She’s on the verge of tears. Christ almighty, she’s afraid of him. Why is she afraid? Every protective instinct I possess rears up and roars. I have to keep her safe. She should only ever be happy and laughing.
I reach out, touch her shoulders, and turn her to me when she doesn’t pull away. Sure enough, her eyes are red and watery. Whatever she is battling with is killing her. I wish she would trust me enough to tell me. I’d go to the ends of the earth for her. I need her to know she can trust me. It’s about more than just me now. There’s something happening to her, and I can’t let her go without knowing what it is.
“Talk to me,” I whisper. “I have to know what’s happened to you. Why are you afraid? You know you can trust me, right?”
Her eyes dart back and forth, all over my face. Searching. Wondering if she is making a mistake. Can she trust me? She wants to—I can feel it in my bones. She wants to trust somebody. How long has it been since she’s been able to trust a man? A steel hand clenches around my heart when I think about what she might have gone through while I wasn’t around.
Her mouth opens, then closes. She bites her lip. I won’t push her—I know enough about calming spooked animals to know that a push right now could close her off forever. I just rest my hands on her shoulders, reminding her that she has access to my strength and she’s safe. The rest is up to her.
When she opens her mouth again, she doesn’t close it on nothing. “I’m not just with any man,” she whispers. “The man I’m involved with is Tony Jackson. Do you recognize the name?”
Tony Jackson. Where have I heard the name before? A stray newspaper headline flies past my mind’s eye. A photo of a psychopath smirking outside a courtroom after he got off on a technicality. Fuck, she didn’t get involved with a lowlife gangster?
I try to hide my disbelief. I’m losing my damn mind here. Why would she be with anybody like him? Such a sweet, beautiful, perfect thing like her. How far has she fallen? If I needed any further proof that we belong together this is it. “I’ve heard of him,” I say tentatively.
“You’ve heard of him, or of what he’s done?”
“I know he’s not a good guy, Izzy.”
“He’s a … gangster,” she whispers, her brow creasing like she can hardly get the word out. I can only imagine how hard she must have worked at telling herself he’s really a good man, a man who’s misunderstood.
“Didn’t he get off on a technicality?”
She shakes her head. “No, he got off. I mean, there wasn’t any real evidence …”
“A gangster, Izzy?” I say, my hand dropping from her shoulders. “How could you get involved with a man like that?”
Her chin trembles. “Don’t you dare judge me, Tyson.”
“And you’re fighting me over him? Somebody like that, who can’t give you anything real? When I want to give you everything.”
“It’s not just my feelings that are involved, Tyson,” she cries, pointing to her chest. “It’s not just … he’s … oh, God.” Her legs fold up and she lands on the edge of the bed. “Oh, Tyson, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Tyson
I’m almost too angry, too disappointed, to give a damn how she feels. A gangster. A man like that. How desperate could she be? Then I remember how the intolerable pain of losing her drove me to other women. Bodies that I used and discarded. Faces that I pretended were her. She made a desperate choice and that was all it took for him to sink his claws into her.
My hands clench into fists and my entire body vibrates with the effort of keeping myself under control. She’s upset enough without me flying off the handle again. “Explain it to me,” I ask in a quiet voice.
“I don’t know where to begin,” she says, looking down at her hands. She rubs them together over and over, like she’s washing without any water. “All I can tell you is that it was already too late by the time I discovered the sort of man he really is. He won’t let me go, Tyson. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so many times to get away from him. He’ll hurt me if I leave him, but worse he will hurt my family. He’s already told me so. He’s already given me previews of what it would be like if I ever went through with it.”
“That son of a bitch,” I spit, rage boiling up. My heart races as adrenaline surges through my system. I want to kill the bastard for even touching her.
She looks up at me. “So now you understand why it’s crucial that you don’t try to pursue this. I’ve already taken a big risk in coming here, and I pray he doesn’t find out.” She clasps her hands together, pressing hard. Desperate. “Please, promise me.”
“I can’t let you go back to a man like that. Who do you think I am? Do you think I’m some coward who can’t protect you?” I sit beside her, taking her hands in mine. “I have all the money I need to set you up someplace safe. We can hire bodyguards, even get the police involved. I know who to talk to, and I would never, ever let him get to you. He would have to get through me first—and I would love to see him try, the cheap thug. Just let the coward try to come at me and he’ll see what I have in store for him.” I can just imagine tearing into that prick, making him bleed. Making him beg for mercy, as I’m sure he’s made her beg. The thought of him even laying a finger on her precious skin makes me want to kill him. Nothing else will satisfy me now.
Her eyes are wide, full of terror, before she bursts into tears and falls against my chest. “Oh, Tyson! I wish it were that simple! You have no idea how much I wish it were!”
She shakes as sobs rack her body. I hold her until they subside. “Why isn’t it that simple? Why can’t I help you?” I ask, brushing the hair back from her forehead. Trying to comfort her in any way I can.
“Because his father is a judge. A crooked, terrible, evil man. He protects Tony and his buddies—that’s really how they beat that case against them. Because he interfered. It’s not just me Tony will hurt if I leave him. He’s threatened my family. He’ll make us all pay if I don’t stay with him. Nothing will ever happen to him or his friends if something happens to us. I can’t even get a restraining order against him. Everybody’s in his pocket. Nobody can help me. Nobody.”
“I can help. I’ll find a way,” I tell her.
She shakes her head, still crying softly. “I can’t risk that. Don’t you see? He’ll retaliate. You can’t keep us all safe. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to my family because I was too stupid to stay away from you.”
“Izzy, Izzy,” I whisper, my heart aching for her. I can’t even begin to imagine living that way, always afraid, knowing there’s no way out. Knowing that her loved ones could suffer the consequences if she reaches for a bit of happiness for herself. “I can’t let you go on like this. I know there’s so much to think and talk about, but I won’t even be able to sleep at night for worrying about you. It was bad enough when I didn’t know what’s happening, but now? Fuck. Knowing he could hurt you, or worse? I can’t let it go. I just can’t.”
“Oh, Tyson, please.” She lifts her head, looking deep into my eyes. “Please. I can’t let you do anything. I need you to—”
“I know. You need me to promise not to try anything, or else he’ll find out and he’ll make your life hell. I understand.” I brush my thumb across her cheek, rubbing away her tears, being as gentle as I can while my insides roil and boil and I imagine every way possible of killing that fucker. I won’t let him get away with it, even if I have to be especially careful for her sake.
“I don’t want to be with him anymore. God, I haven’t wanted to be with him for almost as long as I’ve been with him. He showed me his true colors early on—not early enough, sadly. What a stupid fool I was to fall for his fake charm and empty promises.”
“You did what you thought was right.” I think of him as a vulture circling an empty sky, waiting, heartless. An innocent girl like her—so beautiful, so precious and untainted. He must’ve thought he hit the jackpot, the monster.
“I do want to b
e with you.” She kisses my cheek, my jaw, my mouth. “I do, I do. It’s so unfair. Why did life have to turn out this way?”
She’s killing me. She’s twisting the knife in my heart and making it all but impossible not to march out of the hotel and track Tony Jackson down and snap his neck. I kiss her back, tasting the salty tears. “I know,” I whisper, stroking her hair, her back. “I know. It isn’t fair.”
She touches her forehead to mine. “Maybe there’s a way to protect my family before I leave him. I’ve been thinking about it. I think it’s possible if I play it safe. He might be leaving town tonight for a few days—if I can do it then …”
She’s so desperate. So painfully desperate. I want to wrap her in my arms and never let her go. Just let that bastard try to get to her while I’m holding her. Then again, it isn’t just her. It’s her family. Even so, I would move heaven and earth for her. She needs only give me the word. “Don’t do anything yet. I’ll be here for you. Whatever you want, we’ll make it happen. Let me think about this. Let me come up with a good plan for us and your family. Don’t take any chances tonight,” I warn her anxiously.
She laughs humorlessly. “Trust me, I won’t.”
“Are you able to come here tomorrow at noon. I’ll have a plan by then.”
“All right. I’ll meet you here. Noon tomorrow.”
“How are you going to get back?” I ask.
“I’ll just take a taxi.”
She finishes getting her things together and I hold her tight before she dashes out the door. I’ve become paranoid so I feel as if it’s the last time I’ll ever touch her.
“Wait! Wait!” I catch her before she gets on the elevator.
“What is it?”
“Let’s exchange numbers this time. Let’s not make the same mistake.”
She shakes her head. “No. Don’t ever call me. Even if I delete a number he has a contact at the phone company and gets a list of all the numbers that I call or call me.”
“What?” I explode.
She touches my face. “It’s okay. It’s just something he does. Tell me your number. I will remember it and call you from the phone box just outside my apartment complex if anything happens or I can’t make it. Otherwise I’ll meet you here tomorrow.
I give her my number and make her repeat it numerous times.
I swallow the overpowering urge not to let her go back to him. It makes my hands clench. “Call me if anything changes. All right?” She nods before hurrying away.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Izzy
It might be possible. It just might. My heart is soaring with hope. I can’t remember the last time I thought anything good was possible for me anymore. It’s been so long. I felt like an old woman, like my life might as well be over at the age of twenty-four. Like nothing good would ever happen again. He makes me believe that there’s a chance, after all. If we could find each other again, who knows what else is possible?
I’m actually smiling as I walk through the door to my apartment. Not my choice of a place to live, but then I’ve not had many choices in the last couple of years. It’s either comply or face the painful consequences.
“Where’ve you been?”
I freeze instantly at the sound of his voice. Shit! He’s got to be the devil, he absolutely must be, or else I would’ve heard him breathing or felt his presence. Something. Instead, he’s tricked me into thinking I was secure. He’s always tricking me.
I turn around from the coat rack where I’ve been hanging up my coat, to find Tony staring at me from the sofa in the living room. His long face is still and his tattooed right hand clenches and unclenches a red rubber ball. That is his tension reliever. One would think my heart wouldn’t take off like a frightened rabbit every time I see him with his ball, but it does.
“I went out for a coffee.” If he knew what I’ve been doing he’ll kill me on the spot. I force a smile. If he believes nothing’s gone on, I’ll be all right. I’ve talked him down from these moods before. “And it was a pretty nice day, so I thought I’d take a walk.”
“You’ve been gone for over an hour—well over.”
“I didn’t think you would mind. I thought you wouldn’t be back until this evening. I thought you had that thing you had to go for tonight?”
“It’s cancelled.”
“Oh.”
“Oh? You know what is really oh?” He pauses so I can answer his stupid question.
“What?”
“I was here and you weren’t.” His voice is reasonable, but he is squeezing the ball faster and harder.
“I’m sorry, Tony. I didn’t think you might come back.” I clasp my hands in front of myself and struggle to keep from running out the door. Every instinct tells me to, but I can’t. He’ll catch me and punish me, and his punishments are terrible. Better to take my lumps now.
“You never think!” He throws the ball. It bounces once on the floor and hits me in the belly. My hands instinctively catch it.
“If you had called me I would come straight back,” I say quietly.
“Never mind. Funny thing happened today.” He looks into my eyes and waits again.
“What?”
“Fat John was at a café and he saw you.”
My heart turns to ice. “Yeah, I told you. I went to get a coffee.”
“Anything happen there I should know about?”
I start shaking. “No. Charlotte’s friend was there. He said hello. Then I left.”
“Charlotte’s friend?”
“He used to work with her. He was at her wedding,” I explain as calmly as I can.
“He?”
I’m suddenly so terrified I can’t even speak. I nod.
“So you sat like a fucking slut in a fucking public place and talked to a fucking man,” he asks, his voice deathly quiet.
“It was just minutes, Tony. I was just being polite.” My voice has become that horrible pleading whine that I hate.
He flies out of his chair suddenly, his face dark red with fury, and punches the wall. A part of me, the part of me that is not terrified to death, rejoices. Good. Get out your anger on the wall, you stupid pig. Punch it until you break your hand. We’ll see how you like it when I can fight back for once.
He strides towards me. I feel my knees go soft. He grabs me by the throat and slams me so hard against the wall I bang my head and see stars. I feel his fingers press on my throat. Instinctively, I take a deep gulp of air. Then, he tightens his hold and drawing air is no longer possible. I feel my eyes start to bulge and see the excitement in his as he looks at me choking to death. I beg him with my eyes. He does nothing. His eyes glitter.
Tears fill my eyes and my vision blurs. I try to struggle, but his grip is pure steel. Slowly my struggles become feeble. My lungs feel like they are on fire and I start to black out.
An image of Tyson flashes through my mind. There is no regret. I’m glad I saw him. I’m glad we did it again. I’m glad … I’m fading … I’m dying.
Reluctantly, he relaxes his grip on my throat and I take great gulps of air while he watches me with a mixture of regret and sexual arousal. He wanted to kill me. One of these days he will. God, I hate this man so much. As I’m heaving for air, he brings his face close to mine. So close I smell the nicotine on his breath. “This is my fucking town and you don’t disrespect me by acting like a bitch on heat out in public again,” he roars.
“I’m sorry,” I gasp. “It won’t happen again.”
“You’re damned right it won’t, you stupid slut. I’ll teach you not to make a monkey out of me ever again.”
And he starts on me, just like I knew he would. I drop to the ground and curl up, arms crossed over my tucked-in head, but he’s not having that. He hauls me up by my arms and holds me in place while he hits me over and over with his clenched fist. I try to hold back my screams, but I never manage for long. Eventually they come out and I scream and beg for him to stop, but of course, he doesn’t. Not until he’s good and re
ady.
When he’s finished I fall to my hands and knees before him. I can’t see for the hair hanging in my eyes. I weep as softly as I can for fear of angering him again.
“You better learn fast, cunt, or I’ll fucking kill that bastard child of yours,” he snarls, and aims a vicious kick to my stomach before walking away.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Izzy
The slam of the door is music to my ears. I can finally breathe again—though I have to be careful. My ribs feel as if they are cracked, but I’m used to broken ribs. It’s amazing what a person can get used to when they don’t have a choice.
I drag myself slowly across the floor. Crying with agony I reach the bathroom and I stand on shaky legs. Supporting myself on the sink I force myself to look in the mirror. The sight of my own face frightens me.
He usually lays off the face—wouldn’t want the average passerby to know he beats his woman senseless—but this time, he’s blackened my eye. At least, it will be black by the time it finishes bruising. It looks terrible already. Dark hand marks are already visible around my throat. He’s getting sloppy. My lower lip is a little swollen, too, from his first slap, and my scalp stings. He likes to pull my hair. Once he yanked so hard, he pulled a whole clump out and left me with a bald patch. He thought it was funny.
I wonder what made him react so badly this time. Something must have gone wrong for him. Probably to do with why he is not going away tomorrow. He must have come here to take it out on me. I suspect that is why he still keeps me locked away here in this apartment. I’m his punching bag. He hardly ever needs me for sex, and it’s clear he avails himself of many, many women. I smell them on him when he stumbles to my bed drunk and high as a kite.
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