by Janet Gover
‘Adam. The leaking fuel. Planes don’t explode that easily. But that leaking fuel could start a fire. Just one spark—’
‘Do you think I don’t know that?’ His voice rose, anger growing out of the deep dread that gripped the very core of his being. Before Jess could say any more, he strode off down the slope in the direction of the crippled aircraft.
He thought she might follow, but she didn’t. After a few strides he slowed down. His breath was coming in sharp jagged gasps, and he forced himself to calm down. The closer he got to the Beechcraft, the stronger the smell of fuel became. It curled inside his nostrils, into the back of his throat and into his gut.
He stopped just a few steps from the plane. The door was lying at an angle where they had forced it open to get out. He glanced back over his shoulder. Jess had moved to join Sister Luke, and they were both watching him. Even from this distance, he could see that Sister Luke’s hands were clutching her cross. Jess had her hand resting on the elderly woman’s shoulder, offering what comfort she could. Adam was conscious of two things … that stepping inside the crippled plane was the last thing on earth he wanted to do. And those two women were the only people on earth for whom he would do it.
When he entered the damaged fuselage, he was surprised by how minor the damage seemed. A few of the windows were broken, and one of the lockers had sprung open, the contents spilling out into the aisle. The most obvious sign of the speed and shocking impact of the crash was the smell of leaking fuel. In his mind, he could hear it dripping into an ever-growing explosive pool beneath him. He pushed that to the back of his mind and looked at the open locker. Blankets. They would need those. It could get very cold overnight. He bundled up the blankets and carried them to the door. He stepped out into the open air and walked a few metres from the plane. He hesitated just long enough to deposit his load, then taking a deep breath of relatively clean air, he turned back again.
Medical supplies were his next priority. He retrieved his bag and opened it. From the overhead cabinets he took a selection of medication. He had no idea what was ailing Sister Luke – so he took anything that might conceivably be useful. The bag was almost overflowing when he carried it outside and deposited it beside the blankets.
The Beechcraft carried an emergency pack in a locker at the very rear of the cabin. It was stocked with food and water. Torches and … matches. Adam’s hand was shaking as he reached out to open the locker. The click of the latch made him jump. He felt as if the space around him was contracting. The smell of the petrol was overwhelming. The light changed. Flames! He could smell the smoke now! Feel the heat blistering his skin. The smell … that sickening smell that was his own flesh burning. He raised his eyes. There, through the window, his father’s face … The awful sound of his own screams …
His hand clutched the strap of the emergency pack and he turned and dragged himself down the length of the plane. He stumbled through the hatchway into the soft evening light, his breath coming in ragged gasps. Slowly the image faded.
It was the fumes, he told himself. Oxygen deprivation due to the fumes. Nothing more. He waved at Jess and Sister Luke, as he took several deep breaths. His head cleared and he looked at the gear gathered around him. Almost done. One or two more trips into the plane and he would have everything that they could use.
He took another breath, willed his hand to stop shaking, and turned back into the interior of the plane.
‘I am going to go and help him,’ Jess said. ‘I can’t just stand here. My plane. My responsibility. I feel so useless just standing here.’
‘You can’t help him. He has to do this,’ Sister Luke said. She hesitated and Jess knew what she couldn’t say.
‘It’s because of the past, isn’t it? The fire.’ She knew as she said it that it was true.
‘You know about that?’ Sister Luke’s eyes became sharp. ‘He’s never told anyone before.’
‘He still hasn’t. I saw the scars.’
‘Ah.’ Sister Luke sounded deflated. ‘I had hoped …’
So had Jess, but she wasn’t going to admit it to anyone. ‘Tell me about it,’ she said, taking a seat on the rock next to Sister Luke.
Sister Luke shook her head slowly. ‘He was an only child. The father was a dreadful man. God forgive me for saying that, but he truly was evil. Adam’s mother had a restraining order out against him. But that didn’t work. He kept coming to the house. One day, when he thought there was no one there, he set a fire. I suppose he wanted to destroy everything that Adam and his mother had. He couldn’t have known that Adam had come home early from school. His mother was still at work. The fire brigade found him at the back of the house, hiding. He was so badly burned … for a long time the doctors thought he would die.’
‘You were his nurse.’
‘Yes. He was such a brave boy. He fought so hard to survive. It was a terrible thing to see a child suffer so. First there were the burns to heal. Then the plastic surgery. Skin grafts. It was a miracle his face wasn’t scarred – but the rest of him …’
‘Is that why he doesn’t like to be touched?’
‘You noticed that?’ Sister Luke shook her head. ‘That’s partly because of all the pain. For many, many months, whenever someone touched him, all he felt was pain.’
Jess could feel tears pricking at her eyes. Her heart just ached. ‘What happened to the father?’
‘Jail. I found out years later that he had been released, but as far as I know, Adam never saw him again.’
‘And his mother?’
‘She tried. But she wasn’t equipped to deal with such a broken boy. I imagine she blamed herself, in part. I could see it in her face. After a while, she found it hard to even look at him. They drifted apart. He’s been alone a very long time.’
‘Except for you.’
‘Except for me. And now you.’
Jess shook her head. ‘No. Not me. I … I’m leaving when we get back.’
‘I knew something was wrong. Tell me.’
She did. In just a few sentences she laid her guilt at Sister Luke’s feet then sat, staring at the hands clasped in her lap. Waiting for Sister Luke to condemn her for what she had done.
‘Jess, look at me.’
Jess forced herself to turn her head. Sister Luke’s soft grey eyes held nothing but empathy.
‘Jessica, you are not to blame for that boy’s death. There were others who could have helped him. Should have helped him. You did nothing wrong. In many ways, you are a victim too.’
‘But I flew the drugs into the country.’
‘No. You flew a plane. The responsibility belongs with the person who put the drugs on that plane. Not with you.’
‘I was blinded by Brian. His looks. His charisma. The money and the lifestyle. I thought he loved me. How could I have been so stupid?’
‘You were simply being human,’ Sister Luke said.
‘Adam will never forgive me.’ Jess’s voice broke as she watched him carry another load out of the plane. ‘He values human life so highly. He fights to save every one of his patients. How could he ever feel anything for someone like me – someone with blood on their hands?’
Sister Luke’s small, wrinkled hand covered Jess’s clasped fists. ‘Forgive yourself, Jess. Adam will too.’
‘I don’t know if I can.’
‘You must. Guilt is such a destructive thing. Love can never flourish if there’s guilt like that. And the guilt you carry is not yours.’
‘We are both such a mess.’ Jess dashed the suggestion of a tear from her eyes. ‘Each of us carrying a different burden. What a pair we are.’
Sister Luke’s voice was firm. ‘You’ve no reason for self-pity, Jess. And whatever you do, don’t pity him. That’s the one thing he doesn’t need.’
‘I pity the boy he was,’ Jess said, her voice
catching in her throat. ‘The man he is now I admire and respect. And …’
‘Love him, Jess. That’s what he needs from you.’
And what she needed from him. The unspoken words hung in the air.
‘I’d better go help him with that load,’ Jess said, rising to her feet. ‘We’ll set up camp just over the ridge. Away from the plane in case … well … just in case.’
By the time she reached Adam, she had composed her face, but her emotions were still raw. One look at his face told her he was equally vulnerable at that moment. She gathered an armload of blankets.
‘I think we should set up just over the ridge. Away from the plane.’
He offered no comment, but simply followed her. It took them three trips to carry everything to a small hollow about a hundred metres away. A few scraggy trees offered a little shelter.
Jess dropped to her knees and started scooping out earth to make a fireplace. Adam, meanwhile, was sorting through their emergency kit. He set out torches and water.
‘We’ve got enough supplies for a couple of days,’ he said.
‘It shouldn’t take that long for them to find us.’
‘But just in case, we’re going to have to be a bit careful with the water.’
Jess nodded. ‘Where’s Sister Luke? I thought she would be right behind us.’
‘I’ll go get her.’ Adam climbed back to the top of the ridge. Jess watched him go, her mind in turmoil. As he topped the rise and looked down, his body suddenly froze.
‘Sister Luke?’
She heard the shock and anguish in his voice as he flung himself down the ridge and out of sight. Jess leaped to her feet, but before she could take a single step, Adam appeared again silhouetted on the skyline. He carried Sister Luke’s limp form in his arms.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
‘Get some blankets down!’
Jess was moving to do it even before the words were out of Adam’s mouth. Holding Sister Luke gently in his arms, he slid down the rough slope, sending stones flying. When he reached Jess, he lay Sister Luke on the makeshift bed. Her eyes were shut, and her lips were slightly blue. He reached for her wrist, suddenly aware of how thin and fragile her bones were. The pulse beneath his fingers was thin and thready. She needed oxygen. There were canisters on the plane. How could he have forgotten them? He started to rise.
‘What do you need?’ Jess asked.
‘Oxygen. On the plane.’
‘I’ll get it.’ Without a moment’s hesitation, Jess turned in the direction of her crippled aircraft.
The plane. The danger of fire! Adam felt a surge of fear – but not for himself.
‘Jess!’ he called. He tore his eyes away from Sister Luke to look at Jess. Her face told him she knew exactly what he was thinking. But her desire to help Sister Luke was stronger than her fear. ‘Be careful,’ he said.
She nodded and was gone.
Adam looked down at Sister Luke’s face. Her breathing was so soft and shallow, he could barely hear it. For a few moments he was a terrified child again, hearing her gentle voice through a sea of pain. It was like cool water on his burning skin. Adam reached for his medical bag. Sister Luke had never failed him when he needed her. He would not fail her now. He pushed his emotions aside, and let the doctor take over. He had administered the necessary medication, and was listening to Sister Luke’s heart when a noise behind him signalled Jess’s return. Silently thanking whatever gods were responsible for Jess’s safety, he turned to take the oxygen canister and a mask from her hands. Hands that were visibly shaking.
‘How is she?’
‘Not good.’ Adam set the oxygen mask in place. ‘It’s her heart. I think she’s known for a while that it’s weak. When she went back to the mother house … Why didn’t she tell me? I would never have let her come …’
‘That’s why she didn’t tell you,’ Jess said softly.
Adam kept Sister Luke’s hand in his. As he looked down at the pale face, obscured by the plastic oxygen mask, he wanted to scream in frustration. All those years of training. All those books he had studied. All the hours he had spent trying to understand how the human body worked. How to help people. And there was very little he could do to help the person who meant most to him in this world. If only they were back at Coorah Creek. In the hospital with proper equipment … But even as the thought formed he knew he was wrong. Sister Luke was just … fading. And all his skill was not going to save her.
It was almost too much for him to bear.
‘I’m going back to the plane,’ Jess said softly. ‘I am going to try the radio. Maybe I can raise someone. If there’s a helicopter nearby. Mustering cattle … or something … anything …’
Adam nodded. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t tell her that even a helicopter wouldn’t help now. He let Jess go. Let her try to help. It might give her the comfort that was denied him.
‘I’ve heard you telling people about me,’ he said softly to Sister Luke. ‘Telling them that I talk my patients better. Well, if that’s true. I want you to listen to me now. I want you to fight. They’ll find us tomorrow and I can take you back to the Creek. You know what will happen then, don’t you? Jack and Ellen. Trish … The whole town will want to help look after you. Because they love you. I’ll have to chase them away or the hospital will be a madhouse.’
Her breathing seemed a little easier. The drugs and the oxygen were having some effect. He held her hand even more tightly, hoping against hope that his diagnosis was wrong.
‘You can’t leave the town. Those people need you. I need …’ His voice broke.
He looked down at the hand he held. Sister Luke was stronger than any person he had ever known, but now she seemed so fragile. She was the only family he had. The only person in the world who knew his past … and loved him anyway. He rubbed the base of his neck, feeling the scarred flesh beneath his shirt. The pain he had suffered as a child had seemed beyond bearing. But it was nothing to the pain he felt now as he watched Sister Luke slipping away.
He leaned forward to kiss the harsh dry skin of her cheek. As he did, her eyes fluttered open.
‘Hey,’ he said. ‘It’s going to be all right. Just lie still.’
Sister Luke shook her head slowly. She moved her arm, trying to pull the oxygen mask away from her face. Frowning, Adam assisted her.
‘No talking,’ he told her. ‘Or I’ll put it back.’
Sister Luke nodded, and her lips twitched in what might almost have been a smile. Her free hand moved again, and Adam realised she was looking for her wooden cross. He placed it in her hand and her shaking fingers closed around it. Her lips started moving silently, and Adam knew she was praying.
She knew, as he did, that she was dying. And she wasn’t afraid. How he envied her that. In all the years he had known her, her faith had never wavered. Not for one second. As a nurse she had faced the most appalling things. The scars on his body were proof of that. Yet still she believed in the essential goodness of people. As he sat holding her hand, he wanted so much to believe that she was right.
Was that what she had been trying to tell him all these years? Was that to be her gift to him?
He looked down at her beloved face, as she took one long slow breath. Then another. Then … she was gone. The silence around him was complete. He felt utterly alone.
As he gently placed her hands on her chest, a tear fell onto the wooden cross. Then another and he realised the tears were his. He took a blanket and covered her, then lifted his face. The sky above was turning a deep purple. The first stars just winking into view.
‘If you really are up there,’ he said to Sister Luke’s God, ‘you look after her … or you’ll answer to me.’
He sat beside Sister Luke for a few minutes, reluctant to leave her. Then he rose and walked slowly back up to the top of the ri
dge. On the other side, he saw Jess just walking away from the wrecked plane. She looked up and saw him, and her steps faltered. He waited for her on the top of the ridge.
As she approached his eyes found hers. No words were needed. He saw the first tears form in Jess’s eyes.
Far to the west, the last rays of the sunset vanished from the sky. All around them, the stars glowed. Adam reached out and found Jessica’s hand. His fingers entwined with hers as if they had always belonged together.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
This had been the longest night of Ellen’s life. She stood in the open doorway of the aircraft hangar and watched as the stars slowly began to lose their brightness. She was still amazed by the number of stars she saw every single night. They seemed to be endless. They seemed to offer so much hope and tonight, of all nights, she needed that hope.
Throughout the night, various people had dropped by the airstrip as news spread that the air ambulance was missing … that Adam, Jess and Sister Luke were missing.
Sergeant Delaney had also stopped by. He had no news of the missing plane, but he did offer Jack some words of consolation.
‘I spoke to Clifton Downs,’ the Sergeant said. ‘They checked the fuel drum Jess used. It was contaminated with water. That would be enough to cause her engine problems.’
Ellen had felt Jack’s relief at those words. Whatever had happened, he was not to blame.
‘It’s possible she just landed somewhere,’ the Sergeant added. But he hadn’t tried to explain why there was still no radio contact.
After the man left, Ellen and Jack had sat side by side through the long hours of the night, sometimes talking. Sometimes not. Once Jack had urged her to go home and get some sleep. But only once. She had never even considered leaving him and she knew that deep inside Jack was glad to have her there.
She glanced at her watch for what must have been the thousandth time. Dawn was not all that far away.