by Frankie Rose
My mind is reeling. I let it spin for hours. When I finally can’t take it anymore, I carefully slide my arm out from Reza’s head, and I lay her down on her pillows. When she wakes, she’ll find me gone, and a thousand thoughts will split her head apart. Did I just use her body for my pleasure and then leave at the earliest opportunity, without a care for her feelings? Was the rough affection I showed to her just part of a game to me? Am I now back in my own room, laughing at her stupidity for giving herself to me in person?
My chest tightens when I consider how she’ll view my stealthy departure, but I have to go. There are things I need to know. There’s someone I have to see.
******
The Reckoning Hall is quiet, but it’s a living kind of silence. It breathes, inhaling and exhaling, the triumphs and failures of so many of Pirius’ apprentices echoing from the jagged, uneven walls like cries from another lifetime.
My feet are still bare. The loose, dry dirt beneath my soles is cool and comforting, connecting me with this strange, unwelcoming planet in a way I haven’t felt before. I stand in the very center of the hall, my head craning back, looking up at the stalactites that hang from the vaulted rafters. The crooked fingers of stone appear to be pointing at me accusingly, demanding I turn around and head back the way I came.
“I knew tonight would be the night,” Darius says, emerging from the shadows. “I’m glad it is.”
I keep staring at the stalactites, locked to the spot. I’m not ready to face him yet. “You’re infuriatingly sure of yourself for someone who can’t see the future anymore,” I murmur. “When I came here last, you said you wouldn’t help me with my…issue…unless I agreed to your terms. I didn’t agree, and yet you helped me anyway.”
Darius inclines his head. “That’s true.”
“Why?”
“Because.” He shrugs—a very human action. “Reza needed you to be okay. I needed Reza to be okay. And there was a hope within me that you would come and enquire what I would have asked of you when the time was right. That is why you’ve come now, isn’t it?”
The Construct taught me that being predictable was a risk. I learned at a young age that being unknowable would keep me safe. One step ahead of my enemies. I don’t like that Darius can apparently see straight through me. Still, he’s right, and there’s no sense in contradicting him. I fold my arms across my chest, clenching my jaw. “You wanted me to spare this planet. To talk with the Construct. To divert them somehow. But I already agreed to Reza’s bargain, giving you all of those things.”
Darius paces around me, head down. By looks of things, he’s thinking deeply. “I wasn’t going to bargain with you for the planet. I like to dream a little bigger than most.”
“You would have asked for more?”
He nods. “I would have asked for more, and for much less. I would have asked you for something very simple. I would have asked you to take down your walls.”
A cold, uneasy flush creeps across my skin. “My walls?”
“The ones you have constructed around your heart. The ones you’ve used to barricade yourself inside your own mind for cycles.”
I laugh. My voice rings hollow against the Reckoning Hall walls. “What good would that have done you? That wouldn’t have saved any of your people.”
A wry smile tugs at his strange features. “Perhaps not. Perhaps all of my people, myself included, will still perish in the trouble to come. But…” He pauses, his smile growing wider. “The ability to observe a bigger picture is a marvelous thing, Jass. If your walls came down, you’d be able to feel again. You’d be open to the beauty in the universe and all those who live in it. You wouldn’t be able to hide behind a shield anymore. And then what?”
I don’t like where this is heading. “And then nothing,” I say sharply.
“And then…everything,” he counters. “Do you think you would stand by and allow planet after planet to be destroyed if you felt the pain of every living thing that died there? Do you think you’d allow the Construct to murder and pillage civilization and civilization, if every scream from mother’s lips, and every cry from a terrified child pierced your heart? I don’t think so.”
“You knew I would never agree to that. That’s why you didn’t ask me,” I say. He’s crazy if he thinks I’d ever compromise myself in that kind of way.
Darius gathers his robes about himself, drawing them tighter against an invisible draft. “Yes. I also didn’t ask you the last time we met here, because an alternative outcome developed in my mind. I saw your walls coming down of your own free will, without the need for bargain or trade.”
No. No way. I shake my head, pacing toward the exit of the hall. “You’re insane.”
“It turns out I was right to wait, Jass,” Darius calls after me. “Can you deny it? Can you deny that you haven’t been changing since the Light left your system? Slowly but surely, you’re surrendering yourself to the possibility that the Construct’s way might not be the only way. And you’ve allowed Reza inside. You can lie to yourself until the end of time, but you know the truth. You care for her deeply. And loving her will be the one thing that saves you. You’ll fight for what’s right in the end, Jass. I have no doubt about it.”
Of all the crazy, delusional things a person can say. Darius has moved way past optimism, and is currently residing in the land of make believe. “I am not the man you think I am,” I tell him.
“Probably not. But isn’t that wonderful? There’s every possibility that you could be so much more.”
TWENTY-SIX
REZA
ORAXIS
Hammering on the door.
Loud.
Abrasive.
Annoying.
I sit bolt upright, my heart skipping all over the place.
“Reza! Reza, open the door. You have to come. Now!”
I climb out of bed in a fog, my body aching, my head thumping. I have no idea who’s yelling on the other side of my door, but when I find out who it is, I’m going to—
“Col. What a pleasant surprise.” The man stands on the other side of the door, hair all mussed on one side, presumably from where he was sleeping on it. His eyes are wide, his pupils twice their normal size.
“Jass didn’t sleep in his bed last night,” Col rushes out, hurrying past me and into my room. “His bed was untouched. His shirt was lying on the floor, along with the rest of his clothes. He either decided to go wandering around the sub city in nothing but his pants last night, or he’s stolen provisions and supplies and he’s left.”
Hells. My cheeks are on fire and the burn is creeping down my neck, biting fiercely. Jass was wandering around the sub city in nothing but his pants last night. He came here. He came to me. I slept with him, and now…
Where the hell is he?
My stomach rolls over on itself, threatening to dump its contents on the floor at my feet. “He hasn’t left the sub city,” I say, swallowing hard. “He wouldn’t.”
“Why not?” Col wrings his hands, the mirror of Erika’s concern when Jass first arrived here. “He doesn’t care about Pirius.”
I hate the words that I speak next. At least a part of me does. “He would never leave me behind.”
Col’s expression falters. A stormy expression flits across his face. “Yes. You’re right, I suppose. Farren’s on the warpath this morning, though. He called a council meeting before the city even woke, and I wasn’t invited. That’s no big surprise, but Darius wasn’t summoned either. And Chancellor Gain said Farren was calling for all non-Pirians to be exiled from the planet. If Jass is walking around the sub city and Farren crosses paths with him, gods knows what will happen.”
We both know what will happen. Jass will kill Farren if he upsets him, and then the deception we’ve been struggling to maintain here will be well and truly over. The people will never trust Jass. Mass hysteria will spread throughout the sub city, and any hope of persuading him to side with us in the battle to come will be gone forever.
“We have to find him,” Col says, rubbing his hands over his face. “I never thought I’d say this, but maybe it’s better if we give Farren what he wants. If we leave, no one will come to any harm.”
“We can’t leave. This is your home, Col. Farren has no right to force you out of it.” Since I arrived here, Pirius has been my home, too. The prospect of leaving hurts me more than I ever considered it might. Col doesn’t say anything. His pain is obvious, though. He wears it like a shroud. “Where would we even go?” I ask. “It’s not as if there are a thousand ships just buried under the sand up there.”
Col’s eyes flash. “Let’s just focus on finding Beylar first.”
******
Finding Jass is much easier than Col probably expected. The strength of the tether is a million fold what it was before I slept with Jass. Now, I can feel his anger. I can pinpoint his exact location in the sub city without even trying. My feet carry us toward him without any urging from me. We locate him in the communications hall, alone, which is strange since I haven’t seen a desk unmanned since I met Erika here the night I arrived.
Jass sits at the control desk at the very front of the hall, head bent over the screen. Waves of his dark hair fall into his face as he pores over the read out. A memory of last night bursts through my head—Jass’ hair falling into my eyes as he covered my body with his, his mouth and his hands everywhere, lighting up my skin—and I find myself blushing. Thankfully, aside from the canopy of projected stars mapped out on the ceiling overhead, the comms hall is in darkness, so Col doesn’t witness my reaction.
Jass doesn’t look up. He senses me and stiffens, his hand freezing on the screen for a second before continuing to trace across it. Col curses under his breath. “Where is everyone?” he demands. “Jass, where are all the technicians? There’s supposed to be someone here at all times.”
“I sent them away.” Jass’ soft voice rings out through the empty space.
“When you say you sent them away, do you mean…?”
“No, I do not mean that I killed them,” Jass replies flatly. “I mean I sent them away. I told them to leave.”
“They wouldn’t have just left. Not unless you…”
Jass slowly lifts his head and looks at Col. “I may have manipulated them a little. They’re all fine, though. You have my word.”
Col hisses under his breath. “Someone needs to be monitoring the sensors. We have to know the moment Construct ships jump out of hyperspace.”
“What do you think I’m doing?”
Col hurries across the hall and stands behind Jass, peering over his shoulder. “What have you done to the screen? That’s not a standard read-out.”
“I fixed it. Improved it. Now you can track in hyperspace.” Jass huffs heavily down his nose as he finally turns his gaze on me. “You look tired. Didn’t you sleep well?”
I’m fairly confident my blush covers my whole body at this point. “No, I didn’t, actually. I had the worst dream.”
Jass smirks. The blue glow from the screen lights up the right side of his face in profile, casting shadows across the left. Only he can devastate me and steal the oxygen from my lungs with a single second of eye contact. “Still haven’t mastered the art of lying, I see,” he muses. “You could learn a thing or two from me. If only you’d spend some more time with me.”
“The last thing Reza wants is more time with you,” Col says. “I, on the other hand, have a fairly open calendar. If you want to teach me to lie like a Construct traitor, then please…I’d relish the opportunity. Maybe afterward, we can play some music? Drink some tea? I haven’t had much downtime recently.”
I stare at the back of Col’s head as if it will crack open like a nut and spill his weirdness out all over the place. I haven’t seen anyone else joke or employ sarcasm around Jass. It’s just as obvious as night is night and day is day: Jass is not the sort of person you engage with in witty banter. Col just doesn’t give up, though. Jass blinks carefully as he swivels his head to look at the other man.
“You wouldn’t like my kind of music,” he says. “Too much screaming.”
Col slaps him on the back. “Never mind. We’ll figure something out. Come on. We have to leave.”
Jass’ head tips to one side and he narrows his eyes at Col. Col winces, staggering back from the control desk, holding a hand to his head. “Anyone ever told you it’s rude to dip into someone’s mind without their consent?”
“Plenty of times.” Jass nods. “I assumed I was being discreet, though. I’ll tread a little lighter next time.”
“How about you just ask me a question next time, and I’ll give you the answer?”
Jass ignores Col’s fiery retort and turns to me. “If Farren’s the only reason you want to run from this place, why can’t I just kill him? He wants both of you dead. Is that not good enough reason? You’re worried what’ll happen when he tells everyone who I am. If he can’t tell everyone who I am…”
His logic, worryingly, makes some sort of sense. These are times fraught with danger—life is about to become very difficult for the people of Pirius—and if Farren wasn’t around, maybe Darius could take over the first sector. Or Col, even if he doesn’t like the idea very much. He would do it if it meant saving everyone. If Farren were gone, things might look a little safer around here. At least for the immediate future. And then Col wouldn’t have to leave.
When is it okay to justify murder, though? When is it okay to judge someone and make the decision that their life should not continue?
“When they put you in danger.”
Jass doesn’t open his mouth or make a sound, but I’m not stupid. I know his voice. was listening to my thoughts. Gods, the connection between us really is stronger than ever. I raise my shields, slamming them into place, and Jass’ eyes turned to cold pressed steel. He’s angry that I’ve shut him out. Col was right, though. It’s rude to bully your way into someone’s mind without permission, and my head is the only place left sacred to me. I’ve given him my body. I’ve given him more than I ever should have. I want to give him everything, but that just can’t be allowed to happen.
“Farren’s protected. He’s had a fleet of people watching over him since the election last night. It’s as if he’s already afraid for his life or something. I asked around. I thought maybe something happened during the gathering, but no one seems to know anything,” Col says.
Jass stands abruptly, almost sending the chair he was sitting on toppling over. “Fine,” he says. “We’ll leave. But I’m driving.”
******
Darius refuses to come with us. He claims he needs to stay in order to keep Farren in line, but I have no idea how he plans on accomplishing that with the other man cutting him out of the sub city’s meetings.
For once, the skies over Pirius are clear. The sandstorms have been a daily feature of life on the planet’s surface for as long as I’ve been here, and to be able to see from horizon to horizon is more than unusual. We leave the sub city through a hatch above one of the ventilation units. The stark, blazing light from the suns overhead burns my eyes as I scramble out into the sand. Jass follows behind me, lifting himself above ground with no apparent effort. Col comes last, fastening and locking the hatch behind him.
“Due north,” he says, pointing off into the distance. “By the tree. That’s where we’re headed.”
I’ve never seen a tree on Pirius before and I can’t see one now, but Col seems certain. He sets off marching, and I fall in behind him. When I throw a glance over my shoulder to make sure Jass is following, I find he isn’t. Of course he isn’t. Why am I even surprised? I allow Col to go on ahead. When he’s out of earshot, I ask the question that’s been bothering me since we found Jass in the comms hall. “Why did you do that? With the screen? Why did you fix it so they can detect ships in hyperspace?”
“I was bored.”
“Boredom makes a man drink. Boredom makes a man sleep in bed all day. Boredom doesn’t make a man repair the technology
of the people he considers his enemies.”
“I don’t consider them my enemy.” He speaks as though the idea that the Pirians might be a thorn in his side has never occurred to him before. “They’re a nuisance. They blind men fumbling around in the dark. That’s all they are.”
I look him up and down, trying to see something else in him. He must be lying. He still hasn’t given me a real answer to my question. “You wanted to help.” It’s surprisingly easy to speak into his mind. I thought it would take more concentration, but it’s the same as opening my mouth and saying the words out loud. Jass develops a monumental scowl.
“If I wanted to help, I would have gone from room to room and put them all out of their misery.”
“You did it because you knew we were leaving, and you wanted to help.”
He says nothing in response. Instead, he sets off walking after Col, brushing past me. His hand touches mine, and for a second I can’t see. I’m enveloped in more memories of last night—Jass using that hand to stroke and caress my skin. His lips pressed against my stomach, my cheek, my mouth, my breasts. And I see what he saw, too. My hands on his skin. The flush in my cheeks. The way my lips parted when he pushed himself inside me. I hear the sound of my own voice crying out his name.
I stagger, shocked by how vivid the sensations were. Jass cringes, as if he just said something he wished he hadn’t.