by Nina Croft
Besides, who would have believed him? Sawyer certainly hadn’t been talking.
That’s what had hurt him the most. That Sawyer had just turned his back on him. They’d been friends almost all their lives. And then nothing.
“You never came to see me.”
“I couldn’t. My dad sent me out of town. He knew something was wrong.” Sawyer shook his head. “Who am I kidding? I was ashamed. Ashamed of what I’d done and scared that if I came to see you, you would have asked me to tell the truth.”
“Maybe.”
He’d sometimes wondered: if he could do it all again, would he do it differently? Would he have protested his innocence? But the truth was—he didn’t think so. It was more the fact that the choice was taken from him that pissed him off. But Sawyer had had far more to lose than Tanner. Sawyer had been in love with Lanie since they were kids. How would that love have survived Sawyer as good as killing her brother? How would her father have felt about his only remaining child marrying his son’s killer?
“No, you wouldn’t,” Sawyer said. “Because you’re a better person than me. But I want to make things right. I’m going to tell the truth.”
Jesus. He’d suspected something like this. And it totally pissed him off. His fingers twitched with the need to punch Sawyer. Again. Punch some sense into his head. Did the man understand nothing? Maybe it needed to be spelled out in words of one syllable.
“I gave up two years of my life for you, and I can’t get them back. Now you want to waste that. Just fuck it all away?”
“But—”
“No buts. None. It’s done.”
“Do you regret that night?” Sawyer asked.
“No, I don’t regret what I did for you. But you know what really pissed me off when I came out of prison and back here?”
Sawyer shook his head.
“I gave up two years of my life for you, and you learned nothing. I come back and you’re still drinking your fucking life away. Yeah, I thought I was all fucking noble—helping the path of true love. And are you making Lanie happy? Fuck no. You’re making everyone fucking miserable. And that needs to change now, or you might as well have gone to prison instead of me. And let me tell you—you wouldn’t have lasted one fucking day. So, go find Lanie, tell her you’re sorry for being such a dick, and you’ll do better from now on.”
Sawyer nodded. And Tanner caught a glimpse of the boy he’d been. Christ, they’d had some good times together.
“Thank you.” The soft voice came from beside him, and he looked away from Sawyer and into Lanie’s face. He nearly jumped. How the hell had she snuck up on them? She stared into his eyes, and he knew she was really seeing him for the first time.
“You have nothing to thank me for,” he said.
“We both know that’s a lie. Even if it did take me a long time to realize it. I’m sorry for what we put you through.”
He shrugged. “It’s the past. Leave it there.”
She nodded and hooked her arm through Sawyer’s, rested her head on his shoulder. It was the way they’d always stood.
“What are you going to do about Emily?” Sawyer asked.
He wanted to say none of your fucking business. “Nothing. I’m going to keep away, and maybe she can get her life back on track.”
“Goddamn virtuous prick. You talk about not having regrets. I’ve seen the two of you together, and if you let this pass, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
“It’s too late. I’m leaving Saddler Cove.”
“The fuck you are.”
“And anyway, she doesn’t want me.”
“She must have wanted you at least one time.”
“Ha-ha.” He looked away. Acknowledging the hurt he still felt. “The last meeting. She didn’t even tell me about it. She lied to me, told me she was tired. But really, she didn’t want me along. I’m the last person she would want on her side.”
“I see you now, Tanner,” Lanie said softly. “You think that if you look like the bad guy, and act like the bad guy, there’s no risk if everyone thinks the worst of you. But you’re not giving anyone a chance. You’re not giving Emily a chance.”
Sawyer nodded. “You were my hero as a kid. You’d risk anything. You’re still my hero.”
Tanner swished the coffee around in his cup. He couldn’t stand their penetrating stares. He took a deep breath. “This is too important.”
“Well, maybe it’s time to take a risk and let someone see what’s behind the image. Hell, let everyone see. Go shock them. They’ll all be there later tonight. No doubt badmouthing your girlfriend and definitely badmouthing you. Go prove them wrong.” He wrapped his arm around Lanie’s shoulder. “Come on, sweetheart, let’s go cheer for Emily. Even if this loser isn’t going to support her.”
Tanner watched as they walked away. At the door, Sawyer hesitated and turned around. “I’d like to be friends again.”
“Don’t push your fucking luck.”
But Sawyer was smiling as he left. At least one of them was. Tanner caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror behind the bar. There was a scowl on his face. His hair looked as though it hadn’t seen a comb in weeks, his beard was scruffy, and a big black streak of grease bisected his cheek. He was a goddamned mess.
Yeah, he wasn’t anything to boast about.
What did Emily see in him?
Could he be worthy of her? And if she still wouldn’t take him back, then was he strong enough to go on? And it came to him then that he couldn’t feel worse than he did right now. What did he have to lose?
Time to see if he could be the sort of man Emily could one day love. For now, he reckoned he had enough love for both of them. He’d better hurry if he wanted to get cleaned up before the meeting.
Somehow, he had to get Emily’s job back.
Hell, he’d grovel to the whole of Saddler Cove if that’s what it took.
…
Emily blew out her breath. “What do you think they want?” she asked in a low voice. She wasn’t above admitting that, with the exception of Tanner, the O’Connor brothers scared her to death. They were just so big and masculine and…intimidatingly gorgeous.
“I have no clue, but I’m sure we’re about to find out.”
They climbed up the steps side by side, came to a halt in front of the swing, and stood shuffling their feet. Emily had the impression they didn’t really know what to say. That this was perhaps a spur-of-the-moment visit.
“Good afternoon, Josh, gentlemen,” Mimi said. “Can we offer you a cold drink on this hot afternoon? A beer, perhaps.” Without waiting for an answer, she turned to Emily. “Emily, would you?”
She didn’t want to. She wanted to find out what they were doing here. Had Tanner sent them? And if so, why? But she hurried across the patio, through the open French doors, sprinted to the kitchen, grabbed three bottles of beer, uncapped them, and ran back.
“Here,” she said, slightly out of breath as she handed them around.
She gave Mimi a look that said—have I missed anything?
“Not a thing.”
Josh had taken her seat next to Mimi, so she took a chair across from them, resting her hands on her lap as the O’Connor men took seats on either side of her. They gripped their beers and looked uncomfortable. Finally she couldn’t take the silence any longer. What were they doing there?
“Is Tanner okay?” she asked.
“It depends how you define okay,” Reese replied.
Mimi gave a small smile. “How annoyingly cryptic, Mr. O’Connor.”
“What Reese means is—Tanner is being a total asshole,” Aiden said. “A miserable fucking—sorry about the language, ma’am—asshole.”
“And is this not normal behavior for your brother?” Mimi asked.
“Well, a few months back, I might have said yes, ma’am. But not lately.” Reese turned his attention to Emily. “For a while there, you made him happy, Teach.” Reese was studying her, probably trying to work out what Tanner h
ad seen in her. “It took us a while to recognize it—happiness is not an emotion we see from Tanner all that much. But he changed when he was with you.”
“Started humming all that classical music shit around the place,” Aiden added. “And quoting books and stuff. And we didn’t even give him a hard time over it, because shit…Tanner, happy? It was like a miracle.”
Her eyes pricked, and she gave a sniff. She so wanted Tanner to be happy, but happy with her. Reese’s eyes widened in alarm. “Sorry, Teach, we didn’t mean to upset you.”
She sniffed, then waved a dismissive hand in the air. “Baby hormones. And I’m not upset. But I don’t know what to do. He won’t see me. Or talk to me. He can’t hide forever, but—”
“Don’t you believe it,” Reese put in. “He’s planning to move to Richmond. Take himself away from temptation. Ensure that you and your baby aren’t contaminated by him.”
He couldn’t do that. No way.
“Is he crazy? He can’t do that. He promised to be there for us.” She took a few deep breaths. “I get it if he doesn’t want to marry me. I can’t force him, but my baby needs a father.”
“Tanner reckons no father at all is better than him for a dad.”
“Well, he’s wrong. And an idiot. That man is just so… Grr. An asshole.” She looked at his brothers, her eyes narrowing. “What are you doing here? Are you just here to let me know what a jerk the father of my baby is? Or do you have something constructive to say?”
Reese sat back. “Nothing really constructive.”
“Actually,” Aiden added, “nothing constructive at all.”
“So why are you here?” Why were they torturing her like this? She needed solutions, not more problems. How dare Tanner even think about moving to Richmond. She was going to kill him. If she ever saw him again.
“I think they want to know your intentions toward their brother,” Josh said.
“What?” She gritted her teeth. “I asked him to marry me, didn’t I?
“But was that just because you needed a father for your baby?”
She thought for a moment, because it was an important question. But only a moment, because she already knew the answer. “No. Of course not. I love Tanner.” There, she had said it out loud. Was there a collective sigh around the porch? “I think I’ve loved him for years, but I never thought we had a chance together because—”
“You think he’s not good enough,” Aiden interrupted.
“That’s not what I—”
“Because if that’s the case—”
She jumped up and stamped her foot. “Will you let me get a word in, please? I was going to say, because I’m not beautiful, and Tanner has hundreds of beautiful girls after him, and I’m not exciting, and he rides a Harley. What would he see in me?”
Aiden frowned. “You know, they just might be perfect for each other. They can sit around moaning and talking through their low self-esteem issues together.”
Mimi sniggered, and Emily glared some more. “I do not have a low self-esteem, I’m just realistic. I’m ordinary, and Tanner is…special.”
“You really think that?” Reese asked.
“Of course. But it doesn’t matter, because your bonehead of a brother won’t even talk to me.”
“You’re right. Tanner is special. Problem is—he doesn’t see it. He’s loyal to a fault, he’ll put himself on the line for his friends. But he also learned to hide his feelings a long time ago. He thinks that if he presents an asshole attitude to the world, and they see him as an asshole, then that’s okay, and they’re too stupid to see anything else. But now he wants more, and he’s scared. Because what if he lets them see the real Tanner—lets you see—and you all still think he’s an asshole?”
She got to her feet and stood, hands on her hips, and glared. “Tanner is not an asshole…most of the time.”
Reese shrugged. “That’s all we needed to know.” He grinned. “Emily Towson, we give you our blessing.”
“Screw your blessing,” she snapped. “Give me your brother. Because right now I don’t have him.”
Reese got to his feet. “I like you, Teach. You know, I should have moved a little faster and got in before Tanner.”
She rolled her eyes. “Never would have happened.”
He ignored the comment. “We’ll get you a meeting with Tanner, if we have to drag him there tied and gagged. He will listen. But you have to convince him you love him just as he is.”
“That won’t be hard, I—” She broke off as a dark gray sedan came roaring down the drive, way too fast, and behind it a red open-topped Mercedes. The sedan skidded to a halt, and she looked at Mimi, one eyebrow raised. Mimi shrugged back.
The door was flung open, and a man climbed out just as the red sports car pulled up behind.
“Great,” Emily murmured. Why didn’t the whole town turn up? Perhaps they could hold the meeting here.
Sawyer Dean.
Just what she needed to get her in the right frame of mind for a town showdown. Except she really had no clue what Sawyer Dean and his wife were doing here, though she suspected it wasn’t the same thing. In fact, from the way Lanie ran up to her husband and grabbed his arm, it looked like their goals were at definite odds.
“You can’t do this, Sawyer,” Lanie said. “You know what Tanner said. Leave it in the past.”
“I have to. I owe him this much.” He pulled himself free and headed up the stairs. Beside her, Mimi rose to her feet, sent Emily another glance and another shrug. Josh came to stand beside Mimi. Protecting her. It was sweet, really.
Aiden and Reese took a step closer.
Sawyer and Lanie seemed to suddenly realize how many people were present, and they hesitated.
It occurred to Emily that Mimi’s lost son was in fact Lanie’s half brother. Lanie was only a couple of years older than Emily, and her half brother would be fifty-four. How weird was that? Lanie had lost a brother. And now she was getting a new one. Maybe there was some balance in the world after all.
“Sawyer. Lanie,” Mimi murmured. “How lovely to see you both. But we’re about to leave for a meeting. So…”
“I need to talk to Emily,” Sawyer said.
“No, you don’t,” Lanie snapped. She turned to look at Emily with pleading eyes. “Please. I’ll talk to my father. I’ll make sure he doesn’t fire you over this. Just…” She ran a hand through her hair. “I love my father, and I love my husband, and this will take away everything.”
“You don’t need to talk to your father,” Mimi said. “I plan on talking to him.”
“All the same,” Sawyer said, “there’s something Emily needs to know. Something about the night Dwain died.”
She got up and moved to his side. “It’s okay. I can guess what you’re going to say, and you don’t need to. Nothing good can come of it now.” She’d guessed, almost from the start, that Sawyer was the one driving that night. And he’d let Tanner take the rap for it. But he’d clearly suffered because of that decision. Maybe everyone involved had paid enough. “Tanner was right. Leave it in the past.”
He searched her face, then nodded. “You love him?”
“Yes.”
He blew out his breath. “Tanner’s a lucky man.”
“We have to leave,” Mimi said. “We’re going to be late.”
The porch cleared quickly. Emily climbed into the passenger seat of Mimi’s truck and fastened her seat belt as they pulled out behind Lanie’s red sports car.
“Mimi, I’m sorry if it will cause problems for us. And I know I’ll likely lose my job, but I can’t grovel to them. They’re in the wrong, and I can’t stand by and let them badmouth Tanner.”
“I’d be annoyed if you did.”
“I’m afraid it’s not going to be the sensible option.” In fact, she was going to give the Board of Education, and probably the whole population of Saddler Cove, a piece of her mind.
“All the better. Go do what you have to do, Emily Towson.”
Cha
pter Twenty-Nine
He didn’t even recognize himself.
He stared at the mirror.
Holy shit.
Is that really me?
Obviously, it wasn’t the best haircut ever. He’d done it himself, just chopped it off and slicked it back with something he’d found in Reese’s bathroom cabinet. He’d shaved—he couldn’t remember when his face had seen the light of day—splashed himself liberally with something else from Reese’s cabinet—that guy was turning into a pussy. He’d scrubbed his hands and nails until they were raw, but there wasn’t a speck of grease left anywhere. And finally, he’d raided Reese’s wardrobe. Luckily, they were the same size. The white shirt, dark red tie, and dark gray suit all fitted him as though they were made for him. With the tattoos covered, he reckoned he could pass for an okay guy. He tried a smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. Not a problem. He didn’t think he’d be smiling that much anyway.
Only thing he hadn’t been able to borrow from Reese was shoes. Reese had fucking huge feet. Which meant he was wearing boots, but hopefully no one would be looking at his feet.
He grabbed the speech he’d written—all about how he was going to be a better person, and he wouldn’t drink or fight or…hell, they just had to give him a list of things they didn’t want him to do and he’d sign on the dotted line.
He ran a hand around the back of his neck. He was sweating.
Was it enough? But at least it showed he was willing.
Would anyone even try to meet him halfway? Would Emily?
Time to go. He could do this. He picked up his helmet on the way out, but as he opened the gate from the yard to the road, a truck pulled up beside him.
The passenger door opened, and Mimi shouted, “Get in.”
For a moment, he hesitated. “What are you doing here?”
“Your brothers were going to come and get you. I said I’d come instead. I thought I might have more success if you were…reluctant. But we’re running out of time.”
As he climbed in beside her, she stared at him as though she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. He narrowly resisted the urge to run his hands though his hair—that might mess it up.