This help included the Dreaded Oral Questions whereby they asked their increasingly irritable daughter common queries like where the nearest cinema was and how much a Black Forest Gateau costs.
This may sound like a childhood akin to an Enid Blyton novel. However, I am not the most patient person by nature so I can only apologise for my lack of, er, manners when their pronunciation wasn’t one hundred per cent correct and I ranted at them. Yes, I know they were doing me a favour but the teenage me didn’t really see that – I wanted to sound like a true native of Hamburg. If aforementioned Hamburger came from Northern Ireland.
But they gritted their teeth and stuck with me – because they could see the light at the end of the homework tunnel even if their daughter couldn’t. When they hadn’t read the course English texts and I needed assistance with a tricky essay, they sourced information and nodded wisely when I read out my magnum opus. They offered opinions on authors they’d never read, discussed historical events as though witnessed on an episode of EastEnders and generally tried to make life easier for their studious daughter.
Because they never told me I could be anything other than front page news – writing it obviously – there was already enough bad stuff happening in our city for me to add to it. When I said, aged eight, that I wanted to be a journalist, there was no going back – and there never has been.
My parents have been unreservedly my life’s cheerleaders; for attending university in Dublin despite others suggesting this wasn’t a good move, for becoming a journalist despite others’ opinions that I should have pursued a more “academic” career, for making that risky move back to Belfast, for making that risky move back to Dublin and for becoming a magazine editor.
If, in my younger days, I had expressed an interest in being the next Beyoncé (or Belinda Carlisle – she was my icon, aged nine), they would have moved musical heaven and earth until I reached Number One. Fortunately for Beyoncé and Belinda Carlisle, I can’t hold a note so there was never any chance of me giving either a run for their money.
It wasn’t a case of it blowing smoke anywhere in particular, or saying it because it’s written in The Parents’ Handbook (there’s a book in that). They genuinely believed I could achieve what I wanted – and I would, if they had anything to do with it. Moreover, they believed in giving me a chance – the very least I could do was live up to my side of the bargain.
I might have been studious but I was also bad-tempered and they resisted the urge (I’m sure) to tell me off more than once, particularly leading up to test season when Dreaded Oral Questions appeared more and more.
Incidentally, all this homework did pay off – I may never have the need to use this but I can efficiently recite the sixteen (yes, sixteen) versions of “the” in German in less than three seconds. And I like to think my parents would be sufficiently proficient in the romance languages to find their way to the nearest bus stop whether in Paris, Munich or ancient Rome.
Of course, it wasn’t all grammar exercises and verb placements – we did leave the house occasionally. I wasn’t chained to my desk – I didn’t have a desk. I did my homework on my lap in front of the telly – unconventional you might think but doing your homework on a desk was something I watched on TV.
And I have been blessed with parents who weren’t pushy – if anything, it was me always wanting to do more. They never asked any more of me than I could give and, unlike other parents, they stressed the importance of a work/life balance – good news for me because that meant the opportunity to buy shoes. And stationery – I can’t lie, I still get a bit jittery around a well-packaged notebook.
If I could turn back time, I’d find my parents – not then prematurely aged by their offspring roaring at them about German verb pronunciation – and thank them for hanging in there. For not wanting to divorce me when I was a right wee madam and upset because they couldn’t tell me the French for caterpillar*. For knowing that all those hours of homework would all pay off. For taking a leap of faith with me and staying by my side every single step of the way.
Most importantly, what I’ll take to my children is – apart from a love of stationery and staggeringly good footwear – the need to give them a chance at doing whatever they want. To give them the security of knowing that Mammy Áine will be backing them throughout their lives and woe betide anyone who gets in their way.
I vow never to lose my temper with my children when I’m devising a sentence using the word “nose” or working out chemical equations (despite the fact that the last time I was in a scientific laboratory another pupil’s hair caught fire).
Experts say that children are sponges; they soak up their environment and slowly release that information. But I would argue that my mum and dad’s minds are similarly porous; they have imbibed any relevant facts and figures that would be helpful to my life and drip-fed them to me when needed. As my knowledge of the journalism industry grew, so too did my parents’. They’re now as equally well versed about print deadlines and standfirsts as any of my Woman’s Way team.
The thing is, if you asked my parents, they’d say that they wished they were in a position to give me more – which I find hilarious since the only other thing they could have done was pretend to be me and sit the exams (which would have had major appeal in 1999).
As children, we can never imagine our parents existing in any form other than our parents. When I was little, I felt so loved and special – it was my mummy, daddy and me against the rest of the world. I still feel the same, over a decade after I completed my secondary education. I hope I can make my children understand that being front page news requires some work, but their mammy was born ready to make it happen.
* chenille is the French for caterpillar
Áine Toner has been editor of Woman’s Way, Ireland’s only weekly magazine for women, for five years and was previously its deputy editor. Her goal is to educate, entertain and inform the women of Ireland and she and her team strive to produce a packed and engaged magazine each week – while still having some fun. She also is the soapwatcher for TV3’s Ireland AM, having spent a significant amount of her career writing about the fictional goings-on in Soapland. When she’s not ogling all the books that come her way in the Woman’s Way office (and sometimes hiding them from her colleagues), she’s in bookshops buying them or weighing down delicate not-designed-to-carry-600-page-texts handbags with yet another new read. Áine is on Twitter where she talks about TV shows and cake – @aineltoner.
Barnardo’s Northern Ireland
Barnardo’s NI is the largest charity working on behalf of children and young people in Northern Ireland. Our vision is that the lives of all children and young people should be free from poverty, abuse and discrimination. We aim to promote positive outcomes for all children in terms of their wellbeing, achievement and participation as young citizens.
Our focus is on those who are most disadvantaged, who are at risk, whose pathways in life have been fractured, and who face individual and collective adversities in their young lives that most of us will never encounter.
Barnardo’s provides more than 40 local services in Northern Ireland. These services reach out, protect and support over 8,000 vulnerable and disadvantaged children, young people and their families in Northern Ireland every year. We also work in 150 schools in Northern Ireland, and have a network of 21 charity shops.
We offer support to children with disabilities; children who have been bereaved; children vulnerable to sexual exploitation; children of prisoners; young carers; young people at leaving care; ethnic minority families; and families where there is domestic violence, addiction or mental health issues.
Our range of work includes professional fostering; counselling and therapeutic support; residential and respite care; assessment and family support; community outreach, parenting and early education programmes; training for employment; and disability inclusion services.
We use the knowledge gained from our direct work with children and young peop
le to campaign for children’s rights bringing vital issues to the attention of the public and Northern Ireland Executive.
To find out more about Barnardo’s NI or to help us fundraise, please contact us on 028 9067 2366 or visitwww.barnardos.org.uk/northernireland.htm
Barnardos in Ireland
Barnardos goal is to make Ireland the best place in the world to be a child. Every day in 40 projects across Ireland Barnardos works with almost 6,300 children and families whose lives are marred by issues such as poverty, neglect and educational disadvantage.
We support children whose well-being is under threat, by working with them, their families and communities and by campaigning for the rights of children. For over fifty years Barnardos has worked closely with more than 100,000 children and families living in disadvantaged communities throughout Ireland, supporting them to achieve their potential in life.
The Barnardos network includes more than 40 project centres located in the heart of communities. It operates eight Early Years services, 19 Family Support programmes, five Teen Parent programmes and four Family Welfare Conference services. In addition, Barnardos provides some specialist programmes nationally such as counselling services dealing with childhood bereavement and post adoption, a Guardian ad Litem service representing children’s interests in court proceedings and an information resource network for parents and childcare professionals.
Barnardos is committed to a needs-led, outcomes-focused approach in our delivery of services to children and families. At the heart of everything we do, we strive to achieve two outcomes for the children and young people.
These are:
- Increased emotional well-being
- Improved learning and development
We believe that if a child’s learning and development, and his or her emotional well-being, is successfully and measurably improved through our work, then the child’s ability to benefit from life opportunities and manage life challenges will be improved, and therefore the path of his or her life will be changed for the better.
For more information on Barnardos work with children and families in Ireland today please visit www.barnardos.ie
If I Was a Child Again Page 25