by Ann Cory
He had to think that over a minute. She had a knack of twisting his words around to make him the bad guy.
Vaughn shook his head. “It’s not okay that I left the way I did, which is why I’m here.”
“I’m not in the mood for this. Please go.” She turned to walk away and desperation surged through him.
The engine of the delivery truck started up and he watched it back up out of her driveway. This wasn’t going the way he’d hoped. When the truck cleared from his view, Vaughn hurried toward her and clasped the back of her arm. She pulled away and spun to face him.
“Leave me the hell alone, okay?”
He wasn’t used to her being this angry at him. It was clear he’d really screwed up. Regardless, he refused to leave without explaining his side.
“Look, there’s a real reason I’m here,” he started. “Could we go for a ride and talk?”
Her bottom lip quivered. “I still don’t ride.”
Ah hell. Of all the stupid things for him to say. “Sorry, I didn’t expect you did. It slipped out. We can talk inside, or here. Wherever you want.”
She frowned. “Thanks, but no. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Dammit, woman,” he growled. “I came back to talk to you and I’m not leaving until I do.”
“Oh really? Back from where? Because I don’t think you ever mentioned you were leaving.”
Her cold demeanor had him sweating like he was in a desert. “Washington. I had a job that finished up yesterday.”
“News to me. Next time you want to stop by, call first. I’ll save you the trip.”
She turned to leave again and again he caught her elbow as it swung back.
“Come on,” he half-bellowed, half-pled. “Hear me out.”
“I can’t. I have too much to do.” She shrugged off his hold.
“Bullshit.”
Her eyes widened. “I happen to take my work seriously.”
“That isn’t what I’m saying,” he said, knowing he was running out of time to explain. “I’m proud of all the things you do. You’re the most talented and creative woman I know. I just want to talk about why I left.”
“If you’re going to tell me about some bimbo you met up in Washington, save it. I’ve had enough heartache for one lifetime.”
The candid words sliced him. He’d hurt her more than he realized.
“There’s no girl,” he soothed. “Never was. You know me better than that. I went there to work and that’s all I did.”
“Six months is a long time,” she countered.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “And it feels a whole lot longer when you can’t get your mind off someone you love.”
He caught the softening of her expression for a split second. She must have realized it too because she stiffened it right back up.
“So you want me to believe you didn’t hook up with another woman?”
“Why the hell would I do that?”
“I thought that was why you left.” Her gaze turned to her fingernails, all smooth and polished. “What else was I to think? You didn’t say anything. You just rode off and I never heard from you until now.”
Vaughn tipped her chin upward. “There’s only been one woman for me and that hasn’t changed.”
“So if it wasn’t for a woman, why did you leave?”
Her eyes searched his, demanding the truth.
“I left to make things easier for you,” he replied on a sigh. “And well, I guess for myself. I was pushing you too hard, trying to make you do something you weren’t ready for, and I don’t know why. You needed more time and I couldn’t help.”
“I was scared.” Her words were soft, almost somber. “I didn’t know how to get the accident out of my head and it seemed easier to give up than to try again. And when I heard the disappointment in your voice…”
He pushed a strand of hair from her face. “That was never over you.”
“No?” Her eyes were flooded with accusation.
“I was never disappointed in you,” he clarified. “Only in myself for being hard on you and becoming the tyrant I turned into. I’m not too proud of that. I got scared too. Scared I’d have to choose between the two loves of my life.”
She stepped back and smirked. “Because you would’ve chosen a life on the road.”
“No,” he rasped. “Because I would’ve chosen you.”
“But riding is your first love,” she argued.
“It’s something I enjoy. You are my first love.”
Her lip twitched like she was about to dispute him, but he didn’t give her the chance.
“And the road isn’t the same when the person you want to see and experience it with isn’t beside you.”
Tears glistened in her eyes. He stepped forward to cradle her in his arms but she moved farther back.
“I can’t,” she said huskily. “Too much time has passed.”
“Has it?” He didn’t believe her. He couldn’t.
“I needed you and you left. You hurt me. You gave up on me.”
“I never gave up on you.” Vaughn rolled his shoulders. “I didn’t know what else to do at the time.”
There was a momentary pause, and he ached to show her just how sorry he was. Hard as he tried, his words alone weren’t cutting it.
“I can’t be who you want,” she said, breaking the silence. “I’ll only fail, and I don’t want to fail in your eyes anymore.”
“I never wanted you to be someone else.”
She shook her head. “Bull. That’s pure bull.”
“It’s the truth,” he stated. “You thought you had to act a certain way to make me happy, but I fell in love with you from the get-go. Before you got on the back of my motorcycle. Before you went all biker babe on me, which just so you know, isn’t my type. I mean, unless it’s you, but that’s because you’re my type.” Vaughn paused to scratch his head. “That probably didn’t make sense, but whatever. I want you, Carah. Only you.”
She stared at him, her gaze locked with his. He’d loved her body so many times staring into those lush green beauties. He wanted a lifetime to watch them light up.
“I just can’t do this,” she said flatly. “I hate that I can’t make myself move on. I’m not strong enough to let you back in. I want the life I had before, when it wasn’t confusion personified. I’ve spent all this time doing my damndest to get over you and then pow, you ride up. Unexpectedly. Just the way you left. I’m sorry, but it’s over.”
Vaughn stood there not knowing what else to do. He’d been hit in the gut and it smarted like a son of a bitch. “You really want me to go? For good?”
“Yes.”
The answer made his stomach churn. It sounded too final. “You don’t even want time to think about it?”
She clicked her tongue. “I told you. I’ve spent enough time thinking about you. It’s time to let go.”
“Nothing I’ve said makes a difference?”
“No, it does,” she corrected. “I’m glad you told me why you left. It’ll save me from wondering what I did wrong.”
“I thought we had something special,” he pressed.
She shrugged and looked beyond him.
“It was special. Past tense.”
“So, in other words, I’m wasting my time?”
Carah nodded and waved him off. “Just get on your bike and go. Please.”
Heat spread throughout his body. He hated that he was losing this fight. It didn’t even seem real. “I hope you’re not testing me,” he rumbled. “I’m not going to grovel to get you back.”
Her eyes met his and damned if he could read the thoughts behind them.
“It’s not a test,” she said. “I want you to go and never come back.”
“Understand that I’m only going because you’ve asked me to.”
She nodded. “Yep.”
“Because it’s the last thing I want to do,” he added.
Her lips parted. For a single moment he thought she’d cha
nged her mind, but her gaze cooled considerably. “Goodbye, Vaughn.”
The words were two deep spears in his heart. She’d made it clear things were done between them regardless of what he said or what he wanted. At this point he’d lost. And worse, she stood there, arms folded, lips pursed, waiting for him to make the final move that would cast him into eternal asshole status. Well, fuck that. He refused to be the one who walked away. Not a second time.
Vaughn met her cold gaze until she threw her arms up with an exasperated sigh and headed for the house. He waited for the proverbial door slam and then stalked toward his bike. He didn’t dare turn around. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. She’d already stomped his pride into the ground. There wasn’t much left to do but go.
He climbed on his motorcycle, revved the engine long and loud, and headed for the road. Maybe it was the only place he belonged.
Chapter Four
Carah listened to him ride off. It was the worst sound she’d ever heard, and this time she’d been the one to let him go. He’d given her the choice, along with plenty of stall time to say otherwise, but she’d stood her ground. Only nothing about her decision made her feel better, more confident or even certain. Her decision had only succeeded in raising more questions. Questions about herself, because he’d answered the biggest one for her already—why he left.
She paced the hallway, taking turns cursing and pulling out her hair. What did she want? Why did she turn him away? Vaughn. The man she loved through and through. She wasn’t looking to be rid of him. No, she’d found a creative way to substitute him until he came back to her, sexually speaking. She could look anywhere around her house and find something that reminded her of him, or was inspired by him.
Vaughn hadn’t left her for another woman. He’d been scared and worried he’d hurt her more. Those details alone should’ve been enough, she reasoned to herself. Everyone gets scared. He’d said all the things she wanted to hear from his lips, and still she’d turned him away like some stray dog.
Good job, idiot. You let the man of your dreams go and told him to never come back.
Carah stopped in front of a mirror in the hallway and saw red, swollen eyes and a puffy nose. Pathetic. In fact, she looked downright ridiculous. Enough tears had been shed over the man. No, she wouldn’t do this. She wouldn’t feel sorry for herself. It was better for her to be on her own. Vaughn could never be happy with her. Regardless of his words she knew he loved his freedom. He loved being out on the open road. He’d only said what he thought she wanted to hear.
She sulked into her office and chucked the fern into the garbage. It was dead from neglect. And that was becoming the theme of her life.
Carah buried herself in paperwork for the rest of the day and updated her company website. Every now and then she’d toss out a swear word and chide herself for being a fool, or stare wistfully at Vaughn’s picture, her favorite one, where he stood next to his motorcycle all decked out in his leathers. It helped to pass the time and kept her from downing a gallon of ice cream.
Around seven she shut down her computer and was considering ordering a pizza loaded with everything when she heard a knock.
She shuffled to the door, not at all interested in company or solicitors.
She swung open the door and her eyes widened at the sight of Vaughn. He looked showered and cleaned up from when he’d been by earlier. In other words, he looked hot as hell, and part of her wanted to claw his shirt off and sink into his bare arms.
Aware she was staring, she reminded herself she was angry with him. “What are you doing here?” She didn’t dare let on how glad she was to see him. “You can’t keep pestering me.”
“Like hell I can’t.” He reached forward and took her arm. “Come with me.”
“But…where are we going?” She considered struggling, but his touch was more than welcome.
“For a ride,” he grunted. “I’m not taking no for an answer.”
Blood rushed from her face. Whoa, ride? “I said I can’t. I’m not ready.”
“All you need to do is hold on to me and I promise you’ll be safe.” He stopped and narrowed his smoldering blues at her. “Now you can walk with me or I can carry you, spanking your ass on the way. Your choice.”
Sexy threat aside, the idea of getting back on a motorcycle had her conflicted. Her mind might be saying no but her heart was saying yes. She did want to ride with her arms wrapped around his strong physique. It’s where she wanted to be more than anywhere else.
Carah didn’t need to think about it a second longer. She swallowed her fear and nodded. “Okay, but I’ll walk.”
“Well, damn,” he teased. “Not the answer I hoped to hear.”
A grin tugged her lips. Once again she couldn’t stay angry at him, and he’d ignored her request to leave her alone. For the first time, she was happy to have him not listen.
Vaughn handed her a shiny black helmet, and climbed onto the bike. Though her body trembled, she slipped behind him and got herself situated on the seat.
“Hold on to me and I promise you’ll be fine,” he reassured her.
She didn’t doubt him. “Okay.”
Her body buzzed the moment she pressed into him, and it was like old times. She’d missed this and the thrill of the power vibrating between her legs.
They took off after a couple revs of the engine, the wind whipping the ends of her hair. She could tell he took it easy for her, taking curves slower than usual, and she appreciated it. All her fears of riding and falling dissipated. Her man had come back for her and would keep her safe. He’d done the best thing for her by making her get back on and not giving her a chance to spout off all the excuses she’d always used.
Carah couldn’t help but beam. It was the perfect night for a ride. The air was cool against her skin. She saw the sun set off in the distance, the sky streaked in gold, pink and orange. Other than the steady rumble of the motorcycle, all was quiet.
Just as the last of her insecurities faded, Vaughn pulled over to the side of the road. He stopped and gestured for her to get off. Confused, she let go of him and climbed down. She removed her helmet and raised her shoulders.
“Is there something wrong?”
He took off his helmet and scooted back. His smile was so big she knew something was up. “It’s your turn,” he said in a casual, cool tone.
Her pulse pounded loud in her ears. What made him think she had it in her to do?
“No, I-I couldn’t,” she stammered nervously and swallowed down the lump in her throat. “I mean, it was one thing to ride behind you, but I don’t think I can be in front.”
He nodded. “Yes, you can. I’m right here to take over at any time. Try it. You’ll never know unless you try.”
Carah stared at the motorcycle. She’d waited so long to take back her power, and he was giving her that chance.
“Um,” she started to say yes but then faltered. “Thanks, but no. I’m not ready.”
He patted the seat, a determined gleam in his eyes. “Come on. You want to. Don’t think about it, just get on and let’s go.”
Empowered by his simplistic words, she took a step forward.
“You know what? Screw it. Screw fear. I’m going to ride this baby.”
Amazingly, his smile spread even more. “That’s my girl.”
She climbed on and settled herself in front of him. His arms wrapped around her snugly, giving her a strong sense of security.
“Where should we go?”
“To our spot in the orchard. You know where it is. Just up about another fifteen minutes or so. You’ll do great.”
I can do this, she told herself.
Carah revved the engine and a shot of pure adrenaline spiked throughout her body. Oh yeah, she’d missed this. It had excited her the first time he taught her to ride, and all those same feelings returned.
With her feet still on the ground, she took a moment to sink back into Vaughn. He gave her a gentle and supportive squeeze and she too
k off, a little too fast at first and then braked much too heavily.
Easy girl.
Her heart nearly pounded right out of her chest. Carah tried again, with a little less oomph, and eased into a comfortable speed. This was more like it. This was what had piqued her excitement the first time.
I’m back.
She wanted to scream and cry and shut her eyes. It reminded her of a roller coaster. Scary on the way up, but damn exhilarating on the way down.
Within moments she forgot all about being scared and felt like she owned the road. It was as addictive as ever. With few cars out, she relaxed and sped up, keeping control the entire time.
When they reached the orchard she followed the path to their special place where they’d gone many times on picnics and at night to stargaze. Among the many memories was the day they’d been caught in the rain. Her pussy clenched in remembrance.
She turned off the bike and removed her helmet. The adrenaline still surged, and so did her pride.
Before she had a chance to move, Vaughn tossed his helmet to the ground and drew her close.
“You did amazing, babe. I’m proud of you.”
Good vibrations pulsed through her. It meant the world to hear him cheer her on.
“Thanks,” she said.
“Don’t thank me yet. The night’s young.”
He pushed her hair to the side and kissed the nape of her neck. She melted into him further, her back pressed against the hard planes of his body. His arms encircled her waist and he managed to blindly untie the knot in her shirt. The fabric hung loose and gave him easy access to her if he wanted. God, she hoped he wanted. Getting back on a motorcycle had been exhilarating, and though she’d missed riding, she missed Vaughn’s touch more.
He slid his hands under her shirt and cupped her breasts. Her nipples hardened between his fingers and he took turns pinching them.
“Are you wet for me, babe?” His voice turned her to butter.
She nodded and moistened her lips. “Soaked.”
“Ah.”
Vaughn brought his hand down and beneath the waistband of both her jeans and panties. He skimmed two fingers inside her sex and groaned. “Shit, babe. You are soaked. I’ve hardly touched you.”