I'd been camped out here every night after work since Wednesday night, and I'd been here all day today since it was Saturday, only getting up for food or to go to the bathroom. My hair was a rat's nest on top of my head, and I was still in the same sweatshirt and leggings I threw on when I took off my work clothes last night. Crumpled tissues and empty food containers littered my coffee table, and my favorite ratty old blanket had been the only companion I wanted or needed until Tweedledee and Tweedledum showed up a few minutes ago.
"Malory," Willa said reasonably as she sat down next to me. "This isn't healthy. Have you even showered?"
"Yes," I grumbled out.
Willa leaned closer to sniff me, then grimaced. "Have you taken a shower today?" she asked, her tone slightly annoyed.
"No." I clenched my jaw stubbornly. "I don't need one because I'm not going anywhere."
"That's it," Dean suddenly growled out. Before I knew what he was doing, he scooped me up off the couch and slung me over his shoulder.
I shrieked in surprise. "Let me go!" I fought his hold on me to no avail. Dean was a lot bigger and stronger than me.
"Nope," he answered as he crossed my living room with my upper body dangling helplessly down his back. "I'm dumping your ass in the shower fully clothed if I have to."
"You'll thank us later," Willa chimed in as she followed close behind.
"I hate you both!" I screamed angrily as Dean carried me down the hall toward my bathroom. "Put me down you asshole!" I clenched my hands into fists and started beating on his back. That didn't do any good either.
Suddenly, there was a loud firm knock on the front door several feet in front of us. The three of us paused and stared dumbly at the door for a long moment until there was another even harder knock on my door.
"Goddamn it, Dean," I demanded. "Put me down so I can answer the damn door."
"Sorry," he mumbled apologetically as he set me down on my feet.
I hurried to the door and looked through the peephole. My heart lurched, and I gasped when I saw who was out there. It was Gareth. I never thought I would see him again. I didn't want to see him again. I turned to press my back against the door as panic fell over me.
"It's...it's him," I blurted out to no one in particular.
"Here?" Dean asked incredulously. "Like here, here?"
"Like right outside this door, here," I answered in a frantic voice.
"Malory!" I heard Gareth bellow from the other side of the door. "Let me in! We need to talk!" He pounded on the door, the force vibrating through my body since I was still leaning against the door.
"What should I do?" I asked looking back and forth between Dean and Willa as panic rose higher inside me.
"I don't know," Willa replied sarcastically. "Have you considered opening the door and talking to him?"
"I have nothing to say to him," I said as anger began to rise.
"I know you're in there, Malory!" Gareth shouted. "I'm not going anywhere until you fucking talk to me, goddamn it!"
I peeked out again and saw that he was standing there with his arms crossed and a stubborn set to his jaw. His dark eyes were fixed on my door in a hard unyielding stare. Shit, he really wasn't going to leave. I whirled back to my friends with wild panicked eyes. "I don't know what to do."
"Oh for fuck's sake," Dean stomped forward, and I squeaked in surprise as he picked me up and set me down out of his way. He unlocked the door and pulled it open before I could do anything to stop him.
I peered through the narrow space between Dean and the door frame to see Gareth's surprised expression as he focused on Dean. Hurt flashed across his eyes so fast I almost missed it, followed immediately by hard glittering anger that turned his eyes black and terrifying.
"Who the fuck are you?" he snarled out as his fists clenched at his sides. "And where's my Malory?" My Malory? He surged forward toward Dean, who backpedaled away from the door with a startled expression. I suddenly feared what Gareth would do if he got a hold of my friend.
"I'm right here," I blurted out hastily as I stepped between the two men.
Gareth's eyes fell on me and filled with relief, then with wary suspicion as he looked back and forth between Dean and me. His eyes darkened in anger again.
"I'm just a friend, dude," Dean said with his hands up in a placating gesture.
"So am I," Willa chimed in as she came up beside Dean. "I'm Willa and this is Dean, and we were just leaving." She grabbed Dean's arm and dragged him toward the door. I glared at them as they passed between Gareth and me.
They were abandoning me here with a man I didn't want to see, let alone talk to. Willa merely shrugged in response to my irritation as she pulled a smirking Dean out the door and closed it behind them. I glowered at the door, considered never speaking to them again. I turned to see Gareth staring longingly at me.
"Malory," Gareth said in a soft tone as he stepped closer.
The smell of sandalwood and Gareth enveloped me, and I instantly ached for his touch, but jerked away when he tried to put his arms around me. I wasn't going to be his plaything again, no matter how much I still wanted him. He dropped his arms to his sides and stepped back with a frown.
"Why are you here?" I demanded in an angry tone. "You ignore me for days, and now you show up and expect me to act like nothing happened, and everything is okay? I'm not some toy to be tossed aside whenever you're tired of it."
"I know you're not," he said in a pained voice. "I made a mistake, and I came to apologize."
"Great," I continued snidely, still too hurt and angry to believe him or accept his apology. "Don't let me keep you then. I'm sure you have one of your whores like Daphne to invite up to your penthouse tonight? Or are you going to fuck her in front of everyone at the sex club instead?"
His eyes widened in surprise for a second before hardening. "My building's security told me you came to see me and ran into Daphne," he replied. "I don't know what all she told you, but I have no desire for my sex life to be the focus of some voyeuristic spectacle."
"Okay," I said in a snide skeptical tone. "So you're saying that you didn't meet Daphne at a sex club, and you've never had sex in one before?"
He made a pained expression as he glanced away for a second. "I'm...I'm not saying that," he replied hesitantly as he met my eyes with a frown.
I jerked back with a gasp. "Oh my God," I whispered raggedly as I stared at him in shock. "Oh my God." I turned and fled further into my apartment, needing to get away from him. It was true. Everything was true, the sex club, the women, and now I suspected what Andy said about me just being some random fling was true too.
"Malory," he called out as he followed me past my kitchen and into the living room. He grabbed my arm gently and pulled me to a stop.
"Don't touch me," I blurted out as I whirled around to slap his hand away.
"Please," he said with desperate pleading eyes as he pulled his hand away. "Just let me explain."
"There's nothing to explain," I said in a wavering voice as my eyes burned with tears. "Thea might be into that kind of thing with Derek, but I'm just not wired that way."
He jerked his head back with a startled and perplexed expression. "How...how do you know about Derek and Thea?"
"Dean saw them together at Désir Dangereux, the same club Daphne mentioned." I looked down at the floor dejectedly, unable to meet his eyes for fear of the disappointment I was about to see. "I can't do that. I can't share something that intimate with strangers in some kinky sex club. I just can't. I'm...I'm sorry, but I can't give you what you need." I shuffled over to my couch and curled up on my side with my back to Gareth, weeping softly. "You'll have to find someone else to be your plaything, " I sobbed out pathetically, "so just go."
A long silence followed, and I could feel him watching me. I kept waiting for him to walk away and leave, but he didn't. Finally, he sighed and I heard his footsteps as he walked toward me.
"Malory," he said softly. He was close behind me now. I felt his han
d gently touch my shoulder. "Please look at me."
I rolled over to see that he was sitting on the edge of the coffee table next to me. His eyes were soft and warm as he gazed at me. He reached out to wipe a tear from my face. It made my heart throb for him, even though I couldn't have him. Why was he doing this to me? Why wouldn't he just leave?
He frowned and looked away as pain and sadness filled his eyes. "Nothing I ever did was good enough for my ex-wife, and our marriage slowly sucked the life out of me until I ended it, but I was left a shadow of the man I was. So much of my identity had been wrapped up in my marriage that by the time the divorce was final, I didn't even know who I was anymore. I was lost and adrift, and felt out of control." He looked back at me intently.
"That was when Derek introduced me to the BDSM world. He thought it would help me get myself back, and get control of my life again. It did. I took to it right away, and it gave me something new to focus on. It fed something deep inside me that I didn't even know was there. It was a brand-new world, and I threw myself into it, exploring and learning everything I could. I read books on the subject, I picked Derek's brain, and then I joined Désir Dangereux. I learned what I liked and didn't like through trial and error. Eventually, I tried playing at the club with a sub. I only did it once, but I immediately knew that it wasn't for me, and being watched actually hampered my enjoyment. So after that, I only went to the club to watch or find a willing partner to play with in private. I have no interest in doing something that intimate with strangers watching either, Malory. That's not something I need."
A wave of relief hit me, but it was dampened because I still didn't know where we stood. Were we in a relationship or not? Was I more than just a sub to play with? Was I just a fling? All I knew was that I wanted more, needed more. Maybe the real problem here was that Gareth couldn't give me what I needed. The thought filled me with an empty hollow sadness. I couldn't continue our physical relationship without it damaging my heart, because I was incapable of separating my feelings for this man. Each time we were together intimately, it tied me to him more and more, and when it eventually ended, I would be devastated. I couldn't do that to myself.
"I know what Andy told you about me," he said as if he were reading my mind. "It's true that I haven't had a real relationship with anyone since my marriage ended. I tried to date a few times at first, but I couldn't bring myself to take the risk and trust someone else. I always found an excuse to end things swiftly. I didn't want to risk losing myself trying to make someone else happy and failing again because it was an impossible task. I didn't want to go through the pain again, if things didn't work out. So I just stopped trying. It was far easier to have purely physical relationships, and I've kept it that way ever since."
Oh God, here it comes. This was the moment he would tell me that a physical relationship was all we had, and I knew it was going to break my heart because I was already in too deep. I held my breath and braced myself for the coming blast of pain, but what he said next caught me completely by surprise.
"Until I met you." Both his voice and his eyes suddenly held a tenderness like I'd never heard or seen from him before. He reached out to run his thumb softly across my lower lip, and all I could do was stare at him in shock. "You changed everything," he said, "and for the first time, the physical wasn't enough. For the first time, I wanted more. It scared me to death, so I held back. I kept you at arm's length to protect myself, and denied what I was feeling. When you started pulling away on Thursday, I was going to come and talk to you, but then I ran into my ex-wife." Pain crossed his gorgeous features, and broke my heart.
"All the pain and anger came back, and I panicked. I was afraid that I was following the same path to heartbreak I did with her. I thought you were messing with my head just like she used to do, so I deleted your number off my phone and just gave up." He cupped my face in his hand, and shook his head in disgust with himself. "It wasn't until today when I talked to Ford, and then found out about the cruel things Daphne said to you, that I realized I'd made a mistake. I was wrong. You weren't messing with my head at all. You were just scared too. I'm so sorry, beautiful," he said, his voice wavering with emotion and his eyes filled with regret. "Tell me what I need to do to fix this. Tell me what I need to do to get you back."
I reached up and placed hand over his. "You just did," I whispered.
A smile spread across his gorgeous mouth as his thumb glided across my lower lip again. "Malory," he murmured as he leaned in close to my face. He closed his eyes and took a slow soft breath. "I missed you." His lips moved closer and ghosted across mine with a feathery touch that made me shiver. "I ached for you every night."
"Gareth," I moaned out his name softly. "I missed you too."
He groaned and pulled me up into his arms as his lips crashed into mine. He devoured me with passion and skill, his mouth feeding needily on me as his tongue twisted and tangled with mine. The kiss stole my breath away, engulfing me in his taste and his scent. It owned me, commanded me, and I submitted willingly and with relish. When he finally pulled away to catch his breath, I was left gasping and stunned. I was barely able to focus on his eyes, but when I did I saw fierce need in his commanding stare.
"You're coming home with me," he demanded sharply, his eyes glittering with power and dominance.
It wasn't a question, but I answered him anyway.
"Yes, sir."
**********
I finished pulling my thick red hair into a messy bun on top of my head, and stared at myself in the mirror as I stood nude in Gareth's luxurious bathroom. I frowned. Something was missing. On impulse, I reached up and pulled a few tendrils out to frame my round face. There, that was better.
When we arrived at his penthouse a short while ago, he pined me with a hard stare and commanded me to shower, dry my hair and put it up, then wait for him in his room. Without another word, he grabbed a leash and strode back out the door with Reggie right on his heels for a walk. I'd immediately scurried upstairs, eager to obey and find out what he had in store for me when he returned.
My eyes drifted down my body. I'd never really thought of myself as sexy before, with my pale skin, my freckles, and my smallish breasts, but Gareth was changing that. He made me feel wanton and sensual in a way no man ever had before. He'd introduced me to a whole new sexual side of myself, and the way my body and mind reacted to his skillful domination was an amazing revelation. I had no idea what I'd been missing from a man until him, and I never wanted to go back to the mediocre sex I'd experienced in the past.
I glanced at the door, and a frisson of fear swept through my body. Now I just had to work up the courage to walk out of the bathroom and find out what new pleasures Gareth had in store for me. As eager as I felt, this was still all so new and a little frightening, but I trusted Gareth completely, and I wanted this, craved it really. I focused on that, and it bolstered my courage. Finally, I took a deep fortifying breath, straightened my back, and forced myself to walk out the door with my head held high.
I immediately heard classical music playing low in the background. It was a soothing piano sonata of some sort. I took in the low lighting and the candles glowing on the dresser and smiled. His effort and romantic gesture were much appreciated. I glanced over at the bed and froze in my tracks as the fear I'd managed to banish in the bathroom abruptly surged up inside me again.
At the foot of the bed, a giant wooden X was now attached to the top and bottom of the canopy bed frame with a leather cuff attached to the end of each piece of wood that formed it. Holy crap. I tentatively approached it and reached out to slide my fingers softly over the smooth cool wood that matched the bed perfectly. I imagined myself cuffed helplessly on it, and dark desire began to eclipse the fear.
"It's called a St. Andrew's cross, beautiful," Gareth's voice said in a soft sensual tone.
I glanced over to see him a few feet from the stairs, leaning casually against the wall with his arms crossed. He looked delicious, still wearing his d
ark-gray button-down shirt and dark jeans with his sleeves now rolled up exposing the taut lean muscles of his forearms. He looked like he had work to do, and he meant business. It turned me on even more. His dark eyes were focused intently on me, like a predator sizing up its prey, and my God, I wanted to be caught.
"Are...are you going to cuff me to it?" I asked in a hesitant whisper that was laced with obvious desire.
"Do you want me to?" he asked in a low sensual voice as he pushed away from the wall and approached me. His eyes slid down my naked body appreciatively, and I shivered with need. He reached up and cupped my chin in his hand, his thumb caressing my lips gently.
"Y...yes, sir," I replied breathlessly. "Please."
"Very well," he said, sounding pleased. "Now kneel." His command was stern and undeniable. I immediately dropped to my knees at his feet, and knelt before him. I bowed my head and waited for his next command.
"Good girl," he said warmly. He stepped around me, and disappeared from view.
When I heard him open the top drawer of his dresser, I had to fight the urge to turn and see what he was doing. God only knew what he was going to pull out of that drawer this time, and my curiosity was almost overwhelming. I heard rustling and then the sound of the drawer closing. His shoes came back into my line of sight, and stopped in front of me.
"Look at me, beautiful," he told me.
I glanced up and what I saw in his hands made me still instantly. I stared at the sturdy wooden handle, and the multiple foot long strips of what appeared to be dark-brown suede attached to it. Holy shit, it was a flogger. I think my eyes were the size of saucers as I gaped at the thing, my heart now racing and pounding in my chest.
"Touch it." His voice was soft and reassuring.
I raised a shaking hand up to run my fingers through the strands. They were buttery soft and felt good on my skin. Of course, that was different from being whipped with the thing.
"Do you remember the erotic spanking I gave you on Valentine's Day?" he asked.
Dark Dominion: Dangerous Desire Book 1 Page 21