So quiet, and enclosed by the dense surrounding wood, it was the only place in the world where she felt completely alone, and completely herself. She felt things here that she felt nowhere else.
As she sat down on this day, she no longer sensed herself alone. The eternal reality of God’s ever-present accompanying Presence had begun to exert its healing pressure on her soul.
The tiny meadow, even after so many years, flooded Loni with memories. Feelings swirled inside that she could not have framed into words. When here, she had in some strange way been at peace with her girlish emotions and dawning self-perceptions. She would not have called it praying back then. Yet in her own way, in her attempt to make sense of who she was and where she fit into the big, wide, often painful world . . . perhaps even then she was learning to pray.
She lay down on the soft carpet of green and stared up through the blue overhead. She was at last formulating the questions in her adult mind that she had only felt as a child:
Who am I . . . who was I then . . . who am I now . . . who am I becoming . . . who is it that I want to be?
Was she Loni . . . or Alonnah . . . or both? Was she a Ford, or a Tulloch, or both?
Yes, she thought, even as a child whenever she came here the chrysalis had been struggling to break free and come awake.
Loni let out a deep sigh, then began to pray.
God, help me know myself, she whispered. Help me become who you want me to be . . . and do what you want me to do.
Doubts again swept through her for having left Whales Reef so abruptly.
I see now, she prayed, that I acted impulsively. I didn’t stop to ask you what to do. This is all so new, trying to do what you want me to do rather than what I want to do. Help me learn to hear your voice. And if I did make a mistake, show me what you want me to do now. Help me, as my grandfather said, to wait for your answer.
Loni’s thoughts stilled. Growing drowsy and lost in her nostalgic reverie, a sound startled her upright.
It wasn’t common, but she had grown up being warned by her grandfather that occasionally bears wandered out of the wilderness. More likely a raccoon or skunk, she thought, or a possum. Though they were nocturnal.
There it was again—steps creeping through the trees!
It wasn’t crashing and chaotic like a bear, but soft like a deer stepping gingerly.
Loni sat motionless, trying to remember everything her grandfather had told her to do if she encountered a bear.
Again came a shuffling of leaves. Eyes riveted in the direction of the sound, Loni watched a shadow gradually begin to emerge. It was standing upright!
Panic sweeping through her, Loni rose to her feet and began to back away.
A man was coming through the trees . . . a hunter, it must be . . . or one of the local boys out with his air gun!
She must warn him so he didn’t do something crazy and shoot without seeing who she was! Loni tried to call out, but her throat was dry. She couldn’t manage so much as a croak.
The figure emerged into the clearing. Her eyes shot open, and her face went white. Head swirling, Loni’s knees buckled.
Her surroundings went dark, and she collapsed into unconsciousness.
56
An Angry Fisherman
LERWICK, SHETLAND ISLANDS
It had not taken a fight with his cousin to tell Hardy Tulloch that the plans and schemes he had been cherishing were crumbling at his feet. His exchange with the American made that fact clear enough.
In his heart of hearts, the thought of encountering his cousin on some isolated bluff or coastline where he could give full vent to his lifelong animosity was so delicious that he had actually dreamed of it in his sleep. He knew he could kill David as easily as he could a twenty-pound cod, or toss him off a cliff without breaking a sweat.
But Hardy was no fool. He knew well enough that there would be unpleasant consequences if David just disappeared. Suspicion would naturally turn in his direction. And he was sufficiently wary of the Ford girl—who had shown herself possessed of more gumption than he had anticipated—and the American propensity for lawsuits, to attempt any hostile move against her. Talk around the village during the next several days was obviously favorable toward the do-gooder. Her touching little speech at the mill, and the evening with David at the Auld Hoose, were on the lips of all the auld wives as if she was suddenly their darling.
The fools! thought Hardy.
At present he deemed it the most prudent policy to lay low. For the moment it would be best to make no more enemies than he already had. Whatever he did from here on out, he would do in secret.
He did not learn until Saturday that the Ford woman was no longer even on the island. The consensus was that business had taken her back to the States.
Her absence was just what Hardy had been waiting for. What the current situation was, he did not know. It would behoove him to investigate and see what he might be able to do on his own.
On Monday morning, Hardy appeared at the offices of MacNaughton, Dalrymple, & MacNaughton, requesting to see the solicitor in charge of the Tulloch estate of Whales Reef. A few minutes later, with his secretary on her way to the supply cupboard for some air freshener, Hardy was seated in Jason MacNaughton’s office. Introducing himself as one of the principle claimants in the business of Macgregor Tulloch’s estate, to which Jason replied that he was aware of who he was, Hardy inquired whether the solicitor was aware of the private arrangement the American Miss Ford had concluded with him regarding the administration of her affairs until his pending suit contesting the inheritance was resolved.
“I was aware of no such agreement,” replied Jason cautiously. “I’m sorry, did I hear you correctly, that you have filed a suit against the findings of the probate court?”
“Oh, aye!” replied Hardy expansively. “’Tis weel enouch kent that the lassie’s grit-gran’father gave up his right tae the inheritance when he sailed til America. The inheritance’ll be mine eventually, ye need hae nae doobt aboot that.”
“I’m not so sure it is so simple, Mr. Tulloch,” rejoined Jason with an indulgent smile. “Everything was thoroughly looked into by the court before they reached their decision.”
“We shall see aboot that,” said Hardy confidently. “What I want tae ken noo is hoo I’m tae take up my business as the lassie’s factor.”
“Her factor, you say?”
“Aye,” said Hardy, “jist like she promised an’ as she an’ me agreed. I said I’d take care o’ everything when she was gone.”
“I see. Well, Mr. . . . uh, Mr. Tulloch,” said Jason slowly, “I fear there is really nothing you will be able to do, nor do I see that there is anything I can do about the situation. Miss Ford indeed made arrangements for the management of her financial affairs in her absence. However, I am powerless to change them.”
“So ’tis jist as I said.”
“Unfortunately,” Jason continued, “she made no mention of you. She left her affairs in the hands of another.”
“An’ who might that be?” Hardy shot back. “’Tis yersel’, I suppose.”
“Not at all,” said Jason. “She left her affairs in the hands of Mr. David Tulloch. I’m afraid her arrangement is legally binding.”
It is doubtful whether Jason MacNaughton visibly saw smoke coming out of Hardy’s ears. He was aware, however, of a sudden rise of temperature in his office.
Hardy rose with a silent expression of wrath on his face and strode from the room without another word.
It was well that Hardy did not encounter David for several days. The result could have been catastrophic for both men. As it was, he had to content himself, like the ancient Pharisees and Herodians, with holding counsel in his mind against him to see how he might destroy him.
57
Stranger in the Meadow
SOUTHERN PENNSYLVANIA
When Loni began to come to herself, she thought herself dreaming . . . transported to a time and place far away.
She was gazing into sparkling eyes of cornflower blue, a wild crop of light brown hair falling over ears and forehead, a wide smile brightening a face, radiating light and life like the sun.
All she could do was stare. What a dream!
A great laugh rippled musically out of the sun face. The spell was broken. The dream had come to life.
Loni’s heart skipped. “David!” she whispered in disbelief. “Is it . . . but how did you . . . is it really you?”
She reached up as if expecting her hand to pass through the image of a ghost. Instead her fingers touched his cheek and gently probed the sandpaper of his whiskers.
“It’s me,” he said brightly. “And I am glad to see you too! I just barely reached you before you dropped in a faint.”
As her consciousness returned, Loni realized that she was lying in David’s arms where he knelt beside her.
“I don’t know what happened. I heard a noise in the trees, then I saw you. I thought I was hallucinating. How long have I been like this—an hour?”
“Only ten or fifteen seconds,” laughed David.
Loni tried to sit up. David gently lifted her with an arm behind her shoulders, then sat back a few feet away.
“Whew, I think I am feeling better,” she said, drawing in a deep breath. “Fainting is very strange. I’m not sure I want to make a practice of it. But what in the world are you doing here? Oh, and look—your eye is better!”
“Healing nicely, thank you.”
“But what are you doing in America . . . how did you . . . I mean, how did you possibly find me? Out here . . . in the middle of the woods!”
“Your grandfather drew me a map. He thought I might find you here.”
“You’ve met my grandparents?”
“A delightful man and woman.”
“But I never told my grandfather about my special place.”
“He told me you would probably say that.”
“That crafty man. He was paying closer attention than I realized.”
“He said he used to follow you here to make sure you were safe.”
Loni smiled. “But how did you locate my grandparents?” she asked. “How did you know I would be with them?”
“It took a little sleuthing. Jason had some details, and the internet is amazing for tracking people down. And a phone call with your Madison Swift—”
“You talked to Maddy?”
David laughed. “Anyway, I left Shetland on Sunday, and here I am.”
“But how did you get all the way out here?”
“I took a taxi from the airport. I didn’t want to risk driving on unfamiliar roads.”
“A taxi! That must have cost a fortune.”
“Actually it was a little more than I had planned on.”
Loni noticed the book lying beside David on the grass.
“It’s my journal!” she exclaimed.
“You left it. I decided to return it to you in person.”
At last Loni knew she wasn’t dreaming. It was David! It was exactly the kind of thing the real David would do.
“Did you . . . ?” she began.
“Read it?”
Loni nodded.
“Do you need to ask?”
“No,” she said, smiling. “I know you would never do such a thing.”
“I confess I did open the cover. I walked about the Cottage trying to find some clue as to what had happened to you. The study upstairs was open. I saw the book. The instant I read your name I closed it. It has remained closed ever since. I knew it was not meant for anyone else’s eyes.”
“This book is me,” she said, “or at least my attempt to discover who I am. Maybe in a way this journal represents my quest to discover my true name. I have too many names to deal with—the Emily that was always my middle name and I had no idea why, the mysterious Tulloch that appeared in the letter from Jason MacNaughton. Most of all it’s the confusion between Alonnah and Loni.”
“Why confusion? Most people have nicknames.”
“Loni is not just a nickname. It has been my identity until very recently, until the fateful letter from Jason began unraveling my well-ordered world.”
She went on to explain how the name Loni had come about, and about her changing persona since being in the Shetlands.
“In a way I am feeling that the two halves of my identity may slowly be coming into harmony.”
“All that’s in this journal?”
“A lot of it, yes. But seriously, David—what are you doing here?”
“You left your journal,” he replied with a twinkle in his eye. “I thought it the gentlemanly thing to do to get it back to its owner without delay.”
Loni laughed. “Really, David . . . has something happened on the island?”
“Only your leaving without saying a word.”
Loni glanced away. “I know,” she said softly. “I’m embarrassed about that. I’m sorry.”
“So it’s my turn to ask why. Why did you leave so suddenly?”
“It’s complicated,” said Loni with a sigh. “There were things I was dealing with . . . personal things.”
“Care to elaborate?”
Again Loni drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“No, I don’t want to elaborate,” she replied. “But if I don’t tell you it will gnaw at me until I do. Secrets, you know. Now that we’ve got this unofficial pact about openness, I don’t suppose I have any choice.”
“If you’re uncomfortable, I hereby withdraw the pact.”
“That is kind of you, David . . . really. But I will have to tell you eventually.”
Loni paused briefly.
“In a nutshell, then,” she began, “after our evening together at your house—and I hope you don’t misunderstand . . . it was one of the most special evenings I’ve ever spent—but afterward I realized that it might not be fair to Audney, and you of course, for me . . . you know, if people talked about my being there alone so late with you . . . and what Audney might think.”
“What does Audney have to do with it?” asked David.
“You and Audney . . . I didn’t want to get in the middle of that and cause awkwardness for either of you.”
“In the middle of what?”
“You and Audney.”
David stared back with a bewildered expression. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m totally confused. There is no Audney and me, except that she has been my best friend for years. I mean, I love Audney like a sister, but there’s nothing that either of us would feel awkward about because you and I spent the evening together.”
“Like a . . . sister?” repeated Loni.
David nodded. “Of course.”
“What exactly do you mean, there is no you and Audney?”
“What do you mean what do I mean?” said David, growing still more confused.
“I’m talking about you and Audney. Your engagement.”
“What engagement?”
“You and Audney being engaged to be married.”
“Married!” exclaimed David.
“Yes. Aren’t you and Audney engaged?”
“Where did you get an idea like that?”
“Didn’t you propose to her?”
“Well . . . yes, I guess I sort of did,” replied David.
“Sort of?”
“I mean . . . yes, I proposed to her.”
“And that’s why I left. I didn’t want to get in the middle of it.”
“But, Alonnah—that was eight, maybe ten years ago.”
“Oh,” said Loni in surprise. “That’s, uh . . . a long engagement.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you—there is no engagement. She turned me down.”
Loni stared back at him, wondering if she had heard him right.
“Audney turned me down,” David repeated. “We have been the best of friends ever since, just as we were before.”
“But I assumed . . . I heard two ladies in the village talking about you and Audney. They wer
e talking as if the two of you were engaged. Suddenly I thought I’d stumbled into the middle of something where I didn’t belong.”
“I should have suspected something like that,” said David. “I knew there must be a misunderstanding.” He laughed lightly. “I must say,” he added, “if you are going to be part of the Whales Reef community, you should know that the gossiping old wives are not to be depended on. There are some who still think that Audney and I belong together.”
“Are you still in love with her?”
“I was never in love with her.”
“Now I am really confused! Why did you propose?”
“I knew she was in love with me. I wanted to make her happy. At the time I thought it was the right thing to do.”
“And?”
“Audney was wise enough to know that I didn’t love her in the same way she loved me. Her love was selfless enough to tell me so. She said that there was a woman somewhere I would fall in love with one day, and that she did not intend to steal affections that belonged to another. She loved me enough to turn me down.”
“That is amazing. Nobody does that.”
“Audney Kerr did. She said that there was also someone who would one day love her as a woman needed to be loved and that she would love him even more than she loved me. She said that she was willing to wait for that man, whoever he was.”
“That man, I take it, is not Hardy?”
“Assuredly it is not Hardy! She is still waiting. She would rather not marry until fifty, or ever, than marry the wrong man. Being single is no disgrace in God’s eyes. Marrying unwisely is.”
Loni was struggling to get her head around this complete reversal of what she had been thinking since leaving the island.
“All right,” she said at length. “That’s why I left Whales Reef. It is obvious that I misunderstood the situation, and I feel stupid now for behaving rashly.”
“It’s not worth sackcloth and ashes.”
“Just give me the luxury of wallowing in my foolishness. But that doesn’t explain why you’re here. And I know it wasn’t just to bring me my journal, so don’t try that one again. You may be a gentleman, but I don’t buy that line for a second!”
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