Yegor’s son David, my cousin, was left on my father’s hands and lived with us. He was only one year older than I; but I respected him and obeyed him as though he were quite grown up. He was a sensible fellow with character; in appearance, thick - set and broad - shouldered with a square face covered with freckles, with red hair, small grey eyes, thick lips, a short nose, and short fingers - - a sturdy lad, in fact - - and strong for his age! My aunt could not endure him; my father was positively afraid of him ... or perhaps he felt himself to blame towards him. There was a rumour that, if my father had not given his brother away, David’s father would not have been sent to Siberia. We were both at the high school and in the same class and both fairly high up in it; I was, indeed, a little better at my lessons than David. I had a good memory but boys - - as we all know! - - do not think much of such superiority, and David remained my leader.
II
My name - - you know - - is Alexey. I was born on the seventh of March and my name - day is the seventeenth. In accordance with the old - fashioned custom, I was given the name of the saint whose festival fell on the tenth day after my birth. My godfather was a certain Anastasy Anastasyevitch Putchkov, or more exactly Nastasey Nastasyeitch, for that was what everyone called him. He was a terribly shifty, pettifogging knave and bribe - taker - - a thoroughly bad man; he had been turned out of the provincial treasury and had had to stand his trial on more than one occasion; he was often of use to my father.... They used to “do business” together. In appearance he was a round, podgy figure; and his face was like a fox’s with a nose like an owl’s. His eyes were brown, bright, also like a fox’s, and he was always moving them, those eyes, to right and to left, and he twitched his nose, too, as though he were sniffing the air. He wore shoes without heels, and wore powder every day, which was looked upon as very exceptional in the provinces. He used to declare that he could not go without powder as he had to associate with generals and their ladies. Well, my name - day had come. Nastasey Nastasyeitch came to the house and said:
“I have never made you a present up to now, godson, but to make up for that, look what a fine thing I have brought you to - day.”
And he took out of his pocket a silver watch, a regular turnip, with a rose tree engraved on the face and a brass chain. I was overwhelmed with delight, while my aunt, Pelageya Petrovna, shouted at the top of her voice:
“Kiss his hand, kiss his hand, dirty brat!”
I proceeded to kiss my godfather’s hand, while my aunt went piping on:
“Oh, Nastasey Nastasyeitch! Why do you spoil him like this? How can he take care of a watch? He will be sure to drop it, break it, or spoil it.”
My father walked in, looked at the watch, thanked Nastasey Nastasyeitch - - somewhat carelessly, and invited him to his study. And I heard my father say, as though to himself:
“If you think to get off with that, my man....” But I could not stay still. I put on the watch and rushed headlong to show my present to David.
III
David took the watch, opened it and examined it attentively. He had great mechanical ability; he liked having to do with iron, copper, and metals of all sorts; he had provided himself with various instruments, and it was nothing for him to mend or even to make a screw, a key or anything of that kind.
David turned the watch about in his hands and muttering through his teeth (he was not talkative as a rule):
“Oh ... poor ...” added, “where did you get it?”
I told him that my godfather had given it me.
David turned his little grey eyes upon me:
“Nastasey?”
“Yes, Nastasey Nastasyeitch.”
David laid the watch on the table and walked away without a word.
“Do you like it?” I asked.
“Well, it isn’t that.... But if I were you, I would not take any sort of present from Nastasey.”
“Why?”
“Because he is a contemptible person; and you ought not to be under an obligation to a contemptible person. And to say thank you to him, too. I suppose you kissed his hand?”
“Yes, Aunt made me.”
David grinned - - a peculiar grin - - to himself. That was his way. He never laughed aloud; he considered laughter a sign of feebleness.
David’s words, his silent grin, wounded me deeply. “So he inwardly despises me,” I thought. “So I, too, am contemptible in his eyes. He would never have stooped to this himself! He would not have accepted presents from Nastasey. But what am I to do now?”
Give back the watch? Impossible!
I did try to talk to David, to ask his advice. He told me that he never gave advice to anyone and that I had better do as I thought best. As I thought best!! I remember I did not sleep all night afterwards: I was in agonies of indecision. I was sorry to lose the watch - - I had laid it on the little table beside my bed; its ticking was so pleasant and amusing ... but to feel that David despised me (yes, it was useless to deceive myself, he did despise me) ... that seemed to me unbearable. Towards morning a determination had taken shape in me ... I wept, it is true - - but I fell asleep upon it, and as soon as I woke up, I dressed in haste and ran out into the street. I had made up my mind to give my watch to the first poor person I met.
IV
I had not run far from home when I hit upon what I was looking for. I came across a barelegged boy of ten, a ragged urchin, who was often hanging about near our house. I dashed up to him at once and, without giving him or myself time to recover, offered him my watch.
The boy stared at me round - eyed, put one hand before his mouth, as though he were afraid of being scalded - - and held out the other.
“Take it, take it,” I muttered, “it’s mine, I give it you, you can sell it, and buy yourself ... something you want.... Good - bye.”
I thrust the watch into his hand - - and went home at a gallop. Stopping for a moment at the door of our common bedroom to recover my breath, I went up to David who had just finished dressing and was combing his hair.
“Do you know what, David?” I said in as unconcerned a tone as I could, “I have given away Nastasey’s watch.”
David looked at me and passed the brush over his temples.
“Yes,” I added in the same businesslike voice, “I have given it away. There is a very poor boy, a beggar, you know, so I have given it to him.”
David put down the brush on the washing - stand.
“He can buy something useful,” I went on, “with the money he can get for it. Anyway, he will get something for it.”
I paused.
“Well,” David said at last, “that’s a good thing,” and he went off to the schoolroom. I followed him.
“And if they ask you what you have done with it?” he said, turning to me.
“I shall tell them I’ve lost it,” I answered carelessly.
No more was said about the watch between us that day; but I had the feeling that David not only approved of what I had done but ... was to some extent surprised by it. He really was!
V
Two days more passed. It happened that no one in the house thought of the watch. My father was taken up with a very serious unpleasantness with one of his clients; he had no attention to spare for me or my watch. I, on the other hand, thought of it without ceasing! Even the approval ... the presumed approval of David did not quite comfort me. He did not show it in any special way: the only thing he said, and that casually, was that he hadn’t expected such recklessness of me. Certainly I was a loser by my sacrifice: it was not counter - balanced by the gratification afforded me by my vanity.
And what is more, as ill - luck would have it, another schoolfellow of ours, the son of the town doctor, must needs turn up and begin boasting of a new watch, a present from his grandmother, and not even a silver, but a pinch - back one....
I could not bear it, at last, and, without a word to anyone, slipped out of the house and proceeded to hunt for the beggar boy to whom I had given my watch.
I so
on found him; he was playing knucklebones in the churchyard with some other boys.
I called him aside - - and, breathless and stammering, told him that my family were angry with me for having given away the watch - - and that if he would consent to give it back to me I would gladly pay him for it.... To be ready for any emergency, I had brought with me an old - fashioned rouble of the reign of Elizabeth, which represented the whole of my fortune.
“But I haven’t got it, your watch,” answered the boy in an angry and tearful voice; “my father saw it and took it away from me; and he was for thrashing me, too. ‘You must have stolen it from somewhere,’ he said. ‘What fool is going to make you a present of a watch?’“
“And who is your father?”
“My father? Trofimitch.”
“But what is he? What’s his trade?”
“He is an old soldier, a sergeant. And he has no trade at all. He mends old shoes, he re - soles them. That’s all his trade. That’s what he lives by.”
“Where do you live? Take me to him.”
“To be sure I will. You tell my father that you gave me the watch. For he keeps pitching into me, and calling me a thief! And my mother, too. ‘Who is it you are taking after,’ she says, ‘to be a thief?’“
I set off with the boy to his home. They lived in a smoky hut in the back - yard of a factory, which had long ago been burnt down and not rebuilt. We found both Trofimitch and his wife at home. The discharged sergeant was a tall old man, erect and sinewy, with yellowish grey whiskers, an unshaven chin and a perfect network of wrinkles on his cheeks and forehead. His wife looked older than he. Her red eyes, which looked buried in her unhealthily puffy face, kept blinking dejectedly. Some sort of dark rags hung about them by way of clothes.
I explained to Trofimitch what I wanted and why I had come. He listened to me in silence without once winking or moving from me his stupid and strained - - typically soldierly - - eyes.
“Whims and fancies!” he brought out at last in a husky, toothless bass. “Is that the way gentlemen behave? And if Petka really did not steal the watch - - then I’ll give him one for that! To teach him not to play the fool with little gentlemen! And if he did steal it, then I would give it to him in a very different style, whack, whack, whack! With the flat of a sword; in horseguard’s fashion! No need to think twice about it! What’s the meaning of it? Eh? Go for them with sabres! Here’s a nice business! Tfoo!”
This last interjection Trofimitch pronounced in a falsetto. He was obviously perplexed.
“If you are willing to restore the watch to me,” I explained to him - - I did not dare to address him familiarly in spite of his being a soldier - - “I will with pleasure pay you this rouble here. The watch is not worth more, I imagine.”
“Well!” growled Trofimitch, still amazed and, from old habit, devouring me with his eyes as though I were his superior officer. “It’s a queer business, eh? Well, there it is, no understanding it. Ulyana, hold your tongue!” he snapped out at his wife who was opening her mouth. “Here’s the watch,” he added, opening the table drawer; “if it really is yours, take it by all means; but what’s the rouble for? Eh?”
“Take the rouble, Trofimitch, you senseless man,” wailed his wife. “You have gone crazy in your old age! We have not a half - rouble between us, and then you stand on your dignity! It was no good their cutting off your pigtail, you are a regular old woman just the same! How can you go on like that - - when you know nothing about it? ... Take the money, if you have a fancy to give back the watch!”
“Ulyana, hold your tongue, you dirty slut!” Trofimitch repeated. “Whoever heard of such a thing, talking away? Eh? The husband is the head; and yet she talks! Petka, don’t budge, I’ll kill you.... Here’s the watch!”
Trofimitch held out the watch to me, but did not let go of it.
He pondered, looked down, then fixed the same intent, stupid stare upon me. Then all at once bawled at the top of his voice:
“Where is it? Where’s your rouble?”
“Here it is, here it is,” I responded hurriedly and I snatched the coin out of my pocket.
But he did not take it, he still stared at me. I laid the rouble on the table. He suddenly brushed it into the drawer, thrust the watch into my hand and wheeling to the left with a loud stamp, he hissed at his wife and his son:
“Get along, you low wretches!”
Ulyana muttered something, but I had already dashed out into the yard and into the street. Thrusting the watch to the very bottom of my pocket and clutching it tightly in my hand, I hurried home.
VI
I had regained the possession of my watch but it afforded me no satisfaction whatever. I did not venture to wear it, it was above all necessary to conceal from David what I had done. What would he think of me, of my lack of will? I could not even lock up the luckless watch in a drawer: we had all our drawers in common. I had to hide it, sometimes on the top of the cupboard, sometimes under my mattress, sometimes behind the stove.... And yet I did not succeed in hoodwinking David.
One day I took the watch from under a plank in the floor of our room and proceeded to rub the silver case with an old chamois leather glove. David had gone off somewhere in the town; I did not at all expect him to be back quickly.... Suddenly he was in the doorway.
I was so overcome that I almost dropped the watch, and, utterly disconcerted, my face painfully flushing crimson, I fell to fumbling about my waistcoat with it, unable to find my pocket.
David looked at me and, as usual, smiled without speaking.
“What’s the matter?” he brought out at last. “You imagined I didn’t know you had your watch again? I saw it the very day you brought it back.”
“I assure you,” I began, almost on the point of tears....
David shrugged his shoulders.
“The watch is yours, you are free to do what you like with it.”
Saying these cruel words, he went out.
I was overwhelmed with despair. This time there could be no doubt! David certainly despised me.
I could not leave it so.
“I will show him,” I thought, clenching my teeth, and at once with a firm step I went into the passage, found our page - boy, Yushka, and presented him with the watch!
Yushka would have refused it, but I declared that if he did not take the watch from me I would smash it that very minute, trample it under foot, break it to bits and throw it in the cesspool! He thought a moment, giggled, and took the watch. I went back to our room and seeing David reading there, I told him what I had done.
David did not take his eyes off the page and, again shrugging his shoulder and smiling to himself, repeated that the watch was mine and that I was free to do what I liked with it.
But it seemed to me that he already despised me a little less.
I was fully persuaded that I should never again expose myself to the reproach of weakness of character, for the watch, the disgusting present from my disgusting godfather, had suddenly grown so distasteful to me that I was quite incapable of understanding how I could have regretted it, how I could have begged for it back from the wretched Trofimitch, who had, moreover, the right to think that he had treated me with generosity.
Several days passed.... I remember that on one of them the great news reached our town that the Emperor Paul was dead and his son Alexandr, of whose graciousness and humanity there were such favourable rumours, had ascended the throne. This news excited David intensely: the possibility of seeing - - of shortly seeing - - his father occurred to him at once. My father was delighted, too.
“They will bring back all the exiles from Siberia now and I expect brother Yegor will not be forgotten,” he kept repeating, rubbing his hands, coughing and, at the same time, seeming rather nervous.
David and I at once gave up working and going to the high school; we did not even go for walks but sat in a corner counting and reckoning in how many months, in how many weeks, in how many days “brother Yegor” ought to come back and whe
re to write to him and how to go to meet him and in what way we should begin to live afterwards. “Brother Yegor” was an architect: David and I decided that he ought to settle in Moscow and there build big schools for poor people and we would go to be his assistants. The watch, of course, we had completely forgotten; besides, David had new cares.... Of them I will speak later, but the watch was destined to remind us of its existence again.
VII
One morning we had only just finished lunch - - I was sitting alone by the window thinking of my uncle’s release - - outside there was the steam and glitter of an April thaw - - when all at once my aunt, Pelageya Petrovna, walked into the room. She was at all times restless and fidgetty, she spoke in a shrill voice and was always waving her arms about; on this occasion she simply pounced on me.
“Go along, go to your father at once, sir!” she snapped out. “What pranks have you been up to, you shameless boy! You will catch it, both of you. Nastasey Nastasyeitch has shown up all your tricks! Go along, your father wants you.... Go along this very minute.”
Understanding nothing, I followed my aunt, and, as I crossed the threshold of the drawing - room, I saw my father, striding up and down and ruffling up his hair, Yushka in tears by the door and, sitting on a chair in the corner, my godfather, Nastasey Nastasyeitch, with an expression of peculiar malignancy in his distended nostrils and in his fiery, slanting eyes.
My father swooped down upon me as soon as I walked in.
“Did you give your watch to Yushka? Tell me!”
I glanced at Yushka.
“Tell me,” repeated my father, stamping.
“Yes,” I answered, and immediately received a stinging slap in the face, which afforded my aunt great satisfaction. I heard her gulp, as though she had swallowed some hot tea. From me my father ran to Yushka.
“And you, you rascal, ought not to have dared to accept such a present,” he said, pulling him by the hair: “and you sold it, too, you good - for - nothing boy!”
Yushka, as I learned later had, in the simplicity of his heart, taken my watch to a neighbouring watchmaker’s. The watchmaker had displayed it in his shop - window; Nastasey Nastasyeitch had seen it, as he passed by, bought it and brought it along with him.
Works of Ivan Turgenev (Illustrated) Page 305