by Ames, Alex
“That must have made his day. Not sure what is more shocking, though. Him giving it to you or you actually calling.”
“Dana is all right after the Wookiee incident?”
“She is not talking about anything else, and we have replaced knock-knock jokes with Wookiee jokes. Oh, and she wants to become an actress, like her friend Louise.”
“That is so sweet! There are actually Wookiee jokes?”
“Why did Chewbacca get arrested by imperial storm troopers?”
“No idea.” Louise giggled.
“The Death Star plans recently got published on Wookieeleaks.”
Louise laughed her million-dollar laugh, which sounded spectacular to Rick. He couldn’t get enough of that.
“That is the best Wookiee joke there is?”
“No, they are all that bad. What can I do for you?” Rick asked.
“I am nervous, that’s why I was asking about Dana,” Louise said. “It’s unusual that I ask someone out on a date.”
A second of silence. Rick cleared his throat. “Dana is too young for dating. And she is a girl, right? Even though Charles calls her Dieter . . . ”
That second, that perfect first moment of many, Louise felt redness rising on her face. She didn’t dare to let the perfect moment go, the moment that defined everything else from then on.
“No, would you go out on a date with me?”
Rick
Is she drunk? was Rick’s first thought after she had asked the question of questions. Is she on drugs? was his second. This is beyond unreal, his third. He managed to say, “How much did Hal pay you?”
“Nothing, I took the initiative. Sorry, I can be very persuasive when I want to,” Louise replied.
She sounds sober enough. “Hal would fetch a stick if you commanded him,” Rick said.
“Not you?”
“Maybe later?” Now why did I say that?
Louise again gave her very nice laugh over the phone. “I still haven’t heard a yes.”
Rick was silent for a second. This is not happening. Louise Waters is asking me out on a date. There must be a catch.
As if she had read his mind: “There is no catch, really.”
“I think therein lies the catch. There must be one, otherwise you wouldn’t ask me out on a date. I can’t imagine a single reason why you would like to date me.”
“Shall I hang up, and we’ll pretend it never happened?”
“No, my kids would kill me if I did that!” Rick said quickly, not seeing but feeling the invisible United Kids of Flint lining up somewhere behind him in the next room.
“I still haven’t heard a yes,” Louise insisted.
“I guess it is a yes then.”
“That is the least convincing yes I have ever received from the male species.”
“Yes, I want to go out on a date with you. That cuts it?”
“Better.”
“I am a bit rusty in the dating game. Hal has set me up in the past with some dates, but nothing has sparked yet.”
“It’s easy. Two people together talking,” Louise said. “The concept is proven and hasn’t changed for decades. Any preference?”
“Do you eat?” Rick asked. “Charles cited interesting things about movie stars’ eating habits during Tuesday’s dinner.”
“Not much,” Louise admitted. “But what I ingest, I enjoy. As long as we are not talking meat. You like Indian food?”
“I love it as long as it is not too hot,” Rick said.
“There is a great Indian place in Santa Monica, close to Pacific Palisades with a view over the Pacific. Very romantic.”
“Jaipur? Been there with my late wife many, many years ago. Good that it still exists. Sounds good to me.”
“Monday at seven?” Louise suggested.
Tomorrow already? Rick had to smile. “Sure.”
“I’ll make reservations. I’ll wear a wig and glasses.”
“And a mustache?”
“You’ll recognize my bodyguard, who will wait at the bar. He can point me out.”
“If one partner is coming in camouflage, is it still considered a blind date?”
“Looking forward.”
“I am scared already,” Rick said and again heard Louise’s laugh as he hung up.
“Yeeeeaaaahhhhhh!” came the roar from behind Rick, and he turned to see his kids sitting on the staircase, giving each other high-fives.
“That is beyond awesome!” Britta said.
“Way to go, Dad!” Agnes confirmed.
“When you marry her, Dad, will we move to Malibu and live on the beach?” Charles asked.
“LouLou is very nice,” Dana underscored. “I played with her once.”
Rick raised his arms. “All right, all right, all right. Calm down. It is a date, nothing more. And I am not even sure what it means. What could she want from me?”
“You’ll figure that out. Your charm worked on Mom; it will work on Louise Waters.”
“Do I get a Maserati when you two marry?” Agnes asked.
“Only the cheapest model,” Rick said, turning red in front of his kids.
“I wanna Borschy,” Dana chimed.
“No Maserati?” Rick asked and hugged her.
“I wanna Borschy! In red,” she added.
Monday daytime was a lost day for Rick. All he could think about was the date with Louise. A dinner at the White House could not have made him more nervous. During breakfast his kids talked about different topics than the date, so as not to test his frayed nerves. Work was a lost cause, some curious looks from Hal were ignored by Rick. Evening approached in super slow motion.
“Do you need any help, Dad?” Agnes asked from the doorway of the master bedroom, watching her father standing in front of the wardrobe.
“Actually, I do.” Rick shrugged. “First problem: I never know what to wear for a date in general. Second problem: I don’t know what to wear for a date with a legendary movie star.”
“Now you know what us girls experience every morning of our lives. May I?” Agnes stepped forward and browsed in Rick’s wardrobe.
“Men also have hard choices. Like what TV model to buy next.”
“Dad, put on some chinos and a dark polo and you’re done. Take the light denim jacket in case you take a walk later on the beach.”
“It is late March and we are in Southern California. I do not need a jacket.”
“Not for you, Dad! To put it over her shoulders gallantly.”
“Oh! You are so full of tricks.” He looked at her with mock suspicion, slitting his eyes. “You are so full of tricks. Who taught you?”
“GQ magazine. Know your enemy.”
“Ah, the bliss of academic knowledge. At least let’s assume for the sake of peace that it is academic. The tan chinos with the dark merino polo?”
“Yup. And wear your loafers, not sneakers, please.”
Rick collected the things and was back in front of Agnes two minutes later. “Something you’re not able to do, eh?”
“I am indeed impressed,” Agnes said. “Looks perfect, Dad.”
Rick watched himself in the mirror. “Isn’t this showing too much of my belly?”
“Nothing you can do about that short-term. But there are apps for that, I hear.”
“Everyone’s a critic.”
“Just saying. But it is all right, Dad. She asked you out, and she has seen you before.”
“That is true.” Rick made a slow 360. “You know what is so strange about this? I am here in the house that I built with your mom, in the very room where we slept side by side for many years, and I am dressing for a date with a completely different woman while being coached by my eldest daughter.”
“And that does not feel right to you? You went out with dates before.”
“This one feels different. Stronger. It feels otherworldly. Like a big emotional step away from Bella. I feel like I’m abandoning your mother.”
“Dad.” Agnes came forward and gave her
father a hug. “You are not. She would have wanted you to be happy again.”
“Aga, we will never know this. She was generous and kind, but she died too suddenly, and we never had time to discuss such an option. But I miss her so much, Agnes. How can I still love her so much and go out with another woman?”
“Dad, you said yes to Louise, right? You had a choice.”
“No one says no to Louise Waters.”
“And no one expects the Spanish Inquisition, Dad.”
“This forty-year-old cultural reference makes you sound really wise and old.”
“Go out with her and then stand yourself in front of the mirror and ask yourself whether you enjoyed it or not. Mom is no longer here.” Agnes gave him a last hug. “Louise Waters! Dad, we are so proud of you.”
“Don’t pick the color of your Maserati yet, honey.”
“Wanna red!” Agnes mimicked Dana.
ten
A Date with Ivana
Rick
Rick had to wait a few minutes alone at the bar of the Indian place for Louise. He had arrived early to be on the safe side. The sun was about to set over the Pacific, and he found himself surrounded by other men, waiting for their fashionably late dates, too.
A minute later the door opened and in came Louise’s bodyguard, who actually had to duck to not hit his head on the doorframe. He nodded slightly to Rick, gave the other guys a quick threat assessment glance and went to the far end of the bar where he was closest to the dining room area. The a woman entered, long black hair, Jennifer Aniston style, oversize sunglasses, wearing body-hugging jeans and a biker leather jacket, and carrying a clutch. A body out of this world. The whole restaurant went quiet and everyone stared. The super-attractive woman stopped at the bar and said in a heavy Russian accent, “Hi, I am Ivana. Who of you is Rrricharrt?” She had dark red lips and heavy makeup.
Rick went over to this hot lady and shook her hand.
“Nice to meet you . . . Ivana.”
Louise
Louise couldn’t help herself playacting when she entered the restaurant, everyone staring at her. “My name izz Ivana. And who ovv you iz Rrricharrt?” with her smokiest and most over-the-top accented voice.
She saw Rick laugh. “Nice to meet you . . . Ivana,” he said, and they walked over to the Indian hostess, who seated them after a just few seconds.
“Your website profile didn’t make you appear Russian,” he said once they sat down, loud enough for other guests to hear.
Louise struggled to keep a straight face. “That’s because I am from Ukraina. We do not like Russians very much. But we looove rich and handsome American men.”
They were seated at a window seat, overlooking the Pacific Coast Highway, a stretch of beach, and the endless Pacific behind. Rick could have sworn that the hostess gave a wink at Louise. Maybe she had used the disguise in this restaurant before?
“So this is how you make it through public life? Kitschy makeup, a wig, and a fake accent?”
“Sad, I know. It is either that or deal with being recognized.” Louise waved her hand around the room. “If I had walked in here as Louise Waters, at least half of the fifty guests here would have come up to me and asked for an autograph or selfie. And both of us would show up on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, and TMZ an hour later.”
“Does Ivana come here often?” Rick asked.
Louise studied the menu. “I’d like to come more. This place and I have a history. My first time was after I had finished shooting my first movie. I had earned my first real actor’s fee after all those meager stand-up gigs. I hadn’t eaten anything at the wrap party and was hungry and ended up here. Alone. Watching the Pacific. Eating biryani and drinking mango lassi.” She pointed to the back, where a waiter roamed and an old Indian couple organized the bar and the open kitchen. “The owners were younger. I was younger. What about yourself?”
Rick looked around. “Bella and I had our first date here. Actually, this very seat. I sat where you are now.”
“Indian for the first date. Courageous. Where had you met?”
“Borders Bookstore on Santa Monica’s Third Street. I had moved here for a boatbuilding job and had browsed the section on boats. The architecture section was right beside it, and we kind of stumbled on each other. She commented on the big picture book I had been browsing, something along the lines of ‘Isn’t that boat out of your league?’ Typical pickup line. And I fell hook, line, and sinker. Right there on the spot.”
“May I ask how she died?”
“An accident shortly after Dana’s birth. Bella was an architect at a big construction firm here in Oxnard. While she was at a building site, a steel cable on one of the crane’s snapped, and its load smashed onto the office container, killing four people. Bella among them.”
“That is terrible! Was anyone at fault?”
“There was a trial where they tried to prove that the cable manufacturer had neglected quality procedures, but it was a pretty weak case. In the end, the cable company paid some compensation. But it wasn’t too much, especially after the lawyers had taken their share. Went straight into the college fund for the kids.”
Louise saw Rick’s pain and put her hand on his. He retracted his quickly, as if she had shocked him. “Sorry, my mistake, I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“That’s okay. It is part of my story now,” Rick said, his eyes roaming the room.
Louise looked around. “Listen. Shouldn’t we go somewhere else? A place without ghosts?”
Rick swallowed. “This might be difficult, as we roamed most of the coast.”
“Then we roam until we find our place.”
Louise got up, and even though she was overdone and under a wig, men looked at her, as if unable to place that exotic lady. She was able to hide her face or body but never was able to hide her radiance, acting or not.
“We’ll take your car,” Louise commanded, and they head toward the old Chrysler minivan. Floris was drifting behind them, entering the Tahoe.
“Probably not your usual ride,” Rick said.
“Don’t worry about me. My normal ride is a midlevel Lexus, good enough for me as most of the time I have a service taking me to the studio or events. My bodyguard Floris insists on some more horsepower and protection, so he follows in the big black monster.” She looked around at the many kid modifications, from bumper stickers on the doors and leftover kids’ books to Happy Meal toys. “So this is suburbia,” she said.
“Toward town?”
“No, I have an idea.”
Louise directed him to a big beach parking lot that on a Sunday evening had only few remaining cars, mostly surfers, judging from the spare boards attached to the roof carriers. At the far end of the lot, overlooking the ocean and surrounded by some camping chairs and desks, stood a taco van under yellow sodium light. Three surfers, still in neoprenes, hugged in thick hoodies, sat around a cheap plastic table. They gave them a glance but continued their conversation.
“Now, this is your standard?” Rick teased.
“Little escapes.” They left the car. “Señor, anything left?”
The little Mexican cook nodded, pointed at the card sign, and gave off a machine-gun worth of words. Louise nodded. “Chicken and pork are out. Tuna and beef remain.”
“Tuna taco?” Rick was doubtful. “I’ll have the beef one. With everything. And a beer.”
Louise replied in more in Spanish, of which Rick only understood the universal words Corona and Diet Coke.
The Mexican cook came with both their tacos wrapped in wax paper and presented them. Louise pulled two camping chairs with them to the end of the parking lot and Rick carried food and beverages.
“What’s on yours?” Rick asked, taking a first bite.
“Special order, vegetarian, extra hot jalapeños, extra hot special sauce. I had been prepared for Indian food, remember?”
“How fitting!”
“You mean fussy and special?”
“I meant extra hot!”
The second he had spoken the words, Rick realized the double meaning. Louise snorted and laughed out loud, and Rick’s ears turned red.
“You’ve never been here?” she asked after they clinked their opened beverage cans.
“Nope. We go to the Oxnard beaches, and if we are into celebrity spotting, sometimes Malibu. Never so close to Santa Monica.”
“So no sad memories?”
Rick smiled a little bit. “Sad memories always, but not related to this spot.”
Louise smiled that brilliant wide smile of hers. “Very good. The spot thing, that is. Not the sad memories.”
“Have you ever lost someone very close to you?”
“My mother and sister are still around. Major issues, but alive. My father left early, and I have no memory of him, nor do I know where he is nowadays. So, did I ever lose someone close? No. Well, maybe my first dog. Got run over by a truck when I was about twelve.”
Rick had to laugh. “You are playing your dead dog against my late wife?”
“It was a very nice dog!” Louise laughed.
“I had a very nice wife, too.”
“All right, you win.”
“Can we make a deal for this night not to talk about partners, or kids, or work?” Rick pledged.
“Deal.”
The agreement resulted in a minute of silence.
“Read a good book lately?” Rick finally asked and both broke into laughter so hard, tears rolled down their faces.
“All right, I know a topic. No partners, work, or kids: failed dates!” Rick proposed.
“All right, but you start. Best start, worst ending . . .”
After half an hour, the cook came over to collect their seats, so both of them bought a final round of soft drinks, and went down to the beach. They sat down, leaning their backs against the lifeguard tower. Louise shed her wig and glasses and cleaned her mouth. Then they watched the dark world and the stars for a while.
“Why are we having this date?” Rick broke the silence.
“I like you, and I am lonely,” she said. “And you?”
“My kids would have killed me if I had said no,” Rick said.