Maddy stared across the table. “It’s definitely the glow,” she said. “It’s obvious, Loni.”
“What’s obvious?”
“You are in love with the man.”
This time Loni did not object. She merely glanced away. Telling Maddy everything, then hearing the words aloud . . . she knew Maddy was right.
“So may I ask you the obvious question?” said Maddy after a moment.
“Of course.”
“Why did you leave?”
“I don’t know!” wailed Loni. “Suddenly I realized what was happening. It wasn’t just finding out he was engaged. I think what frightened me most were the feelings welling up inside me. I didn’t know what to do. I panicked.”
“So he’s engaged?” said Maddy. “When did that ever stop a red-blooded American girl from going after a guy?”
“I’m not that kind of person, Maddy.”
“You don’t believe in fighting for something you want?”
“Not for a man. That’s not how people are over there. I would never fight for someone like David. It would ruin everything. If he and Audney are supposed to be together, I wouldn’t interfere with it. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I left.”
“You don’t sound convinced.”
“I’m more confused than anything.”
“I think you hit the nail on the head a minute ago—you’re afraid. Falling in love can be scary. I would think you would be used to it.”
“Hardly,” said Loni. “This is a first for me. I’ve never been so twisted up in knots. And yes . . . I’m terrified.”
“What about Hugh? Didn’t you feel this way when you met him?”
“Actually, no.”
“Okay . . .” said Maddy slowly. “Bombshell time. Care to elaborate?”
“It’s different with Hugh.”
“How so?”
“I don’t know . . . just different. We drifted into it, went on bland dates, talked about our work. After a while he started kissing me. He was a gentleman. He never tried anything. I just took it in stride, but I can’t say, even the first time he kissed me, that it made my heart rush.”
“Well, I certainly wouldn’t know!” laughed Maddy. “I’ve never been kissed by a guy in my life. And family doesn’t count. So . . . what are you afraid of?”
“I don’t know!” moaned Loni. “My feelings, I guess. When your brain and heart start doing cartwheels and you can’t get a deep breath, you become vulnerable. I told you I hardly dated in college. The whole girl-guy thing passed me by. Hugh is the first boyfriend I’ve ever had. I thought I loved him. I had no reason to think otherwise. But then this!”
She paused and took a drink of tea. “A white panic came over me and I had to get out of there,” Loni went on. “All my old self-doubts swept over me. Now I feel like an idiot. I wasn’t thinking rationally. I threw my things in my suitcase, got in the car, drove to the city, took a cab to the airport, and put two of the most expensive flights I will ever take in my life on my credit card, which is probably maxed out, and now here I am. I left in such a rush I probably left half my things behind.”
Loni paused. “As ridiculous as it sounds,” she added, “maybe you’re right. Maybe it is as simple as that I was afraid of falling in love.”
“It may not be as ridiculous as it sounds,” said Maddy. Her voice was more pensive than usual.
“Now it’s my turn to ask about that expression in your eyes,” said Loni.
Maddy smiled. “I think I might have been in love once,” she said.
“You!” The instant the word left her mouth Loni regretted it. “Maddy, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean . . .”
Maddy smiled. “Forget it. I know what you meant. I haven’t given you the idea that I am the falling-in-love type.”
“I wouldn’t express it exactly like that, only that you have told me that you are not interested in marrying or dating and all that.”
“Which I’m not. But now that we’re doing true confessions here, some of that may be my own defense mechanism to keep from being hurt again.”
Loni waited.
“Yeah,” said Maddy, “I fell for a guy, and I was afraid of it too. I was afraid of the possible rejection. I was afraid of all the feelings bubbling up inside. I’d always tried to be stoic and in control. I got giddy, laughed all the time, talked too much, and behaved like a perfect imbecile . . . and my fears were well-founded.”
“The guy dumped you?”
“Not really. Honestly, Loni, he never knew why I was acting so silly. I never told him. He never suspected. Eventually he left the firm I worked for and that was the end of it. I’ve always regretted I didn’t say something, didn’t somehow make my feelings known.”
She sighed. “It’s one of the bittersweet episodes of my life. Not even my mom knows. I wouldn’t dare tell her. I would never hear the end of it.”
It fell silent for a moment as they sipped from their cups and nibbled at the sweets from the tray in the middle of the table.
“What was his name?” asked Loni. “Or do you remember? How long ago was it?”
“Do I remember! Of course I remember. It was about twelve years ago. But I will remember him until the day I die.”
Maddy smiled sadly.
“His name was Tennyson Stafford. Not the kind of name you forget. He was a financial whiz. He was destined to rise in the ranks faster than me.”
“What became of him?”
“No idea. I tried to forget. So I know exactly what you’re going through and why all those sudden feelings are frightening. But I look back now and wish I’d handled it differently.”
“What would you have done?”
Maddy thought for several moments. “That’s the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question. I don’t suppose you ever know. But I worked too hard to convince myself that I didn’t care . . . steeled myself against the hurt, adopted my macho feminist persona with pantsuits and short hair, and threw myself into the game of trying to make it in a man’s world. I tried to convince myself that Tennyson was now forty pounds overweight and that I’d dodged a bullet. Of course, none of that did any good. You always wonder. But time passes and I got over it. Well, maybe not entirely. But it recedes into the past, and life goes on. You can’t go back. So it’s too late for me, but not for you.”
“But, Maddy, it is too late! It so completely unhinged me that I ran away. Now I feel stupid. Yet I can’t go back. There’s no reason to go back. How would I explain myself? Hi, David, I’m sorry I ran away, but I realized I was falling in love with you. So have a nice marriage with Audney. How ridiculous would it be for me to show up again?”
“You don’t think you should tell him how you feel?”
“That’s the last thing I would do. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them. I did the only thing I could have done. He’s engaged to the island beauty, who really is a sweet girl. I would never do anything to get in their way.”
“So what are you going to do? You own the island. You can’t turn your back on it.”
“I don’t know—deal with it, get over it, and go on with my life. I have to put on my Loni persona and handle the island’s business professionally and then probably sell it all to David. Why shouldn’t he and Audney be lord and lady of the island? Nothing would make the people of Whales Reef happier.”
“You know what I think?” said Maddy. “I think you need a few days to unwind and get your head together.”
“I’ve been anxious to get back to work.”
“All in good time. And I don’t want to throw yet one more monkey wrench into your life . . . but speaking of decisions, you may have one to make sooner than later about Hugh.”
“What do you mean?” asked Loni.
“I have the feeling he may be up to something . . . something involving you.”
“Uh-oh—do you know something I don’t?”
“Nothing specific, only that he called asking about you and was talking about big news and big decisions and wa
nting to talk over plans with you.”
“Plans?”
“He didn’t elaborate.”
Loni sighed. “I suppose I am going to need to figure more out than I realized.”
“Why don’t you take all next week?” said Maddy.
Loni thought a moment. “You know what sounds really good? An extended visit to my grandparents. Maybe it’s time I reconnected with those roots and forgot my Scottish roots for a while. I need to come to terms with my Pennsylvania past maybe even more than my Scottish. Thank you, Maddy. I will take you up on your offer.”
“And Hugh?”
“I need to see him before I go. I just hope it’s not what I think you think it is. I really can’t deal with that right now.”
“If it is, what are you going to do about Hugh?”
“I don’t know, probably marry him. Who else am I going to marry? Just not right now. You know, Maddy, if I am going home for a few days, I think I’ll skip the movie tonight.”
“Sure, no problem.”
“I need to relax and unwind and then repack.”
“Don’t forget the chocolate, popcorn, and a chick flick.”
Loni laughed. “But I will have to call Hugh.”
“Good luck!”
As soon as she reached home, Loni summoned the wherewithal to pick up the phone. A few seconds later Hugh’s voice answered.
“Hello, Hugh,” said Loni, “guess what, I’m home.”
“What . . . when?”
“A few hours ago. I’m just getting unpacked. It was a last-minute decision. I didn’t even have time to tell Maddy I was coming. I want to see you and catch up on everything, but I need to see my grandparents first. Could we get together tomorrow, and maybe you could take me to the train station?”
“The train station?” said Hugh in surprise.
“I decided to take the train up to Philly.”
“Why the train?”
“I just felt like it. I don’t want to drive up in my own car. Can you take me to the station?”
“Sure. But I’ve got big news about an important decision for our future. You free tonight?”
“I’m really bushed, Hugh. We’ll have plenty of time when I get back.”
“This is too big. I don’t want to wait to spring it on you. How about I take you to the most expensive restaurant in D.C.? I’ll pick you up—”
“Sorry, I just can’t, Hugh. We’ll catch up tomorrow.”
Inwardly Loni sighed. Maybe the big news was that he’d lowered his golf handicap or had been invited to join one of Washington’s prestigious country clubs. Though she doubted it.
She set down the phone and decided to attack her suitcase. She hoisted it onto her bed, opened it, and began to put away the contents or toss them into the laundry hamper. She’d reached the bottom of the case when an uneasy feeling came over her.
Quickly she grabbed her carry-on and threw it on the bed beside the other. She rifled through the contents, spewing them in every direction. A moment later a groan sounded.
Her journal and the letter box and all its contents were nowhere to be seen. They were still sitting on the desk in the upstairs study of the Cottage back on Whales Reef.
53
Disconcerting Proposition
Loni was scarcely buckled into place the following morning in Hugh’s BMW when, showing no curiosity about her trip, Hugh launched into the news he had been waiting a week to tell her.
“Something really big has come up, Loni,” he said excitedly. “It’s too good to believe. That chief of staff thing I wrote you about is off the table. It’s much bigger. This is my chance, Loni! Everything’s happening fast. Now that you’re here, you can be part of it. We’ve got to get some plans in motion immediately.”
“What kind of plans?”
“Everything—our future, Loni. Now I will definitely not take no for an answer like last Christmas. You are going to meet my parents. I’m trying to set something up next weekend. They need to be among the first to know.”
Loni held her breath.
“You do know it’s 2006?” Hugh went on.
“Uh, yes!” laughed Loni. “I was aware of that.”
“And you realize the significance of it?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Midterm elections this November. They’re only five months away. That’s why we’ve got to jump on this quickly.”
“Okay . . . move quickly on what, Hugh?”
“The election. Congressman Finney has decided not to run for reelection. He wants to put me up for the seat as his protégé!”
“Oh, I see . . . yes, that is certainly big news. But I thought you and your parents were from Connecticut. Isn’t Finney from Wisconsin? Don’t you have to run from your home state?”
“That’s a second home. I was raised in the congressman’s district. That’s how I got the job on his staff. My dad knew some people he knew, and they pulled a few strings. The point is that Congressman Finney wants me to succeed him. So you see why time is of the essence. Everything has to be fast-tracked.”
“That’s fantastic, Hugh,” said Loni, momentarily relieved. “I’m happy for you. Congratulations.”
“Thanks, but you and I have to get everything in place. I’ll have to reestablish residency, which should be no problem since I was raised there. But we should plan a trip to Wisconsin ASAP to look for a house. I’ll need to file all the papers and then start speaking and revving up the campaign.”
“Why can’t you use your family home?”
“How would that look, a man running for Congress who is living with his folks? Image is everything. Besides, we’ll want a place of our own.”
“What exactly do you mean, Hugh? Who’s we?”
“You and me of course, Loni. We’re in this together. You know how I feel. This is our big chance. Congressman Finney thinks I may have a real future. He wants to mentor me. I’m young and you are every politician’s dream. You know how it is in Washington—appearances are everything. The congressman thinks I could be a senator, even VP material someday. With you at my side, and with the mystique of your inheritance and that funny title you said the people called you—”
“Laird,” said Loni.
“Whatever. Nobody will know what it means. It’s the mystery of the British aristocracy, sort of a political Princess Grace. We’ll make you a star, like American royalty.”
“Hugh, it’s not like that. It’s an island of fishermen, not Monaco. The title is unofficial anyway.”
“No one here will know. We’ll play it up, publicize your rags-to-riches story. The tabloids will eat it up. We’ll be an unstoppable combination!
“And speaking of your inheritance,” Hugh continued before Loni could squeeze in a word. “I don’t know how soon the funds from it will be available, but that would really help with the campaign. And like I say, we’ll play up the aristocracy thing. It will be great!”
Loni’s head was spinning. When she spoke, hardly realizing what she was saying, her voice was soft.
“Do you realize, Hugh, that I own a woolen mill?” she said.
“What?”
“I own a woolen mill . . . on the island.”
“Oh, okay—well, that shouldn’t be a problem. It should be easy enough for us to sell off.”
“Who said I wanted to sell it? I also own sheep and cattle and—”
Whatever else Loni had been about to say was interrupted by Hugh’s laughter.
“Sheep . . . cattle! That’s hilarious. We better not let that leak to the press. We want to present you as an aristocrat, not a farm girl!”
“You’re right,” said Loni, “this is moving fast. Way too fast. Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself?”
“Do you really think so?” said Hugh in a perplexed tone. “I don’t understand your hesitation. I’ve been planning everything we need to do. We’ll have our official residence in Wisconsin, but we will maintain a house here in D.C. too. And we’ll have to t
alk about when it would be best for you to quit your job. We might even want to work the wedding into the campaign, make it a society event emphasizing your long-lost inheritance. We won’t want to make public your religious upbringing in Pennsylvania. People might think you were Amish or something—that would conflict with the Princess Grace mystique.”
At last it fell silent in the car.
“Uh . . . Hugh,” said Loni after several long seconds, “please don’t get me wrong—I am happy for you, but you are assuming a lot. I mean, am I missing something? Are you proposing to me?”
“Oh, right . . . of course. I guess I thought that was understood.”
Keeping his right hand on the wheel, he rummaged through his coat pocket with his left. He pulled out a small box and handed it to her. “Sorry,” he said. “I got so carried away I forgot one important detail.”
Loni opened the box. Her eyes fell on an enormous diamond atop a platinum band.
“Put it on. I want to see how it looks.”
Some inner sense made Loni hesitate. She picked it up with the fingers of her left hand and tentatively probed the fourth finger of her right hand.
“No, your left hand,” said Hugh.
“It’s too small, Hugh,” she said. “I don’t want to force it.”
“I’ll get it resized. Do you like it?”
“It looks expensive.”
“It was!” laughed Hugh.
Loni replaced the ring in the box, closed the lid, and stared out the car window in silence.
“Hugh,” she said at length, “why do you always give me chrysanthemums?”
“Huh—what kind of question is that?”
“Maybe an important one.”
“What do chrysanthemums have to do with my running for office?”
“It has to do with us, Hugh.”
“What about us?”
“Everything. Do you have an answer?”
“I don’t know. I guess because I like them.”
“Did you ever stop to think whether I do?”
“I don’t suppose I did.”
“Do you know that I’m allergic to them?”
“Actually, now that you mention it, I guess I remember. Okay, no big deal—no more chrysanthemums. Roses from now on. None of that matters. What matters, Loni, is that this is our ticket.”
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