by Sue MacKay
‘You’re daydreaming again.’ Jackson stood in front of her.
‘Must be the heat.’ She poured the last of her water down her throat.
‘Shucks. Here I was thinking I might be the reason you had that far-away look in your eye.’
‘Nope. That was pollen from the lemon flowers.’
His finger ran along her bottom lip, sending zips of heat right down to her toes. ‘Is that why you always smell of citrus? You spend a lot of time hauling Nicholas out of the lemon tree?’
Rising onto her toes, she nudged his hand out of the way and kissed those full, sexy lips that knew how to tease and tantalise her for hours on end. ‘Try reading the label of my shampoo bottle. Less exotic but more practical.’
He took over the kiss, deepening it until she had to hang on to keep her balance. Pressing her body up against his, she felt the hardening of his reaction to her. Not now. Not here. Hands on his chest, she pushed back. ‘Nicholas.’
His sultry eyes widened. ‘God, I’m like a crazed teen around you, forgetting everything except what you make me feel, want.’ Jackson stepped back, tugged at his shirt to cover the obvious reaction to their kiss. ‘Better do something else before the trouble really starts.’
‘I’ll get towels and things for the beach.’ How mundane was that? It should dampen their ardour.
Jackson followed her inside. ‘I came around to ask you what you think about camping.’
‘As in a tent? Sleeping bags and air mattresses? That sort of camping?’ It had been years since she’d done that and then it had been in the Australian outback with her parents. She’d spent her whole time sitting up with the thin sleeping bag zipped right to her throat, terrified a snake would come into her tent and bite her.
‘Is there any other sort?’ Jackson grinned. ‘A friend from way back has a bit of land by the beach out at Wainui Inlet. There’s a shed with bathroom and cooking facilities. I figured we could go out there and pitch a tent, go swimming and fishing. Nicholas can take his bike and ride around the paddock when we’re tired of the beach.’
Jess grunted. ‘Like that’s going to happen. It’s usually a battle to get him out of the water. A prune is wrinkle-free compared to what he ends up looking like.’
‘I’ve got steak, potatoes wrapped in foil to bake, lots of salad stuff, and fruit for afterwards. How can you refuse?’ Jackson implored, looking at her like a little boy intent on winning his case.
‘Steak? You don’t have any faith in your fishing skills?’
‘Fishing? Are we going fishing?’ Nicholas leapt between them, looking excited already.
Jackson locked eyes with her. ‘Are we? Fishing and camping?’
There wouldn’t be any snakes or other creepy-crawlies for her to worry about. ‘What are we waiting for?’
Of course, it took nearly an hour to pack clothes, towels, more food, toys and the bike into the truck. Nicholas hindered progress but as he was trying so hard to be helpful Jess didn’t growl at him once. His excitement level escalated until it was almost unbearable, and then Jackson stepped in.
‘Hey, sport. Take it easy, eh? You need lots of energy to go fishing and swimming, and the way you’re going now you’ll run out before we leave.’
‘Sorry, Jackson. I’ll be good, promise.’
Jess shook her head. ‘How do you do that?’
‘I’m very good at getting my way. With little boys and their wicked mothers. Okay, make that singular. One boy and his mother.’ Jackson’s hand cupped her butt, squeezed gently. ‘Nicholas will go to sleep tonight, won’t he?’
Finally she let go of the hurt that had sprung up when Jackson had told her he wouldn’t be staying. ‘Come on,’ she teased him. ‘The kid’s never been in a tent before. He’s going to be wide-eyed all night long.’ Chuckling when disappointment darkened Jackson’s eyes, she added, ‘You can leave behind any condoms you’ve packed.’
‘Which reminds me. Be right back.’ He headed outside to the truck. Returning, he handed her a parcel the size of a book.
‘What’s this?’
‘Open it before your young man comes back inside.’
She tore the paper off, became even more baffled at seeing the plain cardboard box. With her fingernail she slit the tape holding down the lid and flicked it open. ‘Bleeding heck.’ She stared at the condoms. ‘You planning on staying around for a while, or just being very busy?’
‘That first time? You told me I owed you and I always pay my debts.’ Leaning in, he kissed the corner of her mouth. ‘Now put them out of sight. I hear small footsteps coming this way. I won’t complain if you put a handful in your pocket for later, though.’
‘A handful? Yeah, right.’ Laughing all the way to her bedroom, she slid the box into the drawer of her bedside table and, yes, shoved some condoms into her overnight bag.
* * *
Jess slipped the air-filled bands up Nicholas’s arms. ‘These’ll help keep you afloat in those waves.’ Tiny waves that suddenly seemed big compared to her wee boy. ‘Hold my hand.’
Small fingers wrapped around hers. ‘Will there be fish in the water, Jackson?’
‘Not around you. They’ll see your legs and swim away fast.’ Jackson took his other hand. ‘You like swimming, sport?’
‘I only like the pool.’
Uh-oh. How did I not know that? Jess bit her lip. ‘We’ll stay on the edge where it’s shallow.’ She sank to her knees in the water, the waves reaching the top of her thighs, and reached for Nicholas.
He leaned against her, studying the waves, worry darkening his eyes. ‘Why does the sea go up and down like that?’
‘Sometimes the wind makes it happen.’
‘But there isn’t any wind.’ Nicholas stared around the small bay.
Jackson squatted down beside them, those well-honed thighs very distracting. ‘There might be further away. Or a big boat might’ve gone past. Engines on boats stir the water like when Mummy makes a cake, and that sends waves inshore.’
‘My cakes resemble the sea?’
Jackson grinned and lifted a strand of hair off her face. ‘Don’t know. You’ve never made me one.’
‘Be grateful.’
Nicholas sank down lower, sucking in his stomach as the water reached his waist. ‘It’s not cold, Mummy.’
Right. So why the shivers? ‘Let’s play ball.’ Hopefully a game would distract him enough to relax and have fun. She made to take the beach ball from Jackson and came up against hard chest muscles, the hand holding the ball well out of reach. Her gaze shot to his face, caught the cheeky grin. Right, buster. Carefully removing her other hand from Nicholas she turned and shoved at Jackson, toppling him into and under the water.
‘Nicholas, help me. Your mother needs controlling.’ Jackson coughed out salt water, that grin wider than ever. ‘Let’s show her she can’t play dirty tricks and get away with it.’
Her son didn’t need any more encouragement, leaping onto her, wrapping his arms tightly around her knees. Jackson showed no sympathy, helping Nicholas dunk her.
She leapt up, shaking her sodden hair, water streaming down her body. ‘Right, who’s next?’
‘You can’t catch me, Mummy.’ Nicholas forged through the water, parallel to the shore, shrieking at every splash he made.
Jackson took her hand and they pretended to chase him hard, keeping close enough to reach him quickly if needed but letting him think he was winning. Inevitably he tripped himself up and went under. Jess felt the air stall in her lungs. He’d panic and choke.
Jackson lunged forward, caught Nicholas and stood him on his feet. ‘You okay, sport?’
Wide-eyed and grinning, Nicholas shouted, ‘Yes. Look at me, Mummy.’ He jumped up, tucking his knees under his chin and dropped into the water again.
‘Guess
he likes the sea as much as the pool, then.’ She was relieved. Living in Golden Bay meant he’d spend a lot of time on or near the water and if he feared it then he wouldn’t learn to master it.
‘What happened to that ball?’ Jackson looked around. ‘Oops, it’s heading out. I’d better retrieve it before it gets too far away.’ He dived in and swam for it, his strokes strong and powerful, pulling his body quickly through the water.
‘Mummy, I want to swim like Jackson.’
Thank you, Jackson. Until now, learning to swim had been the last thing Nicholas had wanted to do. The pool had been about splashing and jumping. She ruffled his wet hair. ‘I’ll sign you up for lessons this week.’ And thank Jackson in an appropriate fashion once her boy was asleep.
* * *
‘Help me collect driftwood for a bonfire, Nicholas.’ Jackson threw an armful of wood down on the damp sand. The tide was receding fast and they’d be able to light a small fire before darkness set in.
‘Why are we having a fire?’ the boy asked.
‘So we can toast marshmallows on sticks and eat them after dinner.’
‘Won’t they melt?’
Sometimes Nicholas was smarter than he should be for his age. ‘Not if you’re quick.’
‘Are we all sleeping in the tent?’ Nicholas picked up the end of a huge piece of wood and staggered along the beach, dragging it behind him.
‘Yes.’ Damn it. He hadn’t thought that far ahead when he’d had this camping brainwave. Hadn’t considered the frustration of lying with Jess and not being able to make love to her because Nicholas would be with them. It had seemed like a brilliant idea to come out here and give the boy a new experience. Guess he’d have to rein in his hormones for the night. Unless they found a secluded spot away from the tent but close enough to hear if Nicholas woke and got frightened.
‘Hey, you two,’ Jess called from down by the water’s edge. ‘Come and help me collect some cockles to cook for dinner.’
‘What are cockles?’
‘Shellfish,’ Jackson told him. ‘They’re yummy.’ If you got rid of all the sand in the shells.
‘Why don’t we catch them with our rods?’
‘Because they live in the sand and mud. You’ve got to dig for them. See, like Mummy’s doing.’ Jess looked stunning in that orange bikini she wore. All legs and breasts. His mouth dried. When she’d asked if he intended staying on at Golden Bay he’d struggled to say no. Which meant he should be hightailing it out of the country now, not planning a way to get into her sleeping bag tonight.
There was no denying Jess had sneaked in under his skin when he’d been busy looking the other way. Leaving her was going to be incredibly difficult. But he couldn’t take her and Nicholas with him. His eighteenth-floor apartment was definitely not conducive to raising a young child. No, Nicholas was in the perfect place for a boy—swimming and fishing on his doorstep, farms with real animals just as close in the other direction.
‘I want to do the digging, Mummy.’ Once Nicholas got started there was no stopping him. Finally they had to drag him into the water and clean off the mud that covered him from head to toes. ‘Why are you throwing them away?’ he asked when Jackson tipped half their haul back into the mud.
‘Because we’re not allowed too many.’
‘Will the policeman tell us off if you don’t put them back?’
‘Yes. It’s so that we don’t use them all up and can get more another day.’
‘Okay.’
Okay. Life seemed so simple for Nicholas. Give him an explanation and he was happy, not looking for hidden agendas. ‘How about you and I cook the cockles so that Mummy can have a rest?’ Jess’s all-night haul at the birthing unit appeared to be catching up with her. He’d seen her hiding a yawn more than once. ‘Jess, why don’t you curl up in the tent and have a snooze?’
‘Because I’d probably not wake up till morning. I don’t want to miss out on anything.’ Her smile was soft and wistful.
‘I promise to call you for dinner.’ He knew what all-nighters with patients were like. They drained you so that putting one foot in front of the other became hard work. ‘Go on. Nicholas and I will put our rods in the water and see what we can catch. On your way to the tent can you put those cockles in fresh water so they spit out the sand?’ He wasn’t giving her a chance to argue.
‘You promise to call me?’
‘Promise. I’ll have a glass of wine waiting. The potatoes will be cooking and the steak ready to sizzle.’
Another yawn stretched her mouth and she shrugged. ‘Guess I can’t argue with that.’ Picking up the bucket of shellfish, she trudged up the beach and across the road to their camp site.
Jackson only tore his eyes away from her when she reached the tent. His heart ached with need. With love. Love? No way, man. He hadn’t gone and fallen in love with Jessica. No way. So why the pain in his chest? Why the need to wrap her up and look after her? Why spend time with her little boy, teaching him things any father would do if he wasn’t in love with Jess?
No, he couldn’t be. It wasn’t meant to happen like that. Lots of hot sex, and plenty of fun; that was how it went. Harmless, enjoyable, no ties, no future.
He dropped to his haunches and picked up a pebble to hurl it across the water. Where had he gone wrong? How had he made such a monumental error? Right from that first night he’d had no intention of getting too close to Jess. Because no matter what happened, what she hoped for, he was going home to Hong Kong. To his frantic life, his orderly life. His now frightening life—and that damned promise.
Another pebble skimmed across the wavelets. Dropped out of sight under the water. And another, and another. A lonely life it may be, but at least he wasn’t letting anyone down by being too busy for them.
What about Ping’s words of wisdom last week when he’d finally caught up with him on the phone? You are ready to return home. Hong Kong isn’t home for you. Ping had sounded so certain that he’d found he couldn’t argue with his friend. Not that he’d done anything stupid like hand in his notice. No way. But he hadn’t been able to shut Ping out of his brain, especially in the early hours while he lay in bed, waiting for the sun to lift above the horizon so he could go for a run. Ping often came out with Chinese proverbs or other wise bits of advice, but this time Jackson would ignore him.
He might be falling for Jess but he wouldn’t be doing anything about it. He wasn’t prepared to live in the back of beyond where his medical skills would be wasted. And he couldn’t ask Jess to move when she’d only recently settled here and begun making a secure environment for Nicholas to grow up in.
‘Look at me. I can throw stones in the water like you.’ Nicholas stood beside him, his little face earnest as he tried to toss his pebbles as far as the water’s edge.
Might be time to head away, get out of here earlier than planned, save any further heartache that being with Jess would cause. Then there was this little guy who took everything at face value and had accepted him as a part of his life.
‘You’re doing great, Nicholas.’ Jackson stood up and moved behind him, took his elbow and gently pulled it back. ‘Swing your arm back like this. Now fling it forward as hard as you can.’
They continued throwing pebbles until Nicholas tired of that game. ‘Can we go fishing now?’
‘Sure. I’ll go and get the rods and bait.’
‘I’ll do it.’ Without waiting for Jackson, Nicholas raced up the beach. ‘I know where the rods are.’ He was nearing the road too fast.
‘Nicholas, come back here now.’ Panic had Jackson charging after him. ‘Don’t you go on that road, Nicholas,’ he roared. He thought he could hear a vehicle approaching at speed. ‘Nicholas. Stop.’
‘I’m looking both ways.’
‘Wait for me.’ Jackson skidded to a stop beside him at the road’s edge. Hi
s hand gripped the boy’s shoulder. ‘Never run towards a road, sport,’ he gasped around his receding fear. ‘Cars go a lot faster than you do and the driver might not see you.’
‘Mummy told me that.’ Nicholas wriggled his shoulder free and looked right, left, then right again. ‘See. Nothing’s coming. Can I cross now?’
That vehicle had to have been in his imagination because now he’d stopped his mad dash up the beach Jackson couldn’t hear it. Quickly checking both ways, he said in an uneven voice, ‘Yes, you can. Let’s go quietly so we don’t wake your mum.’
* * *
Over an hour later Jackson and Nicholas returned from their fishing expedition with all the bait gone and no fish to show for it.
‘I wanted to catch a fish.’ Nicholas pouted. ‘It’s not fair.’
‘That’s the way of it, sport. If fish were too easy to catch, there’d be no fun in it.’ Jackson stopped at the tent entrance and peered in. Jess lay sprawled face down across the bigger of the two air beds, her hair spread over the pillow. How easy it would be to curl up beside her and push his fingers through that blonde silk. Fishy fingers, he reminded himself.
He turned to Nicholas. ‘Let’s go clean ourselves up. Then we’ll get dinner cooking and wake your mother.’
‘I’m hungry now.’
‘Wash your hands first. You smell of fish bait.’
‘I want something to eat first.’
Jackson sighed. No wonder Jess gave in to Nicholas so often. Otherwise she’d be sounding like the big, bad wolf all the time. ‘You can have a banana as soon as you’re clean.’ He swung Nicholas up under his arm and carried him to the ablutions block, tickling him and getting ear-piercing shrieks for his efforts. So much for keeping quiet, but at least the temper tantrum had been avoided.
With the potatoes baking on the barbecue hot plate and the cockles in a pot ready to steam, Jackson poured a glass of wine and headed for the tent. ‘Wake up, sleepyhead.’ His heart blocked his throat at the sight inside. Jess had rolled onto her back and spread her arms wide, like an invitation. In sleep she had lost that worrying look that had him wondering if she’d got too involved with him, making it easier for him to believe they were merely having an affair that he would shortly walk away from unharmed. Except he already knew it would hurt, that he was too late to save his heart. But he would still have to go.