by Tara Wentz
“Yes, I knew about that, but did you hear what Robin said? She saw the broadcast on a national show…national, Ami.”
“Ok, so what does that have to do with you?”
“She said she saw a glimpse of me before they zoomed in on Kellen. If those people saw that then Kellen would be in danger, not to mention the fact that they saw me.”
Ami didn’t even know how to respond. This was definitely more information than she knew what to do with.
Joshlyn grabbed Ami’s hand. “Do you see why I couldn’t let that happen? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if anything happened to Kellen because of me.”
“Joshlyn, what exactly did you do?”
“I brought Kellen back here last night and told her we needed to talk. I broke up with her.”
“Oh, sweetie.”
“It was horrible, Ami. She wanted an explanation and I couldn’t give it to her.”
“Why didn’t you just tell her what you told me?”
“Because I know her well enough to know she wouldn’t let things end. She’d make excuses and say we could work it out. I can’t…no, I won’t let anyone hurt her.” Joshlyn ducked her head and said quietly, “It would kill me.”
“If you knew she wouldn’t give up, what did you say to make sure things ended, Joshlyn?”
“She will never forgive me.” Joshlyn relayed the last part of the conversation she’d had with Kellen and then threw her hands up in defeat. “You know how she feels about her father.”
Ami nodded, but did not comment.
“Then to make matters worse, I drove last night so when she stormed out she didn’t have a car to get home. I offered to call a cab, but she told me not to bother.”
“So, you haven’t talked to her or heard from her since she left?”
Joshlyn chewed on the side of her lip and shook her head.
“Do you want me to go by and check on her?”
Joshlyn perked up just a little, but still seemed a little pensive.
“I promise not to say anything to her, but I do want to know that she got home okay.”
“Okay and could you tell her…” Joshlyn stopped. Tell her what? Tell her what an idiot I am and does she think she can ever forgive me? Give it up, Joshlyn, and let her go.
Ami waited for Joshlyn to finish her sentence. “Nothing. Will you let me know if she’s okay, Ami?”
“I will, but you’ll have to answer your damn phone in order to find out.”
Joshlyn smiled. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise I’ll answer.”
“All right then, hang in there, kiddo, and I’ll call you later.”
Joshlyn stood and followed Ami to the front door. “Thank you, Ami. You really are a good friend.”
“Any time, Joshlyn; just remember I’m here if you need to talk.”
****
Ami approached Kellen’s front door to knock, but stopped abruptly. The door was slightly ajar and Kellen’s keys were dangling from the lock. She removed the keys and pushed the door open a little farther. She poked her head just inside the open door and felt immediately relieved. Not knowing for sure what to expect, the sight of Kellen curled up on the couch asleep and Chigger standing guard was more than welcomed.
“Poor thing,” Ami whispered to herself. As she got closer, she could see twin trails of dried tears down Kellen’s cheeks. She crouched down beside the couch and scratched Chigger under the chin.
Ami studied Kellen for a moment before placing a hand on her shoulder. She rubbed lightly, trying to rouse the sleeping woman. “Kellen, sweetie.” When that failed to get a reaction, Ami gave her arm a little shake. “Kellen, come on, open your eyes for me.”
Kellen could feel someone shaking her and talking to her, but she felt so tired and just wanted to sleep. It took all her strength to finally crack open an eye.
“What,” Kellen rasped. Clearing her throat, she tried again. “What are you doing here?”
“You left your front door ajar and the keys hanging out of the lock.” Ami dropped the keys on the coffee table and turned back to look at Kellen. “You okay?”
Kellen sat up on the couch and rubbed her tired eyes. They felt gritty and dry. She dropped her hands in her lap and regarded Ami. Assuming Ami had already talked to Joshlyn then she knew everything that transpired the previous night.
“Okay as compared to what?”
Kellen stood and walked to the kitchen. She opened the back door and let Chigger outside. Filling the coffee pot with water and dropping some grounds into the basket, she pushed the start button and rested her hands on the counter.
Ami pulled out a chair and sat down. She’d wait for Kellen to turn around before saying anything else.
Kellen closed her eyes and took some calming breaths. After losing Kerri she didn’t think she’d ever feel this kind of pain again, but boy was she sadly mistaken. Kellen was never one to turn her back on a chance at love and given the opportunity to do it over, she wouldn’t do anything different with Joshlyn than she’d already done. She just wished it didn’t hurt so much. All the times she’d loved and lost should make letting go easier than this.
Kellen poured two cups of coffee and sat with Ami at the table. She took a sip before looking at Ami.
“Already talk to Joshlyn this morning?”
Ami nodded her head. “I just came from there.”
Kellen made a noncommittal hum and took another drink of coffee.
“Kellen, if it’s any consolation at all, she’s just as torn up about this as you are.”
Kellen felt half-pissed that Ami would come in here and defend Joshlyn’s actions. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Ami. She’s the one that ended this, not me.”
“It doesn’t make it any easier, Kellen.”
“Don’t.” Kellen stopped her with a hand. “Don’t sit there and try and make me feel sorry for her. She tore my heart out and then stomped all over it.”
“Kellen, I’m not going to make excuses for her, but if you care about her at all please give her some time.”
“Time for what? To inflict more damage than she’s already done? No, thank you.”
Kellen was getting very agitated. She didn’t want Ami sitting in her kitchen defending Joshlyn and making her feel sorry for something she had no control over. She walked over to the sliding glass door and let Chigger back in. Leaning against the open door, she let the morning breeze waft over her. The hammock swayed lightly and the leaves rustled. She just wanted the pain to go away so she could get back to the life she was most comfortable with.
Ami walked up behind Kellen and looped an arm around her waist. “Do you care about her, Kellen?”
“What kind of fucking question is that? You know I do,” Kellen stated, staring into the yard.
“Then give her some time and try and talk to her again. That’s all I’m asking.”
Kellen turned slightly. “Is there something you aren’t telling me, Ami? Because there is definitely something standing in the way.”
“I…” Ami hedged. She didn’t want to lie to Kellen, but she made a promise to Joshlyn. “What I do know is that Joshlyn cares about you, too.”
Kellen studied Ami for a moment then turned back to watch a small sparrow play in the birdbath.
“I’m gonna go, but if you need anything, please call, okay?”
“’kay.”
Ami gave Kellen’s back a rub and then turned to leave.
Kellen stood still until she heard the distinct click of the front door. She tucked her head to her chest and willed the ache in her throat from unshed tears to dissipate. What did Ami know that she wasn’t saying? And why would Kellen subject herself to another round of heartache if she didn’t have to? None of it made sense.
Kellen closed the door and locked it. She placed the coffee cups in the sink and turned the coffee pot off.
“Come on, Chigger. I think you and I need to get out. Let’s go for a walk, boy.”
Chapter Seventeen
Kellen pulled into the garage and grabbed her things. She was very thankful that it was finally Friday. This week’s race was tonight instead of the usual Saturday evening. The last two days were hell. She’d made sure that she had enough to keep her busy from the time she got up until late in the evening when she dragged herself home and fell into bed. As long as she didn’t have to think about anything but work, then she was fine. The rare moments she allowed herself to think of Joshlyn were few and far between. After Ami left the other day, Kellen took Chigger on a long walk. They ended up at the off leash park and she let Chigger loose to run. She found an unoccupied bench and sat trying not to think about Joshlyn. Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she thought back on the conversation she found herself having with a complete stranger.
“Excuse me, Miss, is anyone sitting here?” an older gentleman asked.
Kellen pulled her gaze from Chigger and regarded the man. He seemed harmless in a grandpa sort of way. “No, please.” Kellen indicated the open part of the bench next to her. “Have a seat.”
“Ah, thank you.” The man sat and folded the leash in his hands. His fingers and hands were knotted and twisted.
Kellen smiled at the man, but didn’t say anything. They sat quietly for a few moments before the man spoke again.
“These old bones can’t tolerate standing for very long anymore so I really appreciate you sharing your bench.”
“You’re welcome.” Kellen sensed the man wanted to talk. She wasn’t really in the mood to talk, but maybe it was exactly what she needed to get her mind off of her own issues.
Turning towards the man, she crossed her legs and leaned an elbow on the back of the bench. “Are you from around here?”
“Not originally, no. I just recently moved into the assisted living facility across from the park over there,” he said, pointing.
“That’s a pretty nice place from what I’ve heard.”
“Eh, it’s ok.”
The man looked at the leash he was twisting in his hands and shook his head. He raised his eyes to Kellen and half smiled.
“I shouldn’t complain because I know it’s for the best, but when you aren’t used to the controlled environment it takes some time to adjust.”
“Makes sense,” Kellen agreed.
“I lost my wife eight months ago. She was everything to me. When I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid arthritis years ago, she stepped right up and took control of things. If it weren’t for her, I don’t know how I would have managed. These hands,” the man started, holding his hands out in front of him, “well, they just don’t function like they used to.”
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Kellen commented softly. “How long were you married?”
“Fifty-three years. She was my whole world.” He stopped to wipe a tear out of the corner of his eye. “When something’s right, it’s just right. You don’t stop to think about it and by golly, if you have to fight for it then you do.”
Kellen turned her head sharply and stared at the man. He couldn’t possibly know the situation she was going through, but his words hit their target spot on.
“Did you ever have to fight for her?”
The man chuckled. “Oh my yes. Her father was dead set against us being together and whatever daddy said, went.”
Kellen smiled. “So how did you convince her that you were the right one?”
“It wasn’t easy, child. She was terrified of her daddy. We spent many years apart before she finally got up the nerve to stand up to him. All I could do was keep trying to convince her that I loved her and we were meant to be together and I’d wait for her.”
“What if she had never stood up to him?”
“Then I’d still be fighting to this day. As long as she believed in us then there was always hope.”
“How do you know if they believe in what you have?”
“Now that’s the question of a lifetime, my dear. Sometimes you don’t know, but until you know for sure, then how can you give up?”
“Hmmm,” Kellen hummed.
Chigger trotted up, lay down next to Kellen’s feet, and closed his eyes.
The man slowly stood. “I best be getting back before they send out a search party. They’ve got some Nurse Ratchets over there,” he said, winking.
Kellen chuckled. “Thank you for the company.”
“It was my pleasure.” He started for the sidewalk then stopped just as he walked past her. He placed a hand on her shoulder and looked her square in the eyes. “Fight the fight. I promise it’s worth it.”
****
Kellen juggled her things and unlocked the sliding door. Dropping her things on the table, she glanced at the clock.
“Fight the fight,” she whispered.
That was two days ago and Kellen gave it a lot of thought. Whatever Joshlyn’s reasons for breaking off the relationship Kellen wanted to know. She’d been too hurt to question things further that night, but now she was beyond hurt and wanted answers. If she hurried, she would have time to stop by Joshlyn’s before getting ready for the race.
****
Joshlyn pulled the last pictures from the printer and set them down. She slid her chair over and clicked out of the program she was in and back over to her email. She’d spent the better part of two days corresponding with Robin and working out the details for the photos she wanted. Joshlyn decided that maybe getting away and doing this photo opportunity was what she needed. It certainly couldn’t hurt things and she could still do the work for Ami because she had two weeks before her deadline was up on those photos.
“One last email and I am done for the night,” Joshlyn muttered. She tapped out the message to Robin and sent it off. Closing the programs, she stood and placed her hands at the small of her back. She arched her back, trying to ease the tension and then sighed. Her stomach grumbled loudly, reminding her that she hadn’t stopped for lunch earlier.
Joshlyn traipsed down the hall towards the kitchen when the doorbell rang. She glanced down at what she was wearing and groaned. She hadn’t bothered to get dressed all day since she had nowhere pressing to be. Her shorts were well worn and you could almost see through her t-shirt. As she got closer to the door, she peeked through the window next to it and saw Kellen’s SUV sitting in the drive.
Joshlyn gasped, her heart racing at just the thought of Kellen being on the other side of the door. It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought about Kellen, but knowing she was just beyond the door and all it took was opening it was more than she could handle. She backed away from the window and leaned against the wall.
The doorbell rang again followed by a couple of short knocks.
“Joshlyn, it’s Kellen. Can you please come to the door and talk to me?”
“Just go, Kellen…please,” Joshlyn whispered to herself.
Kellen was whispering to herself as well. “C’mon, just open it so we can talk…please, Joshlyn.”
Kellen knocked again and leaned close to the door. “Joshlyn, all I’m asking is that you talk to me. I need to understand. I think we can work this out.” Kellen listened to see if she could hear any movement inside the house. Joshlyn’s car was in the drive, but she could very well be out with Ami.
“Please, Josh,” Kellen begged.
Joshlyn stepped close to the door again, but didn’t open it. “Kellen, just go, okay? I said all I had to say the other night.”
“Can you open the door, please?”
Joshlyn hesitated. “No, I don’t think so. I have nothing else to say.” Joshlyn’s heart ached and her throat felt tight.
Fight the fight. Kellen kept the words going through her head like a mantra. She didn’t want to give up, but Joshlyn was making it damned hard.
“Well, I have something to say, Joshlyn. I believe in us and I’m not giving up that easy. I’m giving you fair warning. This isn’t over.”
Joshlyn gulped, trying to swallow back tears. “It won’t change anything, Kellen. Don’t waste your time.”
“We’ll se
e,” Kellen answered.
Kellen stepped back from the door and went back to her SUV. She sat watching the door for a few minutes to see if Joshlyn would open it. When nothing happened, she sighed. She fiddled with her keys and glanced at the mail lying on the seat next to her.
“How did I miss that,” Kellen wondered, noticing the plain white envelope addressed to her.
She reached over, took the envelope off the top of the stack, and slid her thumb under the sealed edge. She pulled the letter out and unfolded it, the bold lettering immediately catching her attention.
Heed my warning
Or you’ll be sorry
Kellen turned the letter over and then back, looking for something, anything that would give her an idea of who sent it. “What the hell?” She tossed the letter in the seat and drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. There was only one person she could think of that would have any reason to send her a threatening letter and it was about time she let him know she’d had enough.
Kellen started the SUV and headed to the track.
****
Joshlyn stood against the wall until she heard Kellen’s SUV start. She peered out the window and watched Kellen drive away. Kellen’s words definitely made her stumble over her decision to break things off. She had no doubt that Kellen meant what she said. That being the case, Joshlyn really felt she needed to get out of town for a little while. When Kellen came back, she wasn’t sure if she would or even could be strong enough not to open the door next time.
Joshlyn fixed herself a sandwich and retreated to her bedroom to pack a bag. She pulled a suitcase from the closet and tossed it on the bed. Haphazardly, she dumped various pieces of clothing from the dresser into the case. She grabbed a couple pairs of slacks off hangers in the closet and folded them into the growing pile. Yanking a sweater from where it hung, she whirled around and almost ran smack into the closet door that had swung partially closed. She pushed the door back open and stopped where she stood. The fractured wooden box caught her attention where it sat on its side with the newspaper article opened underneath it. Up until this point Joshlyn didn’t really stop to think about what she was doing, but now she realized that running really wasn’t an option. She wasn’t experiencing the intense fear that propelled her three years prior. What she did feel was sorrow and hurt.