by Aya Ling
I want to say that Athelia’s casual wear is already too fancy compared to what I’m used to—I wonder how they’d react to jeans and T-shirts—but I just smile and assure the queen that I’m fine, and it’s nothing compared with the trial I went through during my presentation. Of course, I don’t remember anything about the training, but from what I’ve read in The Ugly Stepsister, I know that it’s no easy task.
“Ah.” The queen nods sagely. “Well do I remember your presentation. It is the first time that Edward requested to attend the ceremony with me. What a surprise it was when he told me he wished to attend it, since he never took any interest in the presentation before.”
Because he knew that Katriona . . . because I would be there. I flush and focus on a glittering jewel bracelet slipped over my wrist.
“I had suspected there was a girl he was interested in,” the queen continues, waiting for me to catch up with her. “But he wouldn’t say anything. I supposed he wished to make sure that the lady returned his affections before he could disclose anything. No doubt you know that Edward has a pride of his own. However, even I couldn’t guess that it was you he had his eye on.”
“Because there were so many girls he could choose from?”
“Since you’d already met him when you were a child, I thought that if he were interested in you, he would have made it known earlier.”
That’s because I came to inhabit Katriona’s body when she was seventeen. I highly doubt that Edward would have fallen in love with the real Katriona. If I had inhabited Elle’s body, he would be attracted to Elle.
“I guess I wasn’t much of an attraction when I was a child.”
“I cannot fully remember how you looked when you were young, but it was your sister who caught the eye of everyone. All the other mothers were talking about what a beauty Bianca was, and if looks were the deciding factor alone, she might have even become Edward’s choice. No one predicted that it would be you.” She glances at me, pausing before speaking. “Nor could I have predicted that you were reluctant to accept him until after the ball.”
If only you knew the whole story, I want to say.
“But I believe I can understand why you were hesitant to become princess. When Leon asked me to marry him, I wondered if I could shoulder the responsibilities, for it is not simply marrying him, but marrying into Athelia’s royal family.” She smiles at me. “When I learned about you working with Edward to improve the conditions for child workers, I knew you would be the right woman for him.”
I swallow. He’s infatuated with me, but him being in love with me does not necessarily mean that I’m the only person ‘right’ for him. There must be other women in Athelia who are beautiful, compassionate, and willing to take on the responsibilities of being the future queen.
The queen touches my shoulder in a surprisingly mom-like gesture. “Katriona, I assure you that Edward is deeply attached to you. He may be well educated and disciplined, but he does not have much experience being around women. I hope that you can resolve whatever went wrong between you, and if you need any help, Leon and I will always be willing to lend a hand.”
I gulp. Really, I can’t ask for a better mother-in-law. “Thank you . . . Mother.”
* * *
From the moment I enter the drawing room and am guided to the platform, a strong sense of déjà vu washes over me. I have been in the room before. Two rows of chairs are placed on either side of a grand carpet, which leads to the chairs where we are supposed to sit. Instinctively, I know that the debutantes, after curtsying to us, will walk backward until they reach the seats.
It’s the same feeling that gripped my mind when I was in the palace library. It seems that my memory is returning, albeit with the pace of a snail. Hope blossoms in my mind. Please, don’t let this be a one-time occurrence. Maybe, given sufficient time, I’ll be able to remember everything.
The tallest manservant comes up to us and asks if we are ready to begin the court presentation.
“We’re ready,” the queen says after exchanging a look with me. She leans toward me and whispers, “I hope you ate your fill during lunch, for the presentation will not end till several hours later.”
“Several hours?”
“While the presentation itself may be a difficult task, many families wish to have the privilege of being presented, including those who have made their fortune in trade, even though they are not of aristocratic blood. It is unfair to keep the presentation exclusive, but on the other hand, this means that the hours get longer and longer.”
One by one, the debutantes enter the room, decorated like Christmas trees, accompanied by their sponsors. Almost all of them are nervous. Some manage a tense smile, while a minority manage to look like they are going to receive a Grammy award. When she reaches the throne, the debutante curtsies so low that it’s a wonder her knees don’t crack. Then she walks backward with the train trailing behind her and sits in the chairs provided. Since I don’t recognize the girls, I keep my mouth shut and just smile. The queen, on the other hand, has something to say to everyone, but even I can see that she finds the task tedious.
There is a girl who seems so nervous that she is literally trembling as she treads on the carpet. She’s extremely pretty—in fact, she has a passing resemblance to Paige, but lacking my sister’s confidence. This girl looks so young and helpless . . . I wonder if she is older than fifteen. I watch her and wonder if that’s what I looked like when I was seventeen. It’s not surprising that I tripped up—the atmosphere can heighten the tension.
When the girl takes her first step backward, there is the sound of fabric ripping and the next second, she is on the floor. My heart goes out to her. Before I know what I’m doing, I’m out of my seat. I grab her arm and pull her into an upright position.
“Princess Katriona?” she gasps, her eyes wide and her mouth open.
“There’s an empty seat over there,” I say in a low voice, also feeling a bit embarrassed. Maybe I acted a bit hastily. She could probably get up by herself.
After the presentation is finished (Finally! Can I rip the crown off now?), the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen comes up to me.
“That was quite charming of you to lend a helping hand to Adelaide,” the woman says with a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “Can it be that she reminded you of your notorious fall in your own presentation?”
“Perhaps,” I say, rubbing my temples and wishing I could disappear. Can’t the future presentations be replaced by a ball or a dinner? Presenting the debutantes one by one certainly takes up a lot of time. “By the way, I’m sorry, but you are . . .?”
The raven-haired beauty stares at me for a long moment, as though she doesn’t understand what I’m saying. Her eyebrows almost disappear into her forehead. What did I say that causes her such amazement?
“Bianca! There you are!” An older woman heads in our direction. “I am so sorry that I wasn’t available to attend your wedding. Did you receive the gift I sent?”
I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach. This gorgeous woman is Bianca, who is supposed to be my sister in Athelia. And I have just made the fatal mistake of failing to recognize her.
* * *
All eyes are on me. Bianca stares at me, a hand on her throat. Even when she is astonished, she still looks like a movie star.
Think, I command myself. I have to say something quickly, or they’ll know I’ve lost my memory. Already, I can imagine the headline story: The princess is suffering from a terrible disease. It is advisable that she be kept away, locked in a tower until she is fully recovered.
I give a fake laugh. “You must have heard wrong, Bianca. I didn’t even finish my sentence. I was planning to ask you if you were enjoying yourself.”
A shoddy explanation, but it seems to satisfy the others. One lady starts to compliment how becoming Bianca’s hairstyle is. Another lady starts to talk about how glad she is that it’s all over, and how nice it is to finally have something to eat.
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Internally, I sigh in relief. Pasting a smile on my face, I pretend that nothing happened. I smile graciously and speak as little as possible, so as not to betray any more ignorance. It isn’t difficult; since taking my job at the coffee shop, I’d learned to deal with all kinds of customers with patience.
However, when it’s time to leave, Bianca glances at me and I almost recoil. It’s a piercing, unfriendly glance, as though she is trying to see into my mind. Just a second, and she turns away. Man, I am so glad that I’m no longer living with her.
Then I meet the queen’s gaze. She is frowning, like she isn’t completely convinced of my lie.
I gulp. I really should try to get my memory back. But how?
18
When I arrive for our nightly lessons in the sitting room, Edward no longer wears that frosty mask of politeness. He’s twisting his wedding ring and shifting on his feet, a troubled expression on his face. He gestures to the sofa, indicating that I take a seat, but he remains standing.
“Mother said you acted out of character at the court presentation today.”
I adjust the silken wrap over my nightgown before sitting down. For all the prudish customs in Athelia, my nightgown is rather skimpy—the neckline is so wide that if I shrug, the material easily slips down my shoulder. Then again, recalling how Mabel tried to patch things up between Edward and I by bringing out that off-shoulder gown, maybe the design of this nightgown was made on purpose.
“I failed to recognize Bianca.” I look down on the ground. “I didn’t remember what she looked like, and when she talked to me, I asked who she is.”
Alarm flashes over his face. “Did she suspect anything went wrong with you? Were there many people nearby?”
I tell him how I tried to cover up. “I don’t think she guessed that I lost my memory, but I’m sure she’s still mad at me for stealing you.”
“Cease that thought,” he says sharply. “I was never her conquest.”
He’s using his commanding tone again, but this time, I don’t care. “I should have guessed it. I should have pretended I knew her. Anything but asking who she is.”
Edward crosses his arms. “We must get your memories back. It cannot be impossible. When you pushed me onto the carpet in the library—was it not a manifestation that you were repeating an action that you did earlier?”
I flush when I remember how shocked Liam looked when he caught us lying on the ground. Edward seems to sense my discomfort as well. He draws away and stares at the windows. The curtains are not fully drawn, which allows for a sliver of moonlight to sift through the glass, illuminating the side of his face. This serious, steadfast expression he wears . . . something stirs in my heart, going deeper than the flutters and jitters when he flirts.
Edward turns and faces me. “Come. I have an idea.”
Bemused, I follow him out of the suite, through a series of corridors and staircases, our slippered feet making light thuds on the floor. Lamps glow in brackets on the walls, though there isn’t a servant in sight.
“We still have time before the steward makes his rounds and extinguishes the lights.”
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see when we get there.” He pauses a second. “At least, I hope that you will remember.”
We reach a deserted corridor. Edward opens a door, searches for a lamp, and lights it. And then a strong jolt rocks my head. In front of me is a neatly furnished bedroom, with a rose-pink bedspread and apple-green curtains. A handsome bookshelf stands in a corner, with a large reclining chair next to it, laid with plump cushions of multiple colors.
“Oh my God.” I settle on the chair and reach for a book, only to find the bookshelf empty. “I . . . I had stayed here. It was . . . it was after the ball!”
Like pages in a book, scenes gradually unfold in my mind. I start to remember everything that I did here. I had eaten, slept, and read in this room, mostly with Amelie and some other maids. Edward never stayed in this room, but I can see him standing in the threshold every morning. Before our marriage, he was expressly forbidden to enter my room.
“My theory is correct.” Subtle delight is laced in his deep, rich tones. “I believe I have discovered how to recover your memory. You need to be exposed to the places you are familiar with. Previously, you didn’t remember anything since you had never taken that train and you had never been to Enrilth. You never set foot in our new suite. But you had spent an inordinate amount of time in the library and in this room.”
An adrenaline rush overtakes me, flooding my senses with excitement. It occurs to me that the same jolt also happened during the presentation—most likely because it’s a place I had been in and would likely not forget. On an impulse, I grab his arm and pump it in the air—it’s what I usually do with Paige when we’re celebrating. Then, sensing that he stiffens, I let go, but a second later, he wraps his hand firmly over my wrist.
“Kat.” He looks down at the ground before meeting my eyes. “I wish to apologize for my conduct that day. It was never my intention to confine you in the palace. Every day, I fear that the goblin might appear and take you away. I cannot help but worry when I’m not informed of your whereabouts.”
Guilt assails me when he mentions Krev. If I were a normal Athelian girl, he wouldn’t be so obsessed about knowing precisely where I am. There’s still a mild resentment when I remember his firm, commanding tones, but most of my anger has melted away since I had the time to reflect about it.
“I’m sorry as well.” I look at him in the eye. “It’s natural that you’re worried about me. I won’t ask your permission if I can go out, but I’ll make it a point to let you know where I’ll be going.”
“Now that we’ve made this discovery, I fully intend that you go out more often and explore all the places that you’ve visited in Athelia. Your old house, for example. Both Lady Bradshaw and Bianca have moved out, so you need not worry about encountering them again.” His eyes gleam. “I cannot wait until you remember everything, wife o’ mine.”
A tiny thrill runs through me at the eagerness in his gaze. Seventeen-year-old me might have melted on spot, but I’m no longer the shy, insecure teenager anymore. Twenty-four-year-old me has a lot more to contemplate, to ponder, to mull over. Especially when we’re talking about marriage—a life-long decision here.
“Edward, I know that you’re desperate for me to get my memory back, and trust me, that is on top of my priority list as well. I wanted the earth to swallow me up when I didn’t recognize Bianca. But don’t assume that everything will be magically resolved once I recover my memory. It’s not enough.”
There’s a note of surprise in his tone. “I am not quite certain what you mean by that.”
“Did I ever tell you about why my parents separated?”
“I believe I had asked you, but you didn’t feel like talking about it.”
“My parents met in college. I don’t know how long they knew each other . . . maybe a few days? I think my mom’s friend introduced them to each other, and they got drunk at a party and went wild. I was the result. My mother’s family is pretty religious, and they wouldn’t let her have an abortion.”
“What’s an abortion?”
I explain. Clearly, the concept doesn't exist in Athelia either.
“Anyway, my grandparents on my mother’s side practically forced my parents to marry. Mom dropped out of college to have me. Dad’s family could afford to support us. His parents were dentists. But after a few years, when Dad made plans to go to medical school, well, they started quarreling more and more.”
“I suppose your father no longer cared for your mother.”
I gave a hollow laugh. “He never really cared for her in the beginning. He told my uncle that he just thought she was hot . . . it means he thought she was sexually attractive. If she didn’t get pregnant, he’d never even dream of marrying her. He blamed her for ‘pulling his leg’ for the several years he had to stay home and take care of us.”
“
Forgive me for saying so, but your father hardly seems a gentleman of noble character.”
I suppress a giggle at his description of my father. “Don’t you see, Edward? My parents didn’t really know each other. I don’t want that to be the same between us. I don’t want to stay here just because you are . . .”
“Hot?” He supplies, a twinkle in his eyes.
I blush and take a deep breath.
“It’s been seven years since I left Athelia, and so much has happened—I went to college, I met Jason, I worked for a couple of years . . . I’m not the seventeen-year-old that you knew. And I’ve only met you for about a month. I’m not ready to commit myself to you for a lifetime when I don’t even know you that well. So, what I’m trying to say is” —I clear my throat— “we need to start over. Get to know each other. I want to be sure that I’m staying because I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, not because you keep telling me that I’m your wife. Can you accept that?”
“You wish me to court you again?”
“If it’s the same as dating in my world, then yes.” I smile. I still find the term hilarious in an old-fashioned way. “We need to have a . . . a courtship before commitment.”
“I recall that you had mentioned in your world, a man would send gifts of chocolates and flowers to a girl he wants to court.”
His expression becomes determined, and I start feeling uneasy. He looks like he’s planning to drown me in a sea of bouquets the very first thing tomorrow.
“It doesn’t have to be flowers and chocolates in the literal sense,” I quickly say. “Just the two of us spending time together will do. I need to know the man I had fallen in love with seven years ago. I want to know you, Edward, not the prince of Athelia.”
This time, he cracks a smile—a genuine, heartfelt smile that’s unlike the ones he puts on with his princely mask. “I suppose I should be disappointed, or even frustrated, that you wish to wait for us to be acquainted again. But Kat.” He reaches out and takes both my hands in his. “One of the reasons I love you is because you never cared for the crown I wear. Your request to take your time to know me only reassures me that I won’t change my affections. If anything, it makes me want you more than ever.”