by Ryvr Jones
She froze. “Tell him to let me out.”
“You don’t understand,” he said quietly, his voice full of rust. “We can’t walk away from this. There are too many lives at stake.”
“I don’t give a damn!” Tamerah clenched her fists, wanting to punch something. What a cruel joke. He expected her to accept she was a lousy copy of his beloved Brianna.
Rhys put a hand on her shoulder and she shrugged away. “Don’t.”
“Tarani.” The word dripped with longing.
“No.” She whirled around to face him. “You don’t get to look at me and see her. I’m not the woman you love. She’s dead.” He flinched, but she had another blow to deliver, a lie to rattle him even more. “And I wish I was too.”
“No!” He gripped her shoulders. “You said you wouldn’t forsake me.” He yanked her closer, his eyes getting darker. “You promised.”
She fought the urge to lean into his solid frame. “I don’t give a crap about saving humankind, Rhys. You’re all I really know, all I care about…all I thought I cared about. But none of that’s real.”
“I don’t need you to save the world. I need you to save me.” He put an arm around her waist and clasped her nape, bringing her into full contact with him. Almost against her will, her hands went to his waist. He rested his forehead on hers and closed his eyes. “Until you came to my life, I wanted so bad to die, I didn’t realize I was already dead. Don’t take your light away from me.”
The desperation in his voice almost made her relent. But she couldn’t. Digging her fingers in, she rasped, “There’s no light in me, Rhys. I’m an echo. What you see, it’s not me.” Her own voice broke, and she swallowed a sob, closing her eyes. She couldn’t stand the pain on his face. “You need to let me go.”
Instead of releasing her, Rhys tightened his embrace and crushed his lips to hers. His fingers twisted in her hair, tilting her head back, demanding surrender.
A strangled groan ripped from her throat. She grabbed his neck with one hand, tugging his hair with the other. A need to own this man tore through her, and she kissed him back with the same aggression, biting his lips, his tongue, seeking entrance to his mouth.
It was nothing like their first kiss. It was violent, hungry, desperate. He took possession of her mouth and she forgot her own name, drowning in him. He clung to her as if his life depended on it, taking his breath from her lips.
She bit him again, his moans sending lightning through her body. He lifted her from the floor and she encircled his waist with her legs as he pushed her against the door, trapping her between the hard wood and his hard, warm body.
Rhys pressed his erection to her core, and something primal rumbled in her chest. She yanked his head to the side to bite his corded neck, wanting to devour him, to make him a part of her. He groaned, grinding against her as she ran her teeth down his skin.
“Tarani,” he growled. “I need you.”
His words brought her crashing back to reality. It’s not me he wants.
“Let me go.” She dropped her legs and pushed him.
Rhys stepped back, his arms falling by his side. The sadness etched in his face made her heart clench. “Don’t give up on me,” he pleaded, biting his lip, maybe trying to keep something inside. Finally, he whispered, “You’re all that I have, Tarani.”
“Then you don’t have anything. I’m nothing.”
“You’re wrong.” His gaze dropped to the floor. “If that were true, I wouldn’t feel—”
Tamerah interrupted before he said something that would made her cave in. “You don’t know if what you feel is really about me, do you?”
His silence was all the answer she needed. “Tell Caeron to let me out.”
After a moment, the door lock made a clicking sound. She turned and gripped the handle, trying to scrounge up enough courage to open it.
“Tell me you’ll come back.” His soft murmur went all the way down to her soul, a thunder shaking an empty house.
Without turning, she gave him the truth. “I don’t know.”
Feeling his gaze burning into her, she opened the door and crossed it. She had no idea where she was going, but she needed to get out of there, away from Rhys.
As Tamerah walked through the night, something died inside her.
Rhys watched Tarani walk away and felt his soul—his rotten, useless soul—being ripped from his body.
You said you wouldn’t abandon me.
The door closed by itself and he leaned against it, resting his hands and forehead where Tarani had been before. She’d bitten him as if he belonged to her. As if she wanted him to belong to her.
And fuck everything to hell and beyond, he’d never wanted anything more in his life. To be wanted like that. To belong to her.
After being alone in the dark for so long, wishing he would die, she had made him smile. She’d hugged him, comforted him, made him laugh. Her light and her kindness had made him feel human again.
But she was gone.
He’d let his walls down, had cut himself open for her, and it hadn’t mattered. It hadn’t been enough.
You don’t know if what you feel is about me. Her words echoed in his ears, punching him in the stomach. Was he reliving his feelings for Brianna?
I wasn’t enough for her, either. He banged his head against the door. No. It wasn’t like that.
Rhys had been the one to walk away from Brianna. It had been the right decision, and it had hurt like hell. It almost destroyed him. And yet, despite all the pain and misery he’d gone through, despite the shithole his life had become, he survived.
Something told him he wouldn’t survive losing Tarani. He needed her light more than he needed to breathe.
As the realization slammed into him, the darkness awakened. He punched the door and banged his head again, fighting to shove back the poison boiling under his skin.
I can’t do this without you, Tarani.
A strong hand gripped his shoulder. “I hope you’re wrong.”
Unable to keep a growl inside, Rhys turned to Caeron. He tried to get his shit together, to keep the darkness at bay. And failed miserably.
“Hey! Don’t go berserk on me again, man!” Caeron shook him, but Rhys was lost. He lunged, intent on taking the dullahan to the floor and strangling him.
Rhys’s face collided with a solid fist, and he lost consciousness.
Caeron punched Rhys and his friend fell to the floor like a bag of bricks, his head making a loud thud as it crashed against the stones. “Oops. Sorry, man.”
Now he had to wait and pray Rhys came back to his normal, brooding self. He didn’t know what the fuck he was going to do if Rhys lost his shit again.
He sat on the floor, leaning against the wall and resting his forearms on his knees. Just what I need, to be babysitting the freaking Hulk. Great. Just fucking great.
Rhys had been so upset during his fight with Tamerah, he unwittingly broadcasted the entire thing through their mental bond. Caeron could hear their shouts anyway, but the access to Rhys’s thoughts had given him enough information to form a theory about why Rhys was going to the Abyss.
Caeron shuddered. The Abyss. He’d been to some really shitty places, but he didn’t know if he would’ve returned from such a trip with most of his sanity intact.
Even Rhys must have lost some of his marbles over there.
He eyed his friend. Rhys was going to be pissed when he found out Caeron had intruded in his head. I hope he doesn’t try to kill me again. He didn’t want to be forced to show Rhys that he was stronger than him. It would arise suspicion, and being smart as Rhys was, it wouldn’t take him long to figure out the truth.
Caeron needed to keep his real identity a secret, for as long as he could.
He wouldn’t fail this time.
Tamerah wandered aimlessly through the streets of Tarmanagh. Everything in her soul was scraped raw, to the point she wondered why she wasn’t physically bleeding.
She closed her coat and sh
oved her hands in her pockets, acutely aware that she was still wearing Rhys’s shirt and scarf. She already missed him so much.
I can’t go back.
She wouldn’t live like a glorified puppet, enacting someone else’s feelings. Knowing Rhys’s feelings weren’t about her.
He never wanted me.
Her stomach lurched as her legs turned to jelly, almost taking her to the ground. She sat on the curb to avoid falling and hugged her knees, hiding her face behind them, fighting the sobs that tried to get free.
“Hello, Tamerah.”
Startled, she jerked her head up. A dark haired woman approached and sat by her side. Recognition came instantly, and made her want to vomit.
Seersha.
Chapter Ten
“Get lost.” Tamerah turned her head forward, trying to ignore the woman. The Mistress of Death. “I’m not afraid of you. If you’re going to kill me, do it. Otherwise, go away.”
Seersha laughed. “You’ve been spending too much time with my favorite gravedigger, I see.”
“What do you want?” Tamerah gritted her teeth. She would not show weakness.
“The important question, Tamerah, is what do you want?”
Stunned, Tamerah turned to Seersha. She was beautiful, paler than Tamerah, and her sharp nose and high cheekbones created an interesting profile. Her clasped hands hung between her knees, her gaze trained on the trees lurking in the opposite sidewalk.
“What do you mean?” Tamerah narrowed her eyes.
“I know you haven’t recovered most of your memories, but your intelligence is still there. It’s a simple question.”
Tamerah bristled. “Nothing is simple anymore.” She let her gaze wander the street, not really seeing anything. “I thought it was simple. I was here to help Rhys, I’d remember who I am, and everything would be all right.”
“You haven’t answered my question.”
“I’m beginning to understand the rotten lemon thing,” Tamerah muttered.
Seersha made a small sound, similar to Rhys’s almost-laugh, but didn’t say anything.
What do I want? The only thing Tamerah knew was that she didn’t want to be a replica. She wanted to be a real person.
Demon. You’re a demon, Tamerah.
“I’m a demon.” She scrubbed a hand down her face, trying to organize her thoughts. “What does it mean?”
“It means you’re a demon.”
The answer seemed serious, but Tamerah now understood why Rhys couldn’t stand even the mention of his boss. They’d been in this conversation for all of five minutes and she wanted to strangle the woman. She couldn’t fathom how Rhys had endured this crap for centuries.
Gritting her teeth, she tried again. “Yes. But what am I supposed to do?”
Seersha gave her a sideways glance. “You already know the answer to that question.”
Gods. The desire to kill Seersha intensified, and brought to the front the fear that had been floating in Tamerah’s mind since she heard the word demon in the ruins. “Am I evil?”
“You tell me.” Seersha turned to her, and waited until Tamerah met her gaze. “Are you evil, Tamerah?”
“No.” The denial came easily, but there was something in the bottomless pits of Seersha’s eyes that compelled Tamerah to be honest. “At least, I don’t think I am. But I don’t know for sure.” She covered her face with her hands, trying to escape the black gaze that seemed to see all the way to her soul. “The Child of Darkness was also a demon.”
“Carden was made of hate, created to destroy.” Seersha sighed. “He did what he was created to do. He had no choice.”
Tamerah gripped her knees, watching her knuckles turn white under the force of her hold. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? To accept what was done to me, because I was made of love.” She spat the last word. “I shouldn’t care about not having a choice, because it was taken from me in the name of love, instead of hate?”
“You do have a choice.”
“What?” Tamerah’s head whipped around, but Seersha’s eyes were lost in the surrounding darkness.
“You have a soul, Tamerah.” There was a hint of sadness in her voice, and Tamerah couldn’t understand why. “A soul gives you free will. Giving one to you was a gamble, because it means you can decide to walk away and let somebody else try to clean this mess.” Seersha turned her face to the sky. “But you do have a choice.”
Tamerah was speechless. Once again, when she thought she had a basic understanding about her world and who she was, it was turned upside down with a few words.
I have a choice.
It didn’t change the fact that she’d been created with a specific purpose, without having any say about it. It didn’t make her feelings for Rhys real. It didn’t mean he wanted her instead of Brianna.
But I have a choice.
Seersha caught her gaze. “So, tell me. What do you want, Tamerah?”
Rhys blinked. He was lying on the floor. His jaw ached. What the fuck?
He jerked and sat up. “What happened?”
Caeron was also sitting on the floor, leaning against the opposite wall. “What the fuck do you think happened?” He pinned Rhys with a hard stare. “You went berserk again.”
“Fuck.” He rubbed a hand down his face and grimaced. The left side of his jaw was definitely tender.
“Yeah, fuck, indeed. You went down like a ton of bricks, and hit your head on the floor.” Caeron shot daggers at him. “You tried to kill me. Asshole.”
“Quit whining.” Rhys slid back and rested his back on the wall. “It’s not like I’d have succeeded anyway.” Dullahans could only be killed by a few supernaturals who were more powerful than them.
“Nope, but it’s getting annoying.” Caeron sighed. “I think I know what’s triggering your trips to the Abyss.”
Dread slammed into him. “You do?” It was a stupid thing to say, but he didn’t have anything smarter left in his brain.
“I think when the pain and misery you feel is too much for you to handle, you’re buying a ticket to the Abyss.”
Rhys snorted. “If that’s what takes me there, I’d be living in the Abyss, Caeron. I’d have never come back.”
“Something is triggering these episodes. From what Tamerah said and what I’ve seen, you’ve received a serious emotional blow each time, immediately before going berserk. It’s an easy deduction.”
“You know she walked away.” Caeron remained silent, and Rhys closed his eyes. “I haven’t been this miserable in a long time. To hear Tarani describe how she watched me die…Yeah.” He took a deep breath. “You could say it was more than I could take.”
I saw you die. The pain and sadness in her face as she’d cried, were burned to his brain. How she’d hugged him and sobbed. Because of him. Because she cared about him.
Where are you, Tarani? What was he going to do if she never came back? What you’ve always done, buddy. To get your shit together and deal with it.
“It started before I found Tarani, though.” He faced Caeron. “The darkness has been stirring for a while.”
“We know your soul is dying.” Caeron leaned forward. “And since the darkness feeds on misery, pain, despair, all that shit…I think it’s eating it away.”
“You think it’s literally eating my soul?” Rhys’s eyes widened.
“Eating, corroding, rotting…whatever.” Caeron shrugged. “Fact is, your soul is getting weaker. And the darkness is getting stronger.” He chuckled humorlessly. “You’re leaking, man.”
“Yeah, that’s hilarious.” Rhys put his elbows on his knees and hid his face behind his hands. Caeron’s theory sounded right on, but it wasn’t like Rhys could simply go and be happy. Misery and pain were all he had left. All that he was.
No. He needed to find a way to fight it. Brianna’s words came back to him. Keep hope close to your heart.
Hope. He’d once known what that was. He’d been human, had loved, had hoped…before he’d lost everything and ev
eryone. Tarani had brought back a sliver of hope to his life, and now she was gone, too.
“How am I going to do this, Caeron?” He lifted his head. “How am I going to keep the darkness inside, when there’s nothing in me besides it?”
“You need to fight.” Caeron pointed a finger at him. “If anybody can do it, and win, it’s you.”
Rhys shook his head. “I’ve been fighting it most of life. Evidently, it’s not working. Not anymore. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to keep it under control.” He turned his eyes to the floor, shame burning bright in his gut.
“What you need,” Caeron said, and Rhys forced himself to meet his eyes, “is something to fight for. I get the whole save-humankind thing, but you’ve been there before, and got royally screwed.”
“No shit.” Rhys almost laughed. That was the understatement of the century. The Thousand Deaths Battle, killing Carden, going to the Abyss for the first time—it all happened because he’d been trying to save humankind from the demon. He shuddered. “It was my fault, though. I was reckless.”
“No argument from me there. Shithead.”
“Asshole.” The familiar banter between them made Rhys’s heart ache. For the first time, he regretted pushing Caeron away. It had been the right decision, though. He cared too much about Caeron to put him at risk.
Caeron laughed. “Shut up and listen, man. You’ve been fighting the darkness, but why? Out of your sense of honor? Because you have to? Because you don’t want to be responsible for the world going to hell?” He leaned back against the wall. “That’s all fine and dandy, but what’s in it for you?”
“It doesn’t matter. I fucked up and created this mess, I’m responsible for cleaning it up.”
The dullahan rolled his eyes. “You need something to fight for, all the same. Something you care about. It’s the only thing that will give you the strength you need.”
“We’re out of luck, then. You know damn well I don’t care about anything. I gave up a long time ago.”
“Really.” Caeron cocked a brow. “Didn’t you go to the Abyss when our little demon walked out on you?”
“She’s not our demon,” Rhys growled and bared his teeth.