This was what Tchertop - hanov sometimes thought, and very bitter were such thoughts to him. At other times he would set his horse at full gallop over some newly ploughed field, or would make him leap down to the very bottom of a hollow ravine, and leap out again at the very steepest point, and his heart would throb with rapture, a loud whoop would break from his lips, and he would know, would know for certain, that it was the real, authentic Malek - Adel he had under him; for what other horse could do what this one was doing?
However, there were sometimes shortcomings and misfortunes even here. The prolonged search for Malek - Adel had cost Tchertop - hanov a great deal of money; he did not even dream of Kostroma hounds now, and rode about the neighbourhood in solitude as before. So one morning, four miles from Bezsonovo, Tchertop - hanov chanced to come upon the same prince’s hunting party before whom he had cut such a triumphant figure a year and a half before. And, as fate would have it, just as on that day a hare must go leaping out from the hedge before the dogs, down the hillside! Tally - ho! Tally - ho! All the hunt fairly flew after it, and Tchertop - hanov flew along too, but not with the rest of the party, but two hundred paces to one side of it, just as he had done the time before. A huge watercourse ran zigzagging across the hillside, and as it rose higher and higher got gradually narrower, cutting off Tchertop - hanov’s path. At the point where he had to jump it, and where, eighteen months before, he actually had jumped it, it was eight feet wide and fourteen feet deep. In anticipation of a triumph — a triumph repeated in such a delightful way — Tchertop - hanov chuckled exultantly, cracked his riding - whip; the hunting party were galloping too, their eyes fixed on the daring rider; his horse whizzed along like a bullet, and now the watercourse was just under his nose — now, now, at one leap, as then!... But Malek - Adel pulled up sharply, wheeled to the left, and in spite of Tchertop - hanov’s tugging him to the edge, to the watercourse, he galloped along beside the ravine.
He was afraid, then; did not trust himself!
Then Tchertop - hanov, burning with shame and wrath, almost in tears, dropped the reins, and set the horse going straight forward, down the hill, away, away from the hunting party, if only not to hear them jeering at him, to escape as soon as might be from their damnable eyes!
Covered with foam, his sides lashed unmercifully, Malek - Adel galloped home, and Tchertop - hanov at once locked himself into his room.
‘No, it’s not he; it’s not my darling! He would have broken his neck before he would have betrayed me!’
XI
What finally ‘did for,’ as they say, Tchertop - hanov was the following circumstance. One day he sauntered, riding on Malek - Adel, about the back - yards of the priest’s quarters round about the church of the parish in which is Bezsonovo. Huddled up, with his Cossack fur cap pulled down over his eyes, and his hands hanging loose on the saddle - bow, he jogged slowly on, a vague discontent in his heart. Suddenly someone called him.
He stopped his horse, raised his head, and saw his correspondent, the deacon. With a brown, three - cornered hat on his brown hair, which was plaited in a pig - tail, attired in a yellowish nankin long coat, girt much below the waist by a strip of blue stuff, the servant of the altar had come out into his back - garden, and, catching sight of Panteley Eremyitch, he thought it his duty to pay his respects to him, and to take the opportunity of doing so to ask him a question about something. Without some such hidden motive, as we know, ecclesiastical persons do not venture to address temporal ones.
But Tchertop - hanov was in no mood for the deacon; he barely responded to his bow, and, muttering something between his teeth, he was already cracking his whip, when....
‘What a magnificent horse you have!’ the deacon made haste to add: ‘and really you can take credit to yourself for it. Truly you’re a man of amazing cleverness, simply a lion indeed!’
His reverence the deacon prided himself on his fluency, which was a great source of vexation to his reverence the priest, to whom the gift of words had not been vouchsafed; even vodka did not loosen his tongue.
‘After losing one animal by the cunning of evil men,’ continued the deacon, ‘you did not lose courage in repining; but, on the other hand, trusting the more confidently in Divine Providence, procured yourself another, in no wise inferior, but even, one may say, superior, since....’
‘What nonsense are you talking?’ Tchertop - hanov interrupted gloomily; ‘what other horse do you mean? This is the same one; this is Malek - Adel.... I found him. The fellow’s raving!’....
‘Ay! ay! ay!’ responded the deacon emphatically with a sort of drawl, drumming with his fingers in his beard, and eyeing Tchertop - hanov with his bright eager eyes: ‘How’s that, sir? Your horse, God help my memory, was stolen a fortnight before Intercession last year, and now we’re near the end of November.’
‘Well, what of that?’
The deacon still fingered his beard.
‘Why, it follows that more than a year’s gone by since then, and your horse was a dapple grey then, just as it is now; in fact, it seems even darker. How’s that? Grey horses get a great deal lighter in colour in a year.’
Tchertop - hanov started... as though someone had driven a dagger into his heart. It was true: the grey colour did change! How was it such a simple reflection had never occurred to him?
‘You damned pigtail! get out!’ he yelled suddenly, his eyes flashing with fury, and instantaneously he disappeared out of the sight of the amazed deacon.
Well, everything was over!
Now, at last, everything was really over, everything was shattered, the last card trumped. Everything crumbled away at once before that word ‘lighter’!
Grey horses get lighter in colour!
‘Gallop, gallop on, accursed brute! You can never gallop away from that word!’
Tchertop - hanov flew home, and again locked himself up.
XII
That this worthless jade was not Malek - Adel; that between him and Malek - Adel there was not the smallest resemblance; that any man of the slightest sense would have seen this from the first minute; that he, Tchertop - hanov, had been taken in in the vulgarest way — no! that he purposely, of set intent, tricked himself, blinded his own eyes — of all this he had not now the faintest doubt!
Tchertop - hanov walked up and down in his room, turning monotonously on his heels at each wall, like a beast in a cage. His vanity suffered intolerably; but he was not only tortured by the sting of wounded vanity; he was overwhelmed by despair, stifled by rage, and burning with the thirst for revenge. But rage against whom? On whom was he to be revenged? On the Jew, Yaff, Masha, the deacon, the Cossack - thief, all his neighbours, the whole world, himself? His brain was giving way. The last card was trumped! (That simile gratified him.) And he was again the most worthless, the most contemptible of men, a common laughing - stock, a motley fool, a damned idiot, an object for jibes — to a deacon!... He fancied, he pictured vividly how that loathsome pig - tailed priest would tell the story of the grey horse and the foolish gentleman.... O damn!! In vain Tchertop - hanov tried to check his rising passion, in vain he tried to assure himself that this... horse, though not Malek - Adel, was still... a good horse, and might be of service to him for many years to come; he put this thought away from him on the spot with fury, as though there were contained in it a new insult to that Malek - Adel whom he considered he had wronged so already.... Yes, indeed! this jade, this carrion he, like a blind idiot, had put on a level with him, Malek - Adel! And as to the service the jade could be to him!... as though he would ever deign to get astride of him? Never! on no consideration!!... He would sell him to a Tartar for dog’s meat — it deserved no better end.... Yes, that would be best!’
For more than two hours Tchertop - hanov wandered up and down his room.
‘Perfishka!’ he called peremptorily all of a sudden, ‘run this minute to the tavern; fetch a gallon of vodka! Do you hear? A gallon, and look sharp! I want the vodka here this very second on the table!
’
The vodka was not long in making its appearance on Panteley Eremyitch’s table, and he began drinking.
XIII
If anyone had looked at Tchertop - hanov then; if anyone could have been a witness of the sullen exasperation with which he drained glass after glass — he would inevitably have felt an involuntary shudder of fear. The night came on, the tallow candle burnt dimly on the table. Tchertop - hanov ceased wandering from corner to corner; he sat all flushed, with dull eyes, which he dropped at one time on the floor, at another fixed obstinately on the dark window; he got up, poured out some vodka, drank it off, sat down again, again fixed his eyes on one point, and did not stir — only his breathing grew quicker and his face still more flushed. It seemed as though some resolution were ripening within him, which he was himself ashamed of, but which he was gradually getting used to; one single thought kept obstinately and undeviatingly moving up closer and closer, one single image stood out more and more distinctly, and under the burning weight of heavy drunkenness the angry irritation was replaced by a feeling of ferocity in his heart, and a vindictive smile appeared on his lips.
‘Yes, the time has come!’ he declared in a matter - of - fact, almost weary tone. ‘I must get to work.’
He drank off the last glass of vodka, took from over his bed the pistol — the very pistol from which he had shot at Masha — loaded it, put some cartridges in his pocket — to be ready for anything — and went round to the stables.
The watchman ran up to him when he began to open the door, but he shouted to him: ‘It’s I! Are you blind? Get out!’ The watchman moved a little aside. ‘Get out and go to bed!’ Tchertop - hanov shouted at him again: ‘there’s nothing for you to guard here! A mighty wonder, a treasure indeed to watch over!’ He went into the stable. Malek - Adel... the spurious Malek - Adel, was lying on his litter. Tchertop - hanov gave him a kick, saying, ‘Get up, you brute!’ Then he unhooked a halter from a nail, took off the horsecloth and flung it on the ground, and roughly turning the submissive horse round in the box, led it out into the courtyard, and from the yard into the open country, to the great amazement of the watchman, who could not make out at all where the master was going off to by night, leading an unharnessed horse. He was, of course, afraid to question him, and only followed him with his eyes till he disappeared at the bend in the road leading to a neighbouring wood.
XIV
Tchertop - hanov walked with long strides, not stopping nor looking round. Malek - Adel — we will call him by that name to the end — followed him meekly. It was a rather clear night; Tchertop - hanov could make out the jagged outline of the forest, which formed a black mass in front of him. When he got into the chill night air, he would certainly have thrown off the intoxication of the vodka he had drunk, if it had not been for another, stronger intoxication, which completely over - mastered him. His head was heavy, his blood pulsed in thuds in his throat and ears, but he went on steadily, and knew where he was going.
He had made up his mind to kill Malek - Adel; he had thought of nothing else the whole day.... Now he had made up his mind!
He went out to do this thing not only calmly, but confidently, unhesitatingly, as a man going about something from a sense of duty. This ‘job’ seemed a very ‘simple’ thing to him; in making an end of the impostor, he was quits with ‘everyone’ at once — he punished himself for his stupidity, and made expiation to his real darling, and showed the whole world (Tchertop - hanov worried himself a great deal about the ‘whole world’) that he was not to be trifled with.... And, above all, he was making an end of himself too with the impostor — for what had he to live for now? How all this took shape in his brain, and why, it seemed to him so simple — it is not easy to explain, though not altogether impossible; stung to the quick, solitary, without a human soul near to him, without a halfpenny, and with his blood on fire with vodka, he was in a state bordering on madness, and there is no doubt that even in the absurdest freaks of mad people there is, to their eyes, a sort of logic, and even justice. Of his justice Tchertop - hanov was, at any rate, fully persuaded; he did not hesitate, he made haste to carry out sentence on the guilty without giving himself any clear definition of whom he meant by that term.... To tell the truth, he reflected very little on what he was about to do. ‘I must, I must make an end,’ was what he kept stupidly and severely repeating to himself; ‘I must make an end!’
And the guiltless guilty one followed in a submissive trot behind his back.... But there was no pity for him in Tchertop - hanov’s heart.
XV
Not far from the forest to which he was leading his horse there stretched a small ravine, half overgrown with young oak bushes. Tchertop - hanov went down into it.... Malek - Adel stumbled and almost fell on him.
‘So you would crush me, would you, you damned brute!’ shouted Tchertop - hanov, and, as though in self - defence, he pulled the pistol out of his pocket. He no longer felt furious exasperation, but that special numbness of the senses which they say comes over a man before the perpetration of a crime. But his own voice terrified him — it sounded so wild and strange under the cover of dark branches in the close, decaying dampness of the forest ravine! Moreover, in response to his exclamation, some great bird suddenly fluttered in a tree - top above his head... Tchertop - hanov shuddered. He had, as it were, roused a witness to his act — and where? In that silent place where he should not have met a living creature....
‘Away with you, devil, to the four winds of heaven!’ he muttered, and letting go Malek - Adel’s rein, he gave him a violent blow on the shoulder with the butt end of the pistol. Malek - Adel promptly turned back, clambered out of the ravine... and ran away. But the thud of his hoofs was not long audible. The rising wind confused and blended all sounds together.
Tchertop - hanov too slowly clambered out of the ravine, reached the forest, and made his way along the road homewards. He was ill at ease with himself; the weight he had felt in his head and his heart had spread over all his limbs; he walked angry, gloomy, dissatisfied, hungry, as though some one had insulted him, snatched his prey, his food from him....
The suicide, baffled in his intent, must know such sensations.
Works of Ivan Turgenev (Illustrated) Page 230