by Nina Croft
“Shit.” Tanner groaned as the door was pushed open and a tall figure stepped inside. Sawyer.
“A friend of yours?” Josh asked from beside him.
“A long time ago. But not anymore.”
It was Friday afternoon, nearly closing time, and from the looks of it Sawyer had already had a good deal to drink. He stood just inside the door, swaying slightly, waving a hand as he caught sight of Tanner behind the counter. Then frowning as he took in Josh standing beside him.
“You want me to deal with him?” Josh murmured.
Tanner was tempted. So tempted. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “No. But stay there.” Maybe Sawyer wouldn’t be quite such an asshole if he had an audience. The last thing Sawyer would want was anyone else knowing his guilty little secret.
“Okay, boss.”
Sawyer swayed as he walked. When he halted in front of Tanner, he put a hand on the counter for balance. He’d obviously had more than a few.
“You planning on taking my old man’s position as town drunk?” Tanner asked.
Sawyer winced. “Maybe. You want to come for a drink with me, Tanner, my old buddy?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “No, of course you don’t.”
Tanner shook his head. “Go home, Sawyer.”
“What, to my lovely loving wife? And my beautiful son?”
“Yeah.”
“And don’t forget my wonderful father-in-law. Saddler Cove’s most upstanding citizen.” He leaned a little closer, so Tanner could smell the stink of alcohol on his breath, and he stepped back. “He doesn’t like you, you know.”
“Really.”
That was hardly news. Sawyer’s father-in-law had been the main voice against the O’Connors getting permission to open the shop. In the end, it had gone through, though it had been a close thing. But then, Jed Forrester was also the father of the boy Tanner had gone to prison for killing. And he’d never forgive him.
Tanner didn’t blame him for that.
Dwain had been his only son. And a golden boy. His only fault had been being friends with the likes of Tanner. And it had killed him. Or that was the story most people believed.
“Is this your new friend?” Sawyer asked, waving a hand toward Josh. Then inched along so he was opposite the other man. “You know, me and Tanner used to be friends. Not anymore. Tanner likes to hold a grudge. Don’t you, Tanner?”
A fucking grudge? Was he serious? He would so like to punch Sawyer right now. But he really would not give him the satisfaction.
“Why don’t you both come out for a drink with me? We can talk about old times.”
“Fuck off, Sawyer. Or I’ll call Lanie and tell her to come pick your sorry fucking ass off my floor.”
For a moment, he suspected he was going to have to carry through with his threat. And the last person he wanted to talk to was Lanie. She was another one who would never forgive him. Though he suspected with Lanie, it was more out of fear that maybe her life was built on a shitload of lies, and if she poked at it, then it all might just come tumbling around her. He reckoned she’d forced herself to believe Sawyer’s version of that night, but he also suspected that she had her doubts. The night at the Founders’ Parade, he’d seen the expression in her eyes. The usual hatred had been replaced with dread.
“You really want Lanie wondering why her husband wants to be friends with the man who killed her brother?” Tanner asked.
Sawyer pursed his lips. “Maybe she should be asking.” He gave a shrug. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. She’s left me.”
“What?”
“Walked out last night.” He gave a short laugh. “She said I drink too much, and why was that? I think she might have seen through me at last.”
Suddenly the tension went out of Tanner. He didn’t want to deal with this. “Go home, Sawyer. It’s over.”
Finally, he shrugged. “I’ll go. But you’re wrong. It’s never over.”
Tanner blew out his breath as Sawyer turned and walked away. The door closing behind him.
“You want to tell me what that was all about?” Josh asked.
“Fuck all. The man’s a dickhead.”
“Yeah. A dickhead who used to be your friend.”
Never again. But Tanner had a sinking feeling he hadn’t seen the last of his old buddy.
…
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Emily asked as they made their way along the sidewalk toward the O’Connor’s showroom. “He’s scared of you, you know. And we’re just getting comfortable with each other and—”
“It’s an excellent idea. It’s about time we got to know each other better.”
As they came up to the shop, the door opened, and they hesitated. A man stepped out. Sawyer Dean. She hadn’t seen him since the night of the Founders’ Parade. He’d been a little the worse for drink that night. And it looked like he’d been drinking again. He squinted at them, his gaze resting on Emily.
“Little Emily Towson. Are you going to see my old friend, Tanner? Now why would that be? What’s a nice girl like you doing with Tanner, eh?”
“Mr. Dean,” Mimi snapped. “Go home before you fall down.”
“That’s what Tanner told me. Though I suspect he might have been thinking of pushing me down.” He swiped his sleeve across his face. “We used to be friends, you know.”
“Home.”
He held Mimi’s gaze before glancing down. “Yes, ma’am.”
They watched him weave his way down the sidewalk. Mimi had a frown on her face. “Now, what do you suppose that was about?”
“I don’t know.” Though she had a few ideas. But whatever had happened that night long ago was Tanner’s secret to keep or tell. “They did used to be friends.”
“Hmm. That’s a troubled young man.”
Guilt was a hard thing to live with. “He’s married to Lanie Forrester,” she said. “That can’t be easy.”
“Really, Emily. I do believe that was a bitchy comment.”
She grinned. “Blame it on the hormones.”
When they entered the shop, her eyes caught on Tanner. He’d clearly been working, his white T-shirt stained with grease, his hair pulled back into a ponytail. A smile broke his face as he caught sight of her, quickly transforming into a frown as he studied her. He came out from behind the counter and walked over. She never got tired of just looking at him. “Are you all right?” he asked. “Nothing wrong…”
“I’m fine. We just popped in because Mimi has something to ask you. Both of you, actually.” She waved a hand to encompass Josh, who was sidling away.
Mimi called out to him. “Don’t you run off. This involves you as well.”
He stopped, glanced around, and then came back slowly. There was a wary expression in his dark eyes, but also maybe a hint of amusement.
“Why don’t you come out here and meet my granddaughter,” Mimi said.
Emily had seen Josh at a distance, but they’d never been introduced. She was aware that Mimi had some interest in the man, but she’d presumed that she wanted to help him. Mimi had a strong belief in the healing powers of horses. And in fact, her equine therapy program was well known throughout the country, and they got referrals from all over the States.
Now she had an inkling that maybe there was more to this than helping someone in trouble. That Mimi was interested in him as a man, and that was quite mind-boggling. She’d never known Mimi to show an interest in any man. Josh was certainly good-looking. A little taller than Tanner, he had the lean physique of a much younger man. His eyes were wary as he stepped out from behind the counter.
She held out her hand, and he shook it briefly. “I should get back to work,” he muttered.
“No, you shouldn’t. Not quite yet.” Mimi looked between the two of them. “Emily and I would like you both to come to lunch at the ranch on Sunday.”
Tanner looked slightly alarmed. But he swallowed and nodded. “That would be…great.”
Mimi grinned. “Of course it will. As l
ong as we don’t let Emily cook. She’s really not very good.” She turned to Josh, raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t think—”
“Nonsense. Of course you’ll come.” She tapped Tanner on the arm. “See that he does. I’m taking your success or failure in this as a direct reflection on your character. Don’t let me down.”
Tanner nodded. “He’ll come.”
“Good. Now let’s go, Emily.”
“I’ll still see you tomorrow night?” she said as Mimi dragged her away.
“Seven o’clock your place. Right?”
“Yes. ’Night.”
Once outside the shop, she cast a sideways glance at Mimi. “You like him?” she asked.
“Tanner?”
She swatted her arm. “You know exactly who I mean. Josh.”
“He’s an interesting man.”
Emily could read nothing from her expression. “How interesting?”
Mimi gave a small smile. “Interesting enough.”
“I’ve never known you to chase a man before.”
“I’m hardly chasing, darling.”
“Hah,” Emily scoffed. “You almost roped him back there when he tried to make his escape.”
“Okay, chasing a little.” She shrugged. “But maybe I’ve never met one worth chasing. And Joshua intrigues me.”
“Well, it’s good to have an interest. But be careful.”
They came to a halt by the car, and Mimi turned to her, expression annoyed. “Humph. You’re not falling in with all that bunkum about Josh being a serial killer and likely to kill us all in our beds?”
“No. He did kill someone, though. Tanner told me. That’s what he was in prison for. But it’s not that. Tanner says he’s damaged. He says you see it a lot on the inside. Long-term prisoners. They get to a point where prison is their whole life and they can’t function on the outside. Or worse, they don’t even want to. And Josh was inside for forty years. I can’t even imagine that.”
“Institutionalized.”
“Yes—that’s the word Tanner used.”
“He’s a bright man.”
“He said he read a lot in prison, and now he can’t get over the bad habit. But I know he’s worried about Josh.”
“With good reason.” She banged the side of the truck with her fist, and Emily winced. “Sorry,” Mimi said, “but it makes my blood boil when I think about what this country did to our men. Sent them off to fight, brought them back damaged, and pretty much ignored any responsibility. There are so many cases like Josh who should have been helped, not punished.”
“Things are better now, though, aren’t they?”
“A little. At least they are acknowledging that the problem exists.” She opened the driver’s door and climbed in. Emily walked around and got in beside her, fastened her seat belt. “Don’t worry,” Mimi continued. “Josh will be all right. He’s a survivor—he’s had to be. He just needs time to understand he can have a good life on the outside. And friends to help him realize that.” She grinned. “And horse riding. Lots of horse riding.”
That was her gran’s answer to everything, and maybe not a bad one. Perhaps Emily should try it. Get over her fear…maybe that would help her face up to everything else that was going on in her life.
“So how is it going with Tanner?” Mimi asked.
“Good. Mostly. If we could keep this just between ourselves, then I’m sure it would work.”
“You’re worried the town will look down on you when it all comes out.”
She frowned. “No. Not for me, anyway. Maybe for the baby a little. If Tanner would just…”
“Change? Wear a suit? Cut his hair?” Mimi’s tone was sharp.
“I don’t want to change the way he looks.” She loved the way he looked. And he’d better not cut his hair. “I don’t want to change anything. I just wish he’d let other people see what he’s really like. When he’s with me he’s…nice. I enjoy his company and I convince myself that he could be a good daddy to my baby. But he’s also really bitter. He hates the people in Saddler Cove, and sometimes I wonder if that includes me.”
“They did treat his whole family abominably. If his father had been given more help, or even if social services had gotten involved, things might have gone better for those boys.”
“But there’s more. He feels guilty about what happened to Dwain. But not only guilt, sadness—he was his best friend, after all. And then there’s Sawyer. Tanner hates him, and they were always such close friends, the three of them. I can’t help but think that something else happened. Something we don’t know about.”
“I remember thinking the same at the time. But I did nothing, and that makes me as bad, if not worse, than everyone else.”
“What could you have done? He pretty much owned up to it.”
“I don’t know.” Mimi gazed off into the distance for several beats. “Anyway, it’s in the past now.”
“Not for Tanner. I truly believe he’s a good man—look at what he’s done for Josh—but I think if it came to a choice between something that would piss off the town and something that would help them, he’d piss them off every time. Is that who I want as an example for my child?”
Mimi patted her arm. “It’s who you’ve got, sweetheart.”
“For now. But he’ll back off if I ask him to.”
“Will you?”
“Honestly? I don’t know yet.”
Chapter Seventeen
Emily was sitting on the porch swing as Tanner parked in front of the house and switched off the engine. She was wearing a white dress, and her hair for once was loose about her shoulders. For a minute he sat, watching her, something twisting inside him. She was so beautiful he ached. A beauty he recognized was as much internal as external; she radiated a goodness. And he’d defiled that goodness.
She had tempted him, but he doubted the people around here would see it that way. This was down to him. Though that wouldn’t exonerate her. No, she’d likely be dragged down to his level, which was about as far down as you could go. And he hated that he’d done that to her.
And the sad fact was that if the opportunity came again, he’d be all over her in a second, and be damned that she was way too good for him and always would be.
“This place is something else,” Josh said from beside him, pulling him out of his less-than-happy thoughts. “I didn’t know places like this existed.”
In fact, the house wasn’t huge and ostentatious, but it sprawled across the landscape as though it was a part of the land. A wide veranda ran all the way around it, providing shade, and a green lawn stretched out in front, surrounded by flower borders, full of color at this time of year. He knew fuck-all about flowers. But they looked pretty.
And there was his girl, sitting in the middle of it all as if she belonged. Which she did. And she wasn’t his girl.
He thought things were going okay. Last night she’d taken him to another concert. She’d sort of apologized but said she’d thought he enjoyed the first one, and it was the season, and she could get tickets… He’d fucking loved it.
He’d always thought of his love of classical music as some sort of dirty little secret, and he had no doubt that he’d be subjected to all sorts of ribbing if his brothers ever found out. But the truth was, it soothed his soul. If he even had one anymore.
When he’d dropped her off back here afterward, he’d almost kissed her. But hadn’t quite dared. He didn’t want to break the fragile truce between them. That night in the garage, she’d told him she fantasized about him. Had that changed once she’d had him for real? It didn’t seem she had, from the way she’d kissed him in her barn.
Maybe he’d been a disappointment, but he didn’t think so.
Maybe it was hormones, and she just didn’t feel like that anymore. He’d likely put her off sex for life.
Or maybe she was getting to know him, and realizing she wanted nothing to do with him, and she didn’t want her baby to have anything to do with him, because he
was bad and no good to anyone and…
“Are we going to sit here all day?” Josh asked.
“No, we’re going in.” He glanced at his friend. “You scared?”
“Should I be?”
“I am.” Tanner gave a visible shudder.
Josh’s eyes narrowed. “What are you not telling me?”
Tanner gave a shrug. He wasn’t one for sharing, but the subject was likely to come up over lunch, so Josh might as well be prepared. “Emily’s pregnant.”
“She is? Is that a good thing?”
“It’s an unexpected thing. Right now, I’m not sure about anything else.” He rubbed a hand over his scalp, then his beard. “We’re sort of spending some time getting to know each other—but I’m pretty sure that she’s deciding whether she wants me in her baby’s life.”
“You want to be?”
He didn’t have to think about his answer. “Yes.”
“And you want her as well.”
It wasn’t a question, but he answered anyway. “She’s too good for me. I’d fuck up her life. I fuck up everything.”
“You haven’t fucked up the business—that’s doing well. And Aiden says you pretty much saved his life when you came back.”
“He just needed someone to talk some sense into him.”
“And you haven’t fucked up me. I’d probably still be in my cell, if you hadn’t helped out. I don’t think I ever thanked you for that. So…thanks.”
Tanner shot him an amused glance. “We’re going to get all crappy and emotional and shit, aren’t we? Maybe we should just get out of here and go drown our sorrows.” He had an idea the afternoon terrified Josh almost as much as him. All the same, he’d agreed to come, when he could quite easily have dug in and refused.
“That sounds like a great idea.”
At that moment, someone rapped on the window. Emily. He hadn’t even noticed her coming across. He rolled down the window.
“Are you going to sit in there all day?” she asked.
“Sorry, Teach,” Tanner replied. “Just trying to work out which one of us is the most scared.”