by Tonya Clark
“I asked him about us all getting together. He isn’t sure if he’s ready to meet you.”
“I didn’t blow up the place, what does he have against me?”
“Charliee, it isn’t like that.”
The lights flicker, telling us that lunch is over. I don’t want her leaving now and being upset for the rest of the day.
Charliee quickly stands up and collects her lunch, then turns to leave. Grabbing her arm, I turn her around to me.
“Charliee, please believe me, it’s nothing like that. Cameron has a lot of mixed feelings right now. He needs to mourn his parents but won’t because he is staying strong for Jacob. I think he is afraid that if he meets someone who was so closely involved, it will create or open up those emotions. He refuses to be weak, no matter how much I try to convince him that sadness isn’t a weakness. It’s not really you, it’s what you may open up in him.”
I am defending him even though I am mad at him for walking away from me earlier. I don’t want Charliee to be upset either. I’m hoping Cameron comes around and if he does, then I don’t want Charliee not to like him because of all of this.
I watch as Charliee’s face softens a little. She is coming around, I knew she would. Charliee, for one, never stays mad at people, she is always looking for the best in a person. I don’t think the woman has a mean bone in her body.
“I understand, you just caught me off guard is all. If he changes his mind or you talk him into going out one night, just let me know.”
This is why I love this woman. She always understands and forgives.
After school I sit in the parking lot trying to decide if I want to go to Cameron’s house, text him, or just go home. Cameron hasn’t texted me at all since he left earlier today. The pissed off side of me wants to go home. Is this relationship always going to be about fights and apologies? I know it’s common to argue, but I’m pretty sure the arguing isn’t supposed to be more than not. He needs to talk to me, not get mad and walk away and then think he can just apologize when he cools down and everything will be alright. It is going to get old fast. Today at lunch with Charliee, I made excuses for him, I shouldn’t have to do that.
I can’t go home, all I will do is sit there and keep going over all of this and become more pissed off. He may not want to talk about it, but we need to. He can listen and I’ll talk, but then he will be given a choice on how he wants to proceed with this relationship.
Pulling up to the house, I don’t see any vehicles here. Well damn, there went my whole get it all off my chest speech I have been perfecting all the way over here from the school. Now I have to go home and dwell on it.
Just as I’m about to pull away from the curb, I see Cameron coming around the corner in his father’s truck. I throw my car back into park and sit and wait. Damn it, my speech that I was all ready to lay into him with is gone from my brain and my nerves are jumping all around. Why does this man jumble everything up inside of me?
Watching and waiting, Cameron pulls into his driveway and is just sitting there. At first, I think he is on the phone. I get out of my car and can now see that he isn’t talking, he is just sitting there. I walk past the truck and up to the front porch. He hasn’t even acknowledged that I’m here. I swear I’ve been standing here for a good five minutes. Is he hoping I’ll just leave? Well, he is going to be disappointed because I’m not leaving and I’m not standing here any longer waiting for him either.
Walking up to the truck, I open up the driver side door. “Are you ready to talk to me yet?”
Cameron shakes his head. I’m about to lose my temper completely until he looks at me and I notice how red his eyes are. He’s been crying. Now all my anger is gone. I have to fight the urge to jump onto his lap and wrap my arms around him, letting him know everything is going to be alright.
“Cameron, you need to open up to someone.”
“Jayden, I think I’m losing my mind. I can’t do all of this.”
I close the space between us, my hands going to rest on his thigh. “You need to lean on someone, too, Cameron. You haven’t even mourned your parents. You’ve been dealing with Jacob and the business. Your whole life turned upside down without any warning, Cameron, that’s not easy for anyone to deal with.”
“Jayden, I’ve disappointed or screwed up everything lately. I have two developments finishing at the same time in two different states. I can’t do anything right with Jacob, it takes his best friend’s father to get through to him, and then I do nothing but piss you off.”
“Why don’t we go inside and talk about this, Cameron?” My heart feels like a vice is around it and squeezing. Here is this tough, nothing bothers me guy sitting in his truck, broken. How do you help the one who’s strength everyone else depends on?
He isn’t getting out of the truck. “I went by the cemetery. I think I sat there for two or three hours but couldn’t get out of the truck. It still seems like a sick joke. I still walk in that front door,” he points up toward the house, “And expect to see my mom in the kitchen or sitting on the couch and my dad sitting in his office working. I sit in this truck and expect to look over in the passenger seat and see my dad sitting there. I smell him every time I get into this damn truck. It takes my breath away every single time, it’s like a punch in the face.”
His one hand is on top of mine on his thigh. He squeezes it more and more with every word he speaks. I’m fighting the tears now, but I need to keep them from falling. Cameron doesn’t need me crying for him, he needs the strength of someone to lean onto right now.
“This isn’t something that you get used to in a couple of weeks, Cameron. It’s going to take a long time to feel normal again, if ever. I’m pretty sure you will always expect to see them when you walk into that house. It’s home! Your parents were home for you boys, they are part of that house and all the great memories you have of growing up. Talking about them and what’s going through your head or maybe even asking for help every once in a while, might help. Problem is, you are still pushing everyone away who wants to help you. You are shutting everyone out.”
He doesn’t say anything in response. He just keeps staring at the house, but he does keep the tight grip on my hand. I just stand there and wait. There is nothing else I can say, he has to make the next move.
“I know you are mad at me about today,” he finally speaks.
“I’m upset that you shut me out, Cameron. One minute you want a relationship, the next you are walking away from me. If you aren’t ready to do something like meet my best friend because it ties into your parents’ death, I’m not going to be mad at you. What pisses me off is when you say nothing and walk away from me. I can deal with you yelling at me, before dealing with you giving me the silent treatment and walking away.”
“I saw her and wondered why my parents died but she didn’t. What did she do so different in her life that rewarded her to live?”
I am speechless for a moment. He is trying to figure out what happened in life for certain people to have been taken and others not.
“Cameron, it was timing. Wrong place at the wrong time. Your parents didn’t do something wrong. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
This is the only explanation I can think to give. Aside from being taken back on the fact that he thought his parents did something wrong and that’s why they died. I think about it all of the time. If Charliee would have been only five seconds slower about walking out that front door. I am still amazed that she lived through having the entire front wall of the building burying her.
“I’m not mad that your friend lived, I’m just mad that my parents didn’t, Jayden. I’m not ready to meet her. I don’t have a great excuse, but it will have to be enough for right now.”
“There doesn’t have to be an excuse, Cameron. I just need to know what’s going on.”
He finally looks over at me. “I’m not making your first relationship a good experience, am I?”
> I can’t hold the small laugh from bubbling out. “I’m not expecting only happiness but yes, this has been an experience.”
“Are you still wanting to stick around?”
“Cameron, I’m a fighter. I’ll be able to handle it all for now. Just don’t keep shutting me out.”
Leaning forward, he kisses me gently. “How about I take you out to dinner. I know it’s not a double date, but it’s a date.”
I can’t wait for him to meet Charliee. He is becoming a piece of my life and she is my other half, but for now I will wait.
“Sounds nice, how about I drive?” I will at least try and get him away from the memories for a few hours.
“We can take your car, but can I drive?” he asks.
“What’s wrong with my driving? You have never been in a car with me while I drove.”
“I hate being the passenger,” he states calmly, but with a hint of a smile.
Smart answer, I think to myself. He doesn’t trust my driving but isn’t going to say it. I hold the keys out to him. “Fine, you can drive!”
Chapter 17
Cameron
The last couple of weeks have gone by in a blur. It hasn’t been perfect, but what in life is? Even after Jacob said he wanted to go back and do track, he ended up not running. I think everything was too much and that’s why I didn’t push the issue when he told me he had changed his mind. Now with the summer here, maybe he can work on getting the rest of what’s going through his mind situated and then by next year, he will want to go back to the sports for his senior year. He and I have been doing a lot better. He still doesn’t talk to Jayden a lot when she is over at the house, but he is respectful and that is all I am asking for. He even offered to help us today in Jayden’s room with cleaning it all out for the summer break, which is where we are at the moment.
It is the last day of school and all the teachers are cleaning out their classrooms. When Jayden told me, she would be staying after to finish, I offered to come and help. I am surprised when I walk in and find Jacob helping her. When I ask her about it, she just tells me he stayed after class and asked what she needed help with. I don’t ask any other questions than that.
Jayden hands me the last two books on the shelf we have been emptying. “Hey, I have to go down to Texas next week for the finalization of the project I have going on down there. I’m flying there but driving all my stuff back. Do you think maybe you would like to join me?”
I do believe I just shocked her; I am guessing from the look I am getting from her at the moment.
“Really, you want me to go with you?”
“Why does this surprise you so much?”
I watch as she shrugs her shoulders and then starts closing the box we have just finished filling with books. “I don’t know, you just caught me off guard asking I guess.”
Before I can say anything else, the classroom door opens, and a small petite blond comes in with a beautiful German Shepherd following her. This has to be Charliee. Jayden talks about her all of the time and about her dog.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had people in here with you. I was finished in my room and just wanted to say bye before I headed home. I will text you later,” she speaks and signs at the same time.
I am surprised at how well she speaks. Jayden told me she was completely deaf but spoke, I just wasn’t prepared for how well she spoke. My parents had put Jacob into speech therapy and he spoke on occasion, but nothing like this woman in front of me. I have to admit, I am impressed. The whole time she speaks, her eyes go between Jayden and myself. She knows who I am, I’m sure of it.
She turns to leave, that’s when I am surprised to see my brother go up to her and stop her before she gets out the door.
“Ms. Brooksman, I would like you to meet my brother,” Jacob signs.
Charliee’s eyes meet mine, I have very mixed emotions right now and I believe she reads that in me.
“Jacob, what are you doing?” I ask, before I think about it.
Jacob walks over to me. He stands my full height. My brother is a man now, not the little boy I wanted to protect.
“You need this, Cameron, trust me. If you are that stubborn to admit it then do it for Ms. Edwards,” he signs to me, basically telling me to get over myself.
Before I can respond to anything, Charliee surprises me by walking over to me. “Hello, Cameron, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Charliee.”
I look down at her hand that she extends out to me. I need to get over this. It isn’t Charliee’s fault our parents were killed that night and she was lucky to survive. I’m not mad at her. I think my problem is more the why, not who died and who didn’t. Meeting someone who was lucky to survive, you felt like you needed to talk about it, and I’m not ready to talk about it.
“Charliee, it’s nice to meet you.”
We shake hands and I hear Jayden take a deep breath behind me and release it slowly. Jacob is right, I should have done this way before now. If for no other reason than for Jayden. This is her best friend, the boyfriend should have to meet the best friend, but I’ve been too stubborn to put Jayden before myself. No more, she comes first.
“I have one thing to say, I feel I need to anyway, and then I promise not to bring it up again unless you want to. If you ever want to ask questions, I’m more than happy to answer what I can. I’m sorry for your loss, your parents were great people. You are becoming a very important person to my best friend over there,” she points behind me, “Which means you need to realize I’m going to be around. I gave space because I understand, but we are part of each other and with you being part of her now, I hope we can be friends.”
Now I see why these two are such good friends, they are both full of fire.
“If you aren’t already busy tonight, maybe we can all get together. Jayden has been bugging me for weeks to go on a double date with you and this new boyfriend she says you have,” I offer, surprising myself.
Jayden appears at my side, her arms wrapping around my waist. The smile she is wearing is well worth the decision to step forward.
“Tonight, would be great. I’m going to go let Travis know.” Charliee looks over at Jayden, “I’ll text you in a while and we will plan something.”
I watch as Charliee quickly turns and leaves, her dog following close behind. I look over at Jacob. He isn’t looking at us, but he is smiling, almost a little shyly. Looking back down at Jayden, her smile falls a little, and the question is in her eyes.
“It’s all good. I guess I just needed to be forced to move forward,” I answer her question.
“I’m so excited, I have been wanting you two to meet. You will love her, and Travis is a great guy, I think you two will get along great.”
“I’m sorry it took so long.”
She stretches up onto her toes and gives me a small kiss, which surprises me. Usually, when Jacob is around, Jayden doesn’t even hold my hand, let alone kiss me. Things are changing and for the better, hopefully this will make our relationship smoother as well.
The four of us end up at the beach around a fire after dinner. Travis and Charliee are nice to hang out with, both very down to earth. Jayden wasn’t kidding when she told me Charliee was a ball of energy, she never stops. To top it all off, she brought s’mores for us to have tonight. It brings back great memories of being on the beach with family and friends growing up.
Earlier tonight, before we met up with Charliee and Travis, I told myself I wasn’t going to ruin our evening with talk from the night of the bombing. The further we got into the evening, the more questions I found I wanted to ask. Jayden mentioned Charliee had spoken to my parents that night, she was the last one to talk to them really. The fire is calming to sit back and watch, but the more I sit here listening to everyone talk, the more I want to know some answers.
“Can you tell me anything about that night and my parents?” I sign to Charliee. I don’t say a word, I still can’t find my v
oice to ask the questions.
Jayden’s eyes swing over to me in surprise; Charliee, however, looks over at Travis. He is her anchor, you can see it all over her face. She begins to tell Travis what I said, and he stops her.
“I picked up enough to know what he asked. I’ve been studying,” Travis explains to Charliee.
“I’m sorry, that was rude of me. I just wasn’t sure if I could find actual words to ask so I signed them, forgetting that not everyone here probably signs,” I explain.
Travis waves it off. “Don’t worry about it. I started learning the language because all of Charliee’s family and Jayden over there would only sign when they didn’t want me to know something.”
Poor guy, I think to myself. He had both of these women to deal with when he started dating Charliee.
“Well, that’s good to know now. Note to self, Travis knows sign language now,” Jayden says next to me, lightening up the mood a little.
“That’s right, no more talking about me right in front of my face,” Travis easily teases back to Jayden.
Feeling bad isn’t even covering how I feel at the moment watching Jayden and Travis tease with each other. They are friends, she is part of their lives. I didn’t want to get to know Charliee, Jayden had to keep this part of her life separate from our relationship, that couldn’t have been easy.
Charliee’s voice brings my attention back to her. “I’ll tell you the same thing I told Jacob when he came to me about a week ago. There isn’t much I can tell you that the police report doesn’t already cover. I’ll do my best, though, I want you two to find some peace with all of this.”
“Jacob talked to you?” I ask, completely shocked. He hasn’t said a word to me about the whole thing. To be honest, though, I am happy to hear he is talking to someone.
Charliee nods her head. “Trust me, I was just as surprised as you are now.”
One thing I have learned the last couple of weeks is I don’t have to be the one there for everything. Don’t get me wrong, I wish he would talk to me, I still feel that distance between the two of us, but I’m not going to push it.