by Tara Wentz
“Love?” Kellen whispered. Her stomach was full of butterflies and her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. She took a deep breath and glanced out the window. Is it possible that what she felt was love? Kellen wasn’t sure she had ever been truly in love with anyone before. Sure, she had relationships, but none of those ever compared to the feelings she had for Joshlyn. Kellen wanted to dissect everything further, but the knock on her door meant it would have to be later.
Joshlyn pushed the door open and smiled. “Hey there. How are you feeling? Ready to blow this popsicle stand?”
“Uh, yeah,” Kellen said, clearing her throat. “Yeah, I’m more than ready.”
Joshlyn studied Kellen fidgeting with the splint on her arm and tilted her head a little. “Everything okay in here?”
Kellen brought her eyes up to Joshlyn’s and everything else around her seemed to fade away. The sparkle in Josh’s eyes, the easy smile on her lips, the way the edges of her eyes crinkled when she did smile, and the way she smelled…all of it. Kellen gave an appreciative sigh.
Joshlyn chuckled. “What was that big sigh for?”
“I’m just really, really glad you’re here, Josh. Thank you.”
“It’s no problem, Kel. C’mon, if you’re all ready let’s get your stuff loaded up and give the nurse a buzz.”
“Everything is ready to go.” Kellen pushed the call button for the nurse. “Can you come here a second?”
Joshlyn stepped closer and clasped her fingers around Kellen’s. “What’s up?”
Kellen lowered her voice and leaned forward. “Nothing, I just wanted to do this.” She lightly brushed her lips across Joshlyn’s once and then again. Just as she was pulling away, Joshlyn reached up and pulled her back again. Kellen moistened her lips seconds before Joshlyn claimed them again and deepened the already consuming kiss. Time seemed to disappear and before either of them knew it, someone was clearing their throat.
Joshlyn placed her forehead against Kellen’s. “Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
Kellen smiled at Joshlyn’s flushed appearance and peeked over at the nurse. “I’m ready whenever you ladies give the word.” She stood gingerly, pivoted, and sat back down in the wheelchair.
****
Once they got back to Kellen’s house, Joshlyn let Chigger out and set about making Kellen a little more comfortable.
“I really appreciate you and Bob taking care of Chigger the last couple days.”
“Oh, it was not a problem at all. He is such a good boy. I think he really missed you though; seems like he barely touched his food.”
“Poor buddy, he probably felt like I had abandoned him. Any time I go away for a short period of time he gets a little nervous. He’ll be okay, just might take him a day or so to settle back down.”
“Can I get you something to drink? You might want to go ahead and take one of those pills they sent home with you.”
“Sure. I know I’m supposed to stay clear of coffee for a little bit, but do you think you could make some of that decaf that’s in the cabinet?”
“You bet. I’ll be back in just a minute.”
Joshlyn filled the machine with water and dropped some decaf grounds in the basket. While it brewed, she leaned against the counter and ran a finger over her lips. Something was different about Kellen…or maybe there was something different about her. The emotions she felt in that kiss were a lot different from what she had felt in the past. It’s not that she didn’t enjoy kissing Kellen because that had always been pretty spectacular between the two of them. Josh got the impression there was more substance between them in just that one kiss. That one really deep, really hot kiss! Joshlyn grinned and walked over to let Chigger back in from his outside exploring. She fixed herself and Kellen a cup of coffee and headed back into the living room. Hopefully there would be plenty of time to figure out what all these new feelings and sensations were all about.
“Here ya go.”
Kellen took the cup from Joshlyn and brought it to her nose. “Mmm, God that smells terrific.” She took a small sip and groaned in pleasure. “Thank you! That tastes so good.”
Joshlyn sat in the chair perpendicular to Kellen, took a sip of her coffee, and set it down. She chewed her lip a little and took a deep breath. “Kellen, I’m not sure if you are ready to get into this or not, but I would really like the opportunity to explain some things to you if you are up to it.”
“Josh, before you say anything, I just want you to understand that whatever it is we’ll work through it, okay?”
“I appreciate you saying that, but just know I’m not holding you to that. Once I tell you what I have to say, you are free to make your own decisions. Can we leave it at that?”
Kellen held Joshlyn’s eyes for a minute before nodding in defeat. “For now.”
“Okay, well, what I’m about to tell you is something I haven’t told anyone. I gave Ami a few details, but she knows nothing about what I’m going to tell you.”
“Whatever you tell me is between us, Josh. I won’t tell anyone unless you specifically want me to.”
“Thank you, I appreciate that. Three years ago, everything you know about me was a lot different. I worked for a medical equipment company. I pretty much did everything that involved the money. Three brothers and their sister owned the company and they were in charge of bringing in new contracts and finding new contacts. I hadn’t even worked there a year before Candace, the sister, and I got involved. Maybe six months after that, I started noticing some inconsistencies in some of the numbers. Insurance companies were being billed for equipment I wasn’t aware we even had. Eventually I started looking into some of the statements. One thing led to another and I came across a whole hornet’s nest worth of trouble. They were having me bill insurance companies for products that were supposedly being sent out to people who needed them, but it was never happening. I started a paper trail of everything that was going on. For six more months, I copied and compared every single statement and payment that went out or came in. It didn’t take long for me to realize that what they were up to was highly illegal and that I needed to do something and fast. I went to Candace first about it, but it was clear that she was in on it as well when she tried to convince me I was making mistakes and to leave it alone and she’d take care of it. Eventually I went to the police, who turned it over to the FBI. I agreed to confront them all while wearing a wire and in return they wouldn’t charge me as an accomplice.”
“Wait, why would they charge you as an accomplice?”
“Because I was the one in charge of the books, Kellen. It’s my name on those invoices and my name that came across on the checks. For all intents and purposes it makes me look like the guilty one.”
“That’s insane!”
“Be that as it may, I wasn’t about to go down for something I had not been a part of, nor would I ever be. I wore the wire and confronted them. Needless to say, they were shocked. For whatever reason, they thought I didn’t and wouldn’t check the books. Things didn’t go very well from there. They admitted to everything and even went so far as to blame Candace because she was supposed to keep me otherwise occupied. The FBI busted in after they had it all on tape. One brother ran but was taken down fairly quickly. He turned a gun on them and they shot and killed him. The other grabbed me and held a gun to my head—”
“Oh my God, Josh, you could have been killed!” Kellen’s hands trembled as she set her cup down.
Joshlyn watched as Kellen’s color turned pallid. She jumped up and moved over to sit by Kellen. She turned so one leg was resting on the couch and took Kellen’s clammy hands in her own. “Sweetheart, I had to do it, don’t you understand? As long as I kept silent, people were being robbed of the equipment they truly needed. Not to mention my own name was being slung through the mud.”
“I understand, Josh, I really do, it’s just the thought of them hurting you or even holding a gun to your head makes me physically sick to my stomach.”
; “I love you, you know that?” Joshlyn grinned as Kellen’s eyes got huge and her mouth dropped open. “I know, hell of a time for admissions, huh?” Joshlyn shrugged. “What can I say?”
Before Kellen could say anything, Joshlyn went on. “Anyhow, the brother holding the gun to my head wasn’t very smart. He had no idea what to do or where to go. He didn’t make it far. He shoved me at Candace and tried to run, but they took him out in nothing flat when he tried to shoot one of their agents. Candace had a knife against my neck and started pulling me away towards a side door. Things got a little confusing at this point because it was so chaotic. I am only able to tell you this part because it’s what I was told. They knew if Candace got out the door they’d never get me back alive so they took her out. A sharpshooter shot her and in the process, she fell forward against me and I hit the side of my head against a pallet of equipment that knocked me out cold. I fell on her knife and it went into my shoulder. The third brother was a different story. Unfortunately, to this day they still haven’t caught him. Before I go on, do you need anything?”
“A glass of water? All of a sudden I am parched as can be.”
“It’s probably the medicine.” Joshlyn grabbed a glass of water and waited for Kellen to drink some before sitting back down. “You good or need some more?”
“Nah, I’m good, thanks.” Kellen took Joshlyn’s hand again and waited for her to continue.
“When all of this hit the papers, the few friends I had didn’t know what to believe. My name was linked with everything. I guess that should have been my first clue. Real friends wouldn’t have turned tail and run at the first indication of trouble, but in the crowd my family was involved in, I shouldn’t have been surprised at their actions. Heaven forbid they should be linked with anyone that might be shady. I had one really good friend, Lori, that stuck by me through everything. My mother and I were not close after I came out to her. My father passed away a couple years before this all happened. Because I was the youngest, my sisters were always jealous of me, so when I came out they were overjoyed to be getting all of my mother’s attention. I did become pretty good friends with one of the FBI agents through the whole ordeal. I’m kind of getting off track here a little bit so let me back up. Essentially, what I’m telling you is that I didn’t have hardly anyone to turn to when I needed it. A week or so after this all went down I started getting hang up phone calls. First, it was just at home and then I started getting them on my cell. I went to Sydney, the FBI agent I was telling you about, and told her what was going on. She said they could put a tap on the phone, but if I couldn’t keep the person on the phone, it wouldn’t do much good. Then I started getting threatening letters in the mail.”
“What kind of threatening letters?”
“The kind that said, ‘You’re dead bitch!’ and also that ‘You better watch your back.’”
“Josh, I think you should know that I’ve been getting threatening letters.”
“What? What do you mean? What kind of threatening letters?”
“I’ve got them around here somewhere. Check over there on the entertainment system, would you?”
Joshlyn jumped up, hurried over to the entertainment center, and rifled through the mail. Right there in the middle was an open letter. She pulled it out, unfolded it all the way, and read it. “He’s found me, Kellen, and he knows about you. This has to be from him!”
“Come back over here and sit down. We’ll get this figured out. Can you give Sydney a call and see if she’s heard anything?”
“Yeah, hang on.” Joshlyn pulled her cell from her pocket and punched in Sydney’s number. It rang and rang and then went to voicemail. “Sydney, this is Joshlyn. Give me a call as soon as you get this message. Some things have been going on and I really need to talk to you.” She hung up the phone and stood. She paced back and forth in front of Kellen before Kellen finally grabbed her hand.
“Honey, sit down. You’re making me dizzy. We’ll just stick together until we hear from Sydney and if need be, we’ll call the police.”
“Kellen, don’t you see?” Joshlyn jerked her hand away from Kellen. “The police can’t do anything about it. We can’t even prove it’s him. I should get away from you. If he wants me, then he can come get me, but I will not involve you in this. I couldn’t stand it if anything happened to you.”
“Joshlyn…Josh! Stop. He already knows about me. You being away from me isn’t going to matter. Quite honestly, it’s not what I want either. We’ll handle this together; hopefully once and for all.”
“I am so sorry, Kellen. I never meant for you to get pulled into this. That’s why I broke things off. When Robin said she saw the newscast nationally, I completely freaked out.”
“Josh, please sit down for a minute.” As soon as Joshlyn sat down, Kellen continued. “I completely understand why you would be upset about this and I would have freaked out as well. You don’t have to do it alone. Promise me you’ll never shut me out like that again?”
“Kellen, I can’t promise you that I won’t make mistakes again, but I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to never make you feel that way again. I am sorrier than I can even say…I don’t know how you can forgive me.”
“Josh, I can forgive you because I love you, too. As long as we communicate then we can work through almost anything.”
Joshlyn threw herself into Kellen’s arms and then pulled away almost as quickly when Kellen groaned. “Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, Kel. Damn, I keep hurting you!”
Kellen put a finger to Josh’s lips. “Ssshhh. Don’t apologize. Just take it a little slower next time.” Kellen grinned and pulled Joshlyn into her arms. They sat like that for some time before Joshlyn pulled away a little.
“I think there’s only one more thing I need to tell…well, show you and then there are no more secrets.”
“Oookay…”
Joshlyn turned and ducked her head a bit before turning back towards Kellen. She raised her head and looked straight into Kellen’s eyes.
“Holy shit!” Kellen exclaimed. “Your eyes…they are absolutely gorgeous! Josh, why would you hide those beautiful green eyes?”
“Once the threatening letters started coming, Sydney got really concerned. One day while we were out to lunch, a small pipe bomb went off in my apartment. The FBI took advantage of that and put out headlines saying I had been a victim and unfortunately could not be saved. From that point on, I ceased to exist. I dropped all contact with my best friend and what family I had. I became a whole new person. Hence the reason I covered my eyes with those contacts. There is no way I could hide these bright green babies from anyone. It was always the one feature that made me stand out.”
“I can see why. So, can you tell me what your name was before?”
Joshlyn hesitated. She hadn’t uttered that name in almost three years. She didn’t see herself as that person anymore and really didn’t want Kellen to associate her with that name either.
“Joshlyn, no matter what you tell me you will always be Josh to me. I hope that’s okay?”
Joshlyn smiled at Kellen and nodded. “That is more than okay. My previous name was Jeri Denton.”
Kellen considered the name for a minute and shook her head. “I don’t see you as a Jeri. Sorry, but I just don’t.”
Josh laughed and hugged Kellen lightly. “You know, at one time I might have been offended by that, but now, it’s perfect.”
“Since the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, do you think you could leave the contacts out now?”
“I could do that, if you want.”
“I want, I really, really want.”
“Kellen, I meant what I said earlier. I really do love you. I’m so in love with you it scares me.”
“We’re in the same boat, honey, because I am very much in love with you as well. I know now that I have never been truly in love with anyone in my entire life. It scares and exhilarates me all at once.”
Joshlyn raised her head to look up at Ke
llen. “So, how are you feeling?”
“I feel good enough to retreat to the bedroom if that is what you’re asking,” Kellen teased, wiggling her eyebrows in Josh’s direction.
Joshlyn laughed and stood. She held a hand out to help Kellen up off the couch. “How about we retreat to the bedroom and once we get you settled, we’ll see just how well you feel.”
Kellen smacked Josh lightly on the backside and leaned close to her ear. “Lead on, sexy.”
Chapter Twenty-one
Joshlyn stopped near the bed and took Kellen’s hand in her own. She placed her other hand above the splint and pulled Kellen closer, close enough they were almost touching. “I love you, Kellen, and I can’t tell you how afraid I was of almost losing you.” Kellen was opening her mouth to respond but Joshlyn shook her head. “Let me finish. I almost lost you and I was such a creep to you. I can’t tell you how I felt when I saw you hit that wall. I’m very thankful to be getting this second chance with you and I will do everything in my power to make it up to you.”
“Can I speak now?”
Joshlyn smiled and nodded.
“You don’t need to make anything up to me, Josh. All I need is for you to love me.”
“Oh honey, loving you has never been a problem and right now I’m about to love you completely,” Joshlyn stated firmly, her voice lowering a notch.
Joshlyn slid her hands up Kellen’s arms, across her shoulders, and placed her palms on each side of her face. Gently she pulled Kellen to her and nipped lightly at her lips. Kellen’s breath came out in a rush and Josh heard her moan. She ran her tongue across Kellen’s lips and then took her mouth in a deep, searing kiss. When she couldn’t breathe any longer, she pulled away. Kellen’s lips were swollen and her eyes were glazed.
“God, Kellen, you are so damn beautiful. You take my breath away.”