a plane and go back to North Carolina.
Chapter Nineteen
Having a solid plan helped lighten Bella’s mood. If the worst happened and Ian had to “let her down gently” as they said in the Cosmo advice columns, she was a big girl. She could handle it.
But life threw her a curve she hadn’t expected. When she got back to Finley’s house, Ian was gone.
“What do you mean, he’s gone?” she demanded, trying not to lose it completely.
The expression in her brother’s eyes was a mixture of sympathy and frustration. “I’m saying he packed up his things after breakfast, gave me some dumb-ass excuse about being needed back at work, and lit out of here like he stepped on a rocket.”
“Did you point out it might be polite of him to linger and tell me good-bye himself?”
“Of course I did,” Finley shouted. “The man cleaned out his room and drove away. I don’t know what else to tell you.”
Bella burst into tears, big ugly sobs that burned her chest and left her embarrassed and miserable.
McKenzie glared at her new husband. “Go build a motorcycle or something. This is a problem for women to deal with. You’re making things worse.”
Finley didn’t need a second invitation. He disappeared faster than snow in the desert.
“I’m sorry,” Bella blubbered, wiping her face with both hands. “You’re on your honeymoon. I’m ruining everything.�
�
McKenzie took her hand and led her to the loveseat. “Don’t be so dramatic,” she said calmly. “Nothing is ruined, and to be honest, I think you should be excited that Ian left so abruptly.”
Bella gaped. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that your big, macho scientist heard you talk about going home and he freaked out.”
“I don’t think that’s what happened.”
“I was there. I saw his face. Do you have another explanation?”
“He’s not really hiding out from the press anymore. I think he tolerates it now. The award ceremony with the queen is over. He probably really did need to get back to work.”
“Without saying good-bye to you?”
“He wasn’t sure how long I would be gone today.”
“Fine.” McKenzie sighed. “I’ll tell you, though, the man is not indifferent to you.”
Bella would have laughed if she hadn’t been so distraught. The distance between not indifferent and love was as wide as the ocean that would soon separate her from Ian. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispered, her throat raw from crying.
McKenzie wrapped both arms around Bella and held on tight. “You said you have ten days before you need to go back to the real world. Use that time to step out in faith and decide what it is you really want.”
* * *
Ian shouldn’t have been driving. Though he was stone cold sober, his much-touted brain was useless. Bella was leaving him. The gaping hole in his chest made it hard to breathe. He’d never been an impulsive man. His method of attack when it came to problems was to lay out the parameters, study the variables, and predict various outcomes based on the data in hand.
The scientific method was a joke when it came to understanding women.
When he set out from Portree, he’d intended to drive straight through to London. Instead, he found himself taking the turnoff toward Glasgow. Four hours later, he pulled into a carpark alongside a beige, institutional building. The grounds were nicely tended, but nothing could disguise the sadness inside those walls. He gipped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.
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