Rain Music

by Di Morrissey

  Brendan frowned and then hesitated before he turned to Bella and said, ‘Bella, when I booked my flights I could only get the one flight at such short notice and it’s this afternoon. I really don’t want to leave you after what happened. I’ll cancel it. Someone else can cover my patients for a few more days.’

  Bella held up her hand. ‘Brendan, there is no need for you to do that. I know that it’s always difficult to rearrange patients and I know your partners will have to pick up the slack. Truly, I’ll be just fine. I’ve got Ned, and Toni is coming, so I’ll have good company.’ Brendan began to protest, but Bella cut him off. ‘No, don’t say another word. I wouldn’t hear of you staying and I promise that as soon as I can, I will ring you to let you know how I am,’ she said firmly.

  Brendan didn’t look convinced, but he said, ‘Well, if you are absolutely sure that you’ll be okay if I go back to Tennyson, I’ll go and round up my things.’ He made his way up the terrace steps and into the house.

  When Brendan emerged dressed and ready to fly back south, Bella looked tight-lipped and Ned could tell her rigid face masked her conflicting emotions, but he said nothing.

  On the drive to the roadhouse Brendan was calm and affable.

  ‘At least you’ll get to meet Toni at the roadhouse,’ said Bella. ‘I think you’ll like her.’

  ‘Yes, and I also want to be with you when you phone the police.’

  ‘Thanks, Bren, that would be good,’ said Bella. ‘And I can’t thank you enough for coming to find me.’

  ‘As if I wouldn’t. You know how much you mean to me. I think we were made for each other,’ Brendan said very quietly.

  For the last bit of the drive no one spoke, each deep in thought, but as Ned pulled in to the roadhouse, he said cheerfully, ‘There’s Toni’s car! She’s here.’ And a smile spread across his face.

  As they walked inside, Ned spotted Toni sitting with Theresa at a table, sipping a cup of tea. He hurried over to her, pulled her to her feet and embraced her tightly. Theresa smiled at him and excused herself to serve two customers at the food counter.

  ‘Brendan, this is Toni,’ said Ned. ‘Brendan came up to surprise Bella,’ he explained to Toni as the others joined him.

  ‘I’m glad to meet you.’ Toni shook his hand. ‘What a nice surprise for you, Bella!’

  ‘Yes, it certainly was,’ said Bella. ‘Very short and sweet, though.’

  ‘Yes, I’m sorry but I have to head back home,’ said Brendan.

  ‘Oh, that’s a shame. Did you enjoy the river house?’ asked Toni.

  Brendan hesitated slightly before he answered, and Toni glanced at Ned.

  ‘It’s an amazing place. You’ll enjoy it,’ said Brendan quickly. ‘Bella, I have to leave pretty soon or I won’t get to Cairns in time for my flight, so do you want me to come with you while you make that phone call?’

  Bella nodded. ‘Please excuse us, I have an important call to make.’ She took Brendan’s hand and the two walked to the payphone on the other side of the room, looking sombre.

  ‘That seems a short trip. Is Brendan worried about your sister?’ asked Toni.

  ‘I’d better fill you in on what’s happened. Let me get a coffee before I explain.’

  Toni listened quietly as Ned sipped his coffee and told her why Brendan had come north, and then spoke to her about Bella’s abduction. ‘That’s appalling,’ she said, aghast. ‘I can’t believe it. Bella seems remarkably okay, considering what she’s been through.’

  ‘She does seem quite tough. Anyway, now she and Brendan are talking to the police on the phone, reporting what happened. I suppose she is trying to give them a description.’

  ‘Hard having to go over it all again.’ Toni glanced over at Bella talking on the phone. ‘So, where are things at with Brendan now?’

  ‘Damned if I know. I don’t think she knows, either. I think she still wants to do something more interesting with her life, but I think she now realises that there is a lot more to Brendan than she previously thought. Maybe she’s trying to work out how she can have both Brendan and a more exciting career. I’m sure she’ll want to check out this Antony and his proposal one more time to be sure.’

  As they sat there waiting for Bella and Brendan, Frederick came over for a quick chat and Ned told him what had happened. He looked shocked.

  ‘That’s terrible. Your poor sister. Good that she’s reporting what happened to the police. They’ll catch the buggers. Look, I can’t stay, bit of a rush in here at present. Lot of people heading south. Holiday season up north is just about over because the wet is due to break any time now.’ He clapped Ned on the shoulder and hurried away.

  About twenty minutes later, Bella and Brendan rejoined them. Bella looked strained.

  ‘Let me get you a coffee,’ said Ned. ‘You too, Brendan? And you, Toni?’

  ‘I think I’ll have an orange juice,’ replied Toni, and Bella agreed to a coffee. Brendan glanced at his watch. ‘I think I’ll have to pass, I’m afraid. I really have to get on the road in a minute or two or I’ll miss the plane.’

  ‘How did the conversation with the police go?’ asked Ned in a concerned voice.

  ‘Fine. They were very kind. They asked me a lot of questions and took my statement. They want me to come into Cooktown to sign it, but they said that could wait for a day or so,’ said Bella.

  ‘Bella was just wonderful,’ said Brendan. ‘She was very calm and clear about what happened. Sorry, everyone, but I’ll have to head off. It was lovely to meet you, Toni. I do hope we meet again.’

  ‘You must come and spend time in Cooktown,’ she said with a smile.

  Ned reached out and shook Brendan’s hand. ‘Thanks for everything, mate.’

  ‘I hope we catch up again before too long. Say g’day to Jack for me if you see him again. G’bye, Toni.’

  ‘I’ll walk you to your car,’ said Bella quietly.

  Ned went and ordered the coffees. He came back to the table with their drinks as Bella returned from the carpark, looking subdued and teary.

  ‘Ned filled me in on what happened. It must have been quite an ordeal,’ Toni said. She touched Bella’s arm sympathetically. ‘How are you now?’

  Bella wiped her hands across her eyes. ‘I’m all right. I just keep thinking that it could have been so much worse, especially if Ned and the others hadn’t found me. Toni, I am glad to see you.’

  Theresa joined them. ‘Sorry we’ve been neglecting you. People come in waves. All heading south like lemmings. Frederick told me what happened to you, Bella. I’m so sorry,’ she said, the worry evident in her tone. ‘I’ve never heard of anything like that happening in these parts before.’

  ‘I’m sure it was a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time,’ sighed Bella.

  ‘Frederick said that Jack came to the rescue,’ said Theresa.

  ‘He was wonderful. I certainly got him all wrong when I first met him,’ replied Bella.

  ‘Easy enough to do,’ said Theresa with a smile. ‘He’s not the simplest person to get to know.’

  Ned pushed his cup away and got up. ‘Sorry to have to leave, Theresa, but I think it’s time to go. Let’s get your bag out of your car, Toni, and hit the road. We’ve still a way to travel.’

  *

  ‘I see what you mean about Carlo’s place being out of the way!’ said Toni, shifting uncomfortably in the front seat as they bumped along the barely marked track. ‘So, Ned, how’s the music going?’ she asked.

  Ned didn’t answer immediately, then said, ‘Slowly. I have moments when it comes and then it goes away. Like trying to catch rainbows.’

  ‘Hmm. And the story? The theme?’ she asked.

  ‘That’s the big question. I haven’t managed to pin down a focus yet.’

  ‘The far north is a big canvas, for sure.’ Toni turned back to Bella. ‘What
are your thoughts, Bella?’

  ‘Me? I’m not the creative genius in the family. That’s always been Ned.’

  Ned frowned as he drove. Even though he was concentrating on driving, his mind kept playing over and over the images and stories of the north.

  ‘What are you thinking?’ asked Toni quietly.

  ‘How it’s kinda like the mango season . . . things build up in my mind, I can picture them, then I hear the distant thunder and rumble and flashing images like lightning, and then the music crashes in. Then it eases off, and it’s all mellow like the sunset. Odd, huh?’

  ‘Heavens, I wouldn’t want to walk around with all that going on in my head,’ said Bella.

  ‘Is it bothering you that you’re not making as much progress as you’d like?’ asked Toni.

  Ned was silent for a moment and then said in a strained voice, ‘If I think about it, yes. I keep hoping major inspiration will strike, but it just doesn’t seem to happen. And I know time is running out for me. I thought that if I could get away, have no interruptions, have peace and quiet, then everything would fall into place. But it hasn’t. I’ve got bits and pieces and some of it is good, I know that, but I really haven’t cracked it. I still don’t know how I am going to tie all my ideas together in a meaningful way that will grab an audience. And now, when we were at the roadhouse, watching all those people heading south, I felt a bit panicked, to tell you the truth.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Bella asked.

  ‘Because the wet is coming. I can’t stay at Carlo’s in the wet season. I’ll have to leave, and I have no idea where I’ll go. I’m starting to feel I’ve wasted my time. I have very little to show for the weeks I’ve spent here, and no plan B. And if I can’t work here . . . well, is it worth pressing on?’

  ‘You can’t give up, Ned! That’s for sure. I know something will change,’ said Bella. ‘Bit like a summer storm. Like the build-up to the wet. Think of those evening skies and distant storms we watched.’

  ‘Yeah, far away, all silent and promising floods and disaster,’ sighed Ned.

  Toni reached out to touch his knee and said gently, ‘Maybe you’re looking at it the wrong way around. When the wet comes and the rain starts, it’s music to everyone up here.’

  They all fell silent until they reached the river house.

  Toni seemed as stunned by the quirky house as Bella had been. She shook her head as she walked around it. ‘Someone spent so much time doing all this fancy paving and building these . . . edifices,’ she exclaimed.

  ‘Yes, I hope I get to meet this Carlo one day and congratulate him on his imagination,’ said Ned.

  ‘I’m going down to the river for a swim,’ Bella announced. ‘You two coming?’

  ‘The water looks refreshing. I might join you in a while,’ said Toni as Bella went to her room to get changed. Then, turning to Ned, she added, ‘Can I talk to you, Ned?’

  Ned instantly recognised the tone. He’d heard it before. Toni was going to say something that he wasn’t sure he would like. Alarm bells rang and his heart lurched.

  ‘Sit with me,’ said Toni. She seemed calm but Ned could see she was actually holding herself very upright. Something was definitely going on. ‘I want to share something with you. You might not like what I’m going to say, but it has to be said.’ She swallowed. ‘Our togetherness has been very special. Unexpected. I hadn’t planned on feeling like this about you.’

  Ned’s heart sank. She was leaving. She had someone else down south. It hit him that he was shocked at the idea of losing Toni. He sat down and reached for Toni’s hand, but before he could speak, they both heard Bella leave the house and walk down the terraces to the river. When she was out of earshot, Ned said, ‘Before you say anything, I just want to say that I’ve really loved our time together, too.’

  ‘I’m pleased about that, but I know from what you said in the car that you’re thinking of leaving soon. Before you go, Ned, I want you to know something. And please hear me out before you say anything.’

  Here it comes, thought Ned. He looked at Toni, her open face so honest and trusting. How he loved her calmness and strength. Maybe she just wants to finish our relationship altogether, make a clean break. What do I want her to say? Do I really want her to walk out of my life? Why would she want to stay in it? What can I offer her? He felt a sudden sense of panic that he might never be with her again.

  ‘I’m pregnant.’

  Ned blinked, and felt a rush of emotions break over him like a waterfall. But then the waterfall surged into a wave, and he felt himself being pulled into frighteningly deep water. He gripped Toni’s hand harder and focused on what she was saying.

  Toni squeezed his hand back. ‘This has come as a big surprise. I certainly hadn’t planned to get pregnant, but now that it has, it feels right for me. Ned, I’m thirty-six years old. I never actually considered having a child, but now that I am, I want to take this chance. This is a gift. I want to have this baby and be a mother.’

  ‘I’m not sure what to say,’ said Ned, completely stunned by the turn of events. ‘It doesn’t seem real. You’re sure about this?’

  ‘Yes, I’m quite sure,’ said Toni. ‘I’ve done three tests and they were all positive.’ She was scanning his face, obviously trying to gauge his reaction, but Ned knew his face showed only a jumble of confusion. ‘As to how it happened . . . well, I guess nothing is completely safe.’

  ‘I see,’ said Ned uncertainly, but then tried for a more positive tone. ‘Of course . . . of course . . . I’m completely supportive of you having a baby. I’m sure you’ll make a wonderful mother.’ He couldn’t quite take in the next bit of logic – that he was going to be a father.

  ‘I’m happy,’ said Toni. ‘I know it’s a shock and a lot to take in. I did consider not telling you, but that’s not fair or right. I’d just found out when you came into town for the concert and I was too shocked to know what to do. I decided not to say anything until I knew exactly how I felt. But now, I can’t put it off any longer.’

  That explained why Toni had seemed so distant and strange around the time of the concert, Ned thought.

  ‘How . . . how far along are you?’ Ned asked.

  ‘About six weeks, I think,’ Toni said. They lapsed into silence for a moment.

  ‘Well . . . I guess we’ll work something out,’ said Ned in a confused voice. ‘I don’t know what to say.’

  Toni shook her head and released his hand. ‘Ned, I don’t expect you to take care of me. Having a baby is my decision, and I’m fine with that, and honestly,’ she paused and drew in a breath, ‘if you aren’t sure that you can be a committed father – and by that I don’t mean just drifting in and out of the baby’s life when it’s convenient or it takes your fancy, but really being devoted to raising this child – then perhaps it is better that you move on.’

  Ned felt a sudden terrible ache and pain in his stomach. His chest was tight and he swallowed hard, finding it difficult to speak. His mind was flooded with thoughts of his own reaction, this sudden twist in his gut. Be a father? Him? His own father’s face flashed in his mind and he felt a stab of panic. How could he be a real father? How was that going to work with the sort of life he led, the sort of man he was?

  ‘I . . . I . . . I need to take this in, Toni. It’s so far from anything I expected. You are really special to me and I don’t want to mess up our relationship. I’m just in shock.’ He had a sudden urgent desire to run to Bella for advice.

  Intuitively, Toni reached out and touched his cheek. ‘I know it’s a shock. It took me a while to adjust to the idea and know how I truly felt. If you want, you could talk to Bella. But let’s keep the news just between us three for now. It’s early days and anything could happen.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ said Ned in alarm.

  ‘A lot of things can go wrong in the first twelve weeks. I don’t want to tempt fate.�
� She paused, then asked quietly, ‘Ned, just tell me how you feel about this baby . . .’ When he didn’t answer, her face darkened. ‘It is yours,’ she added in a hurt tone. She folded her arms.

  ‘Toni, I didn’t mean . . . I really don’t know how I feel about this . . .’ He couldn’t say the word ‘child’ – doing that would somehow give the whole idea solidity and reality.

  Toni frowned, looking as though she was about to say something, but then she stopped and took a deep breath. ‘Perhaps I’m being a bit unfair, breaking such momentous news to you and expecting you to embrace it enthusiastically. You need more time to think about it.’ She stood up hastily, not meeting his eye. ‘I’m going for a swim.’ She walked up the steps towards the bedrooms to change. Ned helplessly watched her go.

  *

  Bella plumped down in the chair beside Ned. She looked at Ned’s expression. ‘Oh no, she’s not splitting up with you, is she? I thought you were a great couple.’

  ‘She’s pregnant with my child.’ The words felt strange and empty coming out of his mouth.

  Bella gasped. ‘You’re joking!’ She peered at his face. ‘No, you’re not. Good grief, what did you say?’

  Ned threw up his hands. ‘I don’t think I was all that clear. I was so shocked and surprised, but mostly scared. Bell, what am I going to do?’

  ‘I would say it’s more up to Toni. What does she want?’

  Ned drew a breath. ‘Well, Toni says she’s thought things through and she wants to keep the baby. And she says that it’s up to me as to whether I’m prepared to be a committed father or not, and if I can’t make that commitment, then she doesn’t want me involved with the child, as it’s not fair for the baby to have a part-time parent.’ He breathed out and stared bewilderedly at Bella. ‘I don’t know what to think. This is not the way I was expecting my life to be. Jesus, Bell. This is a bombshell. I feel so confused. Will you talk to her?’

  Bella snorted. ‘No, Ned, that is such a cop-out. I hardly know Toni. This is a big deal, and it’s up to you to make the right decision, not just for Toni, but for the baby as well. Do you love her?’