No Shame

by Nora Phoenix

  It hurt. He knew Brad was lashing out in self-defense, but it hurt. It was the same as when he’d told him it was just sex, that he didn’t want Miles to get to know him. For some reason, he was deadly afraid of letting people in. Anyone except Charlie, it seemed. But how should Miles respond?

  “You know that’s not true. I am interested in you, but you’re determined to keep me at bay.”

  “I told you, this is just sex.”

  Miles crossed his arms. “Well, I’m afraid that doesn’t work for me anymore.”

  Brad scoffed. “Like you can afford an attitude like that. You need me.”

  Damn, the man knew where to hit hardest. Miles bit back an angry response. “No, Brad, I really don’t. I’m immensely grateful for what you’ve done for me, but it’s still my choice. Right now, I’m deciding that I’m done with being used by you.”

  Brad balled his fists. “Used by me? What fucked-up version of reality is that? You need me. You’re using me to get off. How the fuck could I be using you?”

  “You’re getting something out of this. I haven’t quite figured out what and why, but otherwise you wouldn’t be doing it. You’re using me, and until you tell me why, you’re not touching me.”

  Brad took a staggering step back. “You’re rejecting me?”

  The pain on his face was so horrific, it broke Miles’ heart. “No, honey, I’m not.” He made sure his voice was kind. “I want you, but I want more than your body. You’re rejecting me, not the other way around. Tell me why you’re doing this and you can do whatever you want with me. Until then, you’re not touching me and neither is anyone else.”

  The hurt was replaced by anger. “We’ll see how long you can keep that up.”

  “You have no idea how stubborn I can be. I can handle the pain, Brad. The question is: can you?”

  “I’m gonna take a shower,” Brad snapped. He muttered something under his breath that sounded like “fucking asshole”, but Miles wasn’t sure. It had to be something along those lines, though, considering the thunderous look on Brad’s face.

  Brad turned on the shower, his back turned toward Miles. Miles sighed, grabbed a washcloth from the cabinet and proceeded to clean his cock. He’d last for a while after two orgasms, but by his estimation he had about twenty-four hours before it would start to get mighty uncomfortable. He could only fucking hope that Brad turned out to be less stubborn than he himself was.

  Charlie was asleep when he got back to the bedroom, lying on his stomach on his side of the bed. Miles smiled, as he carefully got into the bed next to Charlie. It had only been a few hours, and he already thought of that as Charlie’s side of the bed. Would he be comfortable spending the night there again? Miles hoped so. It had been unreal, sharing his bed with both Brad and Charlie, and despite everything that had just happened, he hoped for a repeat.

  Charlie was so strong and yet vulnerable. He was such an intriguing mix of sweet and sassy, of insecure and bossy. Miles was drawn to him, wanted to take care of him and let Charlie fuss over him at the same time. Physically, Charlie still seemed to be recovering, judging by how often Miles found him napping. Then again, Brad had mentioned nightmares, so maybe he didn’t sleep well at night? Miles could only hope Charlie would recover mentally as well.

  And then there was Brad. Prickly, defensive Brad who was such an enigma. Miles wanted to kiss him silly, fuck him till he’d stop being such an ass, and then hold him and tell him everything would be okay. Preferably with Charlie on Brad’s other side. Miles wasn’t sure what had happened with Brad, but something told him the man needed a whole lotta love. If only he would accept it.

  Miles surrendered to the fatigue claiming him and fell asleep. He woke up more or less refreshed two hours later. A quick look sideways confirmed Charlie was still beside him. Brad had apparently left them by themselves.

  It was six thirty, so maybe it would be good to wake him up so they could grab some dinner? They’d planned a BBQ with some friends, Josh had told him, as the man was dying to try out his brand new, shiny, big-ass Weber. Miles had never in his life said no to a juicy, well-grilled steak, and he had no intention to start now.

  He carefully moved toward Charlie, put a soft, tender hand on his bare shoulder. He was so small, his skin so perfect now that all the bruises were gone. How could you hurt something so frail and beautiful? “Hey, Charlie, wanna wake up?”

  Charlie groaned, shifted a little, but that was it. Miles shook him gently. “Sleeping beauty, time to wake up.”

  “Don’t wanna fuck…” Charlie muttered.

  What? Was he still stuck in a dream, or something? “Wake up, babe,” Miles said again.

  “Leave me alone, please.”

  He still sounded completely out of it. Maybe it would be better to let him sleep a little longer. He was about to pull his hand back, when a tremor tore through Charlie. The whimper he let out gave Miles’ goosebumps.

  “No, please, no…don’t hurt me.”

  Was he half awake and thought Miles was his boyfriend? Or was he stuck in some nightmare? Either way, Miles needed help. He rolled over to his side, pressed the buzzer Indy had shown him on the first day. It only took a few seconds for Brad to come in, a worried look on his face.

  “It’s Charlie. He’s out of it, and I don’t know what to do,” Miles whispered.

  Charlie jerked, then whimpered again. “Please, Zack, please. You’re hurting me.”

  “Oh, shit,” Brad said. “Is he dreaming again?”

  Brad had hinted before that Charlie wasn’t sleeping well and that he had nightmares. Apparently, this was a recurring event. Was that why Brad was getting so little sleep?

  Brad took off his pants, then his shirt. He climbed in bed from the foot end, slid in close to Charlie on his side, so their bodies touched. He put a hand in Charlie’s neck, scratched it softly. “Hey sweetie, you wanna wake up? You’re having a bad dream, but I’m here.”

  Charlie whimpered again.

  “You’re safe, babe. I’m right here with you. Wake up, Charlie.”

  “Brad?”

  Miles exhaled in relief.

  “Yeah, sweetie, it’s me.”

  Charlie’s body moved, as he turned to his side. His eyes opened. “It hurts so bad.”

  “I’m so sorry, babe.”

  “I dreamed that you had left me, that you were angry with me.”

  Brad moved in for a quick kiss on his lips. “I could never be angry with you. And you know I would never leave you.”

  “Will you hold me?”

  The tender way in which Brad cradled the fragile body in his arms made Miles’ insides go liquid. When Brad let his formidable defenses down, he was truly irresistible. He had such a big, kind heart, such infinite kindness for the wounded and hurt.

  Charlie took shelter in Brad’s arms, there was no other way to describe it, the two bodies completely plastered together. It was almost too private a moment to watch, yet Miles couldn’t tear his eyes away. It was heartbreakingly beautiful, and also erotic as fuck. Holy fuck, Charlie was gorgeous. And him and Brad together, it was almost too much to take.

  “You okay now?” Brad asked, his cheek pressed against Charlie’s.

  Charlie turned his head, brought their lips together. Miles swallowed. There was such tension when these two kissed, even if it was a short kiss. How Brad could ever miss that and mistake it for mere friendship, was beyond Miles. The sparks were pretty much visible.

  He raised his eyebrows when the kiss continued, deepened. Brad seemed to stiffen for a moment, then gave in. Tongues came out, invaded, sucked, making noises that had Miles hard in an instant. Should he leave? Surely, he was the third wheel here. But fuck, it was so mesmerizing, so fucking beautiful.

  Charlie tore his mouth away, and the two looked at each other, panting slightly. Brad’s face was completely open, no trace of the guarded expression he usually sported around Miles.

  “What are you doing?” Brad whispered.

  “I want you.�
��

  “Charlie…”

  That one word was so full of longing, Miles’ heart ached for him. What was holding Brad back?

  “Please, make me feel good, Brad.” It wasn’t a question, more a desperate plea.

  “Charlie…are you sure about this?”

  “I need your mouth on my cock.”

  “Babe, I don’t wanna hurt you…” Brad said. Miles could hear the internal battle Brad must be waging in his voice.

  “Dammit, Brad, stop talking and put your fucking mouth on my cock. Now. I need you.”

  Miles’ eyebrows raised. Boy, Charlie was a bossy little twink, wasn’t he? Who the fuck could say no to a request like that?

  Brad leaned in, gave him a scorching kiss, before scrambling on his knees. There was no foreplay here, no touching or exploring. He gave Charlie a gentle push to roll him on his back and took Charlie’s boxers off.

  When Brad rolled flat on his stomach, Miles caught a good look at Charlie’s package. Holy crap, his cock was way bigger than Miles would have expected on such a small guy. Charlie was packing a serious tool there, rivaling Miles in size. They sure were equally hard.

  Brad licked the head of Charlie’s cock, making him groan softly.

  He should go. This was not meant for him to see. They must have forgotten he was there. He tried to move off the bed as quietly as he could, but Charlie rolled his head sideways and met his eyes.

  “Stay,” he said.

  “This is between you two,” Miles said, his voice hoarse.

  “No, it’s not. You’re fucking him, too. Plus, he likes being watched.”

  His cock disappeared inside Brad’s mouth. There was no way Brad hadn’t heard the exchange, but he said nothing. His head bobbed as he sucked Charlie, slurping sounds filling the room.

  Charlie’s hand traveled to Brad’s head, much like Miles himself liked to do when Brad was sucking him off. Charlie moaned, sighing at the same time. “Fuck, you’re so good at this,” he said.

  “He is,” Miles heard himself say. “He sucks cock like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do.”

  Charlie’s chuckle transformed into a soft moan as Brad sucked him deep, hard by the looks of it. His hand caressed Charlie’s hair. “You’re a good little cock sucker, aren’t you?”

  What. The. Hell.

  Brad didn’t seem to mind being called this, on the contrary. His expression was hard to make out, what with his mouth full of cock and all, but it looked like he was beaming. Why?

  He’d told Miles he loved sucking cock, and he hadn’t lied. Apparently, Charlie knew this, too. Now Charlie had indicated Brad liked it when someone watched. And sweet, small Charlie had just bossed him around, ordered him to suck his cock, and Brad had obeyed instantly—loving it, by all accounts. How did this all fit together?

  He kept watching as Brad brought Charlie to the brink, let him hover there for a bit, before sending him over. Charlie bucked as he came, and Brad swallowed greedily, taking every drop. He let go of Charlie’s cock, licking his lips. “Damn, you taste good,” he said. He scrambled higher, gave Charlie a kiss.

  “More,” Charlie demanded. “I love tasting myself in your mouth.”

  Brad grinned, kissed him again, with tongue this time.

  They. Were. Killing. Him.

  At this rate, he wouldn’t even last another hour, let alone a whole day. Fucking live porn right in front of him. He moved off the bed, his cock hard as a rock.

  “You need help with that?” Brad asked behind him.

  Miles turned around. Brad was on his back now, Charlie on his side beside him, a hand splayed on Brad’s abdomen, right above the waistband of his boxers. Boxers that contained, if Miles was not mistaken, one hard cock. Huh. Whaddayaknow, Brad could get hard under the right circumstances, apparently.

  “Not unless you’re willing to tell me what I need to know,” Miles said. “You need help with that?” he pointed to Brad’s erection.

  Charlie moved his hand lower so it rested on Brad’s cock. “I told you he likes to be watched.”

  That’s what got him hard? Being watched? Miles didn’t buy it. If that were the case, he would have been hard in the bathroom, when Miles was fucking him while Charlie watched. No, it was more than that. Charlie knew it, too, because his pointed look at Miles was a little too deliberate.

  Charlie’s hand squeezed Brad’s cock and Miles could swear he felt it in his own dick. “You’re so fucking hard, Brad. Tell him why.”

  “Charlie…” if it was meant to sound angry, or even remotely like a threat, Brad failed spectacularly. It came out more like a breathy moan. Who the fuck would have thought the dynamics would change so completely? Charlie had Brad’s number, and he played him like a fucking fiddle.

  “As soon as I’m better, I’m moving in with you…and I’ll demand you suck me off every morning.”

  Charlie’s hand slipped under the waistband, and he took Brad’s cock out.

  “Every single morning, I want your hot mouth around my cock, because damn, you suck me so good. And I’ll have you rim me.”

  He fisted him, his hand around the top of Charlie’s cock, his thumb pressing on his slit. Miles watched in fascination as Brad closed his eyes, leaned into Charlie’s touch.

  “I’ll have you eat me out, fuck my hole with your tongue until I can’t stand it no more. What do you say, Brad, you want your mouth on my hole?”

  Brad moaned, the first time Miles had ever heard him make a sound like that. Charlie was jerking him off for real now, using the drops of precum Brad was producing.

  “And when I’m so hard my cock could pound nails, I’ll nail you instead. I’m gonna bend you over and take your tight ass. You don’t need no prep, do you babe? Your hole was made to be fucked, and I’ll fuck it hard and deep. You know I got staying power, babe. I’ll fuck you till you can’t bear it no more.”

  Brad bucked, his hips coming off the mattress. Charlie increased the tempo, fisting him hard and fast.

  “Oh, you like that idea, huh? I knew you would. It’s what you live for, isn’t it? To be fucked. To have your mouth and your hole full of cum. That’s what you are, babe. You’re a little cum slut.”

  With an inhuman roar, Brad came, his hips jerking and his body shaking like a leaf. The cum was flying out of his cock, landing everywhere. Thick, creamy spurts that showed Miles how long it had been since the guy had come. A week, at least, but probably longer.

  Charlie slowly let go of Brad’s cock and rolled on his back, panting with effort.

  “Charlie…” It was half a sob Brad let out, seeking Charlie’s cum-covered hand.

  “I know, babe. I know. It’s okay.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry for what? For giving me a mind-blowing orgasm? For being sweet and kind? For taking such good care of me? You know I love you the way you are. Now, go clean up. You came all over yourself.”

  “Yeah,” Brad sat slowly. He sat up, avoiding Miles’ eyes, rolled off the bed and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

  “What the fuck was that?” Miles asked, still trying to process what the hell had just happened.

  Charlie sighed, wiping his hands off on the sheets. “That was his first orgasm in maybe three months.”

  * * *

  Growing up, Indy had always dreamt of having his own family one day. Not the fucked-up kind he grew up in, with a drug-dealing mom who sold him to pay off her debt. Hell, he didn’t even know who his dad was. One of his mom’s johns, probably, but he had no idea. She’d never said a word about him, and the few times he’d dared to ask, she’d exploded, so he’d learned to let it go. He’d wanted a real family, some day.

  But now, as he looked around the yard, he realized he’d become part of a true family. It was a different kind, one forged not by blood but by choice, but a family it nonetheless was. It was Friday evening, and both his house and his heart were filled with friends who’d become family.

  There was Noah, his strong
man, willing to start from scratch to fulfill his dream to become a shrink. He was so protective of those he loved, willing to sacrifice everything. The love between them was deeper than Indy had dared hope for, and it still grew every day. He’d learned to handle his pain, though his stump had bothered him way less since the new amputation. It had healed well, and his mobility had improved. Still, the pain management course he’d taken had made a big difference in how he handled pain. Sex was no longer his go-to method.

  Beside him, Connor was flipping burgers on the new grill. Built like a tank, he had the heart of a lion. Yet he had such a tender side, especially when it came to Josh. There was literally nothing this man wouldn’t do for the love of his life. Josh walked straighter because of him, had become more resilient.

  Over on the grass, Blake had stretched out on a fleece blanket, simply enjoying the sun. Aaron lay curled up at his feet, reading a book. Every now and then Blake would scratch Aaron’s head, or rub his neck, and Aaron would send him a look so filled with gratitude it almost made Indy tear up. Theirs was anything but a conventional relationship, but damn if they didn’t make it work.

  Miles had parked himself on a reclining chair, studying those around him. He was good at that, Indy had come to learn, figuring out patterns and relationships. No wonder, with his psychology degree. He was healing well, though still nowhere near his old self. Indy wondered what Miles would do when he got better, if he would return to his old job. He’d been so lonely, and had found friendships and relationships here he’d never had before.

  Charlie was on an identical chair right beside him. Those two had sure hit it off. There was an easy familiarity between them, as if they’d known each other for years. Yet Indy had also caught Miles looking at Charlie with less-than-brotherly desire. Sure, the FBI agent was constantly horny, but this was something else, something deeper.

  Brad was sulking on the grass with his back against a tree, Max at his feet. Indy still couldn’t figure out what his deal was. He was wicked smart for sure, kind to a fault when it came to Charlie, but there was always something aloof about him. You never felt like you got to see the real Brad, as if he was always holding something back. And he’d had some kind of falling out with Miles, or Charlie, or maybe even both. Considering his relationship with Miles, Indy’s money was on it having something to do with sex. Sex always complicated things, now didn’t it?